GPS-Grace Power Strength: Rejected

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Saturday, March 28, 2015

A Father Impacts His Daughter's View Of God: 5 Tips For Dads

“Approve Reject Computer Keys” by Stuart Miles via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Fathers and Daughters

Fathers, do you have any idea the amount of power you play in your daughter's life?

Your power for the positive or negative is huge.

Daughters want to view their fathers as protectors, providers, leaders,

competent, trustworthy and moral.

DAUGHTERS SEEK APPROVAL

AND ACCEPTANCE FROM THEIR DADS

It is imperative that fathers are setting the example that their daughters so desperately need in order to thrive in life… in all areas; emotionally and socially. A father is the first man a girl has in her life so it's incredibly important that she is able to connect well with him, to be capable of trusting him and see him as strong in good values and decision making. There is certainly no relationship more vital than the one that sets the foundation between father and daughter… as it sets the tone for her relationship with all other men in her life… future husband included if she marries.

Can she trust her father?

Well, that depends… is he making choices that deem him trustworthy? If he's attending church regularly, if he's actively following Christ, if he's leading the family in prayer, if he's taking the time to connect with his children, if he's balancing work with down time, if he's not speeding, not drinking to excess, not lying, etc… if he's making morally sound decisions on a daily basis… she will come to find with time that yes, his actions match his words and he can be trusted. However, if he's practicing road rage, flying off the handle at his family, drinking, cheating, lying, working all the time, being emotionally, verbally and or physically abusive… he will show his daughter bit by bit that he cannot be trusted… that his words are meaningless… that when he speaks everyone might as well drown him out with deaf ears because anything he utters is a lie.

Eventually if he proves over time he is not capable of leadership, of morally sound actions, his daughter will pull away. She won't feel safe. She won't respect him. She will find herself feeling derision toward him each and every time he proves once again he's merely a sham.

******************

March 2015

names have been omitted in this post

I set my keys and the warm pizza box on the kitchen counter along with an aluminum foil container.

"Grab a fork and an extra plate and I'll split this Fettuccine Alfredo with you, sweet pea." I told my daughter as I grabbed a stack of white napkins from the wicker basket atop the counter.

"Okay!' She said and scampered to the utensil drawer. I quickly began assembling everything we needed on the wood coffee table in the den including two glasses of water. She pulled up a couple ottomans and after we sat down I opened the pizza box.

"Oh, yum! I want pizza too!" She said and I swiftly set a large cheesy slice of pepperoni pizza on her plate beside her pasta. "Thank you for dinner, Mommy." She said and added "And thank you for having them add chicken to the fettuccine. It's way yummier."

"Yeah, it is!" I replied with a grin "You're welcome. I love Joe's Pasta and Pizza." I smiled at her. It was the perfect cozy night at home with her, eating Italian to go and spending time together.

As we talked she said "So… guess what? Daddy… he told me that God is not my Daddy."

I stopped mid-chew and looked at her "What?"

"Yeah… I told Daddy that he's my dad and that God is too. But Daddy told me that God is not my dad, just he is." She told me.

Silence. I was getting pretty fed up with having to clean up the messes he continued to make.

A FATHER IMPACTS HOW A CHILD SEES GOD

“Family With Two Children” by Ambro

via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A GODLY MAN IS HUMBLE AND KNOWS THAT ULTIMATELY GOD IS IN CHARGE. HE IS A LEADER IN THE HOME FOR CHRIST. HE IS BOTH SERVANT AND WARRIOR FOR GOOD ON EARTH.

Finally I spoke "That's not true. God is your Daddy… God is our Heavenly Father. If you're a believer you believe God is your dad and he sent his only son Jesus Christ to earth to die for our sins. God was Christ in the flesh. Daddy is your father but he's your earthly father."

She picked the chicken out of her fettuccine eating it first then starting on the pasta. "Oh… so he lied. Again. Why did he tell me that?" She pondered aloud. "I guess if he doesn't think God is my dad then he thinks he isn't his either." She spun fettuccine on her fork "If he doesn't believe God is our father then maybe he doesn't believe in God at all." She said. I watched the pasta swirl on her small fork and I sighed.

"I don't know." I replied then added "But I do know that you have every right to believe in God and what the bible tells you." I told her.

******************

In John 14:9-10 Jesus said, "Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work."

5 Thing's For Father's To Tell Their Daughters:

1. You are wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139:14)
2. You are loved and accepted (Romans 15:7)
3. You are God's daughter (2 Corinthians 6:18)
4. Christ died for you (John 3:16)
5. Forgiveness and grace are for you and others (2 Corinthians 12:9)

RELATED POSTS:

Husbands: Loving God's Daughter

Girl's & Life: Everyday We Have A Choice

How To Be A Good Father: 7 Tips

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Your Daughter's Bestie: 5 Signs Of A Great One

The Bestie.

The pinky promises.

The friendship bracelets.

The endless photos.

The shared dress up clothes.

The pajama parties.

The inside jokes.

When your little girl announces she has a best friend you are naturally going to be excited for her. Maybe you reminisce about your first best friend… maybe years later she's still your best friend. There are many wonderful things about having a bestie, no doubt. There are endless pluses to your daughter having a close friend to share special experiences and to make memories with she will fondly look back on one day.

As a mother you want the best for your daughter and that includes friendships that are healthy for her. One great thing about your daughter having a bestie is that she will not only learn so much about her friend but also herself.

The Importance Of Sharing…
It's important that your daughter and her bestie share the spotlight. They should be able to take turns in allowing each other to shine and one not taking over. It's important they encourage turn taking whether it be at playing games, playing dress up (choosing to be a princess versus wicked witch) or even just alternating playing with the only scooter on a playdate.

The Reality Of Rejection… and Conversation Starters
Keeping your communication open with your daughter about her friendship is so important… it's vital she has a soft place to go to (you) with any issues that rise up that are drama related. Perhaps there is a third girl at school that your daughter's bestie is talking to about her… then she gets wind of it. Or maybe she attempts to play hopscotch with her bestie and a third girl on the school playground… only to be shunned suddenly by her best friend. These types of scenarios teach your daughter that exclusion hurts… very much so and that the golden rule do unto others as you would want them to do unto you still very much applies even today. To feel rejected by her peers is devastating… especially at a young age. If your daughter is repeatedly being rejected by her so called bestie… it may be time for her to re-evaluate her friendship. There might be a conversation needed where you encourage her to think on her own… to prompt her evaluation of the situation. You can begin that process by asking her these questions:

1. How does it make you feel when she does that?
2. Would you do that to someone?
How would it make you feel knowing you did?
3. What does a best friend look like to you? How does she behave?
4. If a best friend does something mean should she say she's sorry?
5. If she says she's sorry how would you expect her behavior to change?

The Ugliness Of Betrayal… and Importance Of Loyalty
A bestie who talks about your daughter behind her back is not behaving as a best friend should. This is an important opportunity to discuss the meaning of betrayal and let your daughter not only express her feelings about the situation but explore what betrayal by a friend means specifically to her. This is a great time to discuss with your daughter the importance of loyalty… not being two-faced and to set healthy boundaries. It may be good for your daughter to realize that confrontation doesn't have to be a bad thing… she can confront her friend regarding her gossiping, listen to her response and state her feelings. It's important that we teach our daughters that to confront is not mean but instead the route we take doing it is what really matters. It also can be a chance to realize we may go about it wrong but in that we can also try to make things right. Ultimately as moms we can teach our daughters that we don't have to take or put up with just anything thrown our way… we always have a choice… we can choose.

Self Esteem... Up Or Down?
If your daughter's self esteem seems to have taken a nose dive during the course of her friendship… it may be time to look at the words her friend uses. Are they uplifting? Are they kind? Are they encouraging? Is her bestie's behavior dismissive? Hurtful? Excluding? Using? Discouraging? If your daughter is feeling left out, if words are making her feel criticized or self conscious and to turn inward… if she's doing the brunt of the school work on a project they are supposed to do jointly… if she's showing anxiety about going to school or withdrawing socially… it may be time to take a long hard look at her friendship.

Encouragement and Love…
When we encourage our daughters to be brave… to ask for what they need in relationships… to state what they expect… to draw the line at behaviors that should not continue… when we model healthy boundaries ourselves and remind her that God doesn't expect her to be a doormat… He doesn't expect her to roll over and be treated poorly… that it is permissible and even okay(!) for her to learn to stand up for herself in a calm respectful manner… then we know as moms we have reminded her that she is worthy, she is dearly loved for who she is… and most of all by God.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014

5 Signs She's A Great Bestie:

1. She loves you for you

2. She believes in you

3. She treats others with kindness

4. She gives not just takes

5. She is trustworthy

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art….

It has no survival value;

rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.

- C. S. Lewis

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To My Readers;

Thank you for reading,

commenting and sharing!

Related Posts:

Break My Heart For What Breaks Yours: Love & Empathy

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/12/break-my-heart-for-what-breaks-yours.html

Standing On A Road She Didn't Plan: A Single Mom Dating

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/12/standing-on-road-she-didnt-plan-single.html

Women: Proverbs 31 Or Sexy Hot?

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/12/women-proverbs-31-or-sexy-hot.html

Monday, November 18, 2013

Her Arm & Heart Were Broken Yet God Saw Her Need

Every time I pull onto my tree lined street the corner house makes me take notice. Take notice of what it's missing. It's the one yard on the block that lacks a tree leaving an empty spot that looks noticeably lacking next to the other's nearby.

I always think to myself "I wonder why they don't plant a tree?"

For what one person may notice in life and believe stands out with screaming significance another person may not even have on their radar.

Isn't that often what it must be like for God?

God always sees what we need.

Even though we may believe differently or not even notice.

Maybe we think we have it all figured out and know exactly what we need for ourselves when in reality we are so far off base it resembles nothing like God's plan for us.

Or perhaps we count on someone taking care of our needs that unfortunately doesn't.

*********************

1990

- some names have been withheld in this post -

Rinsing my hands at the kitchen sink I reached out for the blue and white gingham dishtowel to dry my hands. As I did, I looked out the kitchen window, my eyes taking in the expansive shady flagstone patio with steps leading down to the grassy lawn below with perennial gardens trimming it's perimeter. Just past the towering pecan tree was my little sister on her new cherry red bike. She was bravely trying to keep her balance, clinging to the handlebars… with tiny spurts she was beginning to make leeway propelling herself forward with her feet on the pedals. It was when she attempted to maneuver a turn, she began losing her balance and precariously falling. Unable to catch herself, down she went, along with the bike too.

Fully expecting her to get up, dust herself off and try again, I was instead surprised to see her struggling to get up from the ground… to instead see her one arm disengaged in the effort…. uncooperatively refusing to help. Any pressure upon it caused her great visible pain and she resignedly stayed put on the ground cradling her hurt arm and looking up at the house with searching eyes for someone. I could faintly make out her crying plea for help and throwing down the dishtowel on the countertop I ran outside with a call over my shoulder to our parents that she was hurt.

Approaching her sitting forlornly on the ground she squinted up at me in the bright sunlight and said her arm hurt, that she thought she might have broken it. Our dad strode up behind me as she spoke followed by my mother and youngest sister. He briskly told her to get up which was met with her plaintive cry that she couldn't, that her arm was hurt and likely broken. Angrily repeating his order to get up, she bit her lip and winced… getting up with tears rolling down her cherub face.

We all watched in our familiar horrified detachment as he snatched up the bike from the ground and walked purposefully to the garage declaring this wasn’t going to happen again, that clearly she couldn’t even ride it without falling off of it. Her new shiny red bike was tossed angrily into the garage by our father like a discarded piece of trash. He never once stopped to consider he was expecting too much of her. She’d never ridden a bike before. Now that she was well established in grade school he ridiculously expected her to know how and on the first attempt. Then he added insult to injury in that he saw she was hurting and refused to lend his hand and help her up. His anger she had gotten hurt… had wedged herself into a pickle took over any empathy that existed for her hurt arm that turned out was indeed broken.

But it wasn't just her arm that was broken.

It was her heart.

She had needed his hand.

She had needed his help.

She had needed his love.

She had needed his hand to wipe away her tear.

She had needed kind words spoken to her with care.

God saw what she needed even though her earthly father couldn't or didn't.

He always sees a need.

And he does for you too.

this blog is dedicated to my sister - God loves you

Even when someone doesn't give us what we need or when what we believed we needed doesn't come to fruition but instead another plan does…. we can remember that God always knows what we need in life. We can take comfort in this, remembering God not only knows what is best for us, but will give us a sustaining comfort we can count on from Him.

And my God will meet all your needs according to the
riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

- Philippians 4:19 (NIV)

To My Readers:

Thank you for reading,

commenting and sharing!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Your Father May Kick You Out But God Won't

1994

names have been omitted or changed

***************

When We Feel Unloved...

Have you ever felt unloved by your father?

Have you ever felt rejected, shamed or even unworthy in his eyes?

You are not alone.

I heard his heavy tread of footsteps walk down the hallway toward the phone that rested on a tiny brown stand. Who was he calling?! I panicked. What the hell was happening? What was he doing? Was he sending me away? Was he having me picked up? If so, by who? I heard a muffled conversation and then I heard an angry tone.

“…okay, well hurry up!” And the phone slammed down with purposeful force causing it to make a resounding ring in response. I backed into a corner again as I heard his heavy tread returning and felt helpless.

He stood in my bedroom doorway and spoke with bare restraint, “You’re going to your grandparents. You’re going to live with them for awhile.” He told me. He could barely utter the words without choking from his rage. Pointing his finger at me, he instructed me with stilted words.

“Pack some clothes. Pack your toothbrush. Pack toothpaste.Your grandmother will be here in a minute.” He instructed.

“Okay.” I whispered nodding and as my mother silently left my room with the broom and dust pan full of broken dirty glass from everything he'd smashed in my bedroom moments before from his reckless rage, I turned to my closet.

With shaking hands and a hurried heartbeat, I began quickly yet clumsily going through my clothes hanging in my closet. I grabbed a few clothes and began throwing them into a tote bag. Once in the bathroom I threw in toothpaste, toothbrush, razors, deodorant and my hairbrush.

Exiting the bathroom I walked down the hallway to find my grandmother just inside the front entry waiting for me. She patted my father's arm reassuringly to let him know we'd be just fine and then reached out her hand toward me. I took it with my free hand and silently followed her lead out the front door. The heavy door slammed shut behind me without a word.

Our earthly father may fail at times but our Heavenly Father never will. We don't have to be afraid... God will provide for us, protect us, love us and keep His promises of good. He won't turn his back on us and shut us out. We have been instructed to be imitators of God and to follow His example. Father's can look to God for instruction and guidance in their leadership to discipline (with love) for their children.

Even if you have felt your earthly father's lack of guidance during your most formative years, even if you felt controlled with an iron fist or alternatively rejected by him or both, even if you knew your dreams, thoughts and feelings were of little to no importance to your earthly father, you can take heart in knowing that God cares about all these things and more. He is ready to guide you, to love you with everlasting love, give life to your future and most of all give you hope.