Friday, June 14, 2013

The Power Of A Man: What He Does Matters

What a man does matters... 


The word alone conjures up mental images of masculinity, skillfulness, protectiveness, strength, intelligence, wisdom, honesty, dependability, loyalty, courageousness, and of course God-liness.

But what if the father figure in our life lacked these?

As women we can be left struggling with feelings of despair and resignation that maybe...  just maybe all men are lacking these qualities too. We know, rationally, of course not all men do... but sometimes during those times we are especially vulnerable and hurt by the significant men in our lives... maybe we do succumb to feeling that way however fleeting.

Whether your dad was absent from your life or his presence was overbearingly in your face and unrelenting... or a continually wavering combination of the two.... it's normal to wish things had been different. Maybe you wish you could magically make your dad be who you desperately needed him to be. As a woman you may ponder how different your life could or would have been if he'd not been lacking in the critical areas you were consequently affected by.

It's normal to feel disappointed, hurt and even angry. 

But don't lose hope...

As women whether we've been hurt deeply by our father, our husband or even just a past relationship... when we are grieving our hurts and our wounds are still fresh and sometimes just the simplest gestures by a man are comforting...

When a male friend acknowledges our pain and what was done to us was wrong.

When the guy ahead of us opens the door for us we feel a bit pampered when we feel emotionally beat up and might as well have a "fragile, handle with care" sticker on our heart.

When a male friend says "I care about you as a person, that wasn't right." we feel reassured.

When a man in the elevator compliments us and gives us a sincere smile without leering we smile back with genuine appreciation.

It's the little things 
like those that men do that matter. 

Women love those little things, 
they make us feel appreciated. 

They bring light into our world especially when we are hurting and may need a little reassurance that not all men are abusive, cheaters, hurtful, overbearing, liars, and ungodly.

The definition of an ungodly man is: 

Self-obsessed, immoral, and lustful. 

Those are quite the opposite of what God expects man to be... 
giving to others, moral, and loving.  

And yet those negative qualities may very well be what your father or husband lived. 


some names have been 
omitted in this post 

I reached out for the Interrogatories that my attorney had in his hand wanting him to hand them to me. He had reluctantly gone in the next room and made a copy of them for me and now stood there as if debating whether or not to allow me to read them. 

"I don't want you to read them right now." He suddenly told me, making it clear he had second thoughts this was a good idea, "Take them home and read them later tonight." 

I stopped short and looked at him "Oh... I see. You've read them, you know what's in them." I replied softly and my heart sank as he nodded sadly.

"It's bad, isn't it?" I asked him sharply with dread in my voice. 

"Yeah... " He sighed... "It's bad... just promise me you won't read them till later." I could quickly surmise he really didn't want me to read them at all but instead wanted what was in them to have never happened in the first place. 

"Alright..." I sighed, "I'll wait and read it later." 

Unfortunately "later" came and reading the Interrogatories in my vehicle soon led me to hard, cruel and ugly realizations about my husband's behavior that I had not known of. I'd discovered one affair right before filing for divorce and suspected there were perhaps more but I was not prepared for the ugly, miserable, disgusting truth printed on those papers. That the man I'd said "I do" to thirteen years ago had not only had a long term affair with a woman but had sex with multiple partners and he apparently didn't even know their names. 

I sat frozen, numb and in shock.... my mind screaming "What was he thinking???".... my vagina cringing "Nooooooo!" and my heart crying "Oh My God!!!!!".... behind the wheel of my SUV with the sun radiating through the sun roof above my head, sunlight glinting off my brown hair catching it's auburn highlights. Finally with a shaking hand I thrust the key into the ignition and turned it. Exiting the parking lot I soon accelerated onto the freeway and headed home sobbing the entire way, black mascara leaving visible tracks of internal pain and hurt along my cheeks all the way to my heart. 


What a man does matters so much... even if as a man you question if you can make any difference in a woman's life... you can. Every little selfless act counts in a big way. It may not be just your wife's, your friend's or your co-workers your actions matter to... it might be the woman you shared empathy with, it might be a woman you opened a door for today, it might be a woman you reassured... it might be a stranger. You never know who you have the opportunity to give the gift of Godly love to and most importantly much needed hope to women. 

As a man you hold huge power in not only your physical strength, your stature and masculinity but your ability to care for women. As a man you may walk away wondering if you really made a difference... but I assure you that you did. Much more than you know. For women there is not just admiration for you but appreciation... because you may have been the one person through your actions or words who did what no other man has ever done for her.... 

Shown her selfless love. 

© ~ 2013 

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