What Every Daughter Needs To Hear From Her Parents

“Dad And Daughter Playing Airplane” 

by imagery majestic via FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

Daughters.

From the moment they are conceived we as parents have so much hope for them.

We hope for a smooth birth, on-target developmental milestones, a childhood of sweet memories, a solid education, a relationship with Christ, a circle of loving folks who care about them… people who have their best interests who pray for and help guide them to adulthood.

Then one day they meet a man…

and they get engaged to soon marry.

We, along with our daughter, may fall into the woozy trap of pre-wedding bliss… becoming wrapped up in the dizzying spin of wedding plans… bridal registry, gifts, dresses, color schemes, venues, cakes and vows… we become all-consumed with helping to choose the right invites, the most flattering photographer and the best honeymoon destination.

As parents we are there, side by side… helping, guiding and giving input, albeit perhaps not always wanted… we are fluttering about, worrying about details that perhaps are not really truly important at the end of the day but that seem so then.

But in all those moments… in all those whirlwind days of shopping, of ohhh's and awe's… there were without a doubt a moment or two that brought tears to your eyes… a moment or two that pulled your heartstrings… that made you think to yourself: I want to freeze time; this moment with her.

And then, it's gone. Just like that.

But there is one moment as a parent you really need to have with your daughter.

Before you proceed to walk her down the aisle on that save the date…

Before you clasp her sweet hand in yours and lean in to whisper "I love you"…

Before you nod to the groom and peck her blushed cheek as you give her away…

Please take a moment… take one moment to tell your daughter this:

"You're always welcome back home." 


Granted, you may like the man she's marrying… you may steadfastly believe that she's about to become one with an honorable, kind, trustworthy and faithful man. You may hold him in high esteem and already consider him to be like a son to you. You may have already seen him handle difficulties with your daughter with grace, understanding and love. You may have already seen him as a mixture of strength and sweetness when your daughter has admittedly been less than lovely. You may have already witnessed his ability to admit he was wrong in a humble manner. You may have complete faith that this couple is fully capable of putting Christ first and keeping their covenant sacred above all other relationships. You may with complete certainty believe he loves her without a doubt… with his whole heart and would without question lay down his own life in any situation for your daughter.

BUT… WHAT IF YOU'RE WRONG?

What if he's not who you think he is?
What if he's not truly who he's portrayed himself as?
What if he is not anything like what you believe him to be?


All fathers… all parents need to have an all important conversation with their daughter when they marry… that in the event this man is not who he has claimed to be… that if indeed this man turns out to be a walking nightmare… if his mask falls bit by bit after the wedding day… or even years down the road… she needs to be told in no uncertain words she is always welcome back home.


She needs to be told she does not have to take abuse.
She needs to be told she doesn't have to "suck it up and keep trying."
She needs to be told she doesn't have to worry you won't want her back.
She needs to be told that cheating doesn't have to be
 "tolerated" and swept under the rug.
She needs to be told she doesn't have to be concerned with such frivolous things like how she and two children would merge back into your home…
even if only for an interim because they are ALWAYS welcome.
She needs to be told that you will not be angry with her.
She needs to be told "It will be okay and we will figure it out."
She needs to be told that you will be there for her. Always. Any time day or night.
She needs to be told that it is okay to say "I made a mistake. I'm coming home."


One day you will "give away" your little girl… you will hand over your leadership, your protection, your financial providing... to her soon to be husband… entrusting he will step up to the plate and handle his responsibilities well.

Hopefully as your daughter's primary male role model, as her father, you have taught her that ultimately she is God's daughter; that she is worthy of being loved and loved well… that she is loved by Christ who died for her on the cross… that she has a Savior who adores her and in turn she has sought a man who reflects love.

But if for whatever reason her happily ever after ends up becoming the worst nightmare ever…

Let her know she is always welcome back home.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2015

5 Tips For Father's:

1. It's so important that fathers have developed an intentional disciple-type relationship with whom their daughter is planning to marry. You have an awesome opportunity to help guide this man spiritually and model being a good husband for him through your own actions.

2. Don't wait for your daughter's boyfriend to come to you asking for her hand in marriage… be proactive. Ask him what his intentions are; show him you take an active role in her life, not a passive one.

3. Today, we have so many jokes (at least in the South) about dad's being trigger happy regarding their daughters and whom their dating. But the truth is… above all father's need to have discernment; is the guy she's dating a genuinely good guy at heart, a believer, just spiritually still immature? There's a difference between that guy and a sociopath… it's essential for you to figure out which one he is.

4. Being honest with him in your conversations helps him see how you've grown in your role as husband and father. Admit to any stumbles you've had along the way and how your perspective has changed… being an emotionally and spiritually healthy man doesn't equate to never admitting faults.

5. Set expectations for how you believe she should be treated. Let him know in no uncertain terms that abuse at any time, in any way, shape, or form is not to be accepted… and that no matter how much you like someone she marries… if that happens your door is wide open for her to return at any time.

RELATED POSTS: 

A Father Impacts His Daughter's View Of God: 5 Tips For Dads

Talking To Your Child Regarding Their Parent's Poor Choices: 5 Tips

How To Be A Good Father: 7 Tips

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Dear Prodigal Daughter: I've Been There

“Woman With A Very Sad Expression In Dramatic Interior” 

by Sira Anamwong via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

As I sit here and type my daughter sleeps soundly beside me… stuffed animals and a cherished Madame Alexander baby doll are tucked in amongst us. Each week she gets to pick a night to crash in my room and naturally also an entourage of bears, hello kitties, even an alligator arrives along with storybooks and giggles. Twinkle lights above give off a soft glow and the light from the laptop shines like a beacon in the dark room after she's fallen asleep. As parents we wish for sweet dreams for our children, for good rest, for mornings filled with smiles and the pattering of small feet ready to start the day and eat a healthy breakfast. We pray for God's word to guide them in all they do, we pray for their protection, we focus on their education and even contemplate their future one day… we take into account every talk we need to have, we model good choices and scrutinize how we can improve… we talk to God, our mother, our sister, our friends, our pastor for feedback on raising these precious children who will one day be adults. Essentially we try to do everything we can to ensure that our children will be fully prepared with wisdom and discernment to be Godly adults in a responsible manner… in regards to their future relationships, their career, even their health and safety but unfortunately, try as we might, that doesn't always pan out either due to poor choices in our parenting and or unfortunate sins chosen by our children.

Children become teens and then young adults and unfortunately just because someone turns twenty, twenty-one or even twenty-two, etc does not equate to them being ready for the adult world. As parents, we may cringe at the choices they make… they are so excited to finally (!) be making choices of their own that they are perhaps making them without thinking through the possible consequences.

As a teen I was so ready to get out of my parents house (truth be told I wasn't the only one) I made unwise choices… sometimes we want to escape a dark place so badly (which in some cases may be justified or not) that we trade one harmful environment for another… seemingly innocent at first; but then weeks, months, even years down the road we realize we are up a creek and don't have a paddle. We may realize we shoulda just stayed where we were and hung in a little longer. Fast forward down the road the situation is so far gone we may have no idea how to escape the whole new hell were in and we long for the days of back when… if only we could begin again and not have chosen the path we took.


Dear Prodigal Daughter:

It's always the same story it seems… my parents don't understand me. My parents don't listen. My parents are uncool and don't get it. My parents think I make bad decisions. My parents think I'm rebellious. My parents think I'm bad. My parents think I'm a troublemaker.

You're right… you're not bad, you're not a troublemaker, probably not even rebellious. But maybe you're idealistic, maybe you're naive, maybe immature, maybe, just maybe despite your good intentions there is a possibility that you're just plain wrong. Or maybe your parent(s) is/are abusive and you're ready to escape no matter what the alternative environment might be.

You say you love him, this guy you're with. You've committed yourself to him and the relationship. You move in together. You tell everyone how wonderful he is. You coo and oooo over how cute he is, how cool he is… how he's the mac to your cheese… to the outsiders that you share limited information about the relationship with he seems like a dream come true. On social media it's all gloss, sunshine and ponies who poop confetti… you and your guy are the epitome of the perfect couple… photo after photo ensue and the upbeat comments posted only serve to validate it all.

But behind closed doors is another story… behind closed doors is the truth. Behind closed doors is the stinking decay of what is to come however much we don't want to acknowledge it… a future that lacks peace, love and beauty but instead a future that will bear struggle, division and resentment… ultimately regret.

But maybe you don't believe me.

Perhaps you have one car you must share… and typically you're left without a ride. Maybe you don't have a job because he hasn't allowed you to get one… isn't it just too sweet how he's "taking care of you" like that? Uh huh. Maybe you're both working overtime to pay off all his debts… wait, why are you paying on his debt? Shouldn't he step up and handle that himself? Or perhaps you're the one with the job… and working your tail off to support the two of you… while he… wait, what does he do, again? Oh, yeah… nothing. He does nothing. Or maybe he is busy… with the remote, with a six pack of beer, or sniffing something up his nose… or maybe he's busy in the bedroom with another chick while you bust your butt all day making minimum wage. Minimum wage? Yeah… because didn't he decide that there wasn't enough money for you to finish school? Or maybe you decided out of the goodness of your little ole heart to put your dreams and education on the back burner… how noble… while he did whatever he wished. What you may not realize yet is that there will never be a better time for you to finish that education… the best time is now not later. What you may not realize is that any man who sits on his rear while you go earn the money and fry the bacon too is not a man. A guy who allows you to sacrifice your goals and dreams so he can get ahead in life is not partnership material. The man who tries to control whether you work, who you see, how you spend your time is not a man for you.

You're what? You're pregnant, you say? Oh, let me guess… he lied and said he couldn't have kids… (I've heard about every story out there) or he hid your birth control, or maybe you now realize birth control is not 100% effective (yikes) as you originally believed. Maybe guilt eats at you day and night and you regret the act(s) you participated in and wish more than anything you could have that re-do. But now he wants you to get an abortion? Let's ponder this… Is he going to pick and choose which children you keep if you get married one day? Are ya'll gonna draw straws or what? If he's not utilizing self control regarding sex with you now, what makes you believe he can once you're married one day? How can you trust he won't have a "slip up";  a hot and heavy false step with another woman? The truth is… you can't. Can people change? Yes, without a doubt with spiritual growth not another human... So do you want to bet your future on him being capable of changing?

Maybe he wants you to keep the baby. Now he's talking marriage, "I do's" and rings… slipping a ring, er, bandaid on the situation isn't going to fix it… the truth is… getting hitched doesn't make having a baby out of wedlock like it didn't happen… why put a child through the inevitable reality of a likely divorce down the road? There is the chance he will feel trapped one day; that you got pregnant on purpose to get a proposal… there is a chance you might always wonder who else you could have married if it hadn't been for "sucking it up and trying to make it work" because you're now carrying a tiny human that brings you together forever… adding the pressures of marriage on top of a child's arrival in nine months? Perhaps the best thing to do is co-parent to the best of your ability and do a "wait and see"… if it works out, great… if not, move on.


I've been there in several of these scenarios. 


The truth is… these scenarios are amongst many many others women find themselves in everyday… and the phrase "find themselves in" is not to be taken as not taking responsibility for the choices one made but to point out the fact that many times what we do truly believe to be good-intentioned, sound decisions at one point we later find ourselves (sometimes years later) shaking our heads in astonishment and sorrow that we could have ever EVER at one time believed we were making good choices. We now look back with complete disbelief and a desire to slap ourselves upside the face (!) wondering what on earth we were thinking… for now the reality of our past poor decisions sit squarely before us with stark clarity.

So why didn't we just tell the guy: "Look, if you don't get your you-know-what-together" I'm outta here!… or "If you don't start treating me the way I should be treated" peace out! Why don't we speak up? Why don't we just tell him if he doesn't start doing x,y,z were outta there and were hiking it home to mama and/or daddy?

Likely it goes back to pride. 

Your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God. Deuteronomy 8:14

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor. James 4:10 (NLT)

If we do see an issue and yet waffle with leaving it's usually due to how we will be perceived once home. Will we be told: "I told you so!" when we return by our family? Will we be sneered at and made fun of? Will we be put down and berated for "being such an idiot"? Will we be met with tension, friction and judgment instead of joy, mercy and grace?

Will we return home to open arms? To thankful smiles and tight-as-you-can-squeeze hugs? Will there be anger and resentment or warmth and forgiveness? Will there be affirmation we are important and mean something to them or will we be met with hostility and reproach? Will we be trusted and shown love or will we be treated like a prisoner and dished out hate?

Sometimes we fear returning and admitting we were wrong.
Sometimes we fear returning and facing the people we left behind.
Sometimes we fear returning and dealing with whatever reaction is waiting for us.

Like the prodigal son in the bible who returns we may wonder if we will be met with open arms, warmth, love and forgiveness…  or detachment, coldness, resentment and wrath.

Your earthly father may hug you but have a grudge in his heart.
Your earthly father may never look at you with love again.
Your earthly father may not let you return.

Our sins in life against others are ultimately also sins against Christ. 

When were young we want more than anything to be free.
To make our own decisions.
To make our own way.
To live our life.

But the further we stray from home, from our Father, the worse off we will be.

The great news is:
Christ won't turn His back on you.

Our Father In Heaven is ready to recover the lost.

No matter what your earthly father says or does take heart in knowing that Christ died for you… you're His beloved daughter and no matter how far away you run, who you're with, how badly you've stumbled… Christ is there to love you and welcome you with open arms.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2015

read about the prodigal son here

Marriage & Parenting: When Change Is Needed - 5 Tips

We know without a doubt it's incredibly important who we marry… hence to be the mother or father of our children is so important, as it will impact us (and our kids) for quite some time… at minimum eighteen years… but likely longer. We will be tied to this person in all the big and little ways pertaining to how we raise our children… whether the marriage lasts or not… we will be stuck working with them (or not, maybe more like colliding or rubbing like sandpaper) in our children's moral, health, religious, educational upbringing and more. And if we come to the conclusion our perspectives don't match up… we will not only have irritating friction but un-yielding issues that not only make us as parents want to pull our hair but also come to see the other parent as more opposition than ally. It's a reality that is essential to consider when we choose who we marry. Not everyone is shown the truth of who they are marrying… some wear masks so well it's not until much later down the road do they realize they've been duped, as it can happen to both men and women. But in hopes that that doesn't happen… it's of utmost importance to choose wisely and with open eyes focusing on actions rather than words.


My own ex and I are so far apart on the spectrum of parenting it's mind-boggling. Just this past weekend my daughter announced to me: "Daddy is listening to some song Tuesday… it has really bad words in it, Mommy." Googling the song I soon came across Chris Brown's Tuesday. I found the least bad portion of it to play and asked her if this was the song. Nodding, she affirmed that was it. More documentation ensued and a mental narrative regarding the disgusting lyrics and her father's poor parenting went through my head. It confirmed for what felt like the millionth time that he was looking out for himself, not her… certainly not her best interests. My daughter listens to Christian music give or take eighty percent of the time when she's with me…. the other twenty percent is a careful selection of songs from mainstream music. Her favorite Christian song thus far is Overcomer by Mandisa… and nothing makes me happier than hearing her belt out the lyrics from the backseat while were on errands out. It's our job as parents to make good choices that protect our children. Parenting is not a given. We can have that right taken away at any time. With having children comes responsibility. It's a privilege. Yes, we don't want them too sheltered… and in that there are always boundaries that should never be crossed… and Chris Brown's music falls into that category for children's ears.


When we've been married to someone who is either an unbeliever or someone who maybe believes in God but doesn't follow Him… it can bring catastrophic results to our children's lives. When a spouse and or parent continually chooses self over selfless, marriages suffer and children do as well. Marital relationships and parenting that is "self-oriented" is not in alignment with God's word. These paths of darkness is what produces destruction in families versus a fruitful life.

This isn't about superficial change… change that doesn't really matter like whether someone likes karaoke, or prefers wearing blue over green or even if they like sushi or not. This is about serious change needed that can make or break a marriage. 

The truth is… a person has to want to change. Husband or wife. They have to want it for themselves. Years ago as I sat having lunch with a girlfriend she told me about a friend of hers who she was trying to counsel… her friend had had a really tough time in her marriage for years and my heart went out to her… the husband was an alcoholic, quick to temper and had pushed her once (which is one time too many). He seemed to live for video games and himself… often isolating himself and doing his own thing while she took the kids off for fun and dinners out etc. They lived in a divided household shown by their actions. Her friend was nearly at her wits end yet her husbands behavior continued for years. My friend was sad because no matter how supportive she was her friend frustratedly kept thinking her husband would change. Yet, he didn't. My friend spoke: "He won't change till he's ready. He has to want to for himself. "

25 Husbands, love your wives, 

as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Ephesians 5:25   English Standard Version (ESV)

We can't make someone change for the better, unfortunately. It's kind of like a symptom of sinuses acting up… it may irk us and for one reason or another that sinus symptom may initiate one person to go to the doctor to find out the reason for the issue. But someone else? They may decide it's easier to stay where they are… ignore their sinuses… as it's easy to live with them… it's not a deal breaker, after all… they can still navigate about their day despite it. They aren't uncomfortable enough yet with their situation. It's not much different with marital issues… someone who doesn't want to change may decide they are comfortable with the status of their marriage… while the other spouse simmers, despairs and boils and feels huge angst about the relationship… in summary doing all the worrying for both of them in where the union is headed.

“If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.” Mark 3:25

It's admittedly difficult to teach a dog new tricks if they have zero desire to learn. Likewise, if a parent is continually dabbling in choices that suit themselves and not the best interests of their children eventually there will be consequences. Consequences that could hypothetically go either direction… children that take on similar poor decisions of their parent and unfortunately continue down a road of looking out for one's self… raising another generation of children who do the same… or the other direction… hopefully a child who sees their parents choices for what they are… selfish, unbiblical and toxic… ultimately one day growing into a leadership role and becoming better for what they endured and lived through, instilling change for the next generation.


So what can we do as spouses when our spouse won't change? When it's much needed change, big change, valid change in areas that are threatening the very core of the union… the very marital fiber?  We can let them know we are serious about making changes, that we are serious about the relationships needs not being met… inviting them to go to marital counseling either through a professional therapist or trusted Pastor. Let he or she know that the way things have been will not continue… hopefully the fact they have much to lose will help wake them up to the fact they need to stop remaining stagnant and become an active partner toward change…. change that will require following a different path than the one their on…


So what else can you do? While beginning the path of therapy?

Here are 5 Tips To Help: 

1. Make lists of what areas you believe to be issues of power and control by your spouse.
2. How are your children showing signs of disrespect?
3. When are times that all media can be turned off so you can focus on each other; just talking and listening?
4. Do you see your children showing negative behaviors similar to yours/your spouses? What are they?
5. Try to remember that your spouse is not your enemy, satan is though and he loves to create destruction in any way he can… his first attack is always the family unit. So how can you and your spouse come together as a team and not adversaries? Perhaps by making a list of what issues you do agree on… as well as what brought you together in the first place… finding the common ground you have will help to bring you closer rather than pushing you further away.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2015

Related Posts: 

When He Tries To Change You! And 5 Tips To Not Change Him

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/02/when-he-tries-to-change-you-and-5-tips.html

Desperation: Drop It Like It's Hot

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/12/desperation-drop-it-like-its-hot.html

3 Common Triggers In Marriage: Fighting Fair

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/10/3-common-triggers-in-marriage-fighting.html

The Non-Compassionate Parent & Their Agenda Of Evil

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

Love. 

Love brings us closer, it bridges two sides, it closes a gap, love involves truth, it's doing the right thing… putting aside self and selfishness and not having an agenda… instead, love is free... giving without expectation and without "deals" or keeping records. Love does not delight in evil… it does not delight in hurt, in threats or abuse of any kind, in division, in excluding, or alienation. Instead, love rejoices... it lives truth, it exudes purposeful compromise, it fosters a true desire in loving those around us. 

A parent who alienates his children is living in sin… he (or she) is focused on a self-driven, self-focused agenda, a plan of personal gain, in hurting others… versus living a life of walking in love… where he should be focusing on doing what is good and honorable; facilitating a relationship between his children and the other parent... instead he chooses to walk the path of darkness, of evil and do what is displeasing to God… to cause rift, to cause hurt, to cause agony and sorrow for others. When they willfully continue down the path of familial destruction we may question if they have truly accepted Christ as their Savior. If they continue to sin after others have pointed out the ruination they have orchestrated… maybe that they themselves even deep down realize… are they truly sorry for their sinful actions? Being a Christian is having a deep and personal relationship with Jesus Christ… it's being transformed… it's a desire of wanting to be transformed. And when we look to Christ for help… when we slowly see sin falling away in our life… when we want it to… when we feel deeply convicted each time we sin again, realizing we will be miserable until we repent… eventually we will make changes… we will see that we never want to go back to our old ways… that there was zero value in the old sinful ways we lived. 

If a parent is continuing to engineer parental alienation… one day their evil schemes will be revealed… slowly but surely it will come to light what they are doing… all areas of their life where sin resides will be revealed either by their own doing or others… maybe it already is… maybe you've heard through the grapevine… maybe you've heard things that he (or she) has done… perhaps you're hearing that others are finally noticing that the image of himself he wants to project to others is failing… the mask has slipped here and there behind closed doors… that the facade of who he wants you to believe he is doesn't match up with who's really there. One day… many will stand before Him who call Him Lord and the Lord will say:

Then I will tell them plainly, 

"I never knew you. 

Get away from me, 

you who practice evil!" 

International Standard Version

Matthew 7:23

The alienating parent is on the expressway to hell… 

A parent who disciplines his or her child truly loves their child… they know the value and importance of teaching their child right and wrong… the golden rule…  God's word. They know they are their child's first teacher and don't take that blessing or responsibility lightly. They know they are to enjoy their children, to nurture them, hug them, love them, yet in that love is teaching… teaching God's ways,  not the ways of the world with all it's promoting of self, image, glossy materialism, manipulation, and greed. They know that to spoil a child is to create a monster… to spare the rod is to do nothing but enable a child, to give power to someone who doesn't yet understand it, won't use it for good but for evil, and certainly won't grow to live a humble nature. Instead, sparing the rod and spoiling the child leads to a child becoming like the stunted adults in his or her life… demanding, screaming, belligerent, disrespectful, whiny, self-centered, greedy, manipulative, hostile, hateful and living in sin... blind to what's been created within them, blind to who they could be, blind to what's been done to them… blind to God and ensconced in a world of wretched disarray. 

what these children may not know is they have another parent that loves them very much… that truly loves them… that has a heart breaking at what is becoming of their child… that is not proud of who their child has become; at the hands of the evil one… and that they pray daily for intervention, for help that something will give… that someone will step in and reveal the parent for what they are, for what they've done. 

It's the inability for a parent to show his (or her) child compassion that is the hallmark trait of a manipulative alienating parent. When my daughter recently burst into tears over the fact she was not served dinner by her father because he was upstairs talking to his best friend on the phone all evening… when she found herself scrounging in the pantry like a desperate little forgotten animal of the night for something to eat because she's not old enough to operate an oven or stovetop herself…  the microwave being beyond her young grasp… it brought me to tears… when she admitted through sobs that her dinner that night consisted of Cheez-it's and cookies in her bed all alone… the mental picture of her sitting alone, feeling rejected, not cared for and lacking a basic need made me hurt deeply for her. Images of my hours spent in that kitchen at one time not but a few feet from her room flashed through my mind… remembering the many home-cooked meals I had lovingly prepared for her and her brother showed a stark contrast to her reality now. It could be argued all homes are different and that's true… and yet let the truth shine bright that reality is this: 

there is a vast difference 

between "different" 

and neglect… 

which is what her night 

was a reflection of 

So, parents… I tell you this… keep documenting, keep revealing what's being done… keep showing the truth… keep going, keep pressing on… and when you're bone tired and think to yourself:

 "I cannot keep going. I am spent." 

Look upward. 

Look upward to Heaven. 

Let the tears fall.

Let your need call out to Him. 

Let Him know you need Him. 

You don't have to do it all. 

Lean on Him. 

He is there. 

He loves you. 

And your child. 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

             To My Readers: 

        Thank you for reading, 

       commenting and sharing! 

The Power Of The Word "Okay?"

"Okay?"

Parents may do it…

And they may not even realize they are.


Hindsight is always 20/20 and it may be a few years down the road that we realize we didn't handle this or that right when it comes to parenting our child. We may realize that inadvertently we gave our child power when we shouldn't have. We will all have failures and successes in our parenting. We may realize much later along the path of parenting that what we at one time innocently thought to be an affirmation of what we'd just relayed to our child was instead viewed by them as us asking if they were okay with our instructions.

Giving our child instructions happens everyday as a parent. We tell them to sit quietly in the shopping cart as we shop for essentials. We instruct them to bring us their dirty plate as were loading the dishwasher. We remind them that there is no running in the house, no jumping on the beds and no leaving the door open. I distinctly remember when my children were around the ages of four and five saying "Close the backdoor! We don't live in a barn." Every day we give our children instructions of how to behave, what tasks they need to complete and teach them what behaviors are acceptable and what aren't. We wouldn't be good parents if we didn't give instructions to our children. The word "parent" is of German origin and it's meaning is to teach. As parents we truly are our children's first teachers. With that naturally comes blessings and huge responsibility.

When we give instructions to someone

 and follow it with an:

 "Okay?"

 it only stands to reason

 that we are then asking:

 "Are you in agreement with me?" 

It's easy to see rather quickly how asking a child this could take you down a path as a parent to a destination you'd prefer to not go to. Obviously the child may more often than not may think to themselves… "Well… no, I'm NOT in agreement… I WANT to watch another t.v. show… I WANT the gum ball from the machine… I DON'T want to set the plates on the table for dinner." This may then be verbalized… their feelings and then… yikes… as a parent the door has been opened innocuously enough for negotiations. Despairingly, you may stand there faced with a small frowning face holding it's stance… as you wrack your brain, searching for what course of action to take next… because now you feel backed into a corner.


If you continually tell your children "Come put your shoes on… we have to go, Okay?" you've added an opening for them to dispute what you're telling them to do. The door is wide open for argument… for whining… for "I don't wanna's!"... the meltdowns that make parents cringe and want to disappear like a visible stain on a shirt.

By asking our children if they are okay with our directions we are subtly asking them if they want to comply. This leads children into believing they are in the driver's seat… their in charge and they are the leader and you're following them in a game of insanity.


The word "Okay" has huge power… and it holds much power not only for children but for adults as well.


When it comes to adults the word "Okay" is a good thing… it can actually help our relationships... bringing connection and affirmation, rather than pulling us apart like children and needing time outs from one another.


Think about the last time your spouse did something where they undeniably had great intentions but for some reason or another it didn't quite turn out how you expected. Maybe your spouse bought a new outfit and you're both getting ready to go out. You're wearing something dressy and he walks downstairs wearing a much more casual look. This is a time that could literally make or break your night out. Should you say something? Will it cause an argument? Will it cause hurt feelings? You naturally want to have a conversation about it but what should you do? How do you approach it? Or do you just shrug it off and move on?


It may have been helpful if when beginning to get ready to check in with each other on what you plan to wear. If looking like you're both wearing clothes that belong in the same season, are of the same style, etc is important to you… it's better to be proactive than to say something after the fact that may turn your perfectly fine day into a not so great night.

Telling our spouse "Hey… I'm thinking of wearing such and such… what are you thinking of wearing?' or "Hey, does this look okay?" joins you together… it unifies you and asks the other's opinion… this can be done by men or women… as it shows your partner that yes… you value what they think and you want to make an effort to look great together… to start your evening on the right foot. Obviously there are a dozen other scenarios… to choosing new dishes for your home… to where to get the oil changed… to where to go to dinner… we can affirm our choices and include our spouse in them by simply asking "Okay?" and being matter of fact about it. This isn't an opportunity to wield control or to be sarcastic in tone… it's not an invitation to sneer, roll your eyes, sigh, stomp off, mutter, or huff… (did I cover all of them?) but instead it's to bring you and your partner together…

To show that you care… and you're supportive of each other.


And doing that sets a great example for your children. 


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

We Were Meant To Live For So Much More

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves? 

Somewhere we live inside 

Somewhere we live inside 

We were meant to live for so much more

Have we lost ourselves? 

Somewhere we live inside… 

Switchfoot "Meant To Live" 

Sometimes in life we may feel lost. 

It's so incredibly easy to get lost in our day to day lives. It's so easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of each day... the harried rushed mornings, the commute, the mandatory meetings, the conference calls, demanding clients, scheduling and so forth. 

It's so very easy to get caught up in the usual... the sameness of routine… the quick send offs, the flurried goodbyes, the absentminded "MmmHmmm's" and "Hurry!" 

Life can become one big deadline, one huge leap... a sprint, a race... a marathon. We often feel pressure to "get there"... to meet a goal, a project completion date, a first kiss, a marriage date, a first house, a conception date, a ten year anniversary, fiftieth and so on… life can become one big "One day…" of wants, wishes and hopes…

But then sadly…

"One day" never gets here.

Time keeps passing us by and with each check in the morning mirror we may notice more crow's feet, more graying hair and maybe looking past the reflection in the mirror a lot less fun.

Perhaps life has become one long list of… 

"Hopefully soon…"  

"Hopefully soon we will go on that cruise." 

"Hopefully soon we will go on a vacation that involves

 being gone more than a measly two or three days." 

"Hopefully soon we will go on that date night or overnight." 

"Hopefully soon we will have that pajama day at home, make waffles and connect." 

"Hopefully soon we will go back home to visit Mama." 

"Hopefully soon we will take the kids on that trip to Disneyland." 

"Hopefully soon we will… "

What's on your list?

What do you hope to do? 

The very word "Hope" means faith that such and such will happen, something wonderful will take place… that we believe it will come to fruition.


But in that "Hopefully we will…" is there excuse lurking?

Is excuse or procrastination insidiously hanging in that sentence we utter with the somewhat (?) convincing tone we use?

Perhaps. 


We don't have to lose ourselves in life. We don't have to subscribe to a life where everything that has special meaning to us is put on the perpetual back burner… we can claim today…  that we will pull out the calendar and begin marking definitive dates we will go live for so much more than just work and stress. We can claim today… today that we will choose our children over our iPhone, our late night at the office or a skipped family dinner. We can realize that we may have second tries… we may be able to say "I've got a chance to do this again…" but only so many times do we get that chance. Are we living with our eyes half open, stumbling through the commitments and motions or are we fully awake and tuned in to our very present moment?

We all want more than what this world has to offer… Christians ultimately want Heaven… we want peace, we want love, we want Jesus… and we all want our slice of Heaven here on earth while we walk this land… we won't find it in an office cubicle… but we will outside…

In the glorious beauty God has given us in this world… where land meets blue painted skies.

Where is your little piece of Heaven on earth? 


Maybe it's the snow-capped mountains… the majestic trees, the lakes and rivers… maybe it's the desert and all it's simplistic beauty… or maybe it's like mine… the sandy beach.

This past week I was blessed to relax a bit where my little slice of Heaven is on earth... in Florida I spent some time on Barefoot Beach in Naples. If you haven't been it's a wonderful place to take your family. The Barefoot Beach State Preserve has beautiful beaches and turtles.

Wherever your slice of Heaven is on earth… be sure you take some time there now and then… don't let it become relegated to a "Hopefully" with good intentions that never come to pass.


Because we aren't meant to just exist.

Were meant to live. 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014