Saturday, April 30, 2016

Broken Hearted: An Example Of Co-Parenting With A Toxic Ex

“Multiple Fracture At Index,little Finger,metacarpal Bone” 
by stockdevil via 

April 2016

names have been omitted in this post 


Thursday April 21 
"Okay, so I'm looking at the x-ray and her fingers not broken. But I'm going to give her this buddy tape to keep her pinkie stabilized with her ring finger. Keep this on for three weeks. No more basketball… no gym or sports. And in three weeks we will want to see her back here for a follow-up." The Pediatrician told me regarding my daughter. I nodded and confirmed I understood the directions and we soon departed the doctor's office and headed to Target to pick up essentials for dinner.

Sent message to ex stating daughter's left pinkie finger got bent playing basketball at school. Stated it was swollen and bruised and had been treated with ice and Advil. Stated she had had x-rays and they recommended her finger be buddy taped for three weeks. No response.

Friday April 22 
Daughter returns to her father for the week.

Saturday April 23 
Pediatrician's office calls that her finger is broken after all and that they will be referring us to an Ortho doctor for further treatment.

Sent ex message that the Pediatrician's office called. No response. I call him and state the situation. I FaceTime our daughter that afternoon and tell her. He hadn't even mentioned it to her.

Monday April 25
Ex messages asking if I've heard from the doctor.
I message back no I haven't.
His response: She needs to get back in to the doctor, please let me know what you find out.
My response: I'll call them.

I message him: Here is the number for the Ortho doctor. They have her file and all you need to do is set an appt. Since you have her this week you can set the appt since you know your schedule. No response.

Tuesday April 26 
I message him to let me know what the doctor says.
He responds he's called twice to arrange an appt but there has been no response.
I respond: I gave them your number to set an appt.
His response: If you talk to a doctor please set an appt.
I respond: All I was able to reach on the phone was an answering service rep.

Wednesday April 27 
I send him a message asking if he ever got an appt set for her. No response.

He messages me that the doctors office called and said they could make an appt on Friday but I'll be out of town so I gave them your number and they can call you to schedule an appt.

I message him back noting his unavailability and failure to have made her a priority. Also that having that information he should have gone ahead and scheduled her an after school appt to ensure getting her in as soon as possible… but noting that now the doctor's office is closed.

<<<< a cussing rant-a-thon ensues by me in my kitchen as I process the fact he allowed an entire week to go by with her in his care/possession without getting her finger re-assessed… the frustration and worry for my daughter mounting… knowing we have a limited amount of time to get it taken care of and anger at him for being a negligent father.>>>>

Thursday April 28 
I first call the Pediatrician's office and speak with the nurse to ensure they are aware he did not follow through on his week and get her in to Ortho. They document it and the nurse states she doesn't understand what his issue is. I smirk at that. I then make a second call before work to set an appt for our daughter but I'm informed that all appointments have been filled and now there is nothing available until the following week on Tuesday at 9:30am.

After work I call a new doctor with better availability (and easier to reach) and get an Ortho appointment set for our daughter for the next day; Friday afternoon. I call my manager at work to inform her that unfortunately I will have to leave work early the following day to get my daughter in to the doctor. I had already had to lose one day's worth of pay because my garage door had broken earlier that week and I couldn't get out. It wasn't like me to have to miss work… I work even when I'm sick if need be. I apologize for the inconvenience and she states she knows it's been a bad week and that it's okay.

Friday April 29 
Messaged ex and stated her appt time at 1:15pm that day.

I leave work early and lose hours/pay and rush to pick daughter up early from school and then to retrieve the x-rays from the Pediatrician's office en-route to the Ortho doctor. Once at the doctor he takes new x-rays and recommends it remain buddy taped for at least two more weeks and to set a follow-up appointment.

Daughter informs me every day she asked her dad when she was going back to the doctor. He continued to tell her that he had called the doctor's office. Then on Thursday he told her that he wouldn't be able to take her to the doctor after all because he was leaving for London to meet his fiancé who had flown ahead; that they were planning to see her daughter's communion once there. She told me he had chosen to put Georgina's daughter ahead of her and that he didn't care about her finger or her. She stated that in any other situation especially regarding her brother he would take charge and done whatever he needed to but when it came to her he didn't care.

This is a typical example of how a narcissistic sociopath operates and lets us down. It's also a typical example of how frustrating it is to attempt to co-parent with a personality disordered individual… these types of scenarios are common for both sexes dealing with those who do not put their children's best interests first. They aren't reliable to those who are dependent upon them or counting on them to do the right thing. Children are always let down; namely if they are the black sheep. Children are chronically broken hearted knowing their parent doesn't love them… they see it by the actions shown to them. Life brings all sorts of obstacles and disasters both big and small… and yet the sociopath is unwilling to do anything but kick you when you're already down. You mean nothing to he or she and their cruelest behavior is highlighted when you always need them most. They will throw kinks in whatever you're trying to do to better a situation. They will switch loyalties like the wind. You're likely expecting them to behave or react as one should… with concise clear steps to help however they can, to jump in with hustle and to show empathy. 

It won't happen.
They will do everything in their power to make it worse.
They will twist and spin and say it's your fault it didn't turn out how it should have.
They will deflect and blame you instead.
They will not take responsibility.
They will not apologize.
They will continue to be the sorry negligent abusive piece of scum they excel at being.
Yes, it comes natural.
It's all they know.

© ~ 2016 

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