Sunday, July 13, 2014

5 Signs Of A Pathological Liar and Manipulator

So small and yet some so big.

Some may keep secrets by omission… 

and yet at the end of the day omission indeed equals a lie. 

We may think that by not sharing what we've done or even what we know others have done, we are potentially protecting the people in our lives… but in actuality it's that the knowledgable one, the bystander, the person privy to the truth or the actual culprit, the sinner is just trying to protect his or herself.

Lies are always found out… people have an uncanny knack for knowing when something isn't right… when something is amiss… when something… a picture just isn't complete. Granted, it might take some time... days, months... even years... but eventually the truth is always exposed and a person's true character is revealed.

People know… 
they see money where it shouldn't be present… and despite all the right answers from the suspicious one… people know when they are being played… when they are being lied to about where it originated…

People notice the tilt of a head, the shifting of feet, the nervous laughter, the touching of one's face… and they see through the words coming from the liar's lips… they sense another version somewhere in the midst of those false stories…

People sense distance and sudden disinterest… 
they can feel a lack of warmth and closeness… now replaced with a simple nod… a shrug and a retreat from the room… a head buried in work, in a phone or in a screen of some sort… people always finally come to the truth of a secret life hidden away…. even if it takes time… it is always eventually revealed. 


some names have been omitted in this post 


this post contains language 

I clutched the iPhone in my hand listening to his words spew into my ear… words that were the epitome of ignorance… words that were the clincher that what I already knew was once again confirmed… that there was zero guilt, zero remorse… zero regret on his part in the lies he'd orchestrated. Instead, he was now free from his secret life to now flaunt it and all the damage he had done… now he could live openly the life he'd kept hidden away from me and so many others.

"Oh…cool! " he laughed callously in my ear on the phone. I had told him after researching the couples who had lived in our home it was rumored that there had been scandal and divorce. Whenever it had been on the market it had brought curious gawkers… the house had a history of being difficult to sell. When showed there were hushed whispers that it left people feeling unsettled when in it. I had spent countless hours researching the previous owners due to the fact it wouldn't sell… talking to neighbors and hearing tidbits of the original owners life… the husband, a builder, the wife was a society woman… a woman of some means and stunning beauty. Rumor had it decades later she lived out of the country but who knew where she was now. There were stories of a family tragedy… the husband had had an accident… and a son who in the wake of it had written the story for a 1997 science fiction horror film that despite initial negative reviews is now considered a cult film.

"It's the house of divorce…" my soon to be ex trilled in my ear with delight upon my sharing this information and I cringed at his stupidity.

"You fool…" I retorted in the phone back at him… "It's not the house of divorce… It's the house of sin! "I exclaimed, my dark eyes flashing angrily.

It was hardly something to be proud of… his affairs and others by past residents, yet his despicable tone and words showed clearly he was so proud. Your line of thinking coincides with that of shitting in your own shoes and taking a walk in them, I thought to myself… your statement shows a sense of humor that's more twisted than amusing. Sitting behind the wheel of the SUV I turned the key in the ignition and sent the engine roaring with the air conditioning and radio along with it. The air blew my hair and I fumbled with the buttons on the radio. I had no idea that there would be more lies exposed… no idea that his lies would multiply… because lies are like that… like a stack of playing cards… the more you tell the more that must stack up… compounding what's been done until the liar doesn't even know his lies from reality anymore… delusions set in and their lies become their new truth.

Some people will lie for any and all reasons… 
it's like the air they breathe… 
if served ethics and morals on a shiny silver platter
 they would wave their hand, dismissing it… 
as they have no need for such frivolous things… 

The Biological Factor: 

The results of a 2005 research study published in the British Journal of Psychiatry indicates that the brain of a person who is a pathological liar is different from that of an individual who doesn't have this issue. Compulsive liars have more white matter and less gray matter in their prefrontal cortex.

"If all you can offer me is ethics… I'll go elsewhere" is what someone who is a pathological liar believes… and yet… it's the ones around them living a life of humility and honesty, they know… the only way to overpower that minuscule doubt that the liar wishes to plant about them… like a seed that will only grow bit by bit, day by day until it's flourishing like an invasive vine is to flood that toxic plant with the naked truth. It's to expose the pathological liar's agenda, to expose their lies… to expose their twisted insidious behind-the-scenes manipulation.

Can they be successful?

Can honesty shine light over darkness?


Will it possibly take an inordinate amount of time?


But will it be worth it?


Perhaps you're taking life one day at a time… whether you're in the early beginnings of divorce or you've been in an arduous custody battle for several years with someone who was capable of procreating but not loving and telling the truth… whether you've discovered your distant relative has conned you out of thousands of dollars in an inheritance, maybe your own children have stolen from you, you've been sleeping next to a pedophile or a porn maker… maybe you've discovered your best friend is really closer to your husband than you are… maybe the person you married has through their actions now revealed, led you to realize that they are a criminal on borrowed time and the clock is ticking before they are found out by the law.

There are many scenarios out there and ways to be lied to… to be betrayed… to be purposely deceived by someone with less than honest intentions. You may be quietly documenting each day… each message, each phone call, each lie… you may be keeping a log of recorded calls, speaking to witnesses, the police, the FBI… no matter what your situation in life… just keep doing what you're doing. Keep living a life of honest goodness, of calm and observation and eventually the lies of the one who created the destruction will be exposed for who he or she really is.

5 Signs Of A Pathological Liar and Manipulator: 

1. They blame others for all their problems, they never take any accountability and say "Well, I shouldn't have done that." They will lie about anything and everything even when there is no benefit… it's like a drug addiction, they can't stop. 
2. They also exhibit signs of Narcissism and Sociopathy. All Sociopaths are pathological liars. 
3. They always come across as optimistic, cheerful and upbeat. This is living a life for show, not a genuineness that comes with the natural ups and downs in life. Instead, it's a glossy facade they wear to present the image they want others to believe. 
4. The person has incredibly low self esteem. Naturally not all insecure people lie but this can be a behavior that is seen with lying. We all have bad days now and then, even occasional self doubt. But a healthy individual has a healthy dose of narcissism or i.e.; confidence. But matched with that confidence there is a self awareness of humbleness, humility… realizing that life is not always about them… others are important as well and it's not about thinking less of yourself but just yourself less. 
5. Their reaction to when they are confronted about their lies… watch closely. If they become extremely defensive, blaming others, outright ignoring you when confronting them… or they jump on the "all these accusations from you!" bandwagon… they are not addressing the real issue. Instead, they are skipping around it. With a liar it's impossible to get to the root of an issue for true nitty gritty discussion. 

If the person undergoing treatment… which is typically cognitive behavioral therapy… is not deeply committed to changing his or her life, treatment will not be effective. In the case of people with a personality disorder like Sociopathy, their tendencies make it very easy for them to lie and attempt to manipulate the therapist who is attempting to help them. They may lie about taking their medication, lie about the people in their life and what they've done, ultimately leading to zero change. 

© ~ 2014 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts: 

The 3 Stages The Sociopath Puts You Through 

Is He A Sociopath? 20 Signs 

The Sociopath: The 6 Tricks He Uses