"Did He Say Ugly?" Teaching Our Daughters That Strength Is Beautiful

Strong 

It's a word we may use to describe someone… maybe their physical strength… maybe their ability to overcome any obstacle, heartache or challenge in their life… despite any roadblocks they press onward with strength and to others perhaps sheer astonishment not just survive but thrive and overcome.

********************

It was a little after three o'clock in the afternoon, I'd picked my daughter up from school  and we were driving to the store to pick up a few essentials we needed… milk, bread and some chocolate syrup… that does count as an essential, right? As I drove along the busy main road passing chain restaurants and big box stores like Sam's I heard a small voice call out from the backseat behind me.

"Daddy always says my hair looks ugly when I don't wear anything in it like a headband." she told me.

My hands gripped the wheel tightly in silent response and almost reflexively I pursed my lips… concentrating on my driving… slowing to a stop at the red light I rolled up the windows to turn on the air and then glanced in the rearview mirror at her sitting in the backseat. Dressed in her white polo shirt and slacks she looked out her window with a troubled expression crossing her little face.



"Did he say 'ugly'?" I asked in a neutral tone… "I mean,  specifically 'ugly'?" I added.

The word "UGLY" spun like a loop in my head and I sat in shock by his words to her. 

"Yes!" she responded with great force and nodded at me. "He says it's ugly when I don't have anything in it."…. then added "I mean… he doesn't even hardly have hair!" she exclaimed with great observation, throwing her hands up in the air... obviously having noticed the irony of the interaction between her and her father… including the difference in hairs on their heads.

With my back to her I couldn't help but silently affirm how true her point was… 

With a deep breath I pressed the gas pedal when the light changed to green. Turning down the volume on the radio slightly I spoke slowly...

"Sweet pea, you are absolutely beautiful. Your hair is beautiful. Your hair is never ugly. Sometimes people use a poor choice of words. I believe this was one of those times. Your hair nor you are ugly. Remember that." I told her.

*********************

It was later that evening we went on a walk… to get outside and enjoy the fresh evening air. It had drizzled earlier and the streets were damp from the rain… occasional drops of water escaped the bright green foliage on the trees overhead and touched down on us like happy drops from Heaven as we walked. Children on bikes and scooters played in their driveways nearby as we passed by calling out hello to them. My daughter took long strides and her ponytail bobbed out from her well loved pink baseball cap. In her small hand she held a mini water bottle and as we strode at a quick pace I spoke…

"You know what?" I asked her.

"What?" she answered back.

"You know what I think is really beautiful? I think strength is beautiful. I believe being physically strong, being strong in what you believe in like morals and God... even humbly but fiercely believing in yourself... can all be seen as beautiful. Being beautiful isn't just about your looks or your hair, you know... or what you have on." I told her as our feet hit the pavement in sync with one another.

"Yep!" she agreed with a bob of her honey brown head and I smiled with affection for her. 

It's true. 

It's imperative that girls today realize how beautiful being strong is. Beautiful isn't just about a pretty face. We as a society tend to place a woman's worth solely based on her beauty... with diets, shape wear and weight loss pills being promoted to women along with photoshop as does the fashion and model industry... women are often being deemed worthy or beautiful based on their waist width and breast size alone. But we know that does women such a disservice. 

From the beginning of time in a little girls life we coo and exclaim how "beautiful" she is... of course she's beautiful... but that's not the entire picture by a long shot. 

She's beautiful when it comes to strength... to pumping weights, to running and breaking a sweat… and  giving birth. She's beautiful when it comes to speaking up, reaching out and spurring change in the world. She's beautiful when she is strong for those who don't have a voice and say what needs to be said even if it's not popular. She's undeniably beautiful when she is pushing herself to the next goal no matter how seemingly unreachable. She's beautiful when she sings the Lord's praises and speaks to Him in thankful gratitude. She's a pillar of beautiful strength when she tells someone God loves them when they've never been told and that they don't for a minute deserve the abuse they've endured. 

A woman of strength holds her own... she is firm when someone attempts to invalidate her experiences. She doesn't accept the refutes regarding what she knows truly happened. She leads others to a place of beauty, of healing, of encouragement and affirmation. She shows strength in leadership and discards doubt when it tries to creep in... she lets go of insecurities and the absurdities in life that crop up... she says "yes" to taking charge and doesn't entertain being called  "bossy" for it. She says "yes" to love and no to fear because where one exists the other rarely if ever can. 

She is clothed in a vest of goodness and yet strikes with fierce determination in all she does. She may stumble occasionally yet she doesn't wallow in the puddles of life but instead leaps back up and keeps going. She gives hope to those who have been hurt, she shares her story to bridge the gap between herself and a stranger... she knows the importance of not just telling her daughter she's strong but that she's beautifully strong... 

Through Christ.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts: 

Women/Beauty and The Comparison Trap 

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/05/womenbeauty-and-comparison-trap.html

Women: Proverbs 31 or Sexy Hot? 

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/12/women-proverbs-31-or-sexy-hot.html

"Because You're Old Enough To Be My Dad"… Older Men & Younger Women 

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/09/you-old-enough-to-be-my-dad-older-men.html

Dear Soon-To-Be-Divorced

Dear Soon-To-Be-Divorced, 

I see you sitting there worried and I know this journey you are about to embark on likely seems really daunting... I know you are probably feeling pretty scared right now. I also know that it's often the unknown that elicits the most fear in us... wondering how this will all turn out. This is will be a bumpy ride, it will. I can't and won't promise otherwise. There may be days you want to smash the picture of the two of you. There may be days you want to "decorate" your wedding album. There may be days you want to go to the shooting range and get some aggression out. There may be days you just want to drive and think... and doing that requires you using up an entire tank of gas to do just that. There may be days you sob that this was how it all turned out and yet you wonder if doing anything differently would have helped or mattered. There may be days you overeat Ben n Jerry's, donuts, beer and fried chicken and feel like a glutton. There may be days you buy all new sheets and towels and anything else that strikes your fancy just. because. you. can. 

There may be days you miss him or who you thought he was or maybe who you wanted him to be and yet there may be days you know it's great he's gone. There may be days you want to spill your guts to your friends and cry... there may be days you want to talk about anything but him. There may be days you are met with kindness and there may be days you are ignored. There may be people who want to know the details so they can let you vent and help any way possible and yet there may be those who listen merely to share it with others and drop you like a hot potato.

There may be days you feel like a failure and there may be days you are reminded of the truth: you. are. not. a. failure. You are a strong person. You may hear people say that those who divorce took the easy way out. Their wrong. That couldn't be any further from the truth. You've been strong a very long time. And going through a divorce means gearing up for battle... it's long, arduous and costly... and it's an emotional roller coaster no one weak gets on. You may be a different  person when you come out on the other side. You may be jaded, you may be less trusting, you may find yourself questioning everything and everybody... pray they will be patient with you. Remember this time and how you felt and more than likely you will become even more compassionate toward others. You may find yourself wanting to become isolated. If you find yourself beginning to pull away from friends and not getting out... that's a sign it's time to schedule something social... it's a sign you're struggling and it's okay... your true friends want to be there for you... let them listen and help you. 

You may feel judged and whispered about and you may hear "I'll pray for you" and yet never hear from them again... this is a crucial time in your life... you will find out so much. You will learn who your true friends are. You will discover how loyal your bestie is. You will learn how kind your neighbors are. You will see if your attorney is going to weather the storm beside you and fight... you will find out how our court system works and may come to be miserably disappointed in the human race as a whole. 

You may have times you simply must talk to someone because you're beyond exasperated and no one is around to listen. You may sob in the shower and regret ever meeting what's-their-face. You may swear off men. You may swear off women. You may swear off marriage. You may swear off love in the romantic sense. 

You may have to hear about how your soon-to-be ex has met someone new and they are "so in love" and it sends you into fits of gagging and eye rolling. You may run into your ex-in-laws and wonder why you ever chose that family. 

You may be shopping one day and while picking out a package of unblemished strawberries at the market sense someone watching you... looking up you see someone checking you out. You may find yourself smiling back. Or maybe you find yourself thinking "Ew. Get away. So. not. ready." 

You may think "This will never end..." but it will. This too shall pass... one day you will look back and realize that yes, it was a long bumpy road but guess what? 

You made it. 

You survived. 

And not just survived. 

But you're stronger. 

Wiser. 

Better. 

What you went through has contributed to who you are now. 

You're a victor.
You pushed through.
You pressed forward. 

Now who are you going to help and cheer on as they go through their own battle? 

I get messages often on Facebook from people telling me that just knowing "I'm not alone" means everything. Those three words... so small yet they hold such meaning and power.

Who can you tell today: 

"You're not alone"? 

Maybe there's someone you know who is silently hurting.
Maybe someone you know feels completely isolated.
Maybe they've started a journey you know nothing of.

Today, I encourage you to post your status on FB to:

"No matter what you're going through... you're not alone." 

Someone will see it. 

Someone needs it. 

And someone will be helped.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

18The LORD is near to the brokenhearted 
And saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

Psalm 34:18

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary 
and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

33 “I have told you these things, 
so that in me you may have peace. 
In this world you will have trouble.
 But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts: 

Cheating: 50 Shades of Lies: 5 Reasons Not To Keep Him
http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/02/cheating-50-shades-of-lies-5-reasons-to.html

You're Getting A Divorce: 10 Tips On How To Tell Your Kids
http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/02/youre-getting-divorce-10-tips-on-how-to.html

Standing On A Road She Didn't Plan: A Single Mom Dating
http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/12/standing-on-road-she-didnt-plan-single.html

Divorce: 5 Changes

“A Woman Jumping On A Beach” by Jomphong via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

October 2012 

names have been omitted in this post 

******************

" With change comes growth 
and in that beautiful 
things can happen." 

The very first thing I did when I entered the pale bedroom with it's mahogany four poster bed, beautifully embroidered Cynthia Rowley duvet, nubby textured sheer curtains in cream and set of matching neutral lamps was to begin stripping the bed of it's charcoal gray sheets. The afternoon sun filtered through the curtains bathing the room in warm light. Ripping the sheets from the bed I gathered them in my arms and proceeded downstairs to the laundry room. Shoving them in a messy wad into the front loading washer I slammed the door shut and began filling the tray with liquid detergent. Soon the cycle began and the sound of water churning into the spinning tub filled the room. Pulling the door to the laundry room shut behind me as I left I already felt better... those charcoal gray sheets would be donated and thankfully soon out of my life. That afternoon I began shopping for a new sheet set.... finally selecting sheets that were ultra feminine... pink and flowered to match my new life.


When we go through a divorce we may find ourselves surprised by the many changes that soon take place. With great change always comes reflection and thus more change almost inevitably. Ripping those sheets off the bed was my first step in emotionally detangling myself from my marriage and soon to be ex-spouse. There certainly may be things we don't necessarily count on happening or are even prepared for emotionally. Everyone is different and some situations may vary but here are a few things that  may occur during the divorce process and even post finalizing.


1. Some things must go immediately... think sheets, photos, gifts and cards he bought you, wedding mementos, etc. Anything that ties you emotionally to your spouse or the memories you intimately shared would probably be best removed from the home... that way with your fresh start you can have a fresh environment and perspective also. If you aren't to a place where you feel you are ready to discard the items, packing them away is always a good alternative too. This helps begin the healing process and aids in finding some bits of peace along an otherwise likely bumpy road during the divorce process.

2. People will judge you even if you were in a not so great marriage. For some odd reason we are still living in an age where divorce is stigmatized by some. It may not be right but it is an unfortunate truth. Just hold your head high and remember... they weren't married to your ex. People will take sides and even if you were cheated on there will always be one person who huffs "Well, you should have done this or that to prevent it!' Take heart in knowing that although some people may make misguided assumptions about your intimate relationship, you know that they know nothing of it or the specifics. Your marriage may look quite differently to the outside world or even in what you share... to what really went on behind closed doors. Remember that you know your truth and so does God... and at the end of the day... that's all that matters.

3. Surviving at first but then replacing it with thriving. When my divorce was finally finalized I bought myself a gold strand necklace with the word "love." It cost virtually next to nothing but I thought it was fitting to commemorate the event considering the timing and the long arduous process that had spanned nine months of my life. For me, it's a reminder that God loves me no matter what and I'm not just going to survive this phase of my life but thrive!

4. There is way more freedom than anticipated... and that's a good thing. If you were living with a controlling spouse who dictated all the finances, your schedule and even the decorating (?!) you may be relishing the newfound freedom you have in making sole decisions about anything and everything... and that's okay... embrace and go with it.

5. Try something new. There is a whole new world to discover out there and it can begin in your own backyard, the city you reside in, or even during a quick, inexpensive weekend getaway. Trying new foods, traveling to a new place, learning a new recipe, volunteering, beginning a new workout class, learning a different language... all of these things and more are great ways to set the tone for your new adventure in single-dom and learning more about yourself and what you find interesting and important.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing!

When As Women We Are Told How To: Look, Act, Think & Work

LOOK LIKE A GIRL

ACT LIKE A LADY

THINK LIKE A MAN

WORK LIKE A BOSS

That quote has been circulating Pinterest lately and with it limitations upon women screamed at me from it. As women how often do we erroneously limit ourselves into being how others believe we should be? How often do we allow others to pigeon hole us? Maybe we don't want to be the round peg in a round hole. Maybe we don't want to color inside the lines but instead outside of them. How often are we subscribing to the idea that others should dictate how we behave, how we should dress, how we should act and simply live our lives? 

Look Like A Girl

Modesty is important, yes. This is more about expectations put on women to look a certain way. How often do we restrict and box ourselves in, perhaps without even realizing it? Who came up with we need to "look like a girl"? And what exactly does that entail? Does looking like a girl mean wearing a dress, red lipstick and heels? Does it mean curling our lashes and wearing pearls with a prim matching sweater set? If you want to do that by all means do but is there something wrong with a pair slacks or jeans and a baseball cap? When I was in my twenties and working for a law firm of good 'ole boy attorneys they expected me to wear skirts to the office... I bristled and rebelled. I wore slacks every day I wished to and still accomplished my work just fine and still looking professional. Does a skirt have anything to do with my work being completed? Nope. Maybe instead of inflicting rules and regulations upon women that we must each "look like a girl"... perhaps a better philosophy is "wear whatever you want". When we embrace wearing what we want we also embrace individuality and the freedom of living authentically instead of succumbing to society's imposed ideals. 

Act Like A Lady

"Act like a lady".... in of itself is a facade... the quote itself includes the word "act"... why must we act? For whom are we acting? For men? For the benefit of other women? And what does "acting like a lady" constitute? Only wearing dresses? Not chewing gum? Not wearing too much eye makeup? Is it acting sweet and syrupy to someone's face only to drop the "act" the minute their back is turned? Is it appearing like a doormat so that you don't come across as outspoken or (gasp) as a woman who stands up for herself? Is it holding a designer handbag on your arm with perfectly coifed hair and carefully constructing an act of sipping tea without a single drop marring your outfit... yet once home in the privacy of your own den cramming as many chocolate truffles as you can fit into your mouth? (Ahem... personal experience I have committed the latter... quite frequently, enjoyed it immensely and highly recommend it). Who is making up the rules that constitute whether or not you are indeed "acting like a lady" or very much not? Instead perhaps we need to drop the "act" and move on toward just "being"... as in "be yourself". With being yourself we can most definitely bet that it comes with much less stress, less pressure and less worry about what others are thinking of us.... which incidentally leads to much more freedom to enjoy our chocolates to our hearts content like a kid in public. 

Think Like A Man

Think like a man.... come now. I know. First of all... so little space and so little time here. Let me begin by asking specifically which man? Because I believe we all need a point of reference to adequately tackle this one. If it's Jesus here they are referencing... hands down without a doubt that's a stellar choice as we know but otherwise it may be dicey territory we are entering. For those of you who have solid male figures in your life you are beyond blessed.  For those of you who have a father or husband whom you can go to for advice, counsel, and aspire to emulate the qualities in a man you hold dear and admire, then by all means go for it. The man in your life may very well be someone who you desire to think like. For the rest of us that are sitting here with smirked looks on our faces like "Uh, huh.... yeah right. I didn't get the goody bin... I got the bottom of the barrel over in the corner with the muck in it." In light of that latter barrel perhaps the best thing to do is to narrow it down to "just think." 

Work Like A Boss

Why would we aspire to "work like a boss"? What does that do for us as women but limit us and create restrictions consequently causing us hit our head on the glass ceiling? If were going to "work like a boss" shouldn't we just chunk that idea and go straight to being the boss? Ladies, we can aim higher. As women we can do so much and contribute great work in this world that will not only help others but glorify God and all His goodness. When we push the self imposed limits we've subconsciously set for ourselves or allowed others to set for us, we can not only do great things we can set the bar higher by empowering our daughters to do great things too. 

WEAR WHATEVER YOU WANT

BE YOURSELF

THINK 

BE THE BOSS 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading,

 commenting & sharing!