Saturday, June 29, 2013

Doing The Right Thing: To Confront Or Not?

Are we doing the right thing in life? 

Even more, are we doing the right thing when other's aren't? 

God expects us to do good, seek justice and lead a life of good moral character. We can choose each day to be an example of good, not corruption and evil. If we choose to engage in sin we can guarantee we will reap what we sow. 

Have you ever observed someone doing something illegal or unethical, maybe just hurtful and you cringed in response yet you didn't know what to do? You believed you should have done something but you also may have been fearful. Perhaps you chose to do nothing. You may have feared retaliation in return for speaking up for what is good. 

God does not want us to fear. 

God repeatedly tells us in the bible not to be afraid, to not fear and that no matter what we will make it through the trials and tribulations throughout our life... we just have to hold tightly to Him when we begin to waver. 

We can speak out in gentleness and humility and confront without causing a scene. We can confront in private. We can confront without cursing. We can confront by stating the facts and thereby leading a good example to others. We can confront quietly not in brashness shaming our fellow man. We can confront without getting a jab in or lowering ourselves to someone else's level of behavior. Granted, it's hard in the heat of the moment, when we are angry, upset, flustered etc... but we can try our best and ask God for help. If we fail we can turn to our fellow man in apology and forgiveness... then to God in prayer asking for forgiveness and redirection. 

We may waffle and not want to, but at times we must confront. Because sometimes if we don't, we risk not only the individuals sin continuing to affect us negatively but others also.... possibly leading to harmful consequences to innocent people who would have greatly appreciated our initial intervention. 


Last week I was sitting in my son's psychiatrist's colorful waiting room patiently waiting our name to be called. The office was busy... mothers and fathers alike waited their turn while their children played. It was a routine appointment we had regarding a refill for my son's non-stimulant ADHD medication but unbeknownst to me the wait would be anything but routine. Nearby my son and daughter worked on a puzzle they were quietly piecing together. Beside me to my left on the floor were three boys playing legos and building their individual towers without any incident. I rose to select a couple magazines to casually flip through. Upon reaching my chair I took my seat and opened one... only to have the moment interrupted by a sudden banging noise. A little boy with a cherub face that now looked incredibly angry with a shock of blonde hair was smashing his truck into two other boys lego creations. The other two smaller boys backed away ever so slightly from him but said nothing. I glanced up at their mother's who had distressed looks on their faces. The blonde haired boy yet again smashed his truck into the smaller boys lego buildings causing them to look at him with a mixture of two deer caught in headlights and increasing anger. 

I quickly turned to the woman sitting near me and asked "Excuse me, do you know where this boy's mother is?" 

She jerked her head in the direction of the door by the front desk. "She's in the back with the doctor." 

I stood up and strode over to the blonde haired boy and knelt down beside him on the soft gray carpet. 

"Hey..." I said and gently took his arm. He stopped the truck in it's tracks. 

"Listen... " I spoke softly to him "It's not nice to bully other's. It would be best if you help these boys rebuild their towers." 

He looked at me and then nodded admittedly "Okay, you are right." Pushing the truck away, he told the boys he was sorry and began helping them rebuild their lego creations. I patted him reassuringly on the back and thanked him.


We don't have to cave to fear and choose not to confront others when they have wronged us or we have witnessed them wronging others. It takes courage to stand up for the right thing and we may struggle but we can lean on God for strength and guidance. If we choose to confront others in a Godly manner we can stand in sweet strong loving victory not as a disgruntled victim of self pity or as a silent partner to enabling the sins of others. 

“If your brother sins against you,
 go and tell him his fault, 
between you and him alone.
 If he listens to you,
 you have gained your brother."

 Matthew 18:15 ESV

© ~ 2013

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading,

 commenting & sharing! 

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Grieving = One Of The Most Basic Human Needs




image “Heart” by usamedeniz via 

Through each tear we find healing, comfort and peace. 

I'm sure you can picture at 
least one special someone 
you have grieved losing. 

Perhaps you've lost a parent, a child, a pet, a friend, a classmate, a neighbor, a lost love, a sibling, a spouse or any combination of those mentioned. Grief can come in many forms.... either through the loss of someone due to death, the end of a relationship or even divorce.

Loss & Grief That's Expected...

I visited my grandfather in hospice right before he passed away... the place, the room, it silently spoke of impending death... no decor, no life sustaining medications, no cheeriness, just a bed and the drip of pain meds. There were no words between us...  but sitting beside him, he looked me in the eyes with recognition and I detected embarrassment in his face that I was witnessing him in what he likely would have perceived as a weak state. He had always been a very tall, strong, dark haired, robust man who enjoyed big game hunting, traveling the world, watching the history channel and yet had a soft spot for any dessert he could get his hands (or sweet tooth) on. He could be brash, impulsive and quick to temper. He had more energy at sixty than most people have at twenty. But in his final moments with him I didn't see a weak man... I saw an incredibly strong man who had led an incredibly full life with stories from hunting expeditions that rivaled something out of an Indiana Jones film. I saw a man who had continued to hold on long after diabetes had begun it's corroding damage to his feet. I saw a man who had survived prostate cancer decades before. I saw a man who had always wanted to portray himself as undeniably strong do the unthinkable which was to let me grasp his now fragile weathered hand and hold it.... I saw a man who was so vulnerable in his granddaughters presence yet amazed me with his strength in holding on to the very end until Jesus met up with him in everlasting light.

When we know of the impending loss of an elderly grandparent due to age, frailty and diminished health we can in some ways prepare ourselves for their soon passing. They may very well be exhausted both mentally and physically and have suffered for quite some time... their quality of life may be severely lacking if they were so blessed to live well into their eighties or nineties. Having time to absorb the bittersweet reality that they are passing into a new home of great eternal joy where birds will undoubtedly sing melodies announcing their grand arrival... we can take heart in knowing that they are going to a place of peace and love with our Savior. We have time to come to terms with any related baggage, with any unspoken words, any sorrowful un-forgiveness and find our own peace in the quiet moments at their bedside grasping their hand during their final moments... being there for them to the very end and finding healing in that very act of love.

Loss & Grief That Is Unexpected... 

This is in stark contrast when we lose someone without any warning. When my sister passed away unexpectedly in 2008 due to a drunk driver part of the reason my grief was so magnified was due to the unexpectedness of it. When we lose someone so unexpectedly we may struggle with the numbness and shock of it for quite some time... we may not be capable of wrapping our head around the reality that someone we deeply loved could be here one day and gone the next. Or the hour for that matter.  For myself, as I know many other's feel... losing someone to a drunk driver is comparable to them being murdered. Each person that makes the unwise yet conscious choice to get behind the wheel of a vehicle who has been drinking beyond the individual state limits (and/or personal limit as each person varies in height and weight, etc) is setting himself or herself up for killing someone. Vehicles don't kill people but people do by utilizing bad decision making.

Losing my baby sister was the worst loss of my life... it was two-fold in that I was grieving her losing her life and no longer being capable of accomplishing her hopes and dreams due to her life being taken at much too young an age of twenty two but the loss of her and how it related to myself also. Not only was I grieving her loss of not realizing her own dreams; traveling to New York one day, getting married, raising a family, pursuing a career in journalism... but my own loss of never hearing my sister's voice again, seeing her smirk, seeing her tuck her "chappie" aka chapstick in her jeans pocket, ordering pizza together and watching chick flicks.... all the little things that made her who she was and the moments we shared.... I could list indefinitely. Likewise the pain I saw in my mother's face was heart wrenching.... no mother should ever have to go through the pain of losing her child. Standing at my sister's gravesite all I really wanted was for everyone to vacate and leave the site so I'd have that precious alone time with my sister. I wanted to embrace selfishness and shoo everyone away and just sit there beside her coffin until the sun set but eventually we all made the somber walk to the limo and clambered in. Leaving her physical body there even though I knew she was in Heaven was one of the most incredibly difficult things ever.

Loss For The Best But Still Grieved...

I will be forthcoming in saying hindsight is always 20/20 and in that I should not have married my husband. Did I see jerky behaviors in the beginning? Yes, yet those initial occasional "jerky behaviors" mixed with a facade of goodness gradually grew into monstrous proportions of negative traits over the course of a thirteen year marriage and would later resemble narcissistic and sociopathic abuse. I had lived it for so long I myself had believed it wasn't as bad as it really was... or had erroneously hoped it would get better... or maybe at the end of the day a bit of both. There is nothing wrong with hope, as hope is a must in this world. However, if you aren't seeing any change or desire to change coming from an abusive spouse... it's time to cut your losses before you're so beat down you don't care if you live or not... more so if you have children. Thankfully I wasn't anywhere near that stage but I had been complacently living with him changing the rules on me so often regarding what he wanted or needed that I was chronically anxious and stressed out by his ever changing expectations....  I honestly didn't know whether I was coming or going half the time. It's not healthy to live like that... to have him come home and his temper always simmering, ready to bark and then having a son who bless his little heart struggles to use his words and express himself when stressed... and well, you have a situation that requires walking on eggshells as I would try to step in to be the buffer. Constantly trying to soft peddle to keep them calm and on an even kneel as my daughter would flee to her room and hide behind the door. Who wants to live as a referee and try to keep the other adult in the home appeased? At what cost? Your health? Your sanity? Your status? So you can say you're married? Not. Worth. It.

Divorce and grief as a shared package?...  sometimes people may not understand that concept, especially if you were the one who filed. People may erroneously believe that if you have filed for divorce you must be fine about the demise of your marriage. People may believe you have happily moved on and are not sad in the least bit. But this may not always hold true and for the most part likely doesn't. I can say that I am very relieved to be released from my long standing toxic marriage. I know the marriage wasn't good or healthy for me, nor for my children. But in that I am grieving what I wanted it to be... he could be anyone in that grief... but I am incredibly sad over the loss of what I wished and hoped for in marrying someone. I had hoped for someone who would openly talk to me and love me without chronic dismissiveness and stonewalling. I had hoped for someone who allowed me to be myself (I don't like roller coasters, not going to learn to like them... and that is okay with me). I had hoped for someone who wouldn't place pressure upon me to be perfect (I'm not perfect,  not gonna be perfect and don't want that unhealthy pressure), I had hoped for someone who appreciated the simplicity of the little things in life like ice cream on the deck under the stars with Gary Allan or Matthew West playing in the background... children with bare feet and beach-wave hair fresh from their baths cuddled up next to us pointing out fireflies and toasting marshmallows.... versus the misguided hyper focus of status, image, ego, sex and materialism. I mourn all of those things I had hoped for not only for myself and my husband one day but for my children and am now facing the reality of it not being what I'd pictured. In the grieving of divorce we may mourn just the breaking up of a family even if we know deep down keeping it intact is at a cost to everyone. The loss from divorce is profound and every woman (and man) who is grieving... we all need a little comfort, a little sweet affirmation that our shattered dreams deserve to be mourned....  and a hug too.

No matter what type of loss you have or are experiencing... remember that it's always okay to mourn and grieve. It's human and a very basic need when we have had love and hope in another person, relationship, etc and we finally come to a place where we realize our initial dreams and those of others will not come to fruition and instead are cut short.

In that remember that God is always there for you in your grief, tears and sorrow. He will wipe away your tears, comfort you and renew your hope in a better tomorrow... God will help you come up with another dream, another wish, another day to start anew.... a promise of God's love that never fails.

© ~ 2013

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting & sharing!

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Wishes On Stars: Someone's Great Love Is Already Written For You

“Night Sky” by samarttiw via

Wish Upon A Star...

"Look at the stars... it's so pretty..." I whispered to my daughter cuddled in my king sized bed with me as we gazed up at the vaulted ceiling. It was one of those mother daughter moments when you wish time would stand still... that you could freeze this moment and their small hands, toes and noses would never grow, never change and you could relish this forever. Stars in colors of green, purple and blue were projected onto the ceiling above us from her well loved unicorn Dream Lite.... stars magically changed colors before our eyes in the dark comfort and coziness of the room... the only background noise being the air conditioning coming on to cool the house on another hot June night. We laid there together side by side under the pale gray sheets quietly watching the stars change from green to purple to blue then back to green again....

"You can make a wish...." I told her.

"What should I wish for?" she asked softly never taking her eyes off the stars overhead. Her freshly washed soft blonde brown hair reminiscent of beach waves smelled like a mixture of Aveeno shampoo and Caress body wash in scents of coconut, orchid and lily.

"Anything you want." I replied easily in return.

"I want a new daddy." she whispered in the quiet of the room.

My heart sank.

I could only assume that what she truly wanted was the daddy she had to stop behaving how he was. Understandably, she wanted him to stop snapping, to stop yelling, to stop ordering, to stop twisting, to stop lying, to stop controlling....

to just stop. 

How often as children and adults do we wish we could change the people in our life? Sometimes, the changes we believe that are needed are justified and truly would make a positive difference in our lives and other's.

But we can't change other's no matter how much we want them to. We can pray to God for change and we may see it come to fruition or other times not. We may question why God is not doing more or doing anything to change this person or that person in our life. Undoubtedly it can be frustrating for us and as human beings we want answers and results.... and with that typically yesterday, as we don't usually enjoy waiting much. The answer as to why a person hasn't changed isn't always an easy one or maybe ever even realized but people do have the ability to change... especially if they are open to God working in them and readily humble themselves before Him. For through Him we can do anything.

Until change takes place or even if it never does, we can take comfort in knowing that God is with us and sees our frustration. It's perfectly fine to go to God with our hurts and disappointments and lay them before Him and ask for comfort and healing which will act as a soothing balm for our hurting hearts.

We may have faced tear jerking, heart wrenching disappointments in our life... we may want change to take place in the people in our life. But we can hold fast onto God and remember that even in the midst of the yelling, the snapping, the obscenities, the fear and the control inflicted by the earthly father in our life...

Thankfully we don't have to make a wish on a star that God is there for us.

It's already written in the stars.

God is who made them. 

It's not magic.

It's very real.

He is there.

Always and forever.

© ~ 2013

To My Readers:

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Anxiety: 10 Tips To Stop The Cycle!




As parents we naturally want to keep our children safe and in this current world we live in that can sometimes seem like a daunting task. Just flip on the news for one evening and we can see for ourselves that no matter how careful we are in trying to protect our children bad things do happen. We wouldn't be doing our children any favors though not to try to look out for them as best as we can... we just have to keep a healthy perspective in doing so. As parents we want to teach our children cause and effect... that all callous or dangerous decisions do often have negative outcomes. With that being said we don't want to instill an unhealthy fear in them to create unnecessary anxiety, fear and stress.

As parents what can we do to make sure we are instilling what we can to keep our children safe yet also not do it with overkill and consequently contribute to causing our children to be anxious? There are some things we can keep in mind and implement so we don't fall into this trap.

Communicating to our children that the world is very unsafe... 

Parents need to be as self aware as possible not to project their fears and anxieties onto their children. They may worry incessantly about their children... concern is fine but keeping excessive worry under wraps may lessen your child's view of the world around them as being overly threatening to their safety, health and well being. If as parents we chronically say things like "Don't do this!... don't do that!... " it creates panic, restricts their children and creates unneeded fear to begin to grow over time. Instead we can tell our children very simply that when we cross the street we must hold hands and look both ways. We can teach our children and role play with them about situations they will likely experience in their pre-teen and teen years regarding peer pressure... smoking, drugs, sex etc. By teaching them that they can have some freedom but equipping them with the knowledge and practice they need to make good choices we are well on our way to helping them feel secure in the world.

Criticizing your children... 

Nothing good comes from criticizing your children. This is a red flag of parents who are perfectionistic and who are transferring their perfectionism onto their children. Their children will pay the price and always wonder if they are good enough or did well enough etc. It's truly a no win for children and in the end the parents lose too because the children will grow to resent them. The children will grow up to be adults who still are turning to their parents for acceptance and love. Unconditional love that they never felt they received. These are the children who later grow up to be the people pleasers and are beyond stressed out because their stomach is in knots, their schedule is overpacked and the guilt they consequently feel is busting at the seams. Stopping the criticism of little Susie's hair, her artwork, her attempts at helping, etc...  you will go a long way in helping her become a healthy adult. Parents can definitely change if they want to and if a reward system of some sort is implemented for every time we don't criticize our child (or ourselves) helps, by all means embrace it.

Shutting your children down....

As parents one of our jobs is to ensure our children are taught to adequately express themselves in a non-hostile, friendly but assertive manner. Extremes are never healthy and by encouraging our children to firmly stand up for themselves or voice their wishes or feelings about a situation we are setting a good foundation for our children to use their speech well into adulthood. But if parents are shutting their children down and not allowing self expression and in fact are punishing them because they are voicing a feeling, thought or concern... they are nothing but bullies. Children should be taught to speak with respect but also allowed to use their own minds and tongues to relay their thoughts. If a child is repeatedly given a dry biscuit for breakfast every morning and has respectfully asked his father for healthier options such as eggs, fruit or yogurt and dad denies him that, shuts him down and verbally berates him for it... the problem isn't the child. The problem is the father who has to remain in control... one, by not giving the child any other options... two, by not allowing the child to speak his or her mind. The father is in fact merely a bully. The child who is continually shut down will pay the price by becoming more tense, more anxious, and have issues as an adult adequately expressing themselves. This will lead the child once grown to have issues in his or her own relationships with communication and assertiveness.

Whether parents are inflicting all of these issues or just one upon their children, over time they create huge amounts of stress that builds, consequently creating anxious, tensed up children, teens and later adults. Just some of the factors that they could unfortunately face include... migraine headaches, panic attacks, generalized anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, panic disorder, muscle pains, fatigue, tics, eating disorders, sleeping problems, depression, phobias, ocd, trichotillomania, and more. Fortunately, parents CAN change... just knowing if you are struggling with some or all of these issues is the beginning to positive change in your child's world and your own. Self-awareness is always a good first step and then taking the initiative to implement new ways of relating to our children little by little will produce great fruit in their lives.

If as an adult you have experienced an upbringing that involved these anxiety producing issues... you may very well be suffering from anxiety because of it. There are many things you can do if you are already suffering from the anxiety monster that seems once it has it's hold threatens to take more and more. As someone who as suffered from anxiety for years trust me, you are not alone. Thankfully there are techniques available to help.

1. Talk to someone. Or pray. Sometimes just expressing it helps.

2. Journal. Get it out on paper.

3. Relax. Bubble baths, a massage, sex etc are great ways to ease stress.

4. Redirection. Redirect your thoughts to something pleasant such as a vacation spot.

5. Deep breathing. Slow, abdominal breathing through your nose, exhale from your mouth. Place your hand lightly on your abdomen to ensure it's rising and falling with each breath and you are not breathing shallowly.

6. Muscle help. Start with your jaw, neck and shoulder muscles. Relax them one at a time and slowly work your way down your body until your muscles feel like jelly.

7. Picture something pleasant such as water or the ocean waves, imagining the sound.

8. Aerobics on a regular basis. Proven to rid the body of tension that has built up and ease anxiety.

9. Positive thoughts. Remind yourself that this will pass... you are not your anxious thoughts or actions.

10. Practical help. Stress ball to squeeze at your desk, chew gum if needing to clench your teeth.

© ~ 2013 

To My Readers:
Thank you for reading,
commenting & sharing! 

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

When As Women We Are Told How To: Look, Act, Think & Work





That quote has been circulating Pinterest lately and with it limitations upon women screamed at me from it. As women how often do we erroneously limit ourselves into being how others believe we should be? How often do we allow others to pigeon hole us? Maybe we don't want to be the round peg in a round hole. Maybe we don't want to color inside the lines but instead outside of them. How often are we subscribing to the idea that others should dictate how we behave, how we should dress, how we should act and simply live our lives? 

Look Like A Girl

Modesty is important, yes. This is more about expectations put on women to look a certain way. How often do we restrict and box ourselves in, perhaps without even realizing it? Who came up with we need to "look like a girl"? And what exactly does that entail? Does looking like a girl mean wearing a dress, red lipstick and heels? Does it mean curling our lashes and wearing pearls with a prim matching sweater set? If you want to do that by all means do but is there something wrong with a pair slacks or jeans and a baseball cap? When I was in my twenties and working for a law firm of good 'ole boy attorneys they expected me to wear skirts to the office... I bristled and rebelled. I wore slacks every day I wished to and still accomplished my work just fine and still looking professional. Does a skirt have anything to do with my work being completed? Nope. Maybe instead of inflicting rules and regulations upon women that we must each "look like a girl"... perhaps a better philosophy is "wear whatever you want". When we embrace wearing what we want we also embrace individuality and the freedom of living authentically instead of succumbing to society's imposed ideals. 

Act Like A Lady

"Act like a lady".... in of itself is a facade... the quote itself includes the word "act"... why must we act? For whom are we acting? For men? For the benefit of other women? And what does "acting like a lady" constitute? Only wearing dresses? Not chewing gum? Not wearing too much eye makeup? Is it acting sweet and syrupy to someone's face only to drop the "act" the minute their back is turned? Is it appearing like a doormat so that you don't come across as outspoken or (gasp) as a woman who stands up for herself? Is it holding a designer handbag on your arm with perfectly coifed hair and carefully constructing an act of sipping tea without a single drop marring your outfit... yet once home in the privacy of your own den cramming as many chocolate truffles as you can fit into your mouth? (Ahem... personal experience I have committed the latter... quite frequently, enjoyed it immensely and highly recommend it). Who is making up the rules that constitute whether or not you are indeed "acting like a lady" or very much not? Instead perhaps we need to drop the "act" and move on toward just "being"... as in "be yourself". With being yourself we can most definitely bet that it comes with much less stress, less pressure and less worry about what others are thinking of us.... which incidentally leads to much more freedom to enjoy our chocolates to our hearts content like a kid in public. 

Think Like A Man

Think like a man.... come now. I know. First of all... so little space and so little time here. Let me begin by asking specifically which man? Because I believe we all need a point of reference to adequately tackle this one. If it's Jesus here they are referencing... hands down without a doubt that's a stellar choice as we know but otherwise it may be dicey territory we are entering. For those of you who have solid male figures in your life you are beyond blessed.  For those of you who have a father or husband whom you can go to for advice, counsel, and aspire to emulate the qualities in a man you hold dear and admire, then by all means go for it. The man in your life may very well be someone who you desire to think like. For the rest of us that are sitting here with smirked looks on our faces like "Uh, huh.... yeah right. I didn't get the goody bin... I got the bottom of the barrel over in the corner with the muck in it." In light of that latter barrel perhaps the best thing to do is to narrow it down to "just think." 

Work Like A Boss

Why would we aspire to "work like a boss"? What does that do for us as women but limit us and create restrictions consequently causing us hit our head on the glass ceiling? If were going to "work like a boss" shouldn't we just chunk that idea and go straight to being the boss? Ladies, we can aim higher. As women we can do so much and contribute great work in this world that will not only help others but glorify God and all His goodness. When we push the self imposed limits we've subconsciously set for ourselves or allowed others to set for us, we can not only do great things we can set the bar higher by empowering our daughters to do great things too. 





© ~ 2013 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading,

 commenting & sharing!

Sunday, June 16, 2013

The Reminder Of My Rapist: HPV

some names have been omitted from this post 



My time being gone when I was seventeen and fleetingly living with a man who the first night raped me left a physical consequence in that I contracted HPV which is also known as the Human Papillomavirus. Once I'd returned home and during a check up that involved a multitude of tests at my gynecologist's office the HPV showed up during a routine pap smear. Honestly, I was thankful to God that HPV was the only thing I contracted as it could have been much worse. My gynecologist told me I had to be vigilant in my check ups to ensure early detection of cervical cancer that is caused by HPV. I followed her advice and every year I made sure I followed through with regular pap smears. 


Eighteen years later - February 2012

A routine pap smear in December 2011 at my gynecologists office came back abnormal which prompted my doctor to do a biopsy the following February... the results unfortunately showing pre-cancer cells. I knew my doctor was doing everything she could to look out for me and that early detection was key in preventing full-blown cancer. I had also done quite a bit of reading up on HPV and knew the statistics. 
3, 909 women 
died in the United States 
from cervical cancer in 

You don't have to have sex to contract HPV. Just coming in contact intimately skin to skin is enough to get it. A woman giving oral sex to a male who is infected with HPV means she has now infected her throat with it and is at risk for throat cancer. With infidelity rates sky-high in todays society even young brides need to be immunized with Gardasil to protect themselves. For teen girls who naively believe oral sex in the back seat of their boyfriend's vehicles is a safe alternative to pre-marital sex they are gravely mistaken and the health risk of contracting mouth cancer is still there for males who give oral sex. Now, thankfully the HPV preventative vaccine is available to young men as well. 

Typically in the past over the years since my diagnosis I hadnt worried too much about getting cervical cancer, as I was very diligent about always going to my yearly check ups. Of course with anything it lingers in the back of your mind as a dark possibility. But now with this impending surgery my violation was fresh in my mind. It was in my face, what he had done and there was no escaping it or shoving it under the rug.  I began praying fervently for God to help me and not only that the surgery would go well but it would eliminate any future issues. I did something I'd chronically struggled with doing in the past... I asked for help. I couldnt do this on my own. I needed support and I needed God. In turning to my friends I asked for their prayers. The outpouring of prayers, support, cards, flowers, and their messages with kind words was awe-inspiring.

The day of the surgery my husband took off work early and drove me. Once there, I was uncharacteristically calm and collected as I paid my portion, signed the necessary papers including waivers of risks involved such as infection or hemorrhaging and took a seat in the plush waiting room nestled in a burgundy upholstered wing chair to await my name called. I casually flipped through a Stella & Dot jewelry catalog as my husband fidgeted nervously on his cell phone. My husband commented how for once I seemed less anxious than him. That thought was hilarious to me and I laughed, appreciating the moment. Once tucked away in the surgery room an hour or so later wearing a paper gown as I watched the nurses finish setting up equipment, anesthesia and various surgical tools on a tray, I wavered. The room seemed to sway slightly and I felt a wave of nausea come over me. The enormity of what I was still being reminded of almost twenty years later hit me like a ton of bricks. My eyes watered but I firmly reminded myself that I had multitudes of people praying for me, that all was in Gods hands and He was looking out for me. 

I knew God had this. 

It was exactly one week later I received the phone call. Pulling over in my SUV as my cell began ringing I grabbed it off the leather passenger seat answering it. It was my gynecologists office. They had my results. I held my breath as the nurse spoke, quickly delivering the good news in a upbeat spiel. Everything they had removed had clean edges. They had removed everything bad. I was fine. Id have a follow-up check up every three months for the following year. I thanked her and we said goodbye. A flood of relief washed over me and I profusely thanked God.

Once again God had intervened. 

Once again He 
had responded to prayer. 

Once again He had prevailed.

Once again He had given healing. 

 God's love was greater (>) than 

any reminder of my rapist. 

His love never fails.

For more information on the facts about HPV click the link below:
To My Readers: 
Thank you for reading, 
commenting & sharing!