Saturday, December 7, 2013

Cheating: Off The Narrow Path Step By Step

November 2012 
some names have been omitted from this post 


"Sometimes I wonder about that day… the first day he ever cheated… I mean physically cheated with another woman… what was going on that week? That morning? Were we fighting? Was I tired? Were we in pleasant moods and everything ran smoothly? Did he know that would be the day? Did he know he would have sex with another woman? With her? When he came home that night and saw me was he scared? Was he worried I knew? Did he feel guilt? Did it pain him to look me in the eyes? Did he cry within? Was I in a good mood? Did he initiate sex? Was I in a bad mood? Were the kids fighting? Was the house a mess and dinner late to the table? Did he justify his actions that day? What was he thinking that day… the first time he cheated on me?"

"It's natural to wonder about all of that… " she responded with empathy and looked at me pointedly "It's certainly natural to question, and much of it you may never have the answers to. What's amazing is he doesn't believe he owes you any answers… and yet it's incredibly unfair considering this was your life and affected you too… and also in that it doesn't change what's happened, what he's done. At the end of the day his cheating began way before he ever slept with another woman."


The path toward cheating is a slippery one… it's one that begins in many small ways. It begins with attraction, a magnetic pull toward someone else other than your spouse, a look, a coo, a laugh, a come hither smile, a quick witted flirty comeback… it begins with their looks, their personality, their warmth. 

It can begin with those we become close to… confidants… those whom we confide in about our personal lives, we make a emotional connection with, those we share with that behind closed doors at home we are less than happy with our spouses. It begins with flirting all in the name of harmless fun, it begins with justification (excuses), with lies (again, excuses) whispered in our ears, an  enticing fantasy for two… it begins as a hidden world that develops in small steps day by day, week by week, month by month… it begins way before it ever reaches that climatic day sex takes place. 

The best thing to do? 

Find a new job or be moved to a new department. 
Close your Facebook account, delete them as a friend if you struggle with no longer communicating. 
Stay in your hotel room and away from the bar.
Do something.  
These may seem extreme but this is your marriage, your life we are talking about. 
It may seem ridiculous or even extreme but find a therapist. 
Turn to God, repent and ask for help. 
It's the wisest thing someone can do.

 It's time to ask yourself the following questions…

1. How is my marriage not what I want it to be? 
2. How am I contributing to the issues in my marriage?
3. Am I actively intimate with my spouse? Emotionally and physically? 
4. Am I willing to go to therapy with my spouse and be honest? 
5. Am I willing to go to therapy with my spouse and do the necessary work on my marriage? 
6. Is my spouse willing to go to therapy and do the necessary work on the marriage?

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting & sharing!