The Narcissistic Parent ~ Guiding Your Child: 10 Tips

image via gps-gracepowerstrength 

As the child of a narcissist…
You grow up feeling unheard.
You grow up feeling unseen.
You grow up feeling forgotten.
You grow up feeling not wanted.
You grow up feeling not loved.


I lived like this most of my childhood when it came to my father.
If it hadn't been for my mother's empathetic example I don't know what would have become of me.
I likely would have taken after my father; being led to believe that everyone operated as he did… because I wouldn't have had any other point of reference.

I scrutinize and reflect and second guess myself constantly. Having ADHD I do believe can sometimes make someone come across as narcissistic even if they aren't. If we forget our appointments (shocking) and always have to reschedule (ugh!) it can begin to be viewed as narcissistic; no regard for the doctor, the dentist, the therapist, right?!… when in reality we feel deep guilt, embarrassment and give ourselves another mental scolding! You've GOT to do better! Get it together! What is the MATTER with you?! Having issues regarding regulating our impulses in the brain goes with ADHD; creating issues for us when we really want to let someone have it verbally… who has probably pushed us to our breaking point and driven us batty. Sometimes it's like pulling nails to keep a lid on it so to speak. And when it slips (watch out, yikes) it can make us appear narcissistic; "Wow! She said what?!", "He did what?! Well, I don't know what's gotten into them! Obviously they aren't the 'nice' person I THOUGHT they were!" But ADHD is not a diagnosis of being morally flawed, lacking empathy etc. It's about restlessness, difficulty focusing and impulse issues. Naturally anyone diagnosed with ADHD or even Bipolar could also be diagnosed as personality disordered. But having ADHD or Bipolar does not automatically mean you're narcissistic. Having ADHD requires a lot of self care and time to re-charge because quite frankly if we aren't medicated… it's at minimum three times more exhausting just to get through a typical day compared to regular functioning folks. Throw in trying to keep a job, (and being right with Jesus, mind you) navigating traffic (does anyone use a blinker anymore? And why do some people believe the brake is gas?! And obviously some people never learned in kinder that green means GO!) and then all the little annoying things that always seem to get forgotten like mailing your health insurance payment, calling the doctor for that appointment and getting your sticker updated on your vehicle (I literally told a cop once innocently but honestly enough: "Well, Officer, I'm really sorry. I've been super busy and it totally slipped my mind." Him: "For SIX MONTHS??? You were busy for SIX MONTHS?!" Ummm, yes I was, I really don't know where the time went… ***bright red face and wanting to shrink into the seat*** (Welcome to the world of ADHD) … it's like pulling nails for most of us to just make it day to day sans medication… we don't have enough focus to put it on anything for more than two seconds.


It seems to go with the territory of having been raised by a narcissist that you're suspected of being one. And were raised to be on our own so to speak… you learn from a young age to be self-reliant, to "figure it out", and not ask for help. With a narcissist help is never free. You always pay later. So you learn not to receive help. Not to ask. Then you feel like an island. Alone. You so badly don't want to become what you knew growing up that you're at times fearful; questioning if maybe you don't have enough empathy… you may begin to feel like you are selfish, defective and unlovable…  throw in the fact that with the PTSD you can often feel emotionally numb… you've been through so much that the sweet emotions of happiness and joy just don't seem as happy and joyful as they should (or as they did once upon a time). Instead joy and happiness feel more subdued versus vibrant… more like when you're coming out of anesthesia and melancholy is your name… a fuzzy, quiet, sober thoughtfulness that cascades over joy and dampens it a bit.


But the thing is…  those who are willing and ready to seek therapy are very often the ones who often take the brunt of the blame for any problems they might have; including those in their relationships. The narcissist, however is the one who believes therapy is for everyone but them. They may initially go to "appease" their partner but at some point the therapy will be for the healthy one… the one who has self-reflection, who has empathy, who has a desire to grow and develop. The healthy one will ultimately enter therapy to figure out how to "deal" with the narcissist. In a healthy relationship there is the mutual sharing of ideas, celebrations, dreams, joys, losses, goals, problems to resolve, etc. But in a relationship where one individual is narcissistic the only person of importance is the narc. The non-narcissist was raised to always cater to their narcissistic parent… thus they have been trained to always put what their partner wants first… essentially disappearing in the relationship; they dance around the narcissist losing who they are as an individual. The non-narcissist tends to have difficulty setting boundaries and being assertive… or at least until it's so bad that they explode… then feel enormous guilt for "losing it" when in reality they finally set a long overdue boundary that many would have set initially way back. There is much inner turmoil and conflict within the non-narcissist because they have anger toward the narc who is always taking and taking… yet on some level the non-narc is frustrated and angry with themselves because the last thing they ever want to be characterized as is selfish… hence not setting boundaries so as not to be seen as "mean."


Growing up with a narcissist… it's like this odd dance of where you waffle between being given negative attention; being yelled at etc, and just being ignored… neglect happens a lot. There is little to no positivity… and if there is… it feels put on and not genuine. They may use their children to brag to others and or take credit for their accomplishments. Being heard doesn't happen in being the child of a narcissist. I grew up never feeling heard and if I was ever upset about anything I was told by my father I was behaving as "high strung." If there is more than one child surely one will be chosen as the golden child and another the black sheep. The golden child is viewed as one who can do no wrong and likely to follow in the narcissistic parent's footsteps. They are an extension of the narc's identity and give adoring supply to their ego. Unless you do something to get yourself knocked off the pedestal… like being the eldest, the willful one, the outspoken one. I was once upon a time the golden child but as I became older and realized how I was being used to puff up my father's ego I slowly began showing more and more disgust for him, openly challenging and questioning him and his actions. I rebelled. Not knowing what to do with me he was at his wits end… he turned to my youngest sister and soon she became the revered golden child instead and I… the black sheep. But he used her… bragging to acquaintances that he was paying for her to attend the local expensive four year christian university to assuage his fragile ego. After she passed away he slowly began realizing all he had was me… (that must have been a huge disappointment) as he had disowned my middle sister when she married. Me, the black sheep suddenly looked like all the supply he would be able to attain. How he would have to "settle". But I saw how I was still not being treated well. I could sell a painting as quickly as I could snap my fingers… and yet when I put my hand out for my commission suddenly he was busy, MIA, what have you… "I'll get it for you later…" came his reply. And yet later never came. Finally having had enough I pulled out of the family business and said goodbye to everything my family had built for generations. Sometimes having to say goodbye isn't an overnight decision. Sometimes it's made many many times… you say goodbye and then try again… only to realize that goodbye was the right choice.. again… time passes and then you dip your toe in AGAIN… (it's that fervent hope that your family will exude a healthy love time and time again) it can take years, maybe decades to disentangle yourself from the toxic web of family and realize that every time you go back you get stung again… and eventually say enough and never ever return.

March 2016 

names have been omitted in this post 

******************

"So he was making us go on a walk and I didn't want to go because we were dog sitting and that neighbors dog was going to jump all over me and I don't like that so I told Daddy no, I wasn't going. I wanted to stay in my room." My daughter confided in me regarding her dad as we sat in the den. The partially open plantation shutters to our right revealed a setting sun with streaks of orange and grey. The scent of parmesan and herb crusted chicken and potatoes baking in the oven filtered throughout the house.

"Ummm… okay… so what did he say?" I asked her.

"He said 'tough!' and then he walked outside and I got so angry I called him a bad word." She told me.

I sighed and grimaced. Great. Just great. "What did you call him?" I asked her wearily.

Silence. Finally she spoke "The A word. I called him it three times." She told me.

I rubbed my temples to stave off a headache coming on "Oh my gosh… you cannot call him bad words. Do you understand me?" I asked her calmly but sternly.

She stared at me and nodded "Okay. But he made me so mad!" She exclaimed.

"Ok…" I exhaled… "I totally understand that. I get that you were mad. That is something we will talk about and you need to talk to God about. But you can't go around calling him names. You can tell him why you're mad but you can't say bad words. You have to be respectful." I explained to her.

"B-but…" She stammered with exasperation then angrily continued, "He doesn't listen to me! He NEVER listens to me! If I tell him how I feel he just says 'tough!' or his favorite thing to say 'it's fine!' He doesn't care what I think!" She told me forcefully. This I knew to be true based on his continued actions in how he treated her. But I kept my thoughts to myself. No, he doesn't give a rat's rear what you think, I thought to myself.

"So what did he do? Did he hear you calling him a bad word?" I asked her.

She nodded "Oh, yeah… he came running back in the house and was so mad! He was like 'Young lady, you go to your room right now!' and he took my phone away from me. Which I knew he'd do." She shrugged like she didn't care. I listened intently…  I saw the signs… she was beyond sick of him and how he treated her. "I told him I want to spend more time with you… that I want to be at mommy's more. I wrote him a letter telling him that. He didn't read it till the next day. And even then he didn't say anything. Basically, he doesn't care!" She added with a snip.

******************

Oh how the past re-plays itself… slightly different and yet all too familiar and painful. It was my childhood all over again… not being heard, not being seen, one sibling being favored over another; in her case her brother being the golden child and she the black sheep. It was like a re-run of a terribly bad movie and all you could do sit and watch it play out and hope for eventual change… meaning escape for her… Oh how liberating to grow up and finally be able to tell your narcissistic parent: "No more", "I'm done", and "Goodbye" at best although many other words came to mind. The narcissistic parent isn't capable of love… only control, manipulation, deceit… ultimately making people suffer because they don't want to be around them anymore and yet… their stuck if only temporarily.


So what do we do? How can we guide our children through their experiences with the narcissistic parent and be there for them WITHOUT negatively speaking about said narc? It's entirely possible and absolutely necessary.

10 TIPS:

1. Ask your child how he or she feels.
2. Listen.
3. Confirm that yes, they do have a right to feel angry.
4. Also point out that anger often follows hurt, sadness, etc. Ask about those feelings.
5. Point out behaviors that are absolutely not acceptable for ANYONE; lying, twisting, spinning the truth, etc. Also hurting others feelings by not listening, not giving attention, etc.
6. Remember to affirm that anger in itself is not a bad thing. Anger actually gives us signals that a wrong has occurred and something needs to change. But do remind them that anger can become sin in how we show it and act on it.
7. Encourage your child to also talk to God about his or her feelings regarding their narcissistic parent. Remind them that they can pray about the relationship and offer to hold their hand and pray with them.
8. Encourage your child to write down what is bothering them. Keep a journal handy by their bed so they can jot down anything that goes on in the narcissistic parents home that upsets them.
9. If possible get your child in therapy with an experienced therapist.
10. Remind your child that they are loved by you… and show that selfless love by your actions.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2016 

RELATED POSTS:

Child Custody/Possession Schedule & The Narc Ex: 4 Tips

The Narcissistic Sociopath: 15 Ways They Punish

The Narcissistic Sociopath & Enabling

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

ADHD: Marriage + Compassion & Grace = Love

winter 2013

some names have been changed 

or omitted in this post

**************************

"I still remember the night Jeremy told me he had ADHD..." I told her as I walked the busy park trail with her. The weather had been waffling between thirty degree days and then temps in the sixties or seventies; little spurts of radiating warmth that was incredibly welcoming because of the icy winter season we'd had. Everyone was out... women jogged by with babies in strollers, men ran with their  four legged companions on leashes and kids skateboarded by with their friends. 

As we continued our way along the path... taking in the view of the murky water below that ducks glided across I spoke with a grin "I look back on that night now and see the irony in the situation... he's standing there telling me he has ADHD and I distinctly remember thinking to myself.... 'Oh, that's that thing where you're distracted'... then I was off on the next thought!" I laughed. 

"You never told me this..." She shook her head with amusement "Really? You? Distracted? That doesn't sound like you at all!" She teased me then asked "What on earth distracted you?" 

"Oh, heck... I have no idea! It could have been any number of things! Maybe a bird flew by the window, the air conditioner came on, him.... who knows!" I laughed aloud... "but it's absolutely hilarious to me now because who knew I had it too! I get more entertainment from ADHD related life situations!"

She chuckled at that and nodded, "At least you can see the humor in it!" She acknowledged.  

It's true. 

Seeing The Humor… 

Seeing the humor in our situations in life is one of the most important things we can do whether we have ADHD or not. It keeps us from viewing everything too seriously and humor can often be linked to grace... when we acknowledge, admitting, in humble awareness that we were wrong, handled something incorrectly, or just missed the mark unintentionally in a situation or shared experience... it does something great... it allows you to give yourself likely much needed grace and anyone else that needs it too. 

Missing the mark however unintentionally happens a lot when someone has ADHD. Oftentimes people think we are going around intentionally engaging in less than stellar behavior when we truly aren't doing it on purpose. In fact, it may not even be on our radar. When our non-ADHD spouse asks us to please fetch them a glass of water from the kitchen and an hour later goes by... Hello, Facebook, Pinterest, Yahoo!, etc.... they then believe we must be angry at them for whatever reason or most likely believe us to be uncaring because we can't seem to or don't wish to follow one simple request.... they get grouchy and sulk, complain, gripe, etc and then we feel bad, we feel huge guilt because we know that wasn't our intention. We don't mean to come across as detached at times. We don't mean to come across as not in tune with or uncaring toward the one we married... when in fact people with ADHD are some of the most caring, creative, romantic and passionate people you'll ever meet. So while our spouse is simmering and feeling ignored we begin feeling huge guilt... giving ourselves the internal all too familiar grueling pep talk of "You've gotta try harder! You've gotta stay more in tune! More focused!  More in the moment!" 

Not Being So Hard On Yourself…

Yeah, that's all good maybe if you're on medication but the reality is... sans medication telling yourself "just try harder" may only serve to frustrate you more. It's often more pressure, more expectation and more stress put upon yourself. 

Often people who don't have ADHD can't comprehend why ADHD has such far reaching effects on people in their lives and how on earth something could cause such difficulty. But it truly can and it's capable of inflicting a lot damage to your marriage if you don't both have strategies set in place and most importantly if the non-ADHD spouse is not understanding. A spouse's ADHD can affect everything, even your spouse believing you just don't give a rat's rear about them because you're hyper focused on a project that could be either work related or a hobby.

Hyper! Focus!… 

The person with ADHD often wavers back and forth between being distracted and not in the present moment to the other extreme... hyper focused on something like scrapbooking from 9 p.m. to 2 a.m., leaving your spouse looking at you like some freak of nature as you amazingly assemble a handmade scrapbook for the kids complete with embellishments, captions and photos that would have taken anyone else weeks to months to complete in small increments of time. Then there is the possible risk of your budget being negatively affected if the one with ADHD impulsively spends money that's not figured in the budget or takes extreme risks to their health and safety like on the road or skydiving... all of this and more can add up to the relationship you have with your spouse being not so great. 

The Reminder Relationship…

A partnership between two should ideally stand on equal ground instead of turning into a parent/child or "reminder relationship".... because what happens over time is the non-ADHD spouse begins to feel they must overcompensate or bring to light the ADHDer's potential slack. They feel as though they have to be a walking calendar and alarm system for the person with ADHD... "Did you pick up the so and so?", "When is your next dentist appointment?", "Did you call back so and so?" In turn it gets to be equally incredibly annoying(!) as someone with ADHD when you have someone continually making remarks that only serve to further impress upon you that you're lagging behind on what's on the calendar (sometimes before you've even had the opportunity to forget something) and they are behaving superior. 

*******************

We came upon a point in our beautiful afternoon walk where the sidewalk ended and now the path became rough and uneven... like life often does throwing us for a loop when not expected. 

"I loved being on that Vyvanse for the most part..." I admitted to her "For the first time in my life I got to see what 'normal' or 'typical' is. It was awesome... I got so much done, it was unreal. The biggest drawback was the extreme weight loss which wasn't good. And at the same time I kept feeling like a part of me was missing while on it. ADHD doesn't define me yet is a part of who I am... I'm not real sure where it and I begin or end. It's weird... life is funnier off medication. Being on it life is much more productive but also much more serious. I truly believe one of the biggest factors with dealing with ADHD is having a sense of humor. If you and your spouse can't laugh about it there's trouble. I'm trying new medication to see how I do and yet in that I'm not looking for perfection. Just a bit of help... and whoever I'm with one day is going to have to be understanding... in that if I miss a day or two of medication they aren't threatening me with divorce. If we don't have compassion and grace for each other but instead treat our spouse as an inconvenience how can we ever have love?" 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

Thank you for reading,

commenting and sharing! 

When He Tries To Change You! And 5 Tips To Not Change Him

"The longer my marriage went on the more I felt like Eliza Doolittle," I told her. "You know... Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady... the girl who Henry Higgins tries to mold into what he wants. He tries to change everything about her." 

She yanked open the door to the refrigerator and took out a package of hamburger beef setting it down on the counter with a loud thud!... it was still partially frozen and had to finish defrosting before she could form it into patties. Her tone was angry as she spoke: 

"I could see that! I kept thinking just who does he think he is? Expecting my daughter to change when my daughter is a catch. If you needed to change something, as your mother I'll tell you you need to!" she exclaimed with a grin.

I laughed at that, amused and she shook her head as she continued...

"It takes a lot of nerve! It made me so mad." 

"It was like I was a pet project. But at the same time it's so insidious how it happens... this way of wrapping it up pretty to make it out like he's genuinely trying to help or something. If I didn't like something he didn't see it as part of who I am... instead it was a deep flaw that needed to be overcome. I mean, it wasn't like I needed dire help with an addiction or required intervention of some kind. It wasn't a character issue he was trying to encourage change for the better but it was superficial stuff, more personality related than anything."

She nodded as she grabbed a knife from the cutlery drawer and began slicing an onion into tiny cubes. "If he couldn't accept you as you were then he shouldn't have married you." 

"I think he wanted someone who dressed like a Stepford wife and that's fine for a party or wedding I suppose but I'm more practical, just jeans and a shirt for everyday. I feel like Marion the Librarian in a dress, heels and button down sweater. It's cute on some women but it's just not me. And yet he changed so much over the years. Who I married was not who I divorced." I told her as I continued assembling the homemade chicken enchiladas I was making. "I really think once we found out I had ADHD that was the final clencher... he acted like I was inferior because of it instead of being supportive. He couldn't relate to it and ultimately we were speaking two different languages." 

She rinsed off her hands at the white porcelain sink and dried them on the striped kitchen towel hanging nearby. "Well, at least there is medication to help with ADHD. But there's no magic pill to fix jerky behavior." She told me then added, "People shouldn't try to change others or be somebody else... just be yourself." 

Just be yourself. 

Three words that are so important. 

Especially today in a world that tries to get you to be anybody but yourself. Today young women and men both need to know more than ever that "to be yourself" is one of the most important messages you will ever hear.

Ladies,

If you feel like you have to change 
yourself to

 GET HIM

 or 

KEEP HIM 

you should 

DUMP HIM. 

If he begins trying to change you

that's when you know he's 

not good nor healthy for you.

Just move on because somewhere down the line will be a guy… maybe not the next guy or the one after that… but there will surely be a guy who likes who you are; flaws, baggage, likes, dislikes and all.

***********************

He will be fine with the fact you'd rather wear jeans than a skirt to dinner and would rather scarf tacos than a steak.

He will be fine with the fact you blast the stereo in the kitchen and dance to Push It by Salt N Pepa because life doesn't have to be serious all the time.

He will be fine with the fact you wear leggings, a Pink sweatshirt and your hair in a bun at home because when you are at your most comfortable you are your most beautiful.

He will be fine with the fact you hate brussels sprouts and mango's and yet he won't stop eating them just because you don't care for them and you wouldn't want him to.

He will be fine with the fact you wear heels even if you tower over him, appreciating your beauty.

He will be fine with the fact that roller coasters aren't your forte because there is surely something he himself doesn't care for that you like.

He will be fine with the fact that maybe sometimes you kinda hog the queso at restaurants like a kid and sits back to let you indulge because it's your favorite thing ever and he thinks it's cute.

He will be fine with all the ugliness of your past, will appreciate you for who you are and loves you… he wants to kiss your scars and hurts with care instead of inflicting more hurt in those wounds just as you'd do for him.

He will be fine with the fact you love God more than anyone… yes, even him… because he knows that is what's best for you and as married to God's daughter he himself wants to care for and love you till the day he dies.

**********************

Love looks you in the eye, 
in the darkness of your room 
and meeting your gaze 
says with steady assurance: 

"I love you. Even when you're late, stubborn and mad. I love you for you. I love you in your struggle, your doubts and worries. I love you in your regrets and hopes. I want to kiss the spots that hurt from your past and heal them with warm kisses. I am here everyday and love you now and in the future."

He will love you as you are. 

I promise. 

You don't have to change 

for a man to love you. 

A boy will look at you always searching 

for what you could improve upon, change or do differently. 

But A Man Won't. 

Love doesn't say: 

"You're less than because you have ADHD, etc." 

because that's hurtful. 

Love doesn't say: 

"You need to change this for me to like you or love you"

 because otherwise I'm just tolerating you. 

Love doesn't say: 

"If you loved me you would do this or that…" 

because that's manipulation. 

As Women… 
When we are progressing towards the best version of ourselves each day, when we aren't comparing ourselves to any other women but instead who we were last month, last week or yesterday, we are living a life of happiness and satisfaction. 

When we realize acceptance doesn't come from a man but from God we have stopped subscribing to the world. We already have God's acceptance. A real man will delight in who you are and who you are becoming and love every inch of you in between. He will value you, keeping you near and dear to his heart even when you're not by his side… because when he sees bits of you sprinkled here and there in his life… when he sees your hot pink bra hanging on the doorknob… when he finds your peppermint Chapstick buried in the bed… when he catches a whiff of your brown sugar body wash in the shower… when he already knows you're going to be five minutes late before you even utter those predictable words to him…


He smiles to himself and thinks…


"That's my girl… just being herself and I love her."


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

5 Tips For Wives Trying To Change Their Husbands: 

Here are some tips to keep in mind if/when you attempt to change him. Keeping these reminders handy in a spot like your vanity or desk will go a long way in staying cognizant of not trying to change your husband. 

1. Use words of life, not death. The second a criticism begins to form at your lips take pause and decide if this is really going to help. Will it build him up or tear him down? Will it encourage him or make him feel inadequate? 

2. Learn his language. Both of you can take a love language test by Gary Chapman online to discover what your love languages are. Make a concerted effort to speak his language more. He will notice. 

3. Make him look good. One of the worst things a wife can do is cut her husband off in conversation in public, interrupt him, correct him on facts and events, names, etc. Every time a wife does this it chips away at him, making him feel stupid. He may not say anything but his feelings will be hurt. With that, let your spouse know when you talk about him it's in a positive light. If you say anything behind his back make sure it's a compliment. 

4. Let grace abound. This is not about letting someone walk all over you or tolerating abusive behavior, enabling them, etc. It's about being married to someone healthy who just had a bad day… he came home grumpy about an incident at work and you don't try to tell him what to do… you're just there for him, happy to listen and let him vent if needed. He knows even if he goes about venting and griping you are there for him and a safe place to do it with. He knows you love him and he would be the same safe spot for you if the tables were turned. And he will have humility to say: "Sorry I was such a grouch tonight babe… just a bad day. Didn't mean to harp on. But thanks for listening. I love you." Just like you would do for him. 

5. Tell him how much you love him. Speak up. You have this one life, one chance to tell him exactly how you feel about him. He wants to know he's a good guy, a great husband and dad. He wants to know you would still choose him all over again and has your unconditional love. 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing!

Related Posts: 

When "Love" = Death: What I Wanted To Tell Her 

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/09/when-death-what-i-wanted-to-tell-her.html

5 Acts Of Love: When A Woman Loves A Man 

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/09/5-acts-of-love-when-woman-loves-man.html

Secure:  Just Be. Just You.

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/02/secure-just-be-just-you.html

Saying Yes To God And No To Excuses

Are we spending time with God? 

If the answer is no what is our excuse? 

 ********************* 

Who do we not want to be? 

How do we not want to behave? 

What is our excuse?

"I'm Busy!".... 

Some people take claim to busyness in their life as to why they don't have time to connect with God. They continually shove God to the back burner of their life yet always seem to be in search of something undefinable and always yearn for a love that is never quenched. It takes self discipline to make the necessary time with God... we have to choose what goes on the front burner versus the back in life. 

Saying "Yes!" To Hope... 

Some will mistakenly claim that God could never love someone like them... as if they are too far gone and a hopeless case. Perhaps they've never realized that there is a love out there that is unconditional and pure... free from any agenda... God's love is the best ever.

"Hey God, I Need Help!"....

Some may only cry out to God when they find themselves down in a rabbit hole like Alice... wondering how to get out, ready for a magic solution so they can carry on, yet once out and back on steady ground they move on without so much as a "thank you God" in return. They walk away in pride and misguided self reliance.

Say What???.... 

Some may live their life with a misguided philosophy of "Ask for forgiveness not permission"... aka meaning they just do what they want (sin) let it all hang out, have fun in the sun and then at the eleventh hour before their last breath THEN request God's forgiveness. They may squeak into Heaven but will they have lived a life of joy? 

But I Have "This Or That".... So I'm Off The Hook....

Some people may attempt to use a "get out of jail free" card because of Narcissism. Someone with Narcissism may erroneously believe that they are owed this or that, lacking empathy or showing it... differences due to a mental and or emotional state may certainly impact their life. But having these things doesn't let them off the hook in loving and serving others and walking a humble path. Likewise, a man or woman with Aspergers that involves a natural self-focus on their likes, desire and interests doesn't condone living a life doing just that… they must seek balance and have an interest in others. 

God sees our struggles. 

God sees our limitations, our capacities, our strengths, weaknesses, our mental and emotional limits, our damaged selves. He sees when we've inherited genetics that create more difficulties with staying in His word. He sees when we are struggling with the impulsivity and restlessness that goes with ADHD. Yet these aren't excuses to sin... Having ADHD isn't a free ticket to act out or fly the coop because the monotony of Monday through Friday is comparable to being stifled in a closet. 

Believing But Not Pursuing... 

When I was in my twenties I believed in God yet didn't pursue a relationship with Him. When I married my ex husband at twenty two I was adamant we get married in a church. It's amusing to me now to look back on that because I was so well intentioned but yet so incredibly misinformed. In my young naivety I truly believed getting married in a church would stamp my marriage with His approval and it would be blessed. It never once occurred to me that perhaps it might have been wise to have God in the marriage not just at the church. Not until after many years, two kids and a very stressful marriage did I see the true importance of this and how miserably lacking the union was in the spiritual sense. We can't expect to slap a bandaid on a situation later and expect it to work out if we haven't laid the proper foundation to begin with. 

What was my excuse? None. Perhaps many contributing factors but no real excuse. If we believe in God who are we to then dismiss Him as if not having any true relevance in our life? Doing so leads us to a path that's not the best for us. 

Injustice As An Excuse... 

God sees when we feel jipped in life... when we feel wronged and if we believe we are owed something. We may try to justify our actions due to past injustices but these are zero excuse to push God away or commit sinful behavior. We may fail but we can turn to God in humble spirit and ask for forgiveness knowing His love is greater than any sin we commit. 

God sees our busy days, our packed schedules and yet He would love to have a minute of our time... He would love to be included in our day, to be asked "What do you think about this, God?" Instead of us filling every waking minute with noise and media... the truth is... silence is golden. It's in those quiet moments that God can whisper "I've missed you." or "You need to apologize to this person..."  or "Stop. Doing. That." ... whatever He is trying to tell us we can remember: His conviction is not to condemn, not to hurt but instead between each word He touches us with there within lies the weaved message of: 

I love you. 

That's a beautiful message to share with someone we love.

No excuse. 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013

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When Sons Emulate Their Father: Drawing The Line At Abuse

Bang... Bang... Bang... 

"911... What's your emergency?" 

"I need an officer... I need some help with my son. He's out of control." 

"What's he doing?" 

"He's banging something against his bedroom door. I've told him to stop and he won't. He's already hit me." 

"Has he ever done this before? Has he attacked you before?" 

"Yes." 

                     ****************

What do you do when your son is showing signs of turning into the last person you would wish him to? 

Your ex husband. 

When men treat their wives poorly, when they stonewall and don't give an answer, when they dismiss their wives and act indifferent, when they treat them as less-than and give them zero respect... when they say "I don't care what you think!"... or "I'll do whatever I want!" or the real kicker: "When someone tells me to do something the more I WON'T do it!".... when they cheat and lie, when they act out with rage over nothing... it sets a terrible example for their sons. 

As a mother you can only do so much... you can only offset the damage being done to your children so much. It appears to be an uphill battle and it is. It's despairing to witness your otherwise sweet son beginning to walk a path you know will lead to destruction, tears and pain. 

      *****  Draw the line at abuse  *****

We are meant to be loving yet firm and certainly not enablers. 

When we enable we are guilty like the perpetrator himself.

It's in all the little (and big) things that your ex does and continues to do that waters the seed of what does not make up a Godly man within your son. When he must have the newest iPhone the day it comes out because "he deserves it"... it's teaching him that he doesn't have to wait for anything because he's entitled and special unlike "those other people"... it's needing everything to be a "big deal" with lights and confetti, not appreciating the little things in life... you see it when your son scoffs at you about taking his basketball outside to play and he replies "you act like that's a big deal"... it's when  you tell him to take his ADHD medication and he refuses and says "I don't need it! I don't have a problem! I can do fine without it!" ... because like his dad there is a deep rooted denial there is any issue. 

     As mothers we can only do so much. 

No one tells you about the continual battle you will be engaging in... more so if your ex is in denial his behavior will affect the children, more so if he won't admit he has an issue himself or simply doesn't care because he'd rather use the children as pawns to score big against you in the short term rather than doing the right thing in the long term. 

Yes, it's incredibly frustrating. 

                     *****************

The thirty-something male officer with dark hair and handsome features stood beside me flanked with two other officers as I spoke to my son... 

"Now... this is what happens when you hurt your family and act out and don't follow directions and destroy property. I'm not putting up with you tearing up my house or hurting anyone. You act like this when you're twenty five or thirty and treat your wife like this she WILL call the police on you and they will GLADLY take you away. There are consequences to how we behave." 

Inside, I'm thinking to myself... if God forbid, this behavior continues please spare some poor woman, don't get married... do her a favor and stay off the dating circuit. 

He scowled at me... angry... and stomped off to his room. The officer said he was going to talk to him and followed him to his room. I stood outside the door listening to him tell my son that he would NOT treat me with disrespect and that he WOULD behave himself and not hurt others, that women are not to hurt. 

This man, this officer was telling him everything he needed to hear. Everything that he needed to be told. What he needed to be told everyday. And not just told... but SHOWN. Inside I mourned that my son didn't have that... that my son didn't get that. I wanted to cry and although I kept up a strong front, inside I was crying. Crying out to God. Thanking Him for this man in my home. Thanking him for this help. 

It's the downward spiral... the negative cycle of society today... if a man doesn't set the example his son needs his son may become like him, affecting yet another generation... affecting yet another family and causing great grief and unnecessary chaos.

The officer spoke with me assuring me, letting me know I did the right thing, telling me to not hesitate to call again if needed to and that I did not have to put up with that behavior. His twinkling dark eyes were sympathetic to my situation and I guessed he saw this often in the aftermath of divorce or even families still together but yet not truly united. Part of me deep inside wanted to ask him to stay... as if I could borrow him, check him out like a book from the library to help... but that was fear talking, worrying about the future, so I hushed it, pushed it away and very simply but graciously thanked him for his help, closing the door behind him with weary resigned thankfulness.

Later I would be accosted with a barrage of accusing verbal assaults "Wow! How could you do that?!", "You called the police on your son?! ...Wow!" 

Yes, yes I did. 

Because I don't have to take abuse.

As mothers it's unfortunately sometimes up to us to teach our sons not to abuse. 

And yet in teaching our sons it also teaches our daughters they don't have to take abuse either. 

And neither do you.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013

As parents we must pray for our children, 

remembering God can work in small ways now that

 later show in big ways... we must have hope. 

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Standing In Victory With ADHD: 6 Tips

"I can't find a hair elastic! I've searched everywhere!" I exclaimed. 

Standing in the middle of my living room exasperated, I had already searched my bathroom drawer, my vanity, the dresser top, the kitchen counter, my purse... all the places I could think of where I might have misplaced a hair elastic. 

My mother stood there looking at me with a smile starting to form at her lips... 

"It's right there... you have one... on your wrist!" 

I looked down and sheepishly replied "Oh... yeah, you're right." and we both laughed. 

                    *************** 

For girls ADHD is commonly missed and not diagnosed until adulthood... the effects of their struggles in school being long lasting and the ramifications being potentially even dangerous to their emotional and physical health. 

Girls are commonly not being diagnosed for ADHD because educators, doctors and parents often erroneously believe it only (or mostly) affects boys. But the truth is boys and girls are both at risk of having ADHD... they just exhibit their symptoms differently. 

Girls may tend to exhibit more in-attention, forgetfulness and are often perhaps the quiet ones, the shy ones who blend into the background and don't create any waves in the classroom so they may never reach a teachers radar that there is indeed an issue. These girls slip through the cracks in school and through the system, possibly just barely scraping by with grades in the seventies... not because they can't achieve nineties... as they are capable... but because they can't stay focused long enough to do their work. 

The biggest problem is these girls go through school thinking their low or failing grades is a reflection of some deficit in their educational abilities or intelligence when in fact it's just an issue with keeping their attention on task and not on the bird flying by the window, the traffic outside, the sound of the air conditioning turning on, etc. 

Combined with difficulties in time management and misplacing all the needed materials... (how many times will a teacher believe that someone truly forgot their homework?) it all comes down to an impeding of their potential. In turn these girls suffer from low self esteem and not really understanding why they feel different and can't seem to "get it together" unlike their peers. This leads to difficulties socially.... because they feel differently... despite the fact they have zero reason to feel bad about themselves yet often they unfortunately do. As girls grow older and enter high school estrogen rises... kick-starting a surge in ADHD symptoms. Because her ADHD worsens in the teen years she may have less impulse control, more restlessness and more anxiety or depression. 

Girls with ADHD are at a higher risk

 for suicide than girls without it. 

Girls with ADHD are also at a higher risk for eating disorders and self harm. It's incredibly important to be aware of the signs and symptoms of ADHD in girls so they don't fall through the cracks and become entwined with the harmful consequences... cutting class, leaving home, dropping out of school, self-mutilation, depression, drinking, drugs, promiscuity, suicide, etc. 

It's incredibly important for girls to get the help they need so they can not only have a sucessful life but have a healthy perspective of ADHD... knowing that they are not less than because of their diagnosis. In fact, with a diagnosis girls can find freedom and relief in finally discovering exactly what has been so undefinable thus far that has plagued them. That they are not defined by ADHD. Yes, it can be frustrating at times to live with but also just knowing it's genetic, that nothing you did caused this is incredibly affirming. 

Coping with ADHD it's imperative having a sense of humor. In the midst of your iPhone chronically dinging to remind you of yet another reminder it ensures that you sail through your day with as few glitches as possible... there are reminders of appointments, bills to pay, picking up the kids from school and the grocery list kept in the phone because it would be gone like the wind the second you blinked. You begin to think you need a necklace around your neck that holds your keys, phone and debit card because the second you set them down in some random locale... like the fridge as you reach in for a yogurt on the go... you can kiss them goodbye as they will be MIA the next time you need them. 

Luckily there are medications to help manage ADHD if that's the route someone chooses. If not or along with medication there are ways to help manage symptoms to help make life a bit easier. 

6 Tips For Managing ADHD Symptoms: 

1. Find a place to keep your purse and keys. It needs to be the same place every time you come and go. Otherwise you may find yourself on an erratic scavenger hunt for necessary items each morning. 

2. Have a back up alarm. Set your alarm on your iPhone for multiple times to get up... 6 am, 6:15, 6:25, etc. Being on time for anything is often like pulling nails for those with ADHD and time management may escape you. Being on time is a challenge but worth it rather than attempting death defying feats on the freeway to buy time and arrive in one piece... only to be a rattled mess of walking chaos once you arrive. I lived this way for years and eventually you have to say "This is craziness. Enough." and make necessary adjustments to have peace and calm. 

3. Make lists... lots of lists. You may lose the list so it might be wise to keep one in the notes section of your phone. (if you are good about keeping your phone with you). Another trick is keeping a spiral notebook in the car that you jot down things on as you think of them... errands, gifts to buy, grocery essentials, etc... it can stay in the car and you can take a photo of it with your phone before you enter the store or if you're daring enough take the notebook in with you. It's up to each person in what works best for them. 

4. Set your alarm specifically to take your ADHD medication. Back when I was taking Vyvanse I couldn't ever remember if I'd taken it or not. Over-taking a stimulant is not something anyone wants to risk so by about noon as I'd sift  through piles of papers trying to locate a specific one, or searching for my sunglasses or sports water bottle in a frenzied pace to get out the door, I'd stop and think with a laugh "Well, I obviously did not take it today!" 

5. Don't beat yourself up. There will be successful days where you did really well and there will be days when everything falls apart.... but you don't have to! Remember that each day is a chance to start fresh and beating yourself up does zero good. Reward yourself when you do a great job and on the bad days just shrug and tell yourself "tomorrow is another day." 

6. When one medication won't work there are others. Some people don't want to take stimulants or can't. Some do perfectly fine with them and don't consider it an issue. Some individuals prefer no medication, taking something natural or taking a non-stimulant. Non-stimulants such as Strattera are another option. Your doctor can talk with you regarding the pros and cons of any medication you choose to take. 

God sees our struggles in life and that includes those with ADHD. He knows our story just like the palm of our hand. He knows the frustration, the hurry, the distraction. But when we are having a tough day and feel we have stumbled backward... who are we leaning on to get back up? God is right there to listen to our cries and guide us. 

When we lean on Him, get up and stand tall we are standing in victory! 

Unlike our keys that's something we won't forget! 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013

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              Thank you for reading, 

              commenting & sharing! 

When We Deem Those An Inconvenience

Inconvenience

What or more specifically who comes to your mind? 

Is it the elderly? 

Is it people with Down syndrome? 

It is people with learning disabilities? 

Is it people with Autism? 

Is it people with speech and language delays? 

Is it people with Aspergers?

Is it people with ADHD? 

Is it people with dementia? 

Is it people with hearing loss? 

Is it people with Tourette's? 

Is it a pregnancy? 

It's sad to say that some people are viewed less than in this world based purely upon their looks, their abilities that don't match the typical individual's, perceived flaws, or perceived as humans with wrong timing to enter our world.  

We, as a whole in our society, seem to have a huge issue today with being inconvenienced with what's in our way or what's not pleasing to our eyes and holding a skewed view of how things "should be" in the name of perfection and perfect timing and the perfect plan. Even if we don't hold these views ourselves it's an issue for everyone today because it affects us all. 

Babies are aborted everyday because they are viewed as an "inconvenience." They aren't part of someone's plan and instead of being viewed as new life are instead being viewed as a choice. When as women we already made our choice...

to have sex. 

We know by making the choice to have sex we are taking a chance at creating life. 

Therefore why are we being given the choice to act as God and end it? 

As someone who at twenty was pro-choice and now many many years later is now pro-life.... I've witnessed the anguish, grief, tears, regret and self imposed shame and un-forgiveness many women go through after choosing to abort life... and it's not pretty. It's a long walk, a harrowing shadow that often follows women who mourn in secret because they feel its much too risky to speak, to share, lest they be harshly judged.... when they are already judging themselves. These women may feel they have no place to land, a soft spot if you will, as women who are pro-choice may not understand her grief and those who are pro-life may judge her for her past choice. She may feel as if she's in the desert, in no man's land because either way she feels she has no niche or another woman who will softly say "Me too", hug her, sit with her in silent grief and in her quiet, loving presence, acknowledge her similarly wounded heart. Abortion does more than kill babies.... it kills the mother whom God also loves, causing a lifetime of grief and regret. 

People who were born with all ten fingers and toes, average to higher than average intelligence, seamlessly functioning cognitive abilities and mental health.... are they considered any better than the child with sensory issues and dyslexia? 

Aren't the individuals who may be deemed "perfect people" by society really seen as imperfect in God's eyes each and every day and yet given grace.... (each of us are) as there is no "perfect person" on earth. A "perfect person" is just a false idea society has repeatedly attempted to sell us through lies, image and photoshop which ultimately does nothing but make people feel inadequate, buy into the comparison trap and succumb to depression.

The child or adult who has disabilities may be treated as an inconvenience to others and society as a whole. People with disabilities are indeed fully capable of feelings, of love, of contributing to society and working a meaningful job. They are capable of dating, marrying and having families. They are not less than, nor should ever be treated as such as that backward mentality has chilling similarities to what led to the Holocaust.... because at the end of the day one group of people were erroneously viewed as "less than"... by far our worst example of human hatred demonstrated in history. 

People with special needs want the services they need to reach their personal best to succeed in life. Just like the child who benefits from an aide in the classroom a man who is blessed to have a ramp to access his place of work via his wheel chair... both are different examples of how they are then achieving their best in life through services provided to them. They both also want what everyone wants... friendship, love, warmth, kindness, humor, affection, respect, an education, a job, earnings, shelter, clothing, food, etc. 

Who is anyone to deny them that? 

Who is anyone to tell them they are inferior or should be treated less than? Who is anyone to tell someone they don't deserve a chance? Whether that someone is a kid with Asperger's denied a chance to play in a team sport or a baby being denied life.... no one should hold the right to deny.

Because when we deny people by viewing them as an inconvenience we deny LIFE whether it's a little boy's spirit broken on the side lines of a field or a baby being yanked from it's mother's womb in the form of birth control after the fact. 

God doesn't want us to engage in anything that doesn't bring light and life to others. He doesn't want us to view others as an inconvenience. We were made by Him. Each of us. He knew us before He formed us in our mother's womb... and be certain it pains Him for anyone to view anyone God created as inconvenient. 

We were put here to help and love others… 

to not view others as an inconvenience but as an opportunity to bless!  

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013 

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          commenting and sharing! 

Anxiety, Panic & Entrapment: Facing Our Fears Head On With God

2009 

names have been omitted or changed in this post 

******************

I woke up with a start and tried to get my bearings. 


Not again. 


It was another nightmare. 




This one was frighteningly realistic and had a close friend in it... we had been traveling along a country back road in her new taupe SUV, excited to be embarking on a girl's weekend... shopping antique stores, sampling various flavors of homemade jellies, perusing art galleries, relaxing at a spa and getting pedicures... it was going to be a couple days of relaxation for us we both needed. Bathed in pitch darkness... tree silhouettes lit up along our narrow path from her vehicle headlights... I grasped my tan leather hand rest and spoke "I think this road curves ahead... we better take it slow." I was dreading this drive and just wanted to hurry up and get there. Yet at a very safe and slow pace of course. I wished I could magically boomerang us there but unfortunately that wasn't an option... instead it appeared I would be suffering through these winding curving roads with little foresight due to the darkness... which made my stomach queasy. It wasn't a reflection of my friend's driving as my nausea would have happened with anyone riding with them in the car. I knew this was really more about my control... or lack thereof. Of course my friend did what many people would do in this situation and assured me we were just fine... she was okay and maneuvering the roads perfectly well. But a few seconds later we lost control... swerving, spinning, flipping and finally coming to rest upside down off the side of the road on a grassy field. I don't remember much of the dream after that but just frantically screaming my friends name over and over again but not receiving an answer.



That was when I woke up. 


This was one of many continual nightmares that incurred a few months after my sister was killed by a drunk driver. They continued for well over a year and into two years...



Many people don't realize the huge impact the death of a loved one incurred by a drunk driver has on their family members. It runs deep and has lasting effects. The loss of them is soon apparent in how any anxieties you already had are magnified ten fold or new ones that crop up. I've had generalized anxiety for years. I've experienced panic attacks since I was seventeen and left home. Experiencing trauma while I was gone from home certainly didn't help. Having undiagnosed ADHD for all of my childhood, twenties and now partial thirties contributed to my anxiety rising. Anxiety is an often co-morbid condition that goes with ADHD...  more so if ADHD is not diagnosed and treated early in childhood. Living in a marriage that wasn't healthy over the years greatly added to my anxiety: Every time I attempted to verbally express myself about anything important I was shut down and walked away from... aka stone walling...  throw in control, arrogance, manipulation, narcissism and some Asperger's traits... and you have a recipe for disaster and lots of anxiety in general because I was in a chronic state of high pressure to be perfect, perform and do it all with a smile plastered on my face all the while tending to two young children... one with special needs while the hubby frittered away at "work", traveling and tending to his various extramarital relationships unbeknownst to me. Yeah... I know... that makes my eye twitch too just reading it... chocolate, anyone?



Toss in the unexpected death of my baby sister in 2008 and there is definitely going to be a hefty price to pay regarding anxiety. And that was in the form of.... Panic Disorder. If you already have GAD or as it's also known as Generalized Anxiety Disorder where you pretty much worry and fret about anything and everything... you may be at an increased risk for Panic Disorder.



For me one of the most debilitating aspects of life after losing my sister and going through depression and the various grieving stages was struggling with the Panic Disorder that soon cropped up. It was about feeling a total loss of control in my life.... specifically on the road due to my sister's death. Driving was somewhat doable if I was the one doing it... but to sit in the passenger seat? No way. To hand someone else that level of control... I couldn't even begin to fathom such a concept. I truly saw everyone as incapable and a potential liability including other drivers on the road... "Stay over there, away from me"... I'd mentally think every time I took to the city streets. Freeway driving left me in a total panic and I completely stopped driving at night.




In 2011 the Panic Disorder came to a peak...

In the interim of our city's massive construction of a new corridor, new routes had been temporarily constructed while a toll road was being developed. To reach the particular restaurant we were headed to that evening the most direct route required us to drive along a narrow one-lane freeway lined with concrete barrier walls.  It was long and winding and as my husband sailed along it taking the curves as they came, I grasped the gray leather passenger hand rest tightly in his car. I soon realized I was holding my breath and reminded myself to breath. Why did he have to go this way? I thought with a mixture of panic and irritation. I asked him if he could please slow down. He checked his speedometer and exclaimed he wasn’t going fast at all, dismissing my request. Yet as the car took each winding curve my stomach felt sick and I felt a huge wave of panic rise up in me. Telling him I thought I was going to be sick I told him I needed out of the car. But as he pointed out with exasperation there was no place for him to pull over. “Just hang on.” he told me. But I was completely beside myself. My breath was coming out in tiny spurts, my hands were sweaty and my heart was accelerating. Images of my sister’s wreck flashed through my mind and I gripped the hand rest tighter. 

"Oh, no!"
my internal dialogue screamed. 

Fight or flight set in and all I wanted was to flee from the car. I knew I was panicking and yet I couldn’t seem to calm down. Feeling a complete lack of control over my environment, I mentally berated my husband with choice words for taking this particular route to dinner. Telling him how that narrow winding road set me on edge and sent me into a panic he told me we would be exiting up ahead. He then asked me how on earth I reached the southwest side of town if I didn’t go the route he was driving. I explained the alternate route I always took and as he listened his face looked incredulous... 

“But that route takes
 an additional 
fifteen minutes at least!” 
He exclaimed, 
giving me a bewildered look.

 “Yep, it sure does!” 
I quipped and then added mockingly...

“And yet strangely enough I don’t feel an extreme need to jump out of the car either!” 

Hearing this we both laughed. Knowing my reactive fear to riding in the car was irrational I knew it was a fear I wasn’t facing head on and needed to. I had been avoiding certain routes because they instilled sheer panic in me and yet I knew it wasn't rational. Deep down I knew for sure by continuing to avoid certain routes I was undeniably at the mercy of my anxiety and that my symptoms were actually worsening the more I desperately tried to avoid what I was so fearful of. It was time to face it head on and stop succumbing to the fear and avoiding. 



I started looking online for ways to combat anxiety, panic and avoidance. Soon it became very clear what I needed to do to overcome my fear. A few days later I had to go somewhere taking that same route I'd taken with my husband and children. I knew I had two choices; I could take the alternate longer route or face the narrow winding one that left me in a breathless heart thumping panic. I sat in my driveway suddenly wondering if my errand really warranted going out at all. Come on, I mentally coaxed myself, you gotta do it. You'd think I was attempting to parachute out of a plane with zero release leading to a malfunction... rationally you think to yourself, "Come on, this is just driving" but the cloud of anxiety is never clear or rational. I began praying to God for help and I headed in the direction of that one lane narrow winding freeway. I did it. I prayed the whole way and afterward I exited, pulling over into a parking lot to settle my nerves and bask in what I'd just accomplished. Then I turned around and did it again. And again. I continued to force myself to drive it over the course of many months until it was no longer an issue. 



Say no to fear... 


God doesn't want us to live in fear, to feel chained to the toxicity of anxiety and it's effects on our health, our outlook and even our functioning in a happy well adjusted life. He wants us to be free from anything that restricts, that darkens, that holds us in entrapment so that instead we can live as He wants us to... with freedom and with fearlessness. A healthy perspective to gain is one of complete dependence on God to help face our anxieties and fears instead of going straight to autopilot in fear. Unhealthy views of anxiety lead us to a world of perfection, rigidity and feeling trapped. We may have been through traumatic events that have led us to where we are in terms of anxiety and panic.... maybe the unexpected loss of a loved one, maybe a car wreck, maybe a rape, a toxic childhood or even wounds from war. It's not our fault, it's not something anyone would ask for as anyone who has lived it knows it's a far cry from being a picnic or something to be trivialized. You aren't less than for struggling with what you've endured or the anxiety that has stemmed from it. You can improve, you can make progress however small in tiny steps, you can get better and you can live! 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, commenting & sharing!