Friday, June 3, 2016


I'm excited to share the news that we have a new website... 

All the posts from blogspot are there and can be shared, pinned, etc. All future posts will be published  there. There are more changes to come as the site grows. I want to thank each of you for reading and sharing awareness of the many issues covered here including but not limited to divorce, narcissism, child custody, etc. With sharing our experiences each of us have the power to help others, to share faith that life can get better and inspire renewed strength to start new chapters. 

Much love, 
Jennifer Gafford 

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

In Bed With A Narc: The Sound Of Silence

“The Bedroom” by jk1991 via 

spring 2016

names have been omitted in this post 


We sat in my SUV with our seats reclined… the sunroof opened to the night sky… stars twinkled overhead and the evening breeze swept through our shared space. The silence between us albeit the radio playing softly was comfortable and not one that had to be filled with unnecessary chit chat for filler but instead were like long thoughtful pauses that loosely strung one beautiful expression to another. Our stomachs were full from a quick impromtu dinner at IHOP…we shared a love for breakfast and deep conversations… we held no filters and could talk for hours about any subject… it was both liberating and comforting.

"You remember how you told me sex was one sided with him?" He asked me referring to my ex… "How it was about what he wanted? Not about pleasing you?"

I nodded "Yeah…"

He glanced over at me with care. "It got me to thinking. You know you deserve better, right? You know whoever you're with should want to do that for you… to please you?" He asked me.

"Yeah…" I replied. "I know that now… and to be fair initially in the beginning of our marriage he initiated oral sex… but it wasn't comfortable. Call it inexperience or being asthmatic but it was more like a wind tunnel experience than pleasurable."I grimaced. "I just said forget it. I didn't have the patience at least back then for him to figure it out… but looking back now…" I reflected… "Now I realize the other part of it… I didn't want him to. I kept myself closed off to some extent… when someone is always "checking out the menu" when you're out in public, when someone doesn't pay the taxes for three years and you have the IRS tailing you, when you have someone who they've chosen as their best friend that actually had the audacity to say "The worse you treat women the more they want you"… Um, yeah… you just don't really want to be vulnerable with that person." I shook my head. "Why would you feel safe letting them see you at one of your most private and vulnerable moments? How can you feel safe and loved to allow them to bring you to orgasm? You don't. So you close yourself off." I fiddled with my ring of an eagles head on my right hand, twirling it… "So you go without…" I shrugged, my words trailing into silence but within me feeling the grief of more than a decade of being cheated out of the physical connection I'd missed out on. It was bewildering that so much time had passed and so much of what could have been was lost. Lyrics to a song playing ever so softly filtered through the interior, the trees nearby rustling in the breeze, ruffling my hair….

"Fools," said I, "you do not know

Silence like a cancer grows

Hear my words that I might teach you

Take my arms that I might reach you."

But my words like silent raindrops fell

And echoed in the wells of silence…"

"The Sound Of Silence" - Disturbed
(originally by Simon & Garfunkel)

Silence… the kind that divides, the kind where there is a lack of understanding and communication… the kind that makes people feel alone. Like a cancer, that kind of silence slowly worsens and grows into an incurable disease between husband and wife. Before long… you realize that you're in a relationship with someone who is incapable of love and emotionally inept. Someone who is incapable of making you feel treasured. Who is incapable of satisfying you physically. You realize you've wasted years… years on end with someone who was in it for themselves… and you feel jipped. You long for what you never got with someone who will love you with their whole heart, body and soul…  and for now it only exists in your dreams.

"Yeah…" He nodded. "I can see that. You shouldn't settle. The guy should want to make you happy, to please you and figure out what he needs to do to do that. He shouldn't be just focused on himself. He should be a giver… because if he's pleasing you… he will be pleased." He shrugged… "That's just the way it works." He said simply.

"You are such the sexpert…" I giggled, playfully swatting his arm. "You should write a book."

He grinned. "I'm working on one. Hey… I'm no saint. I've been around the block a few times. But I can tell you I want the next woman, my wife, to be my last. And pleasing her is not just my job but my pleasure." He glanced at the time on the clock… "What time do you need to get back?"

I glanced at the time. "I better get going. I promised my mom I'd be home soon. Were gonna watch a Hallmark movie." I smiled.

He nodded, smiled and opened his door, slipping out. Holding the passenger door open a crack he spoke. "Enjoy your movie… IHOP again?" He asked, his eyes twinkling in the dark at me.

I nodded. "Most definitely. I'll text you." I told him.

"Okay… bye, beautiful" He smiled and shut the door. I turned the key in the ignition and watched him walk away in the moonlight to his vehicle before I drove away.


Sex with a narcissistic sociopath is one-sided no doubt. It's not about a mutually satisfying emotional, physical and even spiritual connection with someone they love. A man or woman with a personality disorder views sex as all about them.

When someone is healthy they not only value their partner but they value wanting to please them, value wanting to find out what makes them tick, what satisfies, what is romantic, what is a turn on for them. Both partners should have respect for one another… intimacy cannot grow and thrive without it. Complete trust and and open honest communication is a must as well… being able to articulate exactly what you need is essential for couples to have the intimacy they have imagined having one day with the one they love. Holding back desires and needs, faking climax and the like are not conducive to having a close, intimate relationship that bonds two together.

Sadly, very often with a narcissistic sociopath the sound of silence in the bedroom is loud and clear, impossible to ignore. 

The reason for this is due to the inability to effectively get what one needs from a personality disordered individual. You can say "I need x,y,z…" all night long but he or she isn't going to be willing to deliver. He or she will complain that "it takes too long, "takes too much effort", whatever myriad of excuses they can come up with. There isn't love emanating from the narc for the one their with. Instead it's a seeking of domination…. a sexual conquest powered by their ego needing a boost or even yikes (!) a quick way to release all their days, weeks, lifetime worth of frustrations and stress by using you. It's not about making love as God designed between a married man and woman. It's about control and only them. If you find yourself in a marriage where your partner (man or woman) is only about satisfying themselves and you're continually going without… at minimum new ways of communicating need to begin taking place. However, if you a woman experiencing signs of being with a narcissistic man  or you're a man who suspects he may be married to a narcissistic woman… it's time to seek help… through a therapist you can begin developing an exit plan.

© ~ 2016 

To My Readers: 
Thank you for reading, 
commenting and sharing! 

Saturday, May 14, 2016

The Epidemic Of Narcissism Cashiers Deal With

With so many posts on narcissists and sociopaths it's only fitting that at some point the general rudeness and self-entitlement that is seen in today's society be addressed. Especially when it comes to the world of retail. Having any job that involves customer service may very well mean also being exposed to a variety of toxic behaviors by those who believe themselves to be superior on some level or another. In case you're not aware you're not any better than the person standing behind the register, taking your food order or helping you with your account. One of the biggest signs of sociopathy is treating those in the service industry as less than; with behaviors that demean and show dismissiveness. (If you're dating someone who exhibits these behaviors it's past time to cut ties with them). Hopefully you won't realize you've been guilty of any of these… if so you have the ability to become more self aware… and if you've been on the receiving end of any… you have my deepest and sincerest heartfelt empathy. 

What Your Cashier Thinks: 

1. Please finish all of your shopping before you check out. It's rude to expect everyone in line (and the cashier) to wait while you play "I pick you" amongst the various items in your cart at the checkout. That's why shopping is called shopping and checking out is called checking out. 

2. Having to void an item out that you've changed your mind about can be a big deal. It can go against the employee. Please know exactly what you plan to purchase before your cashier begins ringing up your items. 

3. Rolling up with a hundred dollar bill at 9 am for a three dollar purchase is not cool. And no, your cashier likely doesn't have change in the register drawer. Expect to wait for your change. 

4. You chronically return everything you buy… or 80-90% of what you buy. Your cashier is not amused. They think you're inept at shopping… and you shop too much. Find a new hobby. 

5. Cashiers love it when you bring your own bags… it saves the environment. Just please make sure they are clean. 

6. Not everything you purchase should be returned. That platter for your sister's baby shower you served cup cakes on and has frosting stuck to it? If you've used it and then you return it… that's called stealing(!). Cashiers notice. And remember you. 

7. Returning a used toilet bowl brush set? Really? Does this need further explanation? 

8. Don't ask when your cashiers shift ends. Don't be a creep. 

9. Don't flirt with the cashier if you're married. Don't flirt period.  

10. When your cashier greets you and asks how you're doing and you ignore them... you're rude. 

11. When you stay on your cell phone during the entire transaction and never acknowledge your cashier (note: cashiers are humans with feelings... shocking, I know) they think you're some of the lowest of society.

12. When your cashier asks if you found everything alright, offers a promotional item, a credit card or savings card please don't be rude. This is often expected at every transaction by management and if they don't meet the expected quota they can lose their job. 

13. Please teach your children to stay seated in the cart. When your child attempts to leap from the cart, hang out like a monkey, etc… it makes cashiers extremely nervous. Yes, kids do fall from shopping carts. It's scary. 

14. If your cashier offers a cookie, a ring, sticker, etc to your child please teach them to say "Thank you". When you don't cashiers see a continual future decline of society. 

15. Do not wipe your drippy nose with your hands, tissue etc and then reach in your wallet to hand them cash. You're gross. Period. 

16. Do not sneeze or cough on the cashier. This is about basic manners. Use the crook of your arm to sneeze and cough into and turn your head away. They don't want your cold. 

17. Don't leave your shopping cart at the register when you leave. Your parents should have taught you to put things back where you got them. Learn it now. Follow it. 

18. Do not give your children items in the store to play with that are for sale. You're failing your kids (teaching self-entitlement) and costing everyone money when it gets damaged. Bring something from home for them to entertain themselves with. 

19. Do not crowd the person at the checkout. It's rude to both the person checking out and the cashier who then feels pressured to hurry more. Be mindful of other's space. 

20. If you don't want your items wrapped and bagged that's fine. But if they break don't blame your cashier.

21. When your cashier is going to the effort to ensure all your items are wrapped well please refrain from sighing, tapping your fingers, rolling your eyes and checking the time on your watch. It's rude. 

22. Please don't ever say: "I don't know how you don't spend all of your paycheck here! There are so many cute things!" You just dropped $50-$1500 on decorative stuff, clothes, bath products, etc. Cashiers are likely making $9 an hour… at part-time that's at most $200 a week (if lucky). How much of that do you think they are gonna blow on frivolous shopping? Your "innocent" comment is rude and insensitive. It's time to get a clue and come on down to earth. Cashiers are often the divorced mom, single mother, second income earner… be aware that likely every penny counts. 

23. Cashiers want you to have a good experience when you shop. Please do the survey on your receipt and let them know you appreciate them. Many companies give extra perks whether it's gift cards, bonuses, lunch, etc to reward their employees for positive feedback. It's always appreciated. 

24. Some companies occasionally ask their customers to donate to charities they are supporting. Cashiers understand if you feel charity should be done at discretion and not publicly or announced. They can see your point but please don't take it out on the cashier… cashiers are expected to ask each and every customer. 

25. Do not toss your credit card at the cashier. Or your money. Be respectful. 

26. Cashiers run a register not a bank. They typically cannot make change for you. 

27. Cashiers are not responsible for watching your purse, wallet, sunglasses, kids, keys, phone etc. When you walk away it's your responsibility to make sure you have all your things and peeps. 

28. Your item doesn't have a price, doesn't ring up properly or at all. You: "It's free then!" Eye roll. Cashiers have already heard that one twenty times in one week. It lost it's humor way back. 

29. The cashier offers you the opportunity to apply for a store credit card. You say: "Oh no! My husband would KILL me!!" (cashiers hear this all the time) Um... okay. Awkward. This response needs to stop. First, if you're in a controlling marriage please seek help. Being a kept woman is not attractive nor sending your sons and daughters a positive message. This is 2016. Secondly, women need to stop saying things that are not self-empowering. Your husband is not your keeper. You're a grown adult. Not a dependent child. If YOU don't want a credit card simply state so. If you're in a relationship where your husband resembles an ogre, again... please seek help. 

30. When your cashier has bagged your items please promptly take them and put them in your cart. Letting the bag remain on the counter (in the way) while they try to finish bagging remaining items and/or wrap them is annoying to the cashier. Be in the moment. The sooner your cashier can finish the sooner you can be on your way.

31. Your cashier is there to greet you, ring up your items, wrap them if necessary, bag them, ensure you get your receipt and thank you. It's a pretty simple process. Niceties are a necessity yes, but also efficiency. Likely they have a line of customers waiting... and don't have the time to hear your life story. 

32. You have multiple returns with multiple receipts. And guess what? You don't know which items go with which receipts. Way to go! You hand the cashier a whole mess of crumpled receipts and expect them to sort it all out. (You don't even want to know your cashiers mental narrative in this moment). This takes time away from the other customers; namely, paying customers. Your self-entitlement is glaringly obvious. Sort out your mess at home and be prepared when you make returns.  

33. There is a difference between a breezy/friendly asking of "How are you?" to your cashier and a "How are you?" with a tone attached that implies you're picking a fight and want to cause trouble. Move along and get a life. 

34. Your cashier hands you your receipt at the end of the transaction and you don't take it. Take the receipt! If you want it in your shopping bag take it from the cashier and put it in your bag. Alternatively you SNATCH(!) the receipt from the cashier because you're a passive aggressive creep. 

35. If you're a woman shopping with your husband and he expects the female staff to load a heavy piece of furniture into his truck... news flash; you're married to a pathetic piece of scum. That's not a man. A man steps up and puts his muscles to work!

© ~ 2016 

Saturday, April 30, 2016

Broken Hearted: An Example Of Co-Parenting With A Toxic Ex

“Multiple Fracture At Index,little Finger,metacarpal Bone” 
by stockdevil via 

April 2016

names have been omitted in this post 


Thursday April 21 
"Okay, so I'm looking at the x-ray and her fingers not broken. But I'm going to give her this buddy tape to keep her pinkie stabilized with her ring finger. Keep this on for three weeks. No more basketball… no gym or sports. And in three weeks we will want to see her back here for a follow-up." The Pediatrician told me regarding my daughter. I nodded and confirmed I understood the directions and we soon departed the doctor's office and headed to Target to pick up essentials for dinner.

Sent message to ex stating daughter's left pinkie finger got bent playing basketball at school. Stated it was swollen and bruised and had been treated with ice and Advil. Stated she had had x-rays and they recommended her finger be buddy taped for three weeks. No response.

Friday April 22 
Daughter returns to her father for the week.

Saturday April 23 
Pediatrician's office calls that her finger is broken after all and that they will be referring us to an Ortho doctor for further treatment.

Sent ex message that the Pediatrician's office called. No response. I call him and state the situation. I FaceTime our daughter that afternoon and tell her. He hadn't even mentioned it to her.

Monday April 25
Ex messages asking if I've heard from the doctor.
I message back no I haven't.
His response: She needs to get back in to the doctor, please let me know what you find out.
My response: I'll call them.

I message him: Here is the number for the Ortho doctor. They have her file and all you need to do is set an appt. Since you have her this week you can set the appt since you know your schedule. No response.

Tuesday April 26 
I message him to let me know what the doctor says.
He responds he's called twice to arrange an appt but there has been no response.
I respond: I gave them your number to set an appt.
His response: If you talk to a doctor please set an appt.
I respond: All I was able to reach on the phone was an answering service rep.

Wednesday April 27 
I send him a message asking if he ever got an appt set for her. No response.

He messages me that the doctors office called and said they could make an appt on Friday but I'll be out of town so I gave them your number and they can call you to schedule an appt.

I message him back noting his unavailability and failure to have made her a priority. Also that having that information he should have gone ahead and scheduled her an after school appt to ensure getting her in as soon as possible… but noting that now the doctor's office is closed.

<<<< a cussing rant-a-thon ensues by me in my kitchen as I process the fact he allowed an entire week to go by with her in his care/possession without getting her finger re-assessed… the frustration and worry for my daughter mounting… knowing we have a limited amount of time to get it taken care of and anger at him for being a negligent father.>>>>

Thursday April 28 
I first call the Pediatrician's office and speak with the nurse to ensure they are aware he did not follow through on his week and get her in to Ortho. They document it and the nurse states she doesn't understand what his issue is. I smirk at that. I then make a second call before work to set an appt for our daughter but I'm informed that all appointments have been filled and now there is nothing available until the following week on Tuesday at 9:30am.

After work I call a new doctor with better availability (and easier to reach) and get an Ortho appointment set for our daughter for the next day; Friday afternoon. I call my manager at work to inform her that unfortunately I will have to leave work early the following day to get my daughter in to the doctor. I had already had to lose one day's worth of pay because my garage door had broken earlier that week and I couldn't get out. It wasn't like me to have to miss work… I work even when I'm sick if need be. I apologize for the inconvenience and she states she knows it's been a bad week and that it's okay.

Friday April 29 
Messaged ex and stated her appt time at 1:15pm that day.

I leave work early and lose hours/pay and rush to pick daughter up early from school and then to retrieve the x-rays from the Pediatrician's office en-route to the Ortho doctor. Once at the doctor he takes new x-rays and recommends it remain buddy taped for at least two more weeks and to set a follow-up appointment.

Daughter informs me every day she asked her dad when she was going back to the doctor. He continued to tell her that he had called the doctor's office. Then on Thursday he told her that he wouldn't be able to take her to the doctor after all because he was leaving for London to meet his fiancé who had flown ahead; that they were planning to see her daughter's communion once there. She told me he had chosen to put Georgina's daughter ahead of her and that he didn't care about her finger or her. She stated that in any other situation especially regarding her brother he would take charge and done whatever he needed to but when it came to her he didn't care.

This is a typical example of how a narcissistic sociopath operates and lets us down. It's also a typical example of how frustrating it is to attempt to co-parent with a personality disordered individual… these types of scenarios are common for both sexes dealing with those who do not put their children's best interests first. They aren't reliable to those who are dependent upon them or counting on them to do the right thing. Children are always let down; namely if they are the black sheep. Children are chronically broken hearted knowing their parent doesn't love them… they see it by the actions shown to them. Life brings all sorts of obstacles and disasters both big and small… and yet the sociopath is unwilling to do anything but kick you when you're already down. You mean nothing to he or she and their cruelest behavior is highlighted when you always need them most. They will throw kinks in whatever you're trying to do to better a situation. They will switch loyalties like the wind. You're likely expecting them to behave or react as one should… with concise clear steps to help however they can, to jump in with hustle and to show empathy. 

It won't happen.
They will do everything in their power to make it worse.
They will twist and spin and say it's your fault it didn't turn out how it should have.
They will deflect and blame you instead.
They will not take responsibility.
They will not apologize.
They will continue to be the sorry negligent abusive piece of scum they excel at being.
Yes, it comes natural.
It's all they know.

© ~ 2016 

Sunday, April 17, 2016

After A Sociopath: Giving Love A Chance

“Young Tourist Couple Looking At The Views In The City” by nenetus via 

March 2016 

names have been omitted in this post 


I fiddled with my bracelets in hues of green, blue and turquoise gracing my right wrist. Seated on the brown leather couch I flashed a smile at my therapist taking a seat across from me. Wearing a navy v-neck silk blouse and black slacks I spoke "I'm good, thank you. It's been, um, an interesting past few weeks." I told her.

She smiled knowingly and nodded. "How is your daughter?" We chatted a few moments catching her up to date on her latest struggles with her father which was the primary reason for my sessions and then she asked. "So… are you still seeing the man you met?"

Hesitation… a big exhale and I glanced at her. "No, I'm not." I admitted.

She gave me a concerned look and spoke. "Why?"

"I told him I thought it best if we didn't pursue dating. I mean… "I trailed off. "He lives an hour away. The distance is an issue… just trying to get together is a struggle and it's not right of him to have to do all that driving. I mean… I'm just trying to be logical here… at some point we might decide to throw in the towel because it's too great a distance. We both have kids and shared custody… things like school and commutes factor in. I can't leave this county according to my divorce decree. That's reality. I just didn't want either one of us to be heartbroken later on, one or two years invested later... only to confirm that yes, the distance was an issue. You know what I mean?" I asked her for confirmation.

She nodded but gazed at me thoughtfully. "But you like him? A lot, I mean?" She asked.

I nodded. "Yes… I mean, we were in contact daily, multiple times a day… we just click. From what I can gather he's a good dad, our values appear similar, our personalities and humor mesh and he's thoughtful. I'm attracted to him. I find myself smiling like a jackass and yet he's very sweet. I haven't seen any red flags… I guess it's sad to admit, but I keep looking for them... scrutinizing. Not that there couldn't be red flags at some point... but as of now I really can't say enough good things about him. I'm being cautious but at some point isn't that a hindrance?" I ventured aloud thoughtfully.

She studied me carefully. "I see your concerns. I do… and I'm not going to let you believe otherwise… it WILL be an issue. The distance is going to be challenging no doubt. Because hypothetically long term? If it worked? I understand that you are merely trying to be mindful of the logistics. And that's very wise. But... if there is something there… a connection, maybe even love... " She trailed off and smiled... "Isn't it worth pursuing? Yes, you might get your heart broken… you might break his…" She admitted, "But what if it works out?" She asked me.

I nodded. "I've been second guessing my decision. I may have been too hasty. I've missed him this past week. A lot." I admitted. "He actually reached out to me today and said hello. I was glad he did. I had actually planned to but wanted to get some feedback from you on this… I'm struggling." I admitted.

She smiled.  "Well… then… is there money? I mean, to make it work? That is if you both decided to at some point later on obviously? Because it may require two houses for awhile." She informed me.

I shrugged. "I have no idea to what extent. However… he did toss out the idea at some point that he could get a place here in town for the weeks he doesn't have his children so he'd be closer to me." 

She raised her eyebrows with interest. "Did he? What did you say?" She inquired.

I exhaled. "I replied that I was flattered but that didn't make financial sense."

She peered at me over her glasses and raised an eyebrow. "You what? Oh dear… " She sighed.

I grimaced at her. "I know… later in hindsight I thought to myself… who am I to tell him how to spend his money? I mean, really? I shouldn't have done that. Yet my intentions were merely being practical." I confessed.

"I agree, you overstepped a boundary. I mean, that's really his place to decide that." She pointed out and I visibly winced. She spoke again with care. "But don't you realize what that means? Just that he threw that out there says a lot." She pointed out.

I ran my hands through my hair and bit my lip. "I know… but I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I feel guilt if he's doing all the driving." I told her.

She shook her head. "Obviously he doesn't see it that way." She peered at me over her glasses. "Don't you think that maybe he sees what a treasure you are, that you are more than worth it?" She asked kindly.

I shifted uncomfortably on the couch and tears sprang to my eyes "Okay... and yet I'm torn. I don't want to get duped again. And yet rationally the man's given me zero reason to believe I'm being duped. And yet in that… once you've been through this crazy stuff I've been through how fully can you really trust anyone? And yet I don't want to screw up by not giving someone a chance." I told her.

I didn't need a re-run of what had happened with Jeremy. I couldn't do that twice. I'd risk getting hurt again over that… what happened with him nearly did me in. I didn't want to repeat history of a pain that was more unbearable than any other loss of a relationship. It was time to dive in again and take a chance at love. 

I left my thoughts and returned to my conversation with her. "And I guess on some level I want easy. I don't want hard..." I trailed off and sighed."You have to understand... I am so tired. So, so, so incredibly tired." I paused and reflected. "I feel so much older than what I am. Childhood was hard, school was hard, my marriage was hard… my ex makes everything so hard regarding our daughter. I don't want love to be hard too… I mean, I guess I should clarify that and say I don't want to make it more complicated than it should or has to be. I guess that makes sense." I explained. 

She nodded empathetically and gently spoke. "And I get that as well. Jennifer, you have been through a lot. And there will always be things to sort out… in this case it's distance… but if he's willing to help with the distance and you mesh that well… why not try?" She asked then gave me a pointed look. "It's merely dating him, that's all and seeing where it goes. It's ultimately up to you… but I would reach out to him and tell him you've been hasty. Just tell him what you told me." She stressed. 

I grimaced. "He's going to think I'm a total flake." I lamented, feeling a little embarrassed.

She shook her head with a smile. "No. He won't. He will be thrilled. But ultimately it's up to you."

I knew the answer. I was going to reach out to him. I was going to take a chance. 


10 Ways To Know You Are Ready To Take A Chance On Love: 

1. Letting your walls come down. We can't let someone in to love us if we have barriers they cannot get past… we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable in sharing our thoughts, emotions, past, present, future, hopes, losses, fears, dreams, goals and even affection. 

2. Realizing in the past you held people at arms length and 
lost people who wanted to love you and not allowing that to happen again. 

3. Acknowledging your past hurts and taking the knowledge you
 have now to watch for signs of toxic behavior. 

4. Knowing you have the power to choose. You have the power to choose and not be chosen. 

5. You have the power to walk away only after you've truly given love a chance. 

6. Negative generalizations of "all men are liars, cheats, users, etc" or "all women are liars, cheats and gold diggers etc" have been replaced with "Some people are capable of love and others aren't." 

7. Deep down knowing you are worthy of a real love and are not unlovable. 

8. Knowing you can make it on your own and are not confusing security and love. 

9. Having friendships and goals other than finding love… having balance in your life. 

10. Enjoying the fun in your relationship… relishing the new chapter you are in. 

© ~ 2016  

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Divorce: 3 Lessons Learned

 image “Hand Of A Man And Woman Tearing Apart Heart Symbol” by Sira Anamwong via


Yes, it is a life changer. Anyone who has been through it knows that with it comes a complete upheaval of your life. But it doesn't have to be all bad. For both men and women it has it's challenges, no doubt but with those we can remember to cling to several lessons divorce teaches us.

Lesson #1: 
Learn to trust yourself, your instincts and personal wisdom. 
Give yourself credit. 

After divorce we become better at choosing what behaviors we will and won't put up with. When we go through a divorce, unless it was amicable more than likely there was a significant unhealthy dynamic between us and our soon to be ex. Maybe one person was a narcissist, even worse a sociopath… in that case the personality disordered individual was downright toxic to be married to. Anyone who has experienced the toxic abuse of an ex knows firsthand the challenges in coping with someone who isn't healthy. That being said… when it comes to implementing no contact with an ex who has proved time and time again through his or her actions that you shouldn't engage with them… that thinking may very well carry over into other relationships as well. When I was invited to a reunion a few years ago, I declined going. One relative in particular was up in arms about it, attempting the guilt trip routine but I stood firm. Even my sister voiced her concerns I wasn't attending it. It wasn't until after she had fought highway construction, the added stress of finding an area she wasn't familiar with and terrible late night traffic with her young children in tow going and coming back to attend said reunion did she text me later that night saying I'd made the right choice and in hindsight she wish she'd declined as I had. There was zero ill will towards these relatives… it's just that jumping through hoops and giving of your time to be with folks who then behave indifferently isn't healthy. I had empathy for her, saw her effort and desire for a different outcome yet had known it wouldn't go well based on past actions. Just because we don't wish to engage with others doesn't mean we can't wish them well. We often learn to re-evaluate and value our time, our needs and wants more after giving too much to the wrong people. Tapping into our instincts we have about others is something we certainly have the right to and should do. Trust your gut. Forming boundaries with others is essential and not swaying when we shouldn't is even more vital. Divorce helps us become stronger, to say no more often and when needed, to take more initiative in our life as the captain of our own ship… we are fully capable of making the decision of who stays on board and who doesn't.

Lesson #2: 
Be the parent you always wanted to be and make your child's
 remaining childhood the best you can. 

After divorce we certainly have the opportunity to become better parents. If we had children during the course of our marriage we know if the union wasn't great that tension may have trickled into our parenting as well. Stress, anxiety, walking on eggshells from a toxic spouse may have left us snapping at our children or merely wanting to just zone out on the couch to decompress. Since being divorced I feel more relaxed in my parenting… meaning less stressed out. Once were single and rid of all the stress that we experienced before we may surprisingly and pleasantly find ourselves calmer and more connected with our children. Having more energy now that isn't expended on trying to calm or tip toe around an abusive/indifferent spouse leaves us with much more for our children. Creating a more peaceful environment for our children and having that extra energy for play means more opportunities to connect and have fun which translates to a happier, more well adjusted, nurtured child. At the end of the day children don't really care about living in the bigger house, having the nicer car or wearing the designer clothes… what they want are the three things money can't buy… their parents time, attention and love.

Lesson #3: 
Say goodbye to negative thinking patterns that do nothing but make you feel trapped. 
You hold the power to new thinking. 

Several times during the course of my divorce and in it's aftermath of finalization I began sinking into what I'd call catastrophic thinking. No one could really blame anyone for going into this negative mindset regarding divorce… there are many days we literally feel like we won't make it another day much less another hour. It's so incredibly easy for depression to set in… especially if were already prone to it due to family history, ADHD, etc. Catastrophic thinking is comparable to quick sand… you dip your toe in with one or a few bad self-defeating thoughts and before you know it… yikes, you're full blown drowning in that mess… and it's harder than heck to get yourself out of it once you're in it. 

Catastrophic thinking is the false idea that:

 "IT WON'T EVER GET BETTER!", "I CAN'T DO THIS!", "I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO FINANCIALLY SUPPORT MYSELF!", and "I'LL NEVER MEET ANYONE!", "NO ONE WILL WANT ME NOW!!", "I NO LONGER HAVE A TRADITIONAL FAMILY!", "WHAT AM I GONNA DOOOOOOO?!", "MY LIFE IS OVER!!!", "I WON'T EVER BE ABLE TO AFFORD OUTBACK AGAIN!" (If you're addicted to Bloomin Onions you know that's a true concern).  But, seriously, deep breaths… it's no wonder you're perhaps thinking like this… you're going through a MAJOR LIFE CHANGE and that can send us into a spiral, to begin having panic attacks and needing reassurance that it's all going to be okay. I'm here to tell you today: 


Yeah, you might need to readjust the finances… more than likely you aren't going to be living at the same level you were. But you are still here. Deep breath. God is not done with you… you are here and when you can't take another step He will renew your strength to power on. You might need to frequent the Dollar store for your kids to have activities to do. You might need to live off canned chicken and dollar bread for awhile… mayonnaise and parmesan cheese might become luxury items. You might need to go without buying any new clothes for a year. Or two. Or three. You may have to sell items from your old life to pay for things you need in your new life. You may have a Birkin from your old life and yet be eating ramen noodles. It happens. 

Yes, you will meet new people… you're going to be pleasantly surprised when God puts certain people along your path that have been through similar trials… and who knows… you may meet someone who sings a song your sweet heart knows and even better… fall in love with him or her and share a new life you are both blessed to live. 

The next time catastrophic thinking knocks at your door… realize that's a conversation the devil wants to engage you in… it's a talk that goes nowhere but down and takes you with it. Rebuke those negative thoughts and remember that nothing remains exactly the same… were all in motion… even in tiny steps… were all moving forward and circumstances that seem hopeless today will change and improve bit by bit. God has you and even in the darkest days He is there. 

You aren't worth less because divorce has caused your life to change. The things you can and cannot do don't define you. Your faith, your courage in the midst of uncertainty and pressing on… being there for your children and taking care of yourself so they have the best mommy or daddy possible is what matters. Your perspective will shift. Those fancy pillows at Pottery Barn won't seem so important… that gotta have it piece of jewelry at Macy's won't be a priority… divorce forces us to get back to basics… to making popsicles for our kids, playing tic-tac-toe and reading outside on a blanket under a shade tree. Hug your children and remember more than ever they need you right now… that's why it is so important to practice self care during and even in the aftermath of divorce. Make sure you're getting plenty of sleep, (nap if you need to) take your medications regularly as prescribed, pray, exercise, take Vitamin D, eat as healthy as possible and take time for yourself… sports, movies, whatever helps you decompress… reading, bubble bath, funny sitcoms, crafting, gardening, journaling, etc. If you believe you are depressed seek the help of your doctor in finding a medication that would best suit you… have your Vitamin D levels checked and make sure you have a support system in place of people that know and understand what you're going through. Check out DivorceCare at a local church if you're not already a member… it's extremely helpful to find people who will share their faith and similar circumstances for support and fellowship. 

Divorce is a life changer no doubt. 
But one of the best things about it is now you are the leading lady or man. 
Not your ex husband. 
Not your ex wife. 
Not your ex-mother in law.

It's your time now.
It's your time to dive into who you were destined to be… 
It's a new beginning… 
Be brave… 
Take God by the hand and jump in. 

© ~ 2016 

To My Readers: 
Thank you for reading,
commenting and sharing! 

Thursday, March 24, 2016

The Narcissistic Parent ~ Guiding Your Child: 10 Tips

image via gps-gracepowerstrength 

As the child of a narcissist…
You grow up feeling unheard.
You grow up feeling unseen.
You grow up feeling forgotten.
You grow up feeling not wanted.
You grow up feeling not loved.

I lived like this most of my childhood when it came to my father.
If it hadn't been for my mother's empathetic example I don't know what would have become of me.
I likely would have taken after my father; being led to believe that everyone operated as he did… because I wouldn't have had any other point of reference.

I scrutinize and reflect and second guess myself constantly. Having ADHD I do believe can sometimes make someone come across as narcissistic even if they aren't. If we forget our appointments (shocking) and always have to reschedule (ugh!) it can begin to be viewed as narcissistic; no regard for the doctor, the dentist, the therapist, right?!… when in reality we feel deep guilt, embarrassment and give ourselves another mental scolding! You've GOT to do better! Get it together! What is the MATTER with you?! Having issues regarding regulating our impulses in the brain goes with ADHD; creating issues for us when we really want to let someone have it verbally… who has probably pushed us to our breaking point and driven us batty. Sometimes it's like pulling nails to keep a lid on it so to speak. And when it slips (watch out, yikes) it can make us appear narcissistic; "Wow! She said what?!", "He did what?! Well, I don't know what's gotten into them! Obviously they aren't the 'nice' person I THOUGHT they were!" But ADHD is not a diagnosis of being morally flawed, lacking empathy etc. It's about restlessness, difficulty focusing and impulse issues. Naturally anyone diagnosed with ADHD or even Bipolar could also be diagnosed as personality disordered. But having ADHD or Bipolar does not automatically mean you're narcissistic. Having ADHD requires a lot of self care and time to re-charge because quite frankly if we aren't medicated… it's at minimum three times more exhausting just to get through a typical day compared to regular functioning folks. Throw in trying to keep a job, (and being right with Jesus, mind you) navigating traffic (does anyone use a blinker anymore? And why do some people believe the brake is gas?! And obviously some people never learned in kinder that green means GO!) and then all the little annoying things that always seem to get forgotten like mailing your health insurance payment, calling the doctor for that appointment and getting your sticker updated on your vehicle (I literally told a cop once innocently but honestly enough: "Well, Officer, I'm really sorry. I've been super busy and it totally slipped my mind." Him: "For SIX MONTHS??? You were busy for SIX MONTHS?!" Ummm, yes I was, I really don't know where the time went… ***bright red face and wanting to shrink into the seat*** (Welcome to the world of ADHD) … it's like pulling nails for most of us to just make it day to day sans medication… we don't have enough focus to put it on anything for more than two seconds.

It seems to go with the territory of having been raised by a narcissist that you're suspected of being one. And were raised to be on our own so to speak… you learn from a young age to be self-reliant, to "figure it out", and not ask for help. With a narcissist help is never free. You always pay later. So you learn not to receive help. Not to ask. Then you feel like an island. Alone. You so badly don't want to become what you knew growing up that you're at times fearful; questioning if maybe you don't have enough empathy… you may begin to feel like you are selfish, defective and unlovable…  throw in the fact that with the PTSD you can often feel emotionally numb… you've been through so much that the sweet emotions of happiness and joy just don't seem as happy and joyful as they should (or as they did once upon a time). Instead joy and happiness feel more subdued versus vibrant… more like when you're coming out of anesthesia and melancholy is your name… a fuzzy, quiet, sober thoughtfulness that cascades over joy and dampens it a bit.

But the thing is…  those who are willing and ready to seek therapy are very often the ones who often take the brunt of the blame for any problems they might have; including those in their relationships. The narcissist, however is the one who believes therapy is for everyone but them. They may initially go to "appease" their partner but at some point the therapy will be for the healthy one… the one who has self-reflection, who has empathy, who has a desire to grow and develop. The healthy one will ultimately enter therapy to figure out how to "deal" with the narcissist. In a healthy relationship there is the mutual sharing of ideas, celebrations, dreams, joys, losses, goals, problems to resolve, etc. But in a relationship where one individual is narcissistic the only person of importance is the narc. The non-narcissist was raised to always cater to their narcissistic parent… thus they have been trained to always put what their partner wants first… essentially disappearing in the relationship; they dance around the narcissist losing who they are as an individual. The non-narcissist tends to have difficulty setting boundaries and being assertive… or at least until it's so bad that they explode… then feel enormous guilt for "losing it" when in reality they finally set a long overdue boundary that many would have set initially way back. There is much inner turmoil and conflict within the non-narcissist because they have anger toward the narc who is always taking and taking… yet on some level the non-narc is frustrated and angry with themselves because the last thing they ever want to be characterized as is selfish… hence not setting boundaries so as not to be seen as "mean."

Growing up with a narcissist… it's like this odd dance of where you waffle between being given negative attention; being yelled at etc, and just being ignored… neglect happens a lot. There is little to no positivity… and if there is… it feels put on and not genuine. They may use their children to brag to others and or take credit for their accomplishments. Being heard doesn't happen in being the child of a narcissist. I grew up never feeling heard and if I was ever upset about anything I was told by my father I was behaving as "high strung." If there is more than one child surely one will be chosen as the golden child and another the black sheep. The golden child is viewed as one who can do no wrong and likely to follow in the narcissistic parent's footsteps. They are an extension of the narc's identity and give adoring supply to their ego. Unless you do something to get yourself knocked off the pedestal… like being the eldest, the willful one, the outspoken one. I was once upon a time the golden child but as I became older and realized how I was being used to puff up my father's ego I slowly began showing more and more disgust for him, openly challenging and questioning him and his actions. I rebelled. Not knowing what to do with me he was at his wits end… he turned to my youngest sister and soon she became the revered golden child instead and I… the black sheep. But he used her… bragging to acquaintances that he was paying for her to attend the local expensive four year christian university to assuage his fragile ego. After she passed away he slowly began realizing all he had was me… (that must have been a huge disappointment) as he had disowned my middle sister when she married. Me, the black sheep suddenly looked like all the supply he would be able to attain. How he would have to "settle". But I saw how I was still not being treated well. I could sell a painting as quickly as I could snap my fingers… and yet when I put my hand out for my commission suddenly he was busy, MIA, what have you… "I'll get it for you later…" came his reply. And yet later never came. Finally having had enough I pulled out of the family business and said goodbye to everything my family had built for generations. Sometimes having to say goodbye isn't an overnight decision. Sometimes it's made many many times… you say goodbye and then try again… only to realize that goodbye was the right choice.. again… time passes and then you dip your toe in AGAIN… (it's that fervent hope that your family will exude a healthy love time and time again) it can take years, maybe decades to disentangle yourself from the toxic web of family and realize that every time you go back you get stung again… and eventually say enough and never ever return.

March 2016 

names have been omitted in this post 


"So he was making us go on a walk and I didn't want to go because we were dog sitting and that neighbors dog was going to jump all over me and I don't like that so I told Daddy no, I wasn't going. I wanted to stay in my room." My daughter confided in me regarding her dad as we sat in the den. The partially open plantation shutters to our right revealed a setting sun with streaks of orange and grey. The scent of parmesan and herb crusted chicken and potatoes baking in the oven filtered throughout the house.

"Ummm… okay… so what did he say?" I asked her.

"He said 'tough!' and then he walked outside and I got so angry I called him a bad word." She told me.

I sighed and grimaced. Great. Just great. "What did you call him?" I asked her wearily.

Silence. Finally she spoke "The A word. I called him it three times." She told me.

I rubbed my temples to stave off a headache coming on "Oh my gosh… you cannot call him bad words. Do you understand me?" I asked her calmly but sternly.

She stared at me and nodded "Okay. But he made me so mad!" She exclaimed.

"Ok…" I exhaled… "I totally understand that. I get that you were mad. That is something we will talk about and you need to talk to God about. But you can't go around calling him names. You can tell him why you're mad but you can't say bad words. You have to be respectful." I explained to her.

"B-but…" She stammered with exasperation then angrily continued, "He doesn't listen to me! He NEVER listens to me! If I tell him how I feel he just says 'tough!' or his favorite thing to say 'it's fine!' He doesn't care what I think!" She told me forcefully. This I knew to be true based on his continued actions in how he treated her. But I kept my thoughts to myself. No, he doesn't give a rat's rear what you think, I thought to myself.

"So what did he do? Did he hear you calling him a bad word?" I asked her.

She nodded "Oh, yeah… he came running back in the house and was so mad! He was like 'Young lady, you go to your room right now!' and he took my phone away from me. Which I knew he'd do." She shrugged like she didn't care. I listened intently…  I saw the signs… she was beyond sick of him and how he treated her. "I told him I want to spend more time with you… that I want to be at mommy's more. I wrote him a letter telling him that. He didn't read it till the next day. And even then he didn't say anything. Basically, he doesn't care!" She added with a snip.


Oh how the past re-plays itself slightly different and yet all too familiar and painful. It was my childhood all over again… not being heard, not being seen, one sibling being favored over another; in her case her brother being the golden child and she the black sheep. It was like a re-run of a terribly bad movie and all you could do sit and watch it play out and hope for eventual change… meaning escape for her… Oh how liberating to grow up and finally be able to tell your narcissistic parent: "No more", "I'm done", and "Goodbye" at best although many other words came to mind. The narcissistic parent isn't capable of love… only control, manipulation, deceit… ultimately making people suffer because they don't want to be around them anymore and yet… their stuck if only temporarily.

So what do we do? How can we guide our children through their experiences with the narcissistic parent and be there for them WITHOUT negatively speaking about said narc? It's entirely possible and absolutely necessary.

10 TIPS:

1. Ask your child how he or she feels.
2. Listen.
3. Confirm that yes, they do have a right to feel angry.
4. Also point out that anger often follows hurt, sadness, etc. Ask about those feelings.
5. Point out behaviors that are absolutely not acceptable for ANYONE; lying, twisting, spinning the truth, etc. Also hurting others feelings by not listening, not giving attention, etc.
6. Remember to affirm that anger in itself is not a bad thing. Anger actually gives us signals that a wrong has occurred and something needs to change. But do remind them that anger can become sin in how we show it and act on it.
7. Encourage your child to also talk to God about his or her feelings regarding their narcissistic parent. Remind them that they can pray about the relationship and offer to hold their hand and pray with them.
8. Encourage your child to write down what is bothering them. Keep a journal handy by their bed so they can jot down anything that goes on in the narcissistic parents home that upsets them.
9. If possible get your child in therapy with an experienced therapist.
10. Remind your child that they are loved by you… and show that selfless love by your actions.

© ~ 2016 

Friday, March 18, 2016

Leaving An Abusive Partner: 30 Tips For An Exit Plan

“Unhappy Young Woman” by David Castillo Dominici 

October 2015 

names have been omitted in this post 


I checked my iPhone upon hearing the ping and saw it was yet another text from the guy I was dating. He was letting me know that he had purchased tickets to see Puscifer at the Majestic in Dallas in November and wanted me to join him. I wasn't familiar with the band but he shared with me it's connection to Tool which I was vaguely familiar with. 

Him sending me the lyrics to his favorite song I read them with pause… 

I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you
Just enough to bring you down.
- Tool 

Was this not what was to come? 
Was this not precisely how a sociopath worked? 
To elevate you just enough to bring you down? 
Was this the past about to happen yet again?
Was this not the opposite of love? 
Was this the self-hatred of a personality disordered individual 
used in fueling their agenda to destroy? 

Those lyrics summed up so
 much in such a small space. 
Eight simple yet intricate lines that wrought
 growingly complicated pain. 
Yes, in the end it proved to be true and certainly 
what came in my last relationship and my marriage. 


A narcissistic sociopath is capable of many things… lying, cheating, abuse, stalking… and yes, even in some extremes, the most dangerous on the spectrum of disorder; a psychopath who is capable of murder… think Ted Bundy. Sociopaths and psychopaths both disregard the law, morals, the needs of others, guilt and remorse… charm, manipulation and entitlement run rampant with these toxic personality disordered individuals. 

“Let’s say I committed this crime, even if I did, it would have to have been because I loved her very much, right?"
-  O.J. Simpson

Abuse and murder is not love. 
An abuser believes he (or she) is not complete without the other person, that they cannot survive without them.  "If I can't have you no one will have you." They adhere to jealousy and control; believing that being a man means having total and complete control and compliance from their partner. An abuser thinks rigidly and is not able to see other's points of view; they are right and unable to see gray areas; compromising and discussion is not done.

When a psychopath takes someone's life they may try to plead insanity. But we know that this couldn't be further from the truth. To be considered legally insane one must not know the crime or murder they are committing is illegal. Psychopaths however KNOW they are committing an act that is illegal. The fact of the matter is: they don't care. They lack remorse. They lack guilt. They lack shame. This is willful blatant sin. 

This post is for those who need an exit plan to leave an toxic partner. Women are typically not as physically strong as men… when we watch the news each night we see countless women who are being murdered merely because their spouse or soon to be ex-spouse decided they would inflict further control and prevent them from leaving…. thus killing them. The fact is… women are at their highest risks of being murdered during two times in their life:

1) being pregnant 
2) leaving an abusive relationship

More than 90 percent of women murdered by men are killed by someone they know. source

The fact that women are being robbed of a new chapter, a chance of real happiness, health and peace… that they are prevented from regaining their freedom from a toxic relationship and even losing their ability to raise their children should outrage not just women but men as well. These women are someone's daughter, sister, niece, etc. These women are valuable, precious people that deserve to live a life free of ugly words, emotional manipulation and physical abuse.

Yet there are men who are abused by their partners as well… often these men continue to "take" the abuse because they would never dream of hitting a female back (even in self defense)… so they stay, hoping for change or escape. Often people say domestic violence could never happen to men. But that's not true.  

No one deserves to live a life like that; 
male or female. 

Specifically, statistics show that the vast majority of murders of women are by men they intimately know. Regardless, this post of tips can be applied to men as well wanting to escape an abusive marriage or relationship.

30 Tips For An Exit Plan:

1. Document, document, document; it can't be stated enough. Journals, (with dates) texts, (screenshots printed) emails, recordings, photos, etc. Stash them in a safe deposit box (choose a bank you don't normally use) a trusted family member or friend has access to.
2. Have a safe place to go; a friends home, family members, local women's shelter, etc.
3. Always be ready; keep your vehicle fueled, backed in or pulled into the parking space ahead, keep an extra set of car keys somewhere safe; with a trusted person or the safe deposit box. Staying in your home isn't wise, it's best to find a new location; if you choose to stay in your home at minimum change the locks and install cameras. Get a security system. Use it diligently.
4. Have cash set aside and in a safe place. Don't use bank accounts; they can be traced.
5. Always have a hard copy of trusted people's phone numbers and addresses.
6. Utilize the lock on your cell phone.
7. Have a bag of clothes; hoodie, cap, scarf and essentials; toothbrush/paste, feminine products, medicine, etc hidden in your vehicle or stashed with a trusted friend/family.
8. Keep all important documents for you and your children; papers like a passport, marriage license, medical records, taxes, car title, birth certificates, bank account information, social security cards, etc in a safe deposit box.
9. Take all precious photos and things of sentimental value; scrapbooks, albums, special things your children made.
10. Place your wedding ring, other valuable jewelry and your laptop in a safe deposit box; you may need to sell the jewelry later for money.
11. Family computer; erase all history on it. Create a false trail for your abuser... do a search for a hotel in the opposite direction you'll be staying.
12. Buy mace; carry it on you.
13. Take a self defense class/ training course and get your CHL; buy a gun if you feel you need one but keep in mind the risk of your abuser getting it from you.
14. Get a protective order; keep a copy on you and an extra in the safe deposit box.
15. If you believe your spouse or ex could potentially kill you; write a statement that if you are found dead for investigators to look at your spouse/ex as a prime suspect. Keep this in a safe deposit box.
16. Have a new will drawn up.
17. Have your vehicle checked for a GPS tracking system; have it ripped it out and keep it/photograph it for evidence. Download an app called TimeStamp to take all photos with the date and time on them for documenting everything you need to document.
18. Don't share your new location with anyone you can't fully trust.
19. Dump your cell phone and buy a new one.
20. Change up your typical routes and remove any easily identifying stickers on your vehicle.
21. Get a P.O. Box.
22. Make it clear to the school administration who can and cannot pick up your children.
23. Always ensure no one is following you. Stay public; do child exchanges if you must at McDonald's or the police station where cameras are present; never at your home.
24. Use a new pharmacy and dry cleaners. Change grocery stores.
25. Utilize the "block" feature on your cell phone; always hide your caller ID. Block the contacts you don't want contacting you; your spouse/ex, his or her friends and family etc.
26. Inform where you work of your situation. Park up front where your vehicle is visible to anyone tampering with it.
27. At your new location; have camera's installed. Lorex makes a good camera (you can purchase it at Best Buy) that enables you to screenshot any suspicious activity recorded. Again, get a security system.
28. Have a doorbell installed that includes video/recording; SkyBell (Target sells one as well).
29. Have your doors reinforced; wood doors can be kicked in; get steel doors with large slide locks.
30. Have photos of your spouse/ex and their vehicle/license plates and drivers license if needed for police.

© ~ 2016 

To help bring awareness and change to domestic violence click here