Monday, April 7, 2014

The Sociopath: 6 Tricks He Uses

Emily Thorne/ Revenge: 

[opening voiceover] 

"Doubt is a disease. It infects the mind, creating a mistrust of people's motives and of one's own perceptions. Doubt has the ability to call into question everything you've ever believed about someone, and reinforce the darkest suspicions of our inner circles."

The Sociopath. 

Maybe he's next door.

Maybe he's your brother or father. 

Maybe he's your husband.

The sociopath creates doubt everywhere he goes. Doubt creeps in like an invisible toxic poison filtering into the deepest, darkest depths of our minds, making us begin to believe what's not even real. Doubt is given in merely a calculated statement about you veiled in the facade of the outward innocence he portrays to others. 

Doubt is what you see in others eyes staring you down minutes into a conversation and you realize he's already gotten to them... like a body snatcher he's infiltrated their brain by spewing his smear campaign of lies about you to them... and they swallowed it like a warped little pill. 

Doubt made you begin to question your own reality because what you said and did or didn't in the weeks leading up to the demise of your marriage he denied you ever saying, he contradicted... you began to feel like you were living in a cloudy world where perceptions aren't clear, thoughts are foggy... not realizing your words were being manipulatively altered... that you were being gaslighted by him and you actually silently began to question if he was drugging you. 

Doubt makes you begin to question every man, his true intentions and what escapes his mouth because you've lived in the confines of lies from your ex for so long... doubt can keep you from being vulnerable, willing to try again... wiling to put yourself out there... because doubt doesn't just go away... it stays and you have to fight it every day... to not let it grow and become an unmanageable weed. Doubt has to be pruned daily and kept in check... or else it takes over and steals any probable chance at joy you could have.


He had dark hair, handsome Italian looks and a strong presence. We talked for hours... topics like writing, literature, history, art... we laughed like two school children at recess. He took note of my once freshly ironed white dress shirt now slightly wrinkled from that day... errands and the warm afternoon sun had left me rolling back my shirt sleeves and his inky eyes twinkled at me in the fading horizon now, gesturing toward my knee high brown boots, as he spoke...

"Women today... you all dress like you're in an Indiana Jones movie." He observed with an amused smile and I laughed, not really having looked at it like that. 

"You know... I'm your anti-husband. I'd bet I'm everything he wasn't." He told me.

Doubt kicked in like a quick reflex... like when the doctor thumps your elbow or knee.

My eyes narrowed and I slipped my sunglasses on to peer at him appraisingly. The laughter faded from my lips, I stepped back, and thought to myself... 

Really? …  Let me be the one who decides that. Because the very fact you said it tells me you feel the need to prove you're not... at least for awhile, right? For awhile until I've fallen for the facade and then the real you will spill out... like a glass of cool milk concealing hidden Tabasco... hot, painful and capable of burning you through and through. No.... I'll decide.... and although one portion of me wants to give you the benefit of the doubt another screams to doubt you and any words you utter from here out.


How does a Sociopath manage to trick you?
How does he manage to cling himself to you like a static thread to your sweater?
How does he manage to foil your gut instincts and ingratiate himself into your heart and life?

6 Tricks The Sociopath Uses: 

1. He makes promises... promises, promises. He will promise he will never hurt you. When my ex and I were dating this was something he said over and over again. When I finally opened up about my past which required inordinate patience and time on his part... he was the doting listener, the hand holder, the one who kissed my forehead and promised, promised he would never ever hurt me. Lie. Lie. Lie. If a man tells you this... run and don't look back. 

2. He creates a sense of team membership. Suddenly you're in a club of exclusivity. Of two. Just you and him. You may think that's cozy but it's his underhanded way of ingratiating himself into your life and making you falsely believe without any commitment spoken by him it's you and him against the world. He uses language that ties you together... unites you... like "We should go in now", "Let's see how we can fix this", "We should go see that movie"... etc, versus "I should get going", "I can try to fix it if you'd like", "Would you like to go see that movie?" 

3. He makes assumptions you feel the need to prove wrong. "I bet you think you're too good to go out with me", "A guy like me could never get a girl like you", "You intimidate me". He wants you to prove otherwise, he wants to pull you in, take the challenge and have you grin back flirtatiously and respond with "Oh yeah? Well, let's see about that." That's playing with fire. Run. Don't look back. 

4. Rejecting your boundaries. You tell him you don't need any help and yet he insists. You tell him you don't date anyone five years older than you and yet he persists pursuing you. Stick to your beliefs. It's your life. Don't waver.

5. He lies and lies again. Anytime you catch someone lying during your dating relationship it's best to dump them and move on. If it's a pattern of behavior definitely move on... patterns always mean more than words spoken no matter how sweet. If he's hidden the fact he has huge amounts of credit card debt from you... should you be surprised if he then does unethical things at work? Will you be surprised to find out he lied on his taxes or didn't even do them? Would you be surprised to find out he cheats in more than one way? When you see something or suspect something that doesn't seem right, trust your gut instinct. 

6. He believes you "owe him". Whether it's a favor he wants, more time, more this or that... whether it's sex, a massage or whatever else he can dream up... you don't "owe" him anything. Tell him you're "Even Steven", you "Don't do deals" and get as far away from him as possible. 

© ~ 2014 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing!

Related Posts:

Cheating: 50 Shades of Lies - 5 Reasons Not To Keep Him

Standing On A Road She Didn't Plan: A Single Mom Dating

Common Phrases Spoken By (and signs of) A Narcissistic Sociopath

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