Authentic You: 6 Ways To Stay True To Yourself

Authenticity….

Such a big word with deep meaning

Have you ever struggled with your walk in this life in trying to be someone you're not? In this world we live in we are often bombarded by outside influences; by peers or media as to what we should be like, how we should act, even what we should like and dislike.


As we grow older and mature we naturally learn more and more about what we like and what we don't… as hard as it might be we have all struggled at some point with the version we want to present or believe we should present to the world… a version that we believe will present us as more intelligent, important, attractive etc to others… and yet the truth is... it ends up doing something that no one likes… making us feel so not authentic… each time we present a false self we may begin to feel a piece of the real us becoming hidden or even chipped away.

Have you ever felt like it 

might be easier to conform? 

Often staying true to ourselves can result in judgment and rejection which can undeniably be painful. 

But what's ultimately more 

painful is looking in the mirror

each morning and knowing 

we aren't being real. 

Withholding Our True Selves & Dating…

We may find ourselves withholding our authentic selves when dating or meeting new people… which honestly can bring disastrous results… the person sitting across from you at the table may think you are perfectly fine with ordering shrimp if you don't make your preferences known… they may think you share their dream of a rambling house on several acres if you don't voice your plan of one day residing in a trendy loft downtown.

This is why it's so incredibly important to have some sense of who we are before marrying… because if we don't know who we are… how can we be certain that the person we are dating will know too? They may never get a real sense of who their courting... which is a shame and could end up costing both people.

Knowing What You Like & Don't…

There are some things that like everyone I don't care for… society calls it "not my cup of tea"… maybe yours is not liking coffee flavored ice cream, golf or onions… mine is pretentious restaurants… I love getting dressed up… take me to a play or a show… but I'd rather eat a bacon cheeseburger wearing my ball gown afterward than endure sitting in an uptight place that society may otherwise deem "the place to see and be seen" or that has a superior air.


It's these things that are important to know about ourselves and just like these preferences that make up our personalities, believe it or not, God wants us to be authentic too. Out of everyone, He knows when we are not being ourselves… when we are attempting to hide parts of ourselves, when we aren't being real, and are putting on a facade…. even He knows when we are trying to sell ourselves as a wine and cheese girl when were really more inclined to beer and pretzels or vice versa.


Living Authentically…

When we are living authentically we know that our past does not define us… but instead we live accepting ourselves and that God loves us as His. When we have a dialogue with God, through talk and prayer we are hopefully expressing our authentic self to Him… God desires us to give all of our life, all of ourselves, when we worship and that means not holding back… it's for Him… to praise Him and how wonderfully great He is. Being authentic enables us to enjoy a relationship with God, being authentic means wanting to be open with Him not because we believe we have to out of some sort of rule or obligation.

"It's so weird how we often think we know others by just looking at the exterior..." my friend told me as she sat beside me with her newborn son... and our daughters played Polly Pocket in the next room together. 

"When I first saw you at the school I thought you were likely one of 'those girls' I went to high school with... you know the ones... who conform only sticking with their click and I based all this by how you looked and my own preconceived ideas..." she laughed... "But then I get to know you and you're one of the most down to earth people I've met!"

we may erroneously base our view of someone new in our life from someone similar (either their looks, personality, mannerisms, even their name) we knew in our past, someone that reminds us of a less than nice experience in which our feelings were hurt by them... this is no reflection of the new person standing before us... but an issue within we need to address.

I chuckled because I knew I had done the exact same thing in the past myself... now knowing we can never know a book by glancing at its cover. "I've made the same mistake myself! Then gotten to know someone and really liked them!" I admitted to her... "It's funny how we think we know someone...  and when we are authentic it takes so much pressure off ourselves and others!" 

6 Ways 

To Be Your Authentic Self: 

1. Take the time to discover your talents and explore them. We may think of hobbies like crafting, painting etc but it could also be writing, blogging, public speaking about a cause important to you, helping others, running marathons, volunteering, being an encourager, decorating, staging homes, party planning, baking, sewing, etc.

2. Trust yourself and your gut instincts. We know when that little voice or feeling flares up telling us we are swaying from the real us we should listen and we can pray about it... asking God to help us explore our authentic self and to be ourselves with Him as well. 

3. So often we feel pressured by society to do what's "in" and the most popular look in decor for our homes. I'm a big fan of Pottery Barn (less fan of their prices) and love perusing their catalogs or strolling through their stores on a rainy Sunday afternoon to get ideas and inspiration for tablescapes. But I also know there can be too much of a good thing... I don't want my house to look more Pottery Barn and less me. Stay true to what you love and surround yourself in your home with things that reflect your unique personality. 

4. When making decisions consult God instead of your neighbor, your friend or your mother. No one else will ever intimately understand your circumstances better than God will and what's best for you. 

5. Forgive yourself for the bad choices, mistakes and things you've done in life. Your past doesn't define you nor does the person's past beside you define them. Today is a new day, even a new hour... and God even cares for those you may have difficulty embracing. Sometimes that reality is a hard one to swallow but God sees you (and them) right where you both are today, progress and setbacks... marvel at how much you've grown and celebrate you. 

6. Value your beliefs, your faith and the qualities that make up who you are. And appreciate those in others. We are each unique yet no more special than the person sitting beside us, the guy on the bus, the woman in line at the Post Office or the guy bringing our food to the table on a Friday night out at dinner with our family. 

Staying True… and Inspiring Others To Do The Same! 

In life when we are true to ourselves and walk a life of authenticity people notice and it in turn inspires others to do the same. When we are living authentically we may inspire the little girl next door who doubts herself... the girl in our classroom who feels she is a failure if she isn't part of the "in" crowd... or the little boy who wants to carry a doll for comfort instead of a bear or space ranger... that being ourselves is always better than being a copy of someone else. 

We are all God's children and He wants us to come to Him as the real deal, being open, revealing ourselves to Him and being comfortable enough to say:

 "Here I am God... all the beauty, all the not so pretty and everything in between... here I am in my frayed cut offs, my messy hair bun... here I am wearing my wool sweater set, earrings and heels... here I am... use me to help someone. Use me to inspire someone. Use me to further your kingdom... I am who I am... your daughter and beloved. That's what ultimately defines authentic me." 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Divorce: 5 Changes

“A Woman Jumping On A Beach” by Jomphong via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

October 2012 

names have been omitted in this post 

******************

" With change comes growth 
and in that beautiful 
things can happen." 

The very first thing I did when I entered the pale bedroom with it's mahogany four poster bed, beautifully embroidered Cynthia Rowley duvet, nubby textured sheer curtains in cream and set of matching neutral lamps was to begin stripping the bed of it's charcoal gray sheets. The afternoon sun filtered through the curtains bathing the room in warm light. Ripping the sheets from the bed I gathered them in my arms and proceeded downstairs to the laundry room. Shoving them in a messy wad into the front loading washer I slammed the door shut and began filling the tray with liquid detergent. Soon the cycle began and the sound of water churning into the spinning tub filled the room. Pulling the door to the laundry room shut behind me as I left I already felt better... those charcoal gray sheets would be donated and thankfully soon out of my life. That afternoon I began shopping for a new sheet set.... finally selecting sheets that were ultra feminine... pink and flowered to match my new life.


When we go through a divorce we may find ourselves surprised by the many changes that soon take place. With great change always comes reflection and thus more change almost inevitably. Ripping those sheets off the bed was my first step in emotionally detangling myself from my marriage and soon to be ex-spouse. There certainly may be things we don't necessarily count on happening or are even prepared for emotionally. Everyone is different and some situations may vary but here are a few things that  may occur during the divorce process and even post finalizing.


1. Some things must go immediately... think sheets, photos, gifts and cards he bought you, wedding mementos, etc. Anything that ties you emotionally to your spouse or the memories you intimately shared would probably be best removed from the home... that way with your fresh start you can have a fresh environment and perspective also. If you aren't to a place where you feel you are ready to discard the items, packing them away is always a good alternative too. This helps begin the healing process and aids in finding some bits of peace along an otherwise likely bumpy road during the divorce process.

2. People will judge you even if you were in a not so great marriage. For some odd reason we are still living in an age where divorce is stigmatized by some. It may not be right but it is an unfortunate truth. Just hold your head high and remember... they weren't married to your ex. People will take sides and even if you were cheated on there will always be one person who huffs "Well, you should have done this or that to prevent it!' Take heart in knowing that although some people may make misguided assumptions about your intimate relationship, you know that they know nothing of it or the specifics. Your marriage may look quite differently to the outside world or even in what you share... to what really went on behind closed doors. Remember that you know your truth and so does God... and at the end of the day... that's all that matters.

3. Surviving at first but then replacing it with thriving. When my divorce was finally finalized I bought myself a gold strand necklace with the word "love." It cost virtually next to nothing but I thought it was fitting to commemorate the event considering the timing and the long arduous process that had spanned nine months of my life. For me, it's a reminder that God loves me no matter what and I'm not just going to survive this phase of my life but thrive!

4. There is way more freedom than anticipated... and that's a good thing. If you were living with a controlling spouse who dictated all the finances, your schedule and even the decorating (?!) you may be relishing the newfound freedom you have in making sole decisions about anything and everything... and that's okay... embrace and go with it.

5. Try something new. There is a whole new world to discover out there and it can begin in your own backyard, the city you reside in, or even during a quick, inexpensive weekend getaway. Trying new foods, traveling to a new place, learning a new recipe, volunteering, beginning a new workout class, learning a different language... all of these things and more are great ways to set the tone for your new adventure in single-dom and learning more about yourself and what you find interesting and important.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing!

When As Women We Are Told How To: Look, Act, Think & Work

LOOK LIKE A GIRL

ACT LIKE A LADY

THINK LIKE A MAN

WORK LIKE A BOSS

That quote has been circulating Pinterest lately and with it limitations upon women screamed at me from it. As women how often do we erroneously limit ourselves into being how others believe we should be? How often do we allow others to pigeon hole us? Maybe we don't want to be the round peg in a round hole. Maybe we don't want to color inside the lines but instead outside of them. How often are we subscribing to the idea that others should dictate how we behave, how we should dress, how we should act and simply live our lives? 

Look Like A Girl

Modesty is important, yes. This is more about expectations put on women to look a certain way. How often do we restrict and box ourselves in, perhaps without even realizing it? Who came up with we need to "look like a girl"? And what exactly does that entail? Does looking like a girl mean wearing a dress, red lipstick and heels? Does it mean curling our lashes and wearing pearls with a prim matching sweater set? If you want to do that by all means do but is there something wrong with a pair slacks or jeans and a baseball cap? When I was in my twenties and working for a law firm of good 'ole boy attorneys they expected me to wear skirts to the office... I bristled and rebelled. I wore slacks every day I wished to and still accomplished my work just fine and still looking professional. Does a skirt have anything to do with my work being completed? Nope. Maybe instead of inflicting rules and regulations upon women that we must each "look like a girl"... perhaps a better philosophy is "wear whatever you want". When we embrace wearing what we want we also embrace individuality and the freedom of living authentically instead of succumbing to society's imposed ideals. 

Act Like A Lady

"Act like a lady".... in of itself is a facade... the quote itself includes the word "act"... why must we act? For whom are we acting? For men? For the benefit of other women? And what does "acting like a lady" constitute? Only wearing dresses? Not chewing gum? Not wearing too much eye makeup? Is it acting sweet and syrupy to someone's face only to drop the "act" the minute their back is turned? Is it appearing like a doormat so that you don't come across as outspoken or (gasp) as a woman who stands up for herself? Is it holding a designer handbag on your arm with perfectly coifed hair and carefully constructing an act of sipping tea without a single drop marring your outfit... yet once home in the privacy of your own den cramming as many chocolate truffles as you can fit into your mouth? (Ahem... personal experience I have committed the latter... quite frequently, enjoyed it immensely and highly recommend it). Who is making up the rules that constitute whether or not you are indeed "acting like a lady" or very much not? Instead perhaps we need to drop the "act" and move on toward just "being"... as in "be yourself". With being yourself we can most definitely bet that it comes with much less stress, less pressure and less worry about what others are thinking of us.... which incidentally leads to much more freedom to enjoy our chocolates to our hearts content like a kid in public. 

Think Like A Man

Think like a man.... come now. I know. First of all... so little space and so little time here. Let me begin by asking specifically which man? Because I believe we all need a point of reference to adequately tackle this one. If it's Jesus here they are referencing... hands down without a doubt that's a stellar choice as we know but otherwise it may be dicey territory we are entering. For those of you who have solid male figures in your life you are beyond blessed.  For those of you who have a father or husband whom you can go to for advice, counsel, and aspire to emulate the qualities in a man you hold dear and admire, then by all means go for it. The man in your life may very well be someone who you desire to think like. For the rest of us that are sitting here with smirked looks on our faces like "Uh, huh.... yeah right. I didn't get the goody bin... I got the bottom of the barrel over in the corner with the muck in it." In light of that latter barrel perhaps the best thing to do is to narrow it down to "just think." 

Work Like A Boss

Why would we aspire to "work like a boss"? What does that do for us as women but limit us and create restrictions consequently causing us hit our head on the glass ceiling? If were going to "work like a boss" shouldn't we just chunk that idea and go straight to being the boss? Ladies, we can aim higher. As women we can do so much and contribute great work in this world that will not only help others but glorify God and all His goodness. When we push the self imposed limits we've subconsciously set for ourselves or allowed others to set for us, we can not only do great things we can set the bar higher by empowering our daughters to do great things too. 

WEAR WHATEVER YOU WANT

BE YOURSELF

THINK 

BE THE BOSS 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading,

 commenting & sharing!

Image and Aspergers

“Young Child In Nature” by chrisroll via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image

When you see that word what thought first comes to mind?

The view others have of you?

That we are all created in God's image?

The word image can have a positive or negative connotation and depending on the individual their view of "Image" may have been shaped by their child hood upbringing and later their adult experiences.


My son was recently diagnosed with Aspergers

Aspergers is a high functioning form of Autism. My husband and I prepared ahead of time to tell our son of his diagnosis. Not only did we want to be prepared but I wanted our son to have materials at his disposal to better understand what Asperger's is. I searched online and much to my relief and delight found books written for children explaining Asperger's. This one was his favorite:

http://www.amazon.com/What-It-Is-Be-Me/dp/1593521995

The afternoon we told him, he nodded as if he had already known. I believe he felt relief to finally know why he had felt "different" amongst his peers. He had always been social despite awkward tendencies with it. Now he had a concrete reason as to why he had had these struggles. We read the book together and he excitedly pointed out the boy in the story "Was just like him!" Everyone in the family has read up on Asperger's and the sense of unity and openness has helped bring our family and extended family members closer.

If we hadn't told him we would have set him up for a lifetime of wondering the reason for his struggle combined with the struggle itself. That would have magnified the frustration he already felt! By not telling him of his diagnosis what type of message would we have been sending him?

That when you have a developmental disorder you keep it hidden.
That when you have a developmental disorder you struggle silently behind closed doors.
That when you have a developmental disorder image is more important than authenticity.
That when you have a developmental disorder it's shameful and makes you less than others.

Instead I want to be open with my son. By being upfront and honest with him it empowers him to embrace the struggles he has with social skills and coping during times of frustration thus enabling him to address them along with our encouraging guidance, therapies and prayer.

Knowledge = Power

Once he knows the reason for his struggles they no longer seem so big, so undefinable and he can now receive the validation he needs for all his internal frustration. What a gift that is!

As his parent I don't want to send him the wrong message by letting him think for one minute Image is more important than his truth, his authenticity, his value as a person.

I don't want him believing he doesn't meet this or that image…

but that he was created out of His perfect love.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2012