Monday, December 31, 2012

Looking Forward: Hello 2013

2013 marks a NEW YEAR.

New Year and a fresh start for everyone. 

What can we do to look to the good things God has in store for us during the upcoming year?

We can look forward and not back. 

You have to do what you believe is best for you, not what your mother, brother or friends think. Pray and ask God for guidance, as he will always steer you in the right direction. All you have to do is ask him. We get so caught up in asking others for their opinions sometimes we forget to ask for the opinion that really counts. God's.

Our past doesn't matter. What you've done and how you have sinned what? What matters is whether you have confessed your sins, asked God for forgiveness and asked him for guidance. Commit to a fresh start and learn from your sins and mistakes. Guilt and shame are just the devil trying to keep us in bondage and make us miserable. Look to the future.

Make a decision. Don't live your life stagnant. Indecisiveness is the cousin to complacency. Yes, we can pray but we also have to be willing to make things happen. We have to be an active participant in our life!

We can all reach our goals, make this THE year. Sit down and make a list of all your goals. Then narrow it down to a doable two or three. Post it on your fridge. Stick to it. This is the one I personally have the most difficulty with but I know it can be overcome.

Face issues head on and don't back away from them. Deal with relationships you need to deal with, repair what needs to be repaired. Apologize to those you owe an apology. Forgive those you need to forgive. To forgive someone's NOT really about them or FOR THEM. It's about what you need to do to have inner peace and not feel like a rage-a-holic every time you see them or think of them.

Appreciating what you have even if you feel your entire life is a current disaster. If you are relatively healthy, have food in your pantry and some money in your bank account you are already further ahead than many.

Don't worry about what other's think. So much precious time and energy is wasted on worrying what other's think. It's a time suck. If we all went through life just wondering what God thought and not what the Joneses think we'd all be much better off, healthier and less stressed. It takes time but you can train yourself to when every time you begin to compare your life to another's or worry what someone thinks, shrug and tell yourself:

 "I'm valuable to God. My worth is not defined by them."

Expect good. Expect good things to happen for you. Maybe you don't have friends. You might meet someone great this year. Perhaps you are looking for "the one" may happen this year! You might be trying for a baby and not sure you will ever get pregnant.... have faith! Or maybe it's been a horrible year and you can't believe for a second it will get better. It can! Have faith, pray and remember it can all turn around in a month, week or a day! God can hear our prayers and wants to give each and every one of us the best life possible.

© ~ 2012 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Saturday, December 29, 2012

When All You Have Is A Prayer

names in this post have been changed or omitted 

When all you can do is ....


The man became louder and began yelling at Bao from across the counter, pointing at him, yelling obscenities and waving his hands erratically. He lunged across the glass countertop and grabbed a glass beer bottle slamming it against the metal counter edge. Beer foamed like a mini volcano spilling everywhere as bits of amber glass flew and I turned my head, shielding my porcelain face with my long brown auburn hair and hands. He raised the broken beer bottle in the air like a trophy with its jagged edges and laughed psychotically at Bao. Hearing all the commotion Trong hurried up from the back and quickly stopped in his tracks when he saw what was playing out. With his slight build Trong stood there motionless in his baggy jeans and brown t shirt watching as Bao reached in his black leather jacket and withdrew a Glock 36, his eyes dark, pointing it squarely at the man who had been laughing manically like a hyena. Suddenly all was quiet. Get out. Bao told him. The mans laughter came to an abrupt halt. The man swiped his cigarette pack from the countertop, took a step back and held his hands up in surrender. Okay, okay, you got it. he said all gentile like Bao had just won a civilized game of poker and slowly gestured toward the door that he was leaving as he backed toward it.

I remember that night like it was yesterday. 

When you leave home at seventeen and live with a gang even for just awhile, it's like playing Russian Roulette. You never know what the next day will bring. The next hour... sometimes the next minute. I say thanks every day I survived that time in my life. A time in my life that most people in my life know nothing of. A time in my life I worked diligently for eighteen years to hide from friends and family. But hiding it cost me. Hiding my experience while I was gone and how it made me the person I am today cost me closeness to others. It cost me relationships. But ultimately it cost me giving something very valuable until now....


We all have the ability to help others, to give hope to people in our lives when we share our past tribulations. It unites us all even if our experiences are not exactly the same. We can all relate to feeling completely trapped or filled with despair at some point in our life and realizing all we have at the end of the day is God...

and a prayer.  

But at the end of the day...

That's enough. 

© ~ 2012 

Where we are is not where we
 are destined to stay. 
We can pray, cry out to God for help. 
We can stand in victory! 

Related Posts: 

Surviving The Fast Lane: By The Grace of God

Healing From A Sexual Past Leads Us To Love

"I quan tâm" vs "I Don't Care" Mentality

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Marriage And Security


names have been omitted in this post 


I sat on the small flowered love seat, my back against the many pillows, sunlight streaming through the dim room from the window on my left. Across from me was my therapist in an armchair. She sat in her long wool skirt, boots and gray sweater set sipping her cup of lemon tea. Carefully setting her tea aside on the glass coffee table between us she retrieved the small black notepad she had been jotting notes in during our session.

She flicked her brown hair back away from her face and I took note how similar in appearance she was to Dana Delaney. She cleared her throat and asked me to continue.

I spoke of how I was angry.

My husband had left me and my children to travel to China for work for a week during a move from our home to a new one. The new home wasn't ready to move in as it was under renovation. We were due to move out of our current home so the buyer could move in. Accent furniture and knick knacks still filled our current home. I had been beyond stressed trying to figure out how I was going to move the remaining items out, clean the house for the buyer and I had no where to live. Plus two small children to care for.

I felt let down. Disappointed. Frustrated. And that led to anger.

"I'm not sure I'm willing to put up with much more." I told her.

She sighed and spoke
 "Your husband makes a good living. Women want security. You just need to stay."

You just need to stay…  her words echoed like a bad dream 

I sat there not really sure I'd heard her correctly then after a few seconds passed I realized I had indeed. And my first internal thought was:

That's the stupidest f-ing thing I've ever heard.

Her words still echo in my head.

Despite the anger things got better for awhile....until the next ordeal. Then it exploded.

But her words that day continued to irk me.

Is it really security if as women we are willing to accept any behavior, any treatment toward us? Where is the line drawn? Are we to look the other way just so we have "security"?


Our worth is worth more than that. I don't believe we have to accept just anything thrown our way. We as women shouldn't have to accept neglect, abuse, control, affairs, etc just to have security. The cost is too high. Our value, peace of mind and health are worth more. We each have to choose our values, our convictions and then stand by them, not sway on them when life gets rough.

If our husband
 is putting the marriage first 
we won't feel
 as though we have paid an
 exorbitant amount for "security"

Security: We each have to decide whether the price is worth it.

Thank goodness when it comes to God…

He will always provide.

He won't ever leave you.

His love never fails.

© ~ 2012 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts:

Wives: 3 Lies We Tell Ourselves & 5 Signs Our Marriage Needs Help

Cheating: 50 Shades Of Lies: 5 Reasons Not To Keep Him 

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Thankfulness: Reality Check On A Mattress

names have been omitted in this post 



“Mattress” by John Kasawa via 

A lone mattress covered in a haphazard pile of colorful blankets lay on a hardwood floor. It was all that the room held. We each took a turn using the tiny grimy bathroom connected to his room then collapsed on the mattress still dressed. Both of us were exhausted. He took one side. I took the other. It had been an incredibly long day for us both. As I laid there watching him close his eyes and drift off, I thought of my nice bed at home on a bed frame with a box springs, white eyelet bed skirt, fluffy mattress and carefully purchased matching Laura Ashley blue and white bedding. I had been blessed and never known it. I hadnt realized everyone didnt sleep in a regular bed. I fell asleep in my clothes thinking how Id never gone to bed without brushing my teeth and wondering what tomorrow would bring....

That was me almost twenty years ago.  




....and not sure what the next minute, day, week or month would bring. 

It was a reality check.

It's something no one should go through. No one should worry where their next meal will come from. No one should worry where they will sleep. No one should worry about their safety. 


Everyday across America and the world. 

What can we do to help remind ourselves of the little things we have to be thankful for? One way is keeping a thankful journal. I've kept one this past year and each day or so I jot down a couple things I am thankful for that happened that day or recently and it's really helped to remind me that even on the not so great days there is always something to be thankful for. It's such a quick and cost free way to boost not only your mood if it needs boosting but your level of thankfulness. 

Often it's so easy to become focused on what we don't have....the latest gadget or movie. Maybe it's the blouse we spotted in a store window we are lusting after or a high end handbag. At the end of the day though if we are eating three meals a day, getting a hot shower, sleeping in a warm bed and not having to worry about adequate shelter we are further ahead than many people. 

Are we making more deposits than withdrawals? 

We can reflect on if we are showing God how grateful we are by looking at how often we are asking for something versus thanking him for what we already have...

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, 
for his steadfast love endures forever!
- Psalm 107:1

© ~ 2012 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts: 

When All You Have Is A Prayer

From Gangs To God: When Bad Company Corrupts Good Character


Monday, December 17, 2012

Worthwhile Vs Worthless

What we watch. 

Is it worthwhile? Or worthless? 

When we pick up our remote control we must ask ourselves this question:

What are our intentions as we sit down and visually, emotionally and mentally consume something for a few hours?

Will it further our minds and hearts in the direction we wish to go?

Or will it stunt us and poison our minds and hearts with toxicity?

We can turn to the Holy Spirit when we wish to watch something and wait for a response to see if our time is well spent on the particular program, movie or show we wish to watch.

Whatever choice we decide to make we can afterward reflect on what we've watched and contemplate whether it was God-honoring or satisfying through the eyes of the flesh. We can begin to think about what we are consuming and absorbing and whether it is fruitful.

What is worthy? Is it worthless? 

There are some programs I just don't want on in my home. I don't watch True Blood. I have zero interest in it or the whole Twilight Series. I know that watching True Blood is not God's best for me. What are we calling "entertainment"? Seeing violence and vampires does nothing to enhance my life outside my den.

Spending a Saturday night in reading God's word after reading my kids devotionals and sharing prayers is going to lead me to a better place that is worthwhile than one that is worthless. What we watch affects our thought patterns and our thought patterns have the power to affect the choices we make in our life.

"I will set no worthless thing
 before my eyes...." 
- Psalm 101:3 NASB

What is God telling you about your time and how you spend it?

On what you are watching?

 It is worthy or worthless?

© ~ 2012 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Divorce: Downsizing In December

“Abstract Of Christmas Tree Light Bokeh For Background” by nipitphand

A December To Remember

You've seen the television commercials featuring Lexus and their high end luxury vehicles they are hoping you will splurge on for your loved one this Christmas.

Those commercials always make me pause.

How will you remember your December? Will you remember it with memories of long lines, cranky shoppers, congested traffic and high dollar purchases?

Or will you remember it with peace, contentment, doing small things to bring blessings to others and most of all the true reason for December 25th?

So far this December has been one to remember for me. I know years from now this December will be quite memorable for it is one of new beginnings.

Today I scouted out a Christmas tree for me and my children. This Christmas will be much different for my family this year and as I stood there searching for the tree that I felt spoke to me my eyes caught a glimpse of a massive Christmas tree. It was huge and it towered over me.

Bigger is not always better, my internal dialogue reaffirmed what I already know.

That huge towering tree may entice someone to believe they must have it to experience the "perfect" Christmas. But it's not true.

Bigger is not always better. The tree is symbolic for me because I'm in the process of a divorce and with that downsizing goes with the territory. For some people downsizing might be very daunting, disappointing and even cause unnecessary embarrassment.

But I can't wait.

I'm downsizing my home. More home than I need. I'm downsizing my possessions. I'm downsizing everything I can except my love for Christ.

Testing the tree to see if I could lift it, to my delight I was modest yet it still towered just above my head. It was all I could carry and because of that it was perfect.

It was sufficient just as God's love for us.

It will truly be a December To Remember.

© ~ 2012 

God Bless you and your family as you celebrate this Christmas. May you have good health, growth, peace and an even closer relationship with Him. I hope this December is your best yet.

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts: 

For Men & Women: 10 Lessons Of Divorce 

Getting A Divorce? 10 Tips 

Friday, December 7, 2012

Teaching Children About Betrayal

names have been omitted in this post 

October 2012 


With shaking hands I dialed my mothers number on my cell phone and waited while it rang. She picked up and I spoke "I have proof he's been unfaithful. I'm filing for divorce."

Stunned silence ensued. Then she replied she'd be right over. I hung up and stood there clutching the phone, my mind racing and my heart pounding like it would burst from my chest.

When she arrived fifteen minutes later I opened the door. I started to speak but instead ran to the bathroom consumed with dry heaves.

I was sick to my stomach.

My body was shaking and I felt like my whole world had just been tossed on a tilt a whirl.

I wanted off this ride from hell.


It's not pretty.

That night ironically the book my daughter wanted to read at bedtime was about Jesus and ....


When I came to the page illustrating Jesus on the cross and how he was betrayed, my daughter touched my arm and asked "Mommy... what does betrayed mean?"

I paused. Tears wet my eyes. It touched too close to home. Why this night? Of all nights I had to read this book and answer this question.

I reminded her of how a little girl at school had recently been rude to her. I explained how when someone is blatantly rude to you at least you know where you stand with them. You know if they are repeatedly rude to you for zero reason that they dislike you, whatever their personal reason or issue may be.

But... what if someone who you thought was your friend... someone who had treated you kindly to your face, had given you the indication you could trust them, that you could confide in them and you fully believed they had your best interests at heart. What if you believed all these things but later found out they had not truly been your friend due to negative behavior(s) toward you behind your back? That they had turned on you? Betrayed you?

I asked her which friend she would rather have? The answer was easy she said. The true friend.

As difficult as it was to have that conversation with my daughter I'm glad I did.... it was such a teachable moment. It's during the times of trials we learn the most.

I reminded her that Jesus would never betray her... that He loved her more than she could ever imagine...

that He was the most loyal friend she would ever know.

© ~ 2012 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Sex: What Makes A Godly Man




What is appropriate? 

We can look to the bible for that answer in the New Testament. The word "unclean" is used to describe sinful behavior that is disgusting in nature and the opposite of what one should pursue in a Holy life. Fornication is a sexual act done outside of marriage. To covet is to have improper desire for someone else's wife.

For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person,
nor covetous man, who is an idolator, has any inheritance
in the kingdom of Christ and God.  
- Ephesians 5:5

So a married woman might ponder and ask herself why her husband would press her for sexual acts that are not in keeping with what God would wish for a married man and wife to share. A man who is angry or put off that his wife will not participate in such acts does not have her best interest at heart. A man of God would not put his wife at risk for disease, pain and harm. A husband is placed by God to be a woman's protector at all times. (This is essential and we must tell our daughters this.) Why would a man request these risks of his wife under the guise of a "sexual expression of mutual love" when it clearly does not represent that?

A godly man waits for sex until marriage 

Selfishness and Flesh. 

This is sin. If one has to wonder and question if what a spouse wants to do sexually then it must be displeasing to God. Husbands and wives should always be certain and rest assured that any sexual act expressed between them is right with God, otherwise it is sin. Pressuring a spouse to do something they do not believe is right with God is not following his word.

Sin begins with desire. Acting upon desires we know we shouldn't act upon but begin to feel justified in doing anyway is one of Satan's biggest lies and strategies to sway us.

Is he a godly man? 

It's so important that we have candid conversations with those we date and might potentially marry. We need to have the conversations that are awkward and make us blush. Because we need to make sure we are on the same page with the one we will marry. It is better for a man and woman to have an honest conversation about what they believe God deems is a sexually acceptable, positive and loving act within a marriage than to exchange vows and then wonder why their spouse does not share the same views. Dating involves getting to know many many aspects about the person we are interested in and attracted to. I naively believed once that just manner's made the man. But a gentleman is not only defined by how often he opens your door, pulls out your chair or offers his coat on a chilly winter night.

A godly man is who:

Opens his bible, studies it and applies God's word to his life.

Protects you at all costs.

Put's your needs before his own.

Listens and values your point of view.

Is of calm demeanor.

Is respectful and considerate.

Secure in who he is and know's his value is in Christ, not of worldly things.

Can lead but does not control.

Wants to shower you with adoration, love and sexual fulfillment that is a reflection of God's word.

The man who can do all these things is the one who puts God first.

© ~ 2012 

To My Readers: 

Thank You for reading, 

commenting and sharing!