Friday, February 21, 2014

Cheating: 50 Shades Of Lies ~ 5 Reasons To Not Keep Him

October  2012 

 names have been omitted in this post 

this post contains some language


He was suddenly going on early morning jogs... that wasn't like him. At six nearly every morning now he'd throw on black running shorts and a t-shirt, bolting out of the bedroom, down the stairs and out into the inky blackness that was still blanketing the city. 

Each morning I had drowsily fallen back asleep until it was absolutely necessary to get up, clamber downstairs and hustle the children out of bed to begin getting everyone ready for school. I wasn't by definition a morning person and the snooze button knew it... but that morning, that particular morning it would be different… when he woke I pretended to be asleep, then sprang to action as soon as I heard the door downstairs shut behind him. My suspicions had been growing and now curiosity had won. 

Going to the computer and turning it on cast a bright light in the dark room that quickly brought me from my drowsy state to alert. I maximized the pages that were minimized and began searching with quick eyes for any information that looked dubious…. but I didn't have to search, as everything I needed was right there, seemingly waiting to be found, not hidden at all. Instant messages detailed the woman he was seeing in online exchanges with his best friend. The responses being that his happiness should come first... nowhere was there anyone batting an eye that he was cheating on me. Nowhere was there outrage, upset or someone pointing the finger at him saying "Get it together!" or "I'm going to tell her if you don't." 

Nothing but accolades and justification all in the name of pursuing happiness… and how incredibly dumb women are. Oh really? I thought… we will see about that. I quickly began snapping screen shot photos of all the messages with my iPhone... scrolling... scrolling... scrolling some more…click, click, click. My heart meanwhile beat ninety to nothing in my chest with frantic speed as I continued to capture all the evidence I needed and more. Maximizing his email that was readily available I began photographing any messages that looked suspect. I realized I was shaking like a leaf and had to steady my iPhone to retake a few that had turned out blurred. I'd take the time to pour over the emails later in detail that I had captured. 

A photo of the woman he'd been with was there... she could have been my younger sister. We literally looked nearly identical. Hauntingly identical. She wore clothes I would have worn... she had similar body language... it was undeniably creepy yet I didn't have anger toward her… his behavior was solely the issue at hand. 

I quickly began putting everything back where it was... then taking photos of all of his credit cards front and back and all other personal information of his I could find for the attorneys office that I knew they would need... then I shoved everything back in place with shaky fingers as I'd found it. 

Jumping back in bed with a thumping heart, I laid there on my side of the King sized bed within the charcoal gray sheets wrapped up, in my cozy plaid pajama pants and top, waiting for him to return. Just a couple minutes later I heard his footsteps enter downstairs, the beep beep of the alarm as the door opened and shut…  and then listened as he began climbing up the creaky staircase. He didn't bother coming in the bedroom but instead continued down the hall to the bathroom. Light poured down the hallway from it and I heard him turn on the shower to let the water heat up momentarily. 

I rose from bed and walked down the hall into the bright spacious master bath where he stood at his separate brown, black and gold speckled granite counter and porcelain sink. Seeing me he turned with surprise and I smiled brightly at him "Did you have a good run?" I asked him... not being able to resist asking him... 

He didn't bat an eye when he responded, "Yea! It was great." He replied then observed... "You're up early." 

"That's great!" I returned with a smirk, ignoring the latter... you sorry piece of shit... I added silently to myself as I walked out of the room. 

I Am Done 

Time passed and he continually put his foot in his mouth, 
the shady behavior continued, 
the lies now so glaringly obvious, how could 
they have ever been missed… 
it should have been funny yet it wasn't. 

Sitting in my attorneys office one day my attorney sat back in his large leather chair gazing at me appraisingly…  "So you haven't talked to him?" He asked thoughtfully "Are you sure you want to do this? File?" He asked. 

I calmly looked at him and nodded "I've never been more sure of anything in my life."
 I told him with absolute certainty. 


"I don't know how you kept yourself under control… how did you keep from saying anything to him?" my friend asked me during breakfast one morning… "No way I could have done that… I would have confronted him the moment he walked in." she told me.

"At the end of the day… for me, there was nothing to discuss. This wasn't a one time incident which would have been bad enough… this was an ongoing choice he continued to make over a period of time. He knew what he was doing. He'd made his choice over and over again choosing to have his cake and eat it too. I made the final choice for myself and ultimately for him. If he didn't like it, tough." I shrugged "Don't put a person in the position to make that choice. Don't cheat."

Everyone has to approach dealing with a cheating spouse in the way they feel is best for them and everyone has different tolerance levels for what they are willing to put up with and what they will refuse to accept at all. It's a personal decision and varies from person to person but here are five top valid reasons to consider if you've been cheated on: 

5 Valid Reasons To Not Keep Him:

1. Most of the time he will not change. You can't change him. He has to want to of his own accord.
2. Staying with him models acceptance of an unhealthy marriage for your children.
3. Peace of Mind… who wants to worry about contracting a sexually transmitted disease all the time?
4. We often have the mental narrative of "I'm not giving up on us. I won't quit!" But is this HIS mindset also? Or are you the only one with that mentality?
5. Worry-free without him. You won't be worrying if he's lying to you, not where he's supposed to be and if he's cheating again.

© ~ 2014 





#GIRLS  #Ladies #TrustYourInstincts

All those times you were worried for him, prayed for him, 
loved him, took care of him, 
was a blessing to him, 
cheered him on… 
he was filled 
with contempt for you… 
because he needed 
you for narcissistic supply 
and fulfillment and yet 
at the same time 
he resented you for it. 

It's pretty straight forward, really… 

if a person decides to betray you, 
you then have every right to not give 
them the benefit of the doubt, 
to not engage in a circle of excuses…
but instead to make the best decision 
for yourself. 
Walk off to a new beginning,
a fresh start and 
leave the craziness behind. 

If you choose divorce... 
God will help you to the other side 
and life will be that much 
sweeter and peaceful  
without the toxic chaos you lived. 

At the end of the day, 
after all the hurt and healing, 
you really did me a favor... Thanks!

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts:

Wives: 3 Lies We Tell Ourselves & 5 Signs A Marriage Needs Help

Cheating: Off The Narrow Path Step By Step

Projection & Signs Of A Cheating Spouse

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