Monday, September 15, 2014

What Can You Do For Your Spouse? 5 Tips

“Ask not what your country 

can do for you; 

ask what you can 

do for your country.”

-  John F. Kennedy 

That quote by John F. Kennedy  is one that still rings true today… and even applies to other facets of our lives. In our marriages we may often ask what exactly our spouse is going to do for us? And yet the truth is… both sexes should be asking what specifically can they do to please their spouse? 

Our ultimate role in marriage… for men and women (and goal) is to reflect Christ. Each day if we wake up asking ourselves the question of… What can I do today?… whether it's this morning before I head to work, at mid-day... or this evening what can I do that will show my spouse love? … and then once we follow through… we will be on the path of loving the one we married oh so much better and our marriage will shine outward from within. 

1. Nurture:
Today in the modern world we may believe nurturing, caring for a man is seen as silly, perhaps even outdated or antiquated. But when did showing our love for someone…. anyone… especially the one person we vowed to love, care for and stay true to become passé? It could be argued that some folks would have been better suited to be born in a different time, maybe a different era… but at the end of the day is there truly anything wrong with showing our affection for someone we care for with a homemade meal? A batch of fresh cookies? A cup of hot coffee brought to them as a surprise? A sweet note left on their windshield? Their favorite book inscribed with a love note and left on their bedside table waiting for them? It's the little things like these in life that are meaningful and finding out what makes our spouse tick, what they enjoy… what they hold dear to them is always worth the extra effort. 

2. Create A Haven:
Home should be a place where you come together with the one you love… where walls keep out the world and together you nest in comfort. Wives don't have to spend a fortune to make a house a home. Husbands want to come home and see the woman they love… he wants to breath a sigh of relief that he's in the haven he's provided and you've created. Together… you make a great team… home is a place of warm inviting scents like lasagna or cinnamon bread baking… a Yankee candle in your favorite scent burning… blankets to cuddle under... houseplants that bring life to a room… photos hanging of the both of you on your last vacation together… and you wearing his shirt when he comes in the door… (sigh)… it's these little things that matter and make up the beautiful place he refers to as "home." 

3. Date Night:
When were married it's essential we take the time to have date nights. As women we can't deny that occasionally we want to dress up and feel extra special for a night. We want to look nice and spend time with our guy. A few years ago when my ex-husband and I went to see Phantom of the Opera I wore a long gown… it was the one formal gown in a sea of short dresses but I didn't care. I loved that gown… I still do… one day I'll wear it again to something special with someone I love. And yet we can also spend quality time with our spouse just grabbing dinner in jeans or sweats on a patio after an afternoon of gardening, going to the local botanical gardens or a car show. Spending time together doesn't have to cost a fortune… it doesn't have to be over the top… but taking the time to plan something means everything. 

4. He Wants You:
Men have a desire in their marriage to show their love and affection for their spouse... they want to make love to their wife. Someone who truly loves you won't make you feel indebted... as if sex is to be a trading of food, shelter, etc. We know this. But sex can lead to problems even in the healthiest of couples. If a wife or husband is over extending themselves too often... if work or child care is becoming all consuming and the energy simply isn't there for making love... then the marriage screams of imbalance. Raising the bar will simply add more stress and undoubtedly frustration for both people. It's time to look at where more time as a couple can be added in small increments. Maybe that project can wait. Can the dishes be put off another night? Perhaps small amounts of time can be blocked out each week as a start and build from there. What can be removed from the schedule? Does little Johnny really need to play soccer again this season? Maybe couple-time has been put on the back burner due to an overload of activities planned. Another aspect to consider is when was the last vacation? Especially without children? It's essential that couples have plenty of uninterrupted time away so they can connect and re-charge. 

5. Speak Love: 
After we marry we often get so caught up in the day to day. Yet we don't want to forget the little things we said and did when we were in the courtship stage of our relationship. Whether we take him a hot coffee to his office with a sweet note written on it because we know he's freezing, or we tell him "You make my heart smile"... "I'm so blessed"... or he says "I can't wait to see you tonight"... it's important that we share how we feel. It's essential that we pause and ask ourselves how much life have we spoken over and to our spouse that day? Were we patient? Difficult? Short? Critical? When were humble, when we step forward and speak up where we weren't so lovely... whether we sincerely apologize or just make an effort to speak love into our relationship… when we pray for our spouse... we know we are watering the roots for our bond to grow stronger and undoubtedly our love will bloom even more oh so beautifully. 

© ~ 2014 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing!