GPS-Grace Power Strength: 09/30/13

Monday, September 30, 2013

"Because You're Old Enough To Be My Dad": Older Men & Younger Women

1998

some names have been omitted from this post

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The bar was dark and the patrons mingled along the stained concrete floor amongst the stone pillars accented with lit bronzed lanterns giving off a warm glow that cast on everyone's faces. I stood beside my friend with her halo of blonde chin length curls and we leaned in toward one another in conversation to barely be heard over the music being emitted from the overhead speakers. Up ahead, an older gentleman nearing fifty began moving toward me, dressed in jeans, a crisp collared shirt and cowboy hat. He was handsome and although had certainly aged gracefully I wasn't interested as our ages were at distant extremes.

He strode up to me and approached, his grasp holding a glass beer bottle and under his mustached mouth he conveyed a smile with a deep but velvety question...

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"No, but thank you." I responded politely.

He looked at me with amused curiosity and with another smile he responded,

"And why not?"

I took a deep breath inward. I could have told him because I don't accept drinks from any man in any bar because I believed if a woman let a man buy her a drink he'd expect something. I was also full of self pride and would be darned if some man was going to buy me a drink because I could buy myself one, thank you very much. But as he conferred with his male friend in low tones and his eyes glistened at me, I heard the words "...fine young thing..." utter from his lips and I recoiled inside.

"Why?" I asked him, echoing what he'd asked me.

He nodded waiting expectantly for an answer from me.

"Because you're old enough to be my dad. That's why. It's inappropriate."

I replied with a polite tone yet firm.

He stood there shocked at my honesty, tipped his hat, said "Okay" and walked away.

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As women it can be understandably incredibly frustrating when our dating age bracket seems to be going higher with each passing year while men's plummet lower and lower as they grow older and older. When were twenty we have forty and fifty year old men looking aka leering at us. When were forty we have sixty year old men looking at us. I see it in the grocery store, the convenience store, the shopping mall and restaurants etc... their gaze lingering, hoping you will meet theirs. I see it in traffic at stop lights as they grin from their convertible BMW's eliciting an internal eye roll from me.

We aren't flattered...

but maybe creeped out.

Why is it socially acceptable for a man to hit on,

date and marry a much younger woman?

Why do some men believe they are entitled (holding an over inflated ego and an obscured view of themselves) to have a much younger woman on their arm? It's rampant on dating websites these days... men are searching for a woman at least one if not two age brackets younger than their own.

Youth trumps, it seems by society's standards and so many men want a woman still in the throes of flawless outward beauty to flash as a trophy of sorts on their arm to the world that screams:

"Look at me and what I have."

= EGO

Men are not God's gift to women

Men may believe that younger women say "Yes" more often than women in their own age group. Younger women could possibly do this (?) and who knows the reasons but consequently the man can then happily take the reins, guiding the relationship to be on HIS terms as he sees fit.... but for these men is this about leading or control? For men is it about "having it my way" because their ex-wife actually voiced opposition occasionally and they didn't like it? Knowing what the important driving force is for a man to date a much younger woman is telling in his own growth and if he's become stagnated.

He may get a huge ego boost knowing he's "still got it" which doesn't really make any sense because if as an older male the agenda is to attract, date and possibly marry a much younger woman one would surmise that he always stands a higher risk of being used financially if she's barely standing on two feet in a tiny apartment, a hefty car payment and barely enough money to feed her cat... not always a reality of course but we also know people in general don't want to be conned but instead genuinely loved. A woman on equal ground will more likely see the value in him not his wallet. A woman on equal ground will see him as an asset of endearing masculinity, an equal and a blessing to her life not to her pocketbook. A woman on equal ground will have decades of experiences, stories and changing (growing) views that add depth and interest to conversation over wine and candlelight. It's the things of substance like these and more that men are ultimately missing out on when they choose to date a much younger woman. It's certainly something men should keep in mind when they choose who they wish to pursue in dating.

Younger women may appear much easier to impress in a man's eyes than older women but that may also be in part that older women are in a different place of maturity... in that as a whole they aren't going to be swept away with moonbeams in their eyes by big shiny toys or expensive cars or fancy restaurants. Knowing that these shiny objects and experiences are just fleeting materialism and image that can definitely be enjoyed but at the end of the day offer no real joy but instead it's a warm, loving, genuine heart that does...

and at the end of the day men need to remember that all external beauty fades over time no matter how young their date is, as their own looks do, but the beauty of someone's heart never fades...

and that's what matters most.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013

BEAUTY IS