Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Infidelity: Thinking You Are The Exception

Right before I filed for divorce I was asked to leave my own home. 

My husband asked me to leave and move in with my parents... 

All the while planning to "try things out" with a much younger woman. 

When women can't believe "it" will happen to them… 


This is a scenario many women don't ever believe they will ever be faced with. I never thought in a million years I would one day. If someone had told me that at the time, at age twenty two when I married I would have thought they were crazy… I would have never believed the man I married was capable of such a thing. Many women don't believe they would ever find themselves in such a predicament and erroneously believe they are an exception to the rule. They can't imagine the man they loved and married for better or for worse would ever want to or attempt to replace them. They certainly can't imagine that their relationship could be tossed aside like it's worth nothing in a nano second.

They can't imagine that all the sacrificing they've done, all the support of their husband and his career, all the dishes, the loads of laundry, the cleaning, the cooking, the caring for babies, the chauffeuring of kids, the errands, the day in and day out grind.... perhaps coupled with working a job of their own outside the home.... that it could all be for naught and disregarded by their husband so callously. To  then find out that the husband whom they've loved and given children to has been intentionally plotting against them and leading a double life.

It's not right. 

And when it happens 

you feel like you got hit by a mack truck. 

You sit there going over everything you've done for the good of the relationship.... how much you've tried and yet it apparently just wasn't enough. Finally you realize that at the end of the day...

it's not you. 

It's him. 

Yet no woman is immune to this happening. 

Women may smile and say....

"Oh, my marriage is fine. I don't have to worry about that. My relationship is different."

 or maybe some women sit and think smugly...

"Well, you clearly weren't doing something right.... "

Other's may judge us but at the end of the day we know that if he has chosen to kick us to the curb because he has decided "he's not happy" and no longer finds any use for us.... there is no way to repair the marriage. If he has emotionally checked out and does not want to repent and work on repairing the relationship there isn't much left to do.... it's the sad truth.

The fact is he's walking around looking like the average respectable guy that he wants to appear to be... yet on the inside there is darkness and dishonesty. Beside him in bed each night lies his worried wife wondering why he's working so much later and traveling more frequently for business. She's wondering why his clothing has changed, his deodorant and music preferences. She notices his time spent on his appearance is more of a priority and he has less time for her and the children. She sees he's no longer willing to help her with the dishes, the chores around the house and instead comes home with a grunt, a glare, and spends too much time on his phone or computer. He turns on her and where there were once compliments he has now replaced with snide comments, criticisms of her clothes, looks, etc. He may greet her with demands of where she's been...  even if she's merely a few minutes late because he's suspicious due to paranoia stemming from him not being honest himself.

Off kilter. 

These words may describe his wife... she knows something is not right. But she just doesn't know what. Or maybe she senses something bad coming... it's not a question of IF... but WHEN. She can see it looming large ahead of her... coming, rolling toward her like a barrage of dark clouds... and she knows she can't do anything to stop it. Even though I knew my marriage had serious problems I never would have believed he was cheating…. when I discovered the truth I immediately went into action mode.

As a woman the best thing you can do if you suspect your husband is cheating on you is to protect yourself. It's imperatively important that women are smart and look out for themselves. This can involve many things such as stock piling money, checking their husband's computer history, his email, his text messages, photos on his phone, hiring a private investigator, having a GPS system installed on his car which can track his vehicle, etc.

At the end of the day... each of us went into our marriages putting our trust into another person... to love us, to look out for us and to look to the future for better or for worse...

not a single one of us is an exception

to that trust being broken by them. 

And even if it is broken.... you don't have to beat yourself up. You didn't ask for this. You didn't want this. You tried. You really tried. You know that. And at the end of the day... it wasn't real. His life was a facade. A double life. He's not who you thought he was. Because if he was who he is now.... who he's shown you.... his true colors... in the beginning you never would have married him. 

You were tricked. 
But don't blame yourself. 
You were the one who went into it with love in your heart… 
The one who trusted. 
The one who loved. 
The one who gave. 

You can begin again. 
Stronger than ever. 

No exceptions there. 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013 

To My Readers: 

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Related Posts: 

When Loyalty Is Absent A Wedding Ring Means Nothing

When "Love" = Death: What I Wanted To Tell Her

When He Tries To Change You! And 5 Tips To Not Change Him