Monday, September 16, 2013

5 Acts Of Love: When A Woman Loves A Man

As women we go into marriage wondering what is expected of us... what is it that our husbands want, need and desire. As brides it's sometimes difficult to know what (often undefinable) acts of love make up a wonderful wife... especially today when we wear so many hats, as some of us work outside the home in addition to caring for children and managing a household. Likewise women who work from home have their own challenges as finding a balance is still needed. No matter how many hats we juggle in our role as a wife (and mother) it can be taxing and the pressure we may put upon ourselves infinite. 

There is no such thing as a perfect wife…

 anymore than there is a perfect husband.

Yet... there are some things we can keep in mind 
and do to be the best wife we can be for our one love.... 

1. Don't nag

Seriously. It's a killer in a relationship. Like nail biting, once you start it's a difficult habit to break. But yet it can be done. Husbands don't want to be nagged. When we nag our children (like doing homework) it pushes them away creating the opposite effect we desire. It's not any different than for our husbands. We married to be his wife not his mother. Ignore his dirty clothes on the floor by the bed. When I was first married that was one of my pet peeves... his dirty clothes on the floor by his side of the bed. Yes, it's not attractive, I hear you. (It's truly not and it's not exactly a turn on) ... yet I found a solution... his "side of the bed" became the one by the wall so when I entered the bedroom I never caught a glimpse of his mess. Problem solved! No more (visible) mess. No more nagging. We can find a creative solution to make the situation manageable, bite our tongue or we can wear ourselves out nagging and drive him nuts in the process too. 

When we choose instead to give life with our words and be an encourager whether it's what he's done to help around the house, what he's done to provide, etc... when we are his number one cheerleader, it lifts him up and then he will do the same for us (unless he's a narcissist, let's be real... then we are kidding ourselves and need to say "so long"). 

2. Have sex

Men want to feel wanted and desired by their wife. Sex tells him he's loved, he's accepted by you and it fuels his masculinity to go out and conquer the world. It lifts him up knowing he rocked your world (hopefully he is rocking your world... and not being a selfish lover) and you lit up his. 

3. Men need a soft spot to land too 

He needs to know you have his back, that you are loyal, that you are there for him at the end of a long day. He wants to see your smile at the end of each day, feel your embrace and hold you as his burdens melt away. Men feel enormous pressure (even if as a woman you contribute financially) to provide for his family and often they keep silent about this stress so as not to put any additional burden on you. As endearing as that might be it's important he knows he can come to you about anything... letting him know how much you appreciate the hard work he does, the hours he puts in and observing the latest strides he's made on a project or new client he's attained... he will appreciate your thoughtfulness and encouragement.

4. Pray together and for him

 When we set aside time together to pray, read our bible, watch a program like Joyce Meyer as a couple... it draws us closer, uniting our focus to God and makes us evaluate where we are, how were doing and where we wish to go. If he doesn't make time with you a priority on a spiritual level don't let that hold you back... spend time with God, live authentically and let your faith shine... don't let anyone turn off your light! 

5. Let him be the man

 Let his masculinity shine. It seems today men are becoming more feminine and women are taking on more masculine qualities. In a society that is unfortunately becoming reversed it only takes watching one episode of the Bachelorette to see the manly ruggedness of beards, goatees and rolled shirt sleeves being replaced today by shiny waxed bodies, hair slicked with gel and skinny jeans... leaving some men spending more time in front of the mirror than the typical woman. As women we bring feminity to the relationship and to the home... we bring a soft touch, a caress, a whisper, a playful laugh... we bring curtains, flowers and scented candles... we bring the opposite of the man... the rough, the hard edge, the strength... and yet in that is the absolute sexiness of their ability to be gentle. Every woman needs to be able to hold her own, to stand on her own two feet as dependency is never attractive nor healthy... yet choosing to let his masculinity shine... letting him help you when you need it, lifting this, carrying that, letting him feel needed... he loves it. 

As women wouldn't it be wonderful to have a guide on being the best wife we can be for our husbands... if there was such a guide (as well as one for husbands) just imagine how fewer divorces there might be. There isn't a magic solution out there but learning through trial and error, learning from others and following God's word to walk in purposeful love each and every day with our spouse and making them a priority will go a long way in living the best version of our love story! 

© ~ 2013

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