Love = Upholding Vows In Sickness & In Health

early 2010 

names have been omitted in this post 

*******************

I waited for my Internist to come in the exam room… why did you always seemingly have to wait so long once you were back in those tiny examining rooms? As usual I had forgotten to bring a magazine with me and was forced to wait without anything to look at. Sitting perched on the end of the exam table my eyes glazed over from boredom. Yawn… I could seriously fall asleep right now… and I felt bad enough to. I was about ready for a hospital bed.

Soon he entered the room and after discussing what was going on with my health he spoke…

"I will be straightforward with you." he said, his facial expression serious on his older, wiser face. He ran his hand through his white hair and spoke with a frustrated sigh… "I really don't know what is going on. I have no idea what you have. I fail to understand how a thirty something female who is otherwise healthy could suddenly be diagnosed with not just severe acid reflux but now asthma. It doesn't add up."

My shoulders slumped and I watched him as he seemed to be thinking about what to do next.

"The first course of business is to get you a chest x-ray. Immediately. That will hopefully rule out anything going on with your lungs." He told me, now pacing the small room in thought. "I want to get you an appointment with a specialist for testing… and get you in to see someone I know at Southwestern Medical. If after all that we still don't know what is going on… the next place will be Mayo Clinic." He paused and turned to me… "I don't know what's wrong. But I will find out." He promised me with conviction.

Hope began to well within me and my eyes sparkled with half tears, half hope "Thank you." I told him softly with infinite gratitude.

He was literally my last hope. 

I was so worried… I was losing weight faster than you could boil water on the stove… I was having more and more difficulty breathing as each day passed. Meanwhile I could barely eat anything because it was comparable to having a really stuffed up nose during a cold… that symptom makes it nearly impossible to eat and breathe at the same time. You can usually do either  or…. but not both. I couldn't eat much not just due to the acid reflux but because for whatever reason I couldn't breath when I ate… and not much easier the rest of the time. It was beyond puzzling and had come out of nowhere…. progressively getting worse as the weeks then few months passed.

Initially I had gone to see my allergy doctor since I was having difficulty breathing and he also treated asthma. His natural course of action had been to load me up on prednisone… which left me with potentially ugly side effects and I was worried as the meds seemed to be merely masking the issue temporarily due to the moment the medication wore off... I was gasping for air again. This clearly wasn't the solution, I was realizing… as my breathing issue appeared to be coming from my throat… not my chest as with asthma.

I was at the end of my rope. I had dropped more than twenty pounds in just a few short months, was too weak to cross a parking lot or work any longer… I was basically bedridden and my friends had no idea how truly ill I was. The computer screen behind my doctor flashed the words "underweight" in red and I barely recognized myself any longer. He told me if I didn't begin gaining weight immediately he was admitting me to the hospital. This appointment with him had occurred after a hard realization I was on my own. Just the day before I had sat in my kitchen begging my husband to take me to the doctor. He merely yelled for me to take more medication… more prednisone and do what my doctor had told me to do.

"But I'm not getting better!" I cried to him "It's not helping! I don't even think this is asthma! My gut instinct tells me it's not! If it's not treating the right thing I'm just getting pumped up with lots of steroids and albuterol I don't even need!" I exclaimed. "I need you to take me to the doctor!" I told him, practically begging, each word costing me precious amounts of energy.

"No! I'm not taking you! Just do what he says!" He yelled at me grouchily.

I literally felt like I was dying… and he was useless. "Take me to the hospital..." I told him pleadingly. "Right now. Please... take me to the hospital." I repeated looking up at him.

He stared down at me "Do you know how much that will cost??!!!" He yelled at me.

I stared at him with empty hollowed eyes too exhausted to reply. I had never felt this weak in my life… I'd felt slightly stronger with the flu or a severe stomach bug.

"That will cost me two thousand dollars!!! That's how much it will cost!!!!" He screamed.

I closed my eyes.

And I wept. 

He stormed off slamming the door behind him.


It would be later the chest x-ray showed my lungs were thankfully clear. After a battery of tests called the Methacholine Challenge showed definite breathing issues but ruled out asthma… I was referred to a Specialist who listened carefully to my symptoms and upon hearing the restrictive breathing was coming from my throat… not chest he nodded… "You have something called Vocal Chord Dysfunction. It's when we see severe acid reflux washing up over the vocal chords and damaging them. They become inflamed and won't open properly like they should upon inhalation and speaking. So you feel out of breath. " He affirmed with a nod and looked at me understandingly "This is why you're having so many problems… but this is nothing that can't be helped. We need to do several things… first, treat your acid reflux with a proton pump inhibitor. The over-the-counter stuff doesn't do enough in these severe cases. The other thing we need to do is get you on some Singulair… that will help. I want you to do voice therapy… I'll give you a referral. This will help you in getting your breathing and voice back on track… the acid is causing your voice to become strained and raspy as well." He added. He told me it would take time and for now I needed to focus on rest and eating to gain my weight and strength back… but that with time… likely two to three months I should begin to get back to a normal functioning life. He also gave me one other suggestion… to lose any stress in my life. I nodded… he had no idea that would require removing a near six foot person.

It would take about three months to get back to almost normal… more improvements were made each day… and it would take going to voice therapy for a whole year… but it was worth it… I truly felt my voice therapist was my angel in disguise… and both my doctors as well… I believe God places certain people in our lives for a reason.

********************

"I was furious with him… " My mother told me…  "I was worried sick."

"He was seemingly more worried about what it would cost." I observed. "I just know I can't do that again. I won't do that again. When you love somebody you jump through hoops, you run through fire, you do anything you have to… to help them. The thing is… I would have done it for him. If he'd been that weak and begging to go to the hospital I would have bundled him up and gotten him there. Heck, he'd have been there way before it got that bad. I would have demanded answers. That's the vow you take… in sickness and in health… when you make it you stand by it. You can't sway on it when someone gets sick… if things fall apart… in health and sickness you have to be there for the other person. They are truly counting on their spouse to step up for them when they can't. Then doing just that.

That to me… is true love."

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

For more information on Vocal Cord Dysfunction click here

                                                 To My Readers: 

                                          Thank you for reading, 

                                        commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts:

Love Never Fails: In Sickness & In Health 
http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/03/in-sickness-in-health-vcd.html 


Intent: Living A Life Of Purpose
http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/02/intent-living-life-of-purpose.html


Husband's: Loving God's Daughter
http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/11/he-pursues-her.html

In Sickness & In Health ~ VCD

2010 

names have been omitted from this post 

******************

We had just left the little family owned Italian restaurant we loved to frequent with our children. I had ordered my usual favorite there, Fettucini Alfredo with chicken. As we drove home along the winding dark streets I felt an unsettling in my stomach. Pains in my chest soon ensued and continued the entire drive home. Later that evening I was still in terrible pain and realized I had severe heartburn. Heartburn that was unrelenting and I searched in our medicine cabinet for a bottle of antacids that would give me the relief I needed. Chewing an antacid I thought that evening was an isolated incident and didn't give the heartburn much thought afterward. 

Even though I found eventual relief that night it soon became clear I was having continual problems. Each meal it seemed brought more heart burn and indigestion. Never having had this happen before I couldn't figure out why I was suddenly having problems. I began buying over the counter acid prevention and treatment medications and yet still had symptoms. Nothing seemed to work. It wasn't until I was trying to eat ice cream one day and couldn't seem to breathe I realized something was really wrong. I developed a chronic dry cough and life became more difficult in general. Walking up and down stairs took more effort and left me breathless. Crossing a parking lot on foot to my vehicle seemed comparable to completing a marathon. Trying to limit spicy foods due to the heartburn and deciphering my trigger foods was like attempting to locate a needle in a haystack. Living off bland foods such as plain baked potatoes, steamed vegetables and white rice didn't yield a lessening of symptoms. 

Losing a significant amount of weight over the course of several months I eventually became so weak I had to quit working. I was chronically out of breath. I went to the doctor who suggested I had asthma and proceeded to put me on multiple preventative oral steroid drugs. My gut instinct told me he was wrong because my shortness of breath wasn't coming from my lungs, it appeared to be coming from my throat. I went to another doctor. He listened carefully to my symptoms and adamantly stated it was highly unlikely to be diagnosed with acid reflux and asthma when I was otherwise healthy. He ordered a chest x-ray which came back normal so he then referred me to a Pulmonologist. I was sent for a series of breathing tests called the Methacholine Challenge Test done in a chamber to test my breathing. It turned out I had something called VCD for short or otherwise known as Vocal Chord Dysfunction. 

I was referred to a voice therapist who helps patients with voice issues due to damaged vocal chords. I was so incredibly thankful for my therapist and the doctors who helped me. I had been wrestling with what would happen, where my illness would take me and yet in the end all was okay. It took a year of going to voice therapy each week to get to a place where I could speak without losing my voice or it becoming raspy. We may not completely appreciate our voice or being able to breathe without exertion until we no longer can. I suppose it's like anything...we appreciate it so much more once we have it back and that includes our independence illness can often take from us when sick. 

Acid reflux is something to take very seriously. It can cause significant damage not only to your body but greatly impair your everyday life if not treated correctly. When acid reflux is coming up the esophagus and washes your vocal chords it does damage. Vocal chords and the larynx are highly sensitive to gastric acid and the acid that comes up your esophagus can over time cause esophageal cancer. The acid damages the vocal chords to the point they don't function properly anymore and open when you speak. If they are staying closed or even partially closed you aren't getting enough airflow upon inhalation or exhalation, when eating, and especially when exercising etc. Taking a prescription anti-acid medication or proton pump inhibitor can do wonders along with voice therapy if needed. 

When we go through something like an illness and our life comes to a halt we can even in the midst of it all remind ourselves this isn't forever. God has this. He will see you through it and you will be stronger on the other end. You may believe while suffering in bed he has forgotten you. You may believe he doesn't hear your cries and prayers for help and healing. 

But he does. 

Your circumstances and health may have temporarily changed but God's love for you hasn't. 

You can re-gain weight. 

Your body can heal. 

Your life can go on again. 

The best part is God is always there...

right beside you in sickness and in health. 

And that is never temporary....

Only ever lasting. 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013

To learn more about Vocal Chord Dysfunction (VCD) visit:

http://www.nationaljewish.org/healthinfo/conditions/vcd/

Tips for dealing with Acid Reflux:

Raise the head of your bed at least 6 inches with books, etc. 

Chew gum after meals to help with digestion.

Choose meals carefully; avoid rich, spicy foods, processed meats, alcohol or chocolate.

Take your medication regularly.
Sit up straight, use good posture. 

Eat dinner early, don't snack at bedtime. Finish dinner at least 3 hrs before bed. 

See your dentist regularly. Acid can erode your teeth enamel.
If you develop swallowing problems see your doctor.
Get regular scopes done by a Gastroenterologist to check for damage to your esophagus. 

If you develop breathing problems get a chest x-ray and see a pulmonologist. 

Don't wear tight fitting clothing especially around the waist. 

Exercise regularly, it helps with digestion.
Research vcd online and look for ways to relax your facial muscles, neck and shoulders.
Learn proper breathing techniques; your stomach should rise and fall. 

Don't clear your throat; it aggravates your vocal cords, sip water instead.

Thank you for reading!