A Father Impacts His Daughter's View Of God: 5 Tips For Dads

“Approve Reject Computer Keys” by Stuart Miles via FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

Fathers and Daughters

Fathers, do you have any idea the amount of power you play in your daughter's life?

Your power for the positive or negative is huge.

Daughters want to view their fathers as protectors, providers, leaders, 

competent, trustworthy and moral. 

DAUGHTERS SEEK APPROVAL 

AND ACCEPTANCE FROM THEIR DADS

It is imperative that fathers are setting the example that their daughters so desperately need in order to thrive in life… in all areas; emotionally and socially. A father is the first man a girl has in her life so it's incredibly important that she is able to connect well with him, to be capable of trusting him and see him as strong in good values and decision making. There is certainly no relationship more vital than the one that sets the foundation between father and daughter… as it sets the tone for her relationship with all other men in her life… future husband included if she marries.


Can she trust her father? 

Well, that depends… is he making choices that deem him trustworthy? If he's attending church regularly, if he's actively following Christ, if he's leading the family in prayer, if he's taking the time to connect with his children, if he's balancing work with down time, if he's not speeding, not drinking to excess, not lying, etc… if he's making morally sound decisions on a daily basis… she will come to find with time that yes, his actions match his words and he can be trusted. However, if he's practicing road rage, flying off the handle at his family, drinking, cheating, lying, working all the time, being emotionally, verbally and or physically abusive… he will show his daughter bit by bit that he cannot be trusted… that his words are meaningless… that when he speaks everyone might as well drown him out with deaf ears because anything he utters is a lie.

Eventually if he proves over time he is not capable of leadership, of morally sound actions, his daughter will pull away. She won't feel safe. She won't respect him. She will find herself feeling derision toward him each and every time he proves once again he's merely a sham.

******************

March 2015 

names have been omitted in this post 

I set my keys and the warm pizza box on the kitchen counter along with an aluminum foil container.

"Grab a fork and an extra plate and I'll split this Fettuccine Alfredo with you, sweet pea." I told my daughter as I grabbed a stack of white napkins from the wicker basket atop the counter.

"Okay!' She said and scampered to the utensil drawer. I quickly began assembling everything we needed on the wood coffee table in the den including two glasses of water. She pulled up a couple ottomans and after we sat down I opened the pizza box.

"Oh, yum! I want pizza too!" She said and I swiftly set a large cheesy slice of pepperoni pizza on her plate beside her pasta.  "Thank you for dinner, Mommy." She said and added "And thank you for having them add chicken to the fettuccine. It's way yummier."

"Yeah, it is!" I replied with a grin "You're welcome. I love Joe's Pasta and Pizza." I smiled at her. It was the perfect cozy night at home with her, eating Italian to go and spending time together.

As we talked she said "So… guess what? Daddy… he told me that God is not my Daddy."

I stopped mid-chew and looked at her "What?"

"Yeah… I told Daddy that he's my dad and that God is too. But Daddy told me that God is not my dad, just he is." She told me.

Silence. I was getting pretty fed up with having to clean up the messes he continued to make.

A FATHER IMPACTS HOW A CHILD SEES GOD

“Family With Two Children” by Ambro 

via FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

  A GODLY MAN IS HUMBLE AND KNOWS THAT ULTIMATELY GOD IS IN CHARGE. HE IS A LEADER IN THE HOME FOR CHRIST. HE IS BOTH SERVANT AND WARRIOR FOR GOOD ON EARTH.

Finally I spoke "That's not true. God is your Daddy… God is our Heavenly Father. If you're a believer you believe God is your dad and he sent his only son Jesus Christ to earth to die for our sins. God was Christ in the flesh. Daddy is your father but he's your earthly father."

She picked the chicken out of her fettuccine eating it first then starting on the pasta. "Oh… so he lied. Again. Why did he tell me that?" She pondered aloud. "I guess if he doesn't think God is my dad then he thinks he isn't his either." She spun fettuccine on her fork "If he doesn't believe God is our father then maybe he doesn't believe in God at all." She said. I watched the pasta swirl on her small fork and I sighed.

"I don't know." I replied then added "But I do know that you have every right to believe in God and what the bible tells you." I told her.

******************

In John 14:9-10 Jesus said, "Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work."

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2015

5 Thing's For Father's To Tell Their Daughters:

1. You are wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139:14)
2. You are loved and accepted (Romans 15:7)
3. You are God's daughter (2 Corinthians 6:18)
4. Christ died for you (John 3:16) 
5. Forgiveness and grace are for you and others (2 Corinthians 12:9) 

RELATED POSTS: 

Husbands: Loving God's Daughter

Girl's & Life: Everyday We Have A Choice

How To Be A Good Father: 7 Tips

Fifty Shades: Christian Grey Reflects The World Not Christ

If you're a woman you've likely heard of the book Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James. It's the story of a naive unworldly college woman named Anastasia or "Ana" Steele who meets up with wealthy businessman Christian Grey. It has not only received criticism from the secular world due to it being poorly written but also from Christians who have dubbed it as ungodly. It's bewilderingly ironic to see that E L James has named the leading male character "Christian" when his name reflects everything but Christ.

Just because it's fiction doesn't mean it's okay to read. 

Yet even fiction can be a reflection 

of God's truth… 

but Fifty Shades of Grey is 

anything but. 

I didn't go see the movie Magic Mike, nor have I read Fifty Shades of Grey (I've read enough off the Wikipedia page for Fifty Shades to feel like I've already read it unfortunately)… and I won't go see the movie. (And btw, did anyone see that "Love Guru" scene on the Bachelor Monday night? That was ridiculously inappropriate on abc's part to promote and my heart went out to sweet Carly: you are beautiful, sweet, genuine and if any man has never seen that shame on him.) Back to the point of this... the fan base for the book Fifty Shades appears to be predominately married females in their thirties. It has been referred to as "Mommy Porn"… which frankly, makes me recoil with an upset stomach. I can't imagine any man (definitely godly man) wanting his wife to read Fifty Shades of Grey… a man who is following Christ is not going to condone that for his sweet wife to read. He is going to want his wife to put Christ first in her life… him second and he would naturally want her physical satisfaction and connection to come from him not from within the pages of a book with views of control, fantasy and abuse.

Fifty Shades of Grey is basically porn… 

It doesn't represent anything Christ
 would be in agreement with. 

He would not hand any woman 

that book and say:

 "Here, read this." 

He would say:

 "Please put the book down, turn from this sin. Go and start anew." 

We as women need to be especially tuned into what is entertainment and what is not. Watching a man strip down to his tightie whities (yes, you just read that) and strutting around is not entertainment Jesus would nod and say "Okay" to… seriously. Watching a woman being dominated by a man who is consumed with control is not going to be okay in God's book. Some of the questions we can ask ourselves are why do we view this book and movie as entertainment? Why are we feeling the need to read or watch this type of material? What are we feeling as though we are missing out on? What is lacking in our lives? Are we lacking excitement? Maybe one way to look at a lack of excitement in our lives is looking for healthy solutions to the issue. If I'm not on ADHD medication I am one restless person, like a squirrel in a cage, I constantly want to escape. If money were no object and I was sans medication I would be in Thailand or Ireland tomorrow… I want adventure, I want excitement, I want to travel. So I totally get the desire for some excitement in life… and that is perfectly fine, but how are we going about it? Are we in prayer with God? Are we looking for a fun vacation spot to explore and booking tickets? Are we taking a hot air balloon ride or zip-lining to feel a thrill? Are we stepping out of our comfort zone with volunteering? It's not that wanting excitement is bad, it's the actions were taking to do something about it that matter.

Excitement. 
How are we going about finding it? 

There is something concerning with supporting books like Fifty Shades of Grey… and not just for Christian women but all women, really. I don't know that we necessarily have to be a Christian to find issue with the book… I don't know that we have to be female either. Men have plenty of reason to be up in arms about the material as well. This book is promoting female resistance, conditioning and submission, male dominance and abuse including emotional. The relationship between Ana and Christian has nothing to do with equality, with respect, with empowering women… is this a book a man would want his daughter reading? Likely not. For some reason even though this is 2015 the message is still being sent to women that to engage in sexual relationships equates to being all-powerful and being a modern woman. This cannot be further from the truth. Why is the glorification and glamorizing of women in sexual relationships being continued? Maybe we as a society need to find ways to redefine power and strength for females… because it seems our skewed definition of those two words have become confused and linked to sex for whatever reason.


We as a society need someone to step in… to hold both men and women accountable when it comes to porn. One would think that could possibly or should be the church. Perhaps we need the church to speak up, for Pastors to do sermons on the dangers of dabbling in erotic books and viewing these movies… men are visual creatures by nature… the porn industry has preyed on that fact with porn having exploded in popularity the past few decades via the internet and unfortunately now women are following in male footsteps by reading erotica. Until churches step out of their own comfort zones and are willing to (take risks) address both men and women and give guidance to them under Christ's guide to a fruitful life, society will continue to flounder. We can't expect change, transformation if churches are only focusing on the "luke warm" issues and not the hot and heavy topics so to speak.

We need to stay pure in our thoughts. Reading erotica only serves to create issues… no where in the Song of Songs do we find descriptions that include BDSM or words that represent a sinful nature… but instead the sweet, captivating, thrilling and intoxicating connection between a married man and woman who are absolutely smitten with one another in godly marital intimacy. The movie Fifty Shades will be released for Valentine's, a day that should be about love and showing the one we vowed to cherish forever the loving sacred standard God desires for us in our relationships. 

When we rebuke the sins of the world and all its lust and gloss fancied up in a pretty package to lure us in, when we see it for what it truly is… a deceptive act and trick of the devil… we will stand in victory. When we say no to what the world cries is "just entertainment" but we know Jesus would take issue with us reading or watching… we may stand alone but that is perfectly okay. Standing alone isn't something to be ashamed of… being called "prude", etc is nothing to be embarrassed about, standing alone is brave, standing alone can be sticking to what you know Christ wants for you when the world is garnering for the opposite. And that's okay.


Christ isn't looking at what the world finds popular, He isn't concerned with what has the highest ratings, the best reviews or the most sales… He is most concerned with obedience, with us following him, with our total and complete surrender… putting down what He says to put down and living a fruitful life… what are we sacrificing? What are we giving up? What are we shedding in our life to support the kingdom?


One way to do that is to not pick up anything he deems evil and not life producing…

But instead to do what is pleasing to Him.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2015 

To My Readers; Thank you for your readership & sharing! 

30 Signs: He's Not The One

30 Signs He Is Not The One: 

1. He's on a hook-up site not a dating site.

2. He professes that he wants a classy woman on his dating profile then upon checking out his photos you see him wrapped around two scantily clad women. Delete.

3. He seems to go MIA. One day you're receiving texts that make you smile and reply back. Then poof! He's gone and you get zero explanation… you're left wondering how many others he's done this to. Move on.

4. He only sees you at places like your condo or his house. He doesn't take you out in public.

5. He doesn't introduce you to his friends or family.

6. You catch him checking out other women.

7. He's on the fence. He can't decide what he wants including you. Make that choice for him.

8. Mixed signals… one minute he seems interested. Then not so much. A man who is truly interested in you and developing feelings for you pursues, period. He doesn't waffle.

9. He's critical of you. Some teasing is fine… but if it's mean spirited, if you're not laughing as well… if it's picking at your appearance… show him the door.

10. He's not straight with you. He refuses to talk about his past. He's hiding something.

11. You're not sure if he likes you. Again… he's on the fence, his actions are inconsistent. You should feel secure from the get go.

12. How does he handle stress? Does he freak out? A lot? Do you see signs of instability?

13. When he says he's going to do something does he do it? If he's going to pursue a goal or dream is he taking the steps necessary to make it come to fruition?

14. You go to him with a concern and he shuts you down. Stonewalling is not communicating, it's a control tactic.

15. He sets a standard for you yet… that he isn't willing to do for himself or for you. He expects happy to be smeared on your face, he expects you to exercise and eat healthy, he expects you to go see that awful guy movie you both know you'll hate. He doesn't exercise, he gorges on junk food and refuses to see that new chick flick you want to see. It's time to say adios.

16. He expects sex and you don't believe in it before marriage. This isn't something that can be compromised on. Stick to what you believe God wants for you.

17. He only has bad things to say about his exes. This can be tricky. If someone only has one ex… or just two exes… let's face it… they haven't dated much. But beyond that… if everyone on their list is described as "crazy" or a "you know what"… then the common denominator is him. Maybe he treated them so terribly they began to act a little coo-koo… or maybe he has terrible skills at choosing healthy partners. It may take some digging to figure out what the story is.

18. He treats wait staff terribly. He's short with them, he ignores them, he tips bad or doesn't at all… he's demanding or demeaning… one day he will treat you just like that, guaranteed.

19. He won't admit when he's wrong. Admitting he's wrong or was hurtful means immediately acknowledging so and not having someone have to point it out or convince them.

20. There's little to no appreciation shown for what you've done. You baked him a homemade meal for him, you took him out to dinner for his birthday, you bought him tickets to that game he wants to go to… yet he says little to nothing.

21. He's quick to anger… he blows up, he instigates road rage, he is moody, he uses intimidation tactics like throwing things or punching walls or furniture to shut you down… he's hit you or pushed you… verbal abuse, emotional abuse… he won't take no for an answer… all red signs you need to cut all communication and move on quick.

22. There appears to be inflexibility on his part. It's his way or the highway whether it's where you go on vacation, where to eat, etc… it's fine to bend… but not bend over. If life is always his way… if you have to give and give and give… and you get nothing in return… that screams of imbalance and it's time to move on.

23. He doesn't get along with his family. This, like the exes can be tricky ground as well. It may very well be the case that his family has a few unhealthy nut jobs… so how do you know if they truly are toxic for him to be around or if the issue really lies with him? It may take some time to wade through… keep your peepers peeped and your ears tuned to anything that causes your eyebrows to raise.

24. You feel smothered and you need some fresh air. It may be that he is around too much… that his texting is incessant and his calls are making you want to hit ignore and wait just a second… is that his car that just circled your block? This smacks of control and a dose of crazy. Restraining order, please.

25. You find your friends being continually put on the back burner, your sister is ticked, your exercise routine is out the window and suddenly your mom no longer gets calls… he monopolizes all your time and you need balance. It's time to have a talk and if that doesn't fix it it's time to take your life back.

26. Everything is a deal to be made. He bought you dinner and now expects some action. Um, no. Tell him he's barking up the wrong tree and send that dog home.

27. You want a Saturday night in to scrapbook, watch t.v. and have a glass of wine in your pj's. Or maybe you really enjoy going to quilt shows or gardening. He makes fun of you and puts you down for it. Not cool.

28. He gaslights you. He tells you that you look terrible then denies it. You find yourself questioning reality… it's not you, it's him and his crazy hanging out. Run like the wind.

29. There is a cheapness that runs deep in his pocket and he refuses to break that bank open. It won't get better… he will get worse.

30. He's chained to Mama and it doesn't appear that the umbilical cord is going to be cut anytime soon. Run. He will not change… he will not cleave to you… he is so immeshed in her bosom you won't be able to find him. She can have him.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014

Bonus! 

Any behaviors that we see when 

dating will typically become ingrained and worsen over time… 

so whatever is irking you

 now will be magnified a zillion 

times down the road. 

This post can also be reversed as signs "she" is not the one for guys. 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

RELATED POSTS: 

Is He A Sociopath? 20 Signs

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/11/you-may-be-wondering-if-hes-sociopath.html

Desperation: Drop It Like It's Hot

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/12/desperation-drop-it-like-its-hot.html

Bravery: Standing Strong & Exposing Our Shackles

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/01/youve-probably-heard-by-now-at-least-if.html

What Can You Do For Your Spouse? 5 Tips

“Ask not what your country 

can do for you; 

ask what you can 

do for your country.”

-  John F. Kennedy 

That quote by John F. Kennedy  is one that still rings true today… and even applies to other facets of our lives. In our marriages we may often ask what exactly our spouse is going to do for us? And yet the truth is… both sexes should be asking what specifically can they do to please their spouse? 

Our ultimate role in marriage… for men and women (and goal) is to reflect Christ. Each day if we wake up asking ourselves the question of… What can I do today?… whether it's this morning before I head to work, at mid-day... or this evening what can I do that will show my spouse love? … and then once we follow through… we will be on the path of loving the one we married oh so much better and our marriage will shine outward from within. 

1. Nurture:

Today in the modern world we may believe nurturing, caring for a man is seen as silly, perhaps even outdated or antiquated. But when did showing our love for someone…. anyone… especially the one person we vowed to love, care for and stay true to become passé? It could be argued that some folks would have been better suited to be born in a different time, maybe a different era… but at the end of the day is there truly anything wrong with showing our affection for someone we care for with a homemade meal? A batch of fresh cookies? A cup of hot coffee brought to them as a surprise? A sweet note left on their windshield? Their favorite book inscribed with a love note and left on their bedside table waiting for them? It's the little things like these in life that are meaningful and finding out what makes our spouse tick, what they enjoy… what they hold dear to them is always worth the extra effort. 

2. Create A Haven:

Home should be a place where you come together with the one you love… where walls keep out the world and together you nest in comfort. Wives don't have to spend a fortune to make a house a home. Husbands want to come home and see the woman they love… he wants to breath a sigh of relief that he's in the haven he's provided and you've created. Together… you make a great team… home is a place of warm inviting scents like lasagna or cinnamon bread baking… a Yankee candle in your favorite scent burning… blankets to cuddle under... houseplants that bring life to a room… photos hanging of the both of you on your last vacation together… and you wearing his shirt when he comes in the door… (sigh)… it's these little things that matter and make up the beautiful place he refers to as "home." 

3. Date Night:

When were married it's essential we take the time to have date nights. As women we can't deny that occasionally we want to dress up and feel extra special for a night. We want to look nice and spend time with our guy. A few years ago when my ex-husband and I went to see Phantom of the Opera I wore a long gown… it was the one formal gown in a sea of short dresses but I didn't care. I loved that gown… I still do… one day I'll wear it again to something special with someone I love. And yet we can also spend quality time with our spouse just grabbing dinner in jeans or sweats on a patio after an afternoon of gardening, going to the local botanical gardens or a car show. Spending time together doesn't have to cost a fortune… it doesn't have to be over the top… but taking the time to plan something means everything. 

4. He Wants You:

Men have a desire in their marriage to show their love and affection for their spouse... they want to make love to their wife. Someone who truly loves you won't make you feel indebted... as if sex is to be a trading of food, shelter, etc. We know this. But sex can lead to problems even in the healthiest of couples. If a wife or husband is over extending themselves too often... if work or child care is becoming all consuming and the energy simply isn't there for making love... then the marriage screams of imbalance. Raising the bar will simply add more stress and undoubtedly frustration for both people. It's time to look at where more time as a couple can be added in small increments. Maybe that project can wait. Can the dishes be put off another night? Perhaps small amounts of time can be blocked out each week as a start and build from there. What can be removed from the schedule? Does little Johnny really need to play soccer again this season? Maybe couple-time has been put on the back burner due to an overload of activities planned. Another aspect to consider is when was the last vacation? Especially without children? It's essential that couples have plenty of uninterrupted time away so they can connect and re-charge. 

5. Speak Love: 

After we marry we often get so caught up in the day to day. Yet we don't want to forget the little things we said and did when we were in the courtship stage of our relationship. Whether we take him a hot coffee to his office with a sweet note written on it because we know he's freezing, or we tell him "You make my heart smile"... "I'm so blessed"... or he says "I can't wait to see you tonight"... it's important that we share how we feel. It's essential that we pause and ask ourselves how much life have we spoken over and to our spouse that day? Were we patient? Difficult? Short? Critical? When were humble, when we step forward and speak up where we weren't so lovely... whether we sincerely apologize or just make an effort to speak love into our relationship… when we pray for our spouse... we know we are watering the roots for our bond to grow stronger and undoubtedly our love will bloom even more oh so beautifully. 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Loving Her As God Would Want Him To

It's that moment of butterflies… you see him… he sees you. Striding toward him you feel a slight girlish nervousness take over and your heart skips a tiny beat…  then he smiles and asks how you are and yet in that momentary pack of nerves there is a friendly comfortableness with him. You could quite possibly bare your soul… it's like an unspoken connection… for whatever reason you feel a pull and wonder if something… like a tiny seed could grow here… between you both… you can feel it… like something really special is possible… something longterm could possibly thrive if allowed. But you don't know if he feels the same so you hold back… you keep quiet and remain reserved in expression as you don't want to pursue something that may be merely a figment of your imagination… as doubt creeps in… and at the end of the day you don't want to foolishly believe there is interest where there isn't. So you hold back… you hold back and just observe… perfectly content with waiting to discover on a slow timetable if there truly is more to this than what you wonder.


Time goes by like the song and eventually there are subtleties that cannot be ignored… that cannot be explained away… glances and blushes that cannot be merely brushed aside… and the idea of "were just friends…" no longer applies… instead you realize that you want to get to know him better… to spend time with him… to crawl into his head and heart and learn about who he is… where he's from, what brought him to this current place in time… and where he's going… you want to share a meal of french fries and laughs…. you want to sip milkshakes and flirt like two crushes… you want to link arms, rest your head on his shoulder and walk though a garden of fragrant gardenias. You believe he wants the same. You imagine in-depth late night conversations bringing you together…  frank discussions of past struggles and any fears of the future… giggles and easy laughter emitted over coffee or tea…  thoughts, feelings and values verbalized. You want to hear all his stories and share yours on a blanket in the grass while watching the sun set… listening to music on a patio, sharing a slice of cherry cheesecake and a wine tinged kiss of affirmation that yes, he feels the same way as you have all along… the moment is as close to perfection if there ever was such a thing… here you are, you're ready to take the relationship to the next level…

and yet…

you are so glad it stops there with that one kiss that night.

Because there will be other nights…

Other moments…

and other kisses.


Cinderella knew when it was time to leave… to descend the stairs and depart… she knew when to walk away… to say no and not stay longer than she should… and as women we can know when to walk away as well. If a moment becomes too intimate… if it begins to move too quickly… faster than were prepared for when were dating someone… if the course and speed of intimacy is quickly becoming not in alignment with what we believe is best for the course of a relationship between us and a man, we can remind ourselves it's perfectly fine to put the brakes on… it's perfectly okay to say "Goodnight", "Wait a minute" or "We need to slow down" and walk away. It's perfectly alright to graciously and honestly tell him "I've had a lovely time but I need to get going now." It's more than acceptable to be honest with him wrapped in kindness, fetch your coat and bag and depart…


A man who truly loves you, who is pursuing you, will understand all this…

He loves her… what began as interest over time grew to care… which eventually developed into tender love… she worships and praises God and he thanks Him for letting her path meet his… he loves the way she says "awww…" in that lovely soft way to let him know she understands… he sees how strong she is… brave… and is awed by her tenacity to keep going despite life's obstacles thrown at her… she sees glimpses of how beautifully he sees her soul by the twinkle in his eyes when he smiles hello at her… he is tickled by the way she ruffles her hair and expresses her thoughts on her face when she smirks… yet he soberly knows her hurt within… and one day he wants to make sweet love to her where all her scars are and seal them up with raw kisses… he wants to gently caress her cheek with his five o'clock shadowed chin, bury his face deep in her head of brown locks, breathe in the scent of her pomegranate shampoo and huskily whisper "I love you…"


She loves him as well…  he strides like he can confidently handle anything yet exudes a humbleness in character and uses discernment when it comes to life's situations… he follows through. She sees his kindness, his compassion and heart for others. She smiles with gratitude at his loyalty to her and hers towards him. She sees him as someone who stands for "it's a beautiful life" despite any hardships because like a garden of lovely roses there is so much natural beauty to be found in this world…  she's appreciative of the little things in life and she finds joy in sunshine, rainy Saturdays, a warm meal and the comforts of home…  she wants to be by his side, to walk in virtue, to laugh absurdity in the face alongside him, to create a beautiful abode filled with pictures and memories they have and will share… to love him, to purposefully care for him now and forever…


The greatest gift he could ever give her was loving her consistently.

He wanted her to always be honest with him.

He wanted her to say no if she felt it appropriate.

He wanted her to stop what she didn't want going further.

And if she didn't… he unabashedly would for her.

He wanted her to love God more than him.

He didn't want her to ever compromise her values or faith.

He didn't want her to ever waver on what she believed.


That's why when the clock struck midnight… when the night came to an end… or whenever she said "I have to go…" he respected it. He listened. He didn't push or pressure. He honored her. He wanted to love her as God would want him to. He wanted to respect her as He would expect him to.

So when she whispered to him after a wine-tinged kiss and smiled "I have to go…" because she knew herself well enough to know that staying would mean temptation in going further… and she cared too much to let that happen…

He let her.

Why?

Because…  he truly loved her. 


~ Jennifer Gafford (2014)
© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com

to my readers; 

thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing!

10 Signs You Have A Loving Relationship: 

1. You talk openly about issues; conversations go beyond the superficial and run deep.
2. You discuss things and are able to find compromise.
3. You both know loyalty is never an option but an absolute must.
4. You're always truthful and never keep secrets from one another.
5. You find each other physically attractive, you're mentally and emotionally compatible.
6. You are best friends and lovers and you can express what you want in bed.
7. You know their faults yet can accept them, as no one is perfect.
8. You accept their past and show them respect.
9. You listen to what they say and confirm what you're hearing.
10. You encourage their own personal growth within the relationship.  

              

   

                                   

                                       

     

                                     

Online Dating: 5 Tips

In this digital world today it can be difficult finding someone to truly connect with… with so many online dating sites it's no wonder we may feel a little overwhelmed by so many choices… and yet then upon a closer look we may disappointingly realize that the "choices" are few and far between. Especially when it comes to finding a Godly man.

If you've been through a breakup or divorce like myself… you likely know what you want… and most definitely what you don't want. With years invested in a marriage, maybe kids too… you likely by now know what you expect from another person… and it's not the bare minimum either. With maturity and life experience you know what your standards are and what you're not willing to compromise on.

If you've been with someone who was verbally, physically or emotionally abusive it's likely you naturally want to take things slow… no one could blame you and yet with online dating it's difficult to know for certain that the person behind the screen is truly who they are portraying themselves to be in their profile and messages sent to you.

So how can you prevent wasting your time on a guy that is not for you, that isn't a man after God and who only hopes to pull the wool over your eyes? It's important to keep in mind that you're God's daughter, His shining jewel… remember His love and His standards for you. This is why it's so incredibly important to keep high standards for yourself… to not compromise on what's best for you and not allow excuses or hurry in finding someone to creep in.


5 Tips For Dating Online:

1. Don't make excuses for a man's poor behavior. Don't fall for common excuses that may come into play like: "He's just really busy" when he doesn't have time for you. Yes, occasionally things do come up. But he should want to spend time with you if he's truly interested and make the time. A man who is interested in a woman will pursue her.

2. Look for balance in his view of his past relationships. A man who has been in many relationships or multiple marriages and speaks ill of every woman he's been with… beware. The common denominator is him… it's highly plausible that each and every one of the women he's been with are perfectly nice women… it may be that he's the issue.

3. Remember that you're God's daughter and worthy of a wonderful healthy love. You don't have to allow yourself to get in a hurry and end up settling. You don't have to take less than you deserve, like being put on the back burner, getting the run around and expected to be a hook-up. Remain confident in that.

4. Watch for behaviors that signal a problem. Men who are crass, rude to wait staff, rude to his mom, (or your family) need to be shown the door. Don't waste another minute on him… one day that rude behavior will inevitably be turned on you. If he has huge debt, if he drinks too much, if he drinks and drives, flirts with other women, lies, is disrespectful to you in any way… if he focuses on image, his vehicle, just his needs and wants… if he's critical of you, dismisses you, displays a lack of empathy toward you and others… if he doesn't work, if he is addicted to drugs, if he's abusive in any way shape or form, run and don't look back.

5. If you're a Christian and he isn't… no matter how many other things line up… if the foundation isn't there… if you don't share the same values and love for Christ… no matter how much you try... it simply won't work. Like the song, an "All You Need Is Love" mentality by the Beatles isn't realistic, it's merely an empty platter without substance. A relationship requires so much more. Don't waste your time on someone who isn't after God's heart. Because the truth is, you can't change him and he's not your project. A relationship shouldn't be agenda based...

But centered on Christ.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing!


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Desperation: Drop It Like It's Hot
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Standing On A Road She Didn't Plan: A Single Mom Dating
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Marriage: The 10 Do's And Don'ts

Marriage….

They say life is short but marriage is long… not sure who said it but they must have spoken from personal experience. Whatever your views on marriage are… whether you believe it's a beautiful idyllic journey of love or merely a union just to be tolerated… the truth is… somewhere in between those two extreme outlooks lie people who want to be realistic… who realize the hard work but also fully embrace the joy to be had… that can see the blessings marriage brings along with the occasional pitfalls. They want tips, they want ideas, they want something they can learn from (or be reminded of) and then want to apply the information to their marital relationship.

So today I have compiled a list of marriage do's and don'ts for easy reference.

10 Do's:

1. Do State What You Need:
This may be harder for women. He's not a mind reader. This is essential to learn. If you find yourself having difficulty stating your needs ask yourself "What's holding me back? Am I scared? What am I afraid of?" Being assertive is a much needed life long skill combined with manners like saying "Thank you."

2. Do Compliment Your Spouse:
Remember why you married him (or her) in the first place. Think back to your dating days. Or recall a recent accomplishment he (or she) made. Your spouse will really appreciate you noticing.

3. Do Be Specific:
"I like it when you…" or "I always appreciate it when you… " etc. These positive statements help encourage your spouse to do more of what you love.

4. Do Show Affection:
Wives and husbands modeling healthy affection in a marriage benefit their kids. When Daddy dances with Mommy in the kitchen or on the deck the kids notice. When Mommy gives Daddy a hug when he walks in the door from working all day they notice. Likewise they notice crass-like interactions between you... which is not something for them to adopt later in life.

5. Do Pray Together:
Praying together anytime of day is essential to connecting together in your faith and strengthening it.

6. Do The Extra Mile:
Going the extra mile to look nice is simply being respectful of your spouse. Letting yourself go says "I don't care" about me or what you think.

7. Do Be A Safe Space:
Listen, listen and listen some more. When our spouse is talking and were angry we may go one of two routes:  'I'm going to talk LOUDER so you will hear me' mode… or the other… walking off and refusing to discuss the subject i.e.; stonewalling, giving the silent treatment. Neither is obviously effective. We are often so ready to open our mouth to reply were not really listening. One trick is to simply repeat what your spouse said back to them. Say "This is what I'm hearing is the issue… " and then state the issue… following with "Is that correct?" Get confirmation and then proceed.

8. Do Keep It Fresh:
Marriage can sometimes become monotonous, no doubt… when we begin going through the daily grind-like motions and all those responsibilities like kids, managing a home, work, car maintenance, bills, a mortgage, etc, it can all build up and like a vacummn suck any fun to be had out of the relationship. But keeping our marriage fresh although sometimes definitely difficult, will be worth it in the end. Book a hotel (whatever your budget is) for a weekend, try something new as a couple but also (this is so important) individually. When we stop changing and growing and are no longer experiencing that fear of "What if?" we become stagnant and it not only affects us but our partner too.

9. Do Give Space:
It's important for each of you to have some time to yourselves occasionally.

10. Do Spend Time Together: 
If your schedule is hectic it's vital to block in time for dates, for nights at home to relax together. Is taking a day off work occasionally doable? It's the little things that keep your connection close and fun.





10 DON'TS:

1. Don't Nag:
When we nag, critique, criticize, etc we drive our spouse away... the opposite of what we likely want to happen.

2. Don't Talk Bad About Your In-Laws:
Don't talk negatively about them to your spouse. Maybe your mother in-law is a total pain… I get it… "and my sister in-law too", you mutter… okay, I get it. But it does zero good to ahem, "gripe" about them to him. State calmly your issues regarding them to him briefly. Choose your battles wisely here. Then move on. You don't have to be best buddies with these people. You do have to be respectful, civil, etc. You don't have to be joined at the hip at every get together. Get some space… make alternative plans every so often… aren't you busy with a lunch date that day with your sister? Or your friend? Maybe your distant cousin? You get the idea. Strike a balance.

3. Don't Gossip:
Bad mouthing your spouse to your friends, your mother or your siblings is not good. What ends up happening is your friends, your mom and your siblings will not forget the jerky thing he just did as of late (because they just may have an ongoing log of all the jerky things he's ever done thanks to you) and will not be pleased when they see him next. It will be awkward. And you will find yourself trying to break the ice between them. Then there is the other extreme… acting like things are better than they really are. Because (and this is personal experience) then when you announce to your mother you're divorcing him and she later (during the divorce process) finds out how really bad it was because you had edited or downsized "horrific" behavior to just "jerky" she will be standing there shell shocked. There needs to be a medium here. If the marriage has escalated to abusive, you need help and should tell everything to someone you trust that will be supportive. If it's just a tough season, editing is expected so if someone voices concern for you as a couple you might say "Every couple has their seasons of struggle but we are working through it." Done. Move on.

4. Don't Keep Score:
When we keep a mental checklist of "You didn't do this or that…" it creates a recipe for disaster and resentment to build. Some days it's your turn, some days it's your spouse's. If it begins to feel like everyday is your spouse's day and he (or she) always "gets to choose" or "gets his way", then that goes back to communication issues or perhaps there is a power play going on. It might be time to seek some therapy.

5. No Deals In The Bedroom:
Lose the "You owe me because I did this…" mentality. Are we running a business or a marriage? If he watches a chick flick with you, no, you shouldn't be expected to turn tricks in the bedroom later. Either he wants to watch it or he doesn't. Period. This works both ways. It goes back to showing love without expectation. If you have to make any "deals" (this isn't sales) especially related to the bedroom there are some serious issues in the marriage and counseling is needed.

6. Don't Threaten:
If you are contemplating divorce don't say it. Just make your plans. Don't ever ever ever threaten with empty threats either. (Just. Don't. Go. There.) Fight fairly and constructively; meaning don't bring up past grievances, stick to the current topic at hand.

7. Don't Focus On His/Her Flaws:
When we focus on the other person's flaws we are not as aware of what we need to work on. Each of us is has plenty to keep ourselves busy when it comes to growing and becoming all God desires. 

8. Don't Cheat: 
Seems obvious enough but with sky high adultery statistics today loyalty has become nearly obsolete and yet highly valuable. 

9. Don't Subscribe To Idolatry: 
When God is first and your spouse is second, third, children... marriages are already on the right track. When we have a strong foundation in our faith and relationship with God we cultivate a strong family unit. 

10. Don't View Needing Help As Being Weak:
When we struggle in our marriage we don't have to view needing therapy or couples counseling with our Pastor as being a failure or weak. Instead we can look at it as a brainstorming of ideas to better what we already have… (it's better to be proactive… don't wait until it's so stinky that you're already thinking divorce). No one has a perfect marriage but likely there is always some room for improvement upon what's there. And that's a great plan to strive toward. 


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

CAPABLE WOMEN 

DONT COMPLAIN

THEY TAKE ACTION

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Marriage, Happiness, Expectations & "The One"
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Women: Proverbs 31 Or Sexy Hot?
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Drip Goes The Nag: How To Communicate
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To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

When Love Isn't Enough & He Doesn't Provide

"She's getting married soon…" She told me as she chopped up carrots she was putting into her vegetable soup she was making. Country music played softly in the background of the kitchen, Scotty McCreery singing 'See You Tonight', my latest song obsession. "She's planning the wedding and I guess really excited."

I reached into the fridge for the tub of Ricotta cheese for the homemade manicotti I was preparing. "Oh, really? That's nice. Sooo… whose the guy?" I grinned "What's he like? What does he do?"

"He uhhhh… he doesn't do anything." She told me.


Silence.


I stood there at the kitchen counter staring at her "He what? I'm sorry… he does NOTHING?" I echoed in shock, not sure I heard her right. How could someone do nothing? "When you're single you work. That's what you do. I don't understand."

As she scraped chopped vegetables from her wood cutting board into the stainless steel pot sitting on the burner she nodded "Um, yeah, I know." She carried the cutting board across the kitchen to the sink where she began rinsing it with cool water. "She's a lawyer and supporting him. Their engaged and she wants kids really bad."

"Yeah, but…." I said with a raised eyebrow… "Wait, they don't have kids yet, right?" I confirmed… snapping a square off of my Perugina milk chocolate bar and popping it in my mouth.

"Right." My mother affirmed and looked over at me. "I know, I know what you're thinking. I've been thinking the same thing. It's all ridiculous." She added resignedly.

"How can he be at home? And do nothing?" I asked incredulously, still trying to wrap my head around that. "There aren't any kids to care for. What? They need him to water and talk to the houseplants? I mean, what kind of partnership is THAT?!" I exclaimed.

She sighed "I know… you're saying all the things I've been thinking… and I agree. She's in love and apparently blind to what's already going on."

"What do you mean? What's going on?" My brows furrowed as I mixed ingredients in a small stainless steel mixing bowl.

"Well, she comes home and the place is a mess. He hasn't done anything all day. I mean, here she is, she's worked all day and she comes home to a dirty house and he can't even clean up and contribute to the household. She has to do everything." She explained.

"I guess my tolerance levels for bs have lowered significantly since divorcing my own toxic ex… " I snorted. "But this is a whole new level of insanity. She's running around doing everything after a long day at work and how is he helping her? This is not a partnership. This is not two people who are each putting in one hundred percent. This is one giver and one taker. He will eventually no longer be capable of being pleased. He will demand more and more of her. Expecting more money, less responsibility on his part which is already nil and never being satisfied. He will be the 'other child' she has and she will come to resent him for it. He will one day no longer have her respect because he's so emasculated. And he may not respect himself. She may think this is the 'way to run a marriage' because it leads her to being in the driver's seat, the superior one, the one in control, the one who will make the decisions. But this will lead to a mess guaranteed. I see the writing on the wall." I told her.

She nodded "I totally see your point and I agree." She sighed "Try telling her that, though. You know how it is… no one can tell these things to someone whose in the situation. Emotions muddy everything and make it difficult to see down the road… into the future especially. Everyone has to make their own mistakes. And sometimes they are costly. Sometimes who we shouldn't marry is like a flashing sign to everyone else... yet people continue to choose the wrong person. They get older, they want to have kids, they want to settle down and so they finally just pick somebody. And it may be the wrong one."

"Yeah…" I replied as I began carefully piping the ricotta, mozzarella, fresh parmesan and egg mixture with Italian seasonings into the manicotti noodles I'd made. "I just hate seeing people marry the wrong person. I mean, I have an almost physical reaction. It makes me want to throw up. I hate seeing that, it's like a runaway train that can't be stopped. I guess because once you've been married and divorced you don't want to see other people go through that pain. Plus the effects on the kids. It's awful." I told her.

"I know…" She said. "It's hard to watch and yet there's not a thing we can do about it." She sadly shook her head "She, like everyone, has to learn the hard way. That's human nature."

**********************

"Whatta Man, Whatta Man, Whatta Mighty Good Man" 

- Salt 'N' Pepa (1994) 

When dating, searching for a man who is marriage material, we need to begin by looking at men… not little boys pretending to be men who are only capable of growing chest hair and that's as far as they mature. As women we need to first know what a man looks like and familiarize ourselves with that image. 

5 Signs He's A Man Not A Boy: 

1. He's a provider. He needs to have something called ambition, some drive, some goals and dreams. Idleness is not a characteristic of a man but a boy.  

2. He's disciplined. He knows how to manage his finances and not spend his paycheck before he's even received it. He takes care of his health and knows it's fleeting and a blessing from God. He goes to church regularly, reads his bible and prays. He strives to become all that God desires him to be including the husband his wife needs. 

3. He needs to be able to communicate in a calm, loving way without losing it. He needs to have a hold on his emotions and be slow to anger. If he is explosive it will turn everyone away from him and make them fearful which will leave little room for love and trust. 

4. He needs to have humility. Can he admit when he was wrong and not place blame on you? If he screws up, if he added to the argument or what not, he needs to own up to it and how he contributed. Pridefulness will be the death of a relationship if he won't ever admit his failings. 

5. He needs to know that women aren't to be objectified, used, raped, hit, abused verbally or emotionally in any way shape or form. He needs to live a life that his strength is for protection not for hurting and teach his sons this example. 

As women 

we may get caught 

up in society's ideals

 of what to look for in a husband… 

like physical appearance,  

status... his vehicle, 

his personal style, home, etc. 

Standards & Preferences: 

It's fine to have preferences when it comes to blonde, brown or red hair... it's okay to prefer boots over loafers or a truck over a Jaguar or vice versa. It's okay to want quirky, cheesy, romantic or a weirdness that matches up with ours. We all have a certain look, personality, sense of humor, etc we may be attracted to over another... and yet when choosing a future spouse we also don't want to lose sight of what really matters... their character, their beliefs, their values, morals, their love for Christ, their  temperament, their ability to communicate and show love in a healthy manner.... someone who knows our difficulties, our failings, our weak spots and yet would never use them against us. A man who is like a protective bear, who walks the side closet to the sidewalk, a gentleman who ensures you're safely inside a building before pulling away from the curb. A man who is patient, kind, loving and humble.

And yes...

A man who provides for his family. 

{ Ephesians 5 } 

{1 Timothy 5:8 }

These things big and small make up a man who is marriage material... 

and most importantly…  


a Godly husband. 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

Just like a woman, a man must use caution in who he marries. If he's drawn to women who exhibit very strong, overbearing personality types it's important he has a strong sense of who he is. Both partners need to feel heard and contribute to the relationship as partners. Otherwise the union takes on an unhealthy balance and the wife plays the role of a parent. If he's depressed he needs to seek therapy and possible medication to deal with where he's struggling.

To My Readers:

Thank you for reading,

commenting and sharing!