Wednesday, September 2, 2015

The Narcissistic Sociopath: Hidden Agenda's

“Woman Looking Through Binoculars” by stock images

via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

*************

THIS POST CONTAINS LANGUAGE

names have been omitted in this post

Spring 2012

"I work my ASS off! Do you even KNOW how hard I work? I'm doing all this for YOU!" He yelled at me standing beside his side of the bed, his face contorted in anger.

I stared at him incredulously from where I sat on the bed draped with a embroidered duvet wearing jeans and a faded t-shirt. "FOR ME?! For ME????!!!" I exclaimed. "No…" I shook my head. "You are so full of shit!" I retorted. "Yeah, you work your ass off, you work hard for YOU! I never told you to work that hard! I never told you to wear yourself out. I never told you to travel for work. In fact… " I paused with reflection and spoke… "Quite the opposite. I didn't want to buy this larger house. I was happy in our smaller one. YOU are the one who insisted you had to have this house. I told you over and over I didn't want it. I should have refused to sign the papers at closing but as usual I let you have your way. That was MY mistake. YOU were the one who insisted we live on the lake. YOU were the one who had to have a Jaguar when I told you I hated that car and it was ridiculous. We have a son with special needs who needs more help and all you care about is all this crap that doesn't matter. No… if you're tired, if you're worn out… if you don't feel appreciated… go look in the mirror. You chose this. Every day. I don't want to hear it."

"You don't appreciate what I do! You don't have ANY idea how hard it is to make that money! I make YOUR LIFE POSSIBLE!" He screamed at me like an unhinged lunatic.

I stared at him with shocked disgust and spoke "You make MY life possible??!" I echoed. "Ha! I didn't marry you for money. Maybe you need a refresher… "I pointed out… "When I married you, you were BROKE. In fact, you were thousands of dollars in the hole in debt. So now that you're Mr. Big Shot and raking in the money… don't now try to come back and act like I'm after it. I didn't have an agenda. It's more like I made it possible for you to get where YOU are. I've stayed home with the children when we could have shelled out a fortune in babysitting, daycare etc. I've supported YOUR career and been there for you every step of the way… thinking we were a TEAM in this. That's what you led me to believe you thought for years. So hey… bring your big head down a few notches… because with your growing wallet your ego has swelled in size and it's not a good look. You know what? All I'm hearing is spinning and a pity party of boo hoo and poor me, so suck it up and face the fact you chose this for YOU."

**************

“Agenda Word" by Stuart Miles via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Hidden Agenda…

No matter what sex; female or male, every narcissist or sociopath has an agenda when in search of a relationship. The narcissist or sociopath is seeking something they deem valuable from you that they want… something that will enhance his or her image to their acquaintances, family, boss, co-workers, etc. Whether it's your physical attractiveness, family wealth, hard earned money, connections, education, etc… there is always something the narcissist or sociopath has his or her eye on that they know will make them look better to the outside world.

So how can we try to guard against dating someone or even worse… marrying someone who has a hidden agenda aimed at us? We can familiarize ourselves with several things to keep in mind so we aren't subject to agendas… here are some to consider…

5 Points To Be Cognizant Of:

1. Are they always bringing up a specific topic again and again? Is your grandmother's trust or dad's highly sought after property always being brought up by him or her? Take notice of these things… they mean something and it's not good.

2. They will bide their time as needed for a longterm payoff… they don't mind waiting awhile, they are cunning and sly… they are the ones who will marry for a green card, who hope to cash in after you've come into a lot of money, who set their sights on swooping in to own your family's business one day, who insist you get a life insurance policy, etc.

3. They are manipulative by nature… they know what they are doing… they know that the heinous actions they are choosing are purposeful and premeditated… because they lack empathy… they don't care about other's feelings and how their poor behavior affects them.

4. They pretend to love you and lack depth… narcissistic people, sociopaths, they aren't capable of truly loving anyone (but perhaps themselves). They show a limited range of emotions… they can feel/show happiness, (when they get what they want) or anger but their emotions are short lived and shallow. They can fly into a rage over the simplest things… things that don't matter yet walk back in the same room five minutes later completely calm as if nothing happened. No, they don't have amnesia, they do remember how they behaved… they merely choose when to turn on and off their temper fits, their abuse, etc as it serves them and they see fit.

5. They will do nice things for you to gain your trust because they are looking for their efforts to have a pay-off down the road. Dating or married, they may buy you dinner but expect sex. They may always reach for the pricey check at extended family dinners out but expect favors in return… smiling to themselves that you "owe them." They may always insist everyone meet for work or family gatherings at their home but have an ulterior motive. They will initiate sex with you but only to satisfy themselves not you. Regardless of what they do for you… it always comes with a price.