Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Standing On A Road She Didn't Plan: A Single Mom Dating

The single mom. 

She needs encouragement, love and sweet patience. 

She needs slow paced, understanding and secure. 

She needs ears that listen, a tender approach and affirmation. 

She needs masculinity that is strong enough to catch her yet gentle enough to wipe her tears. 

She needs a good laugh, a little space yet still knowing he's there for her any time day or night.

She needs good intent, Godly character and honor. 

She needs passion in his eyes toward her for the long haul not merely overnight. 

She needs all this and more... 

Single mom and dating...

Sticking her toes in however cautiously and the truth is: 

She's terrified. 

It's not like when she was twenty something, wild and free... without kids and an entire book before her with blank pages still to be filled in with stories and pictures.

Now she has an entire history... saying "I do", buying her first home, getting pregnant, having babies... moving... decorating a house and making it a home, family recipes made year after year, traditions, pet names, growing children and finally heartbreak that brought the marriage to its final resting place of death and burial...  abuse, cheating, irreconcilable differences or what have you... that left her standing there with her long time "other half" however admittedly miserably toxic, missing like a gangrenous cut off arm. 

Yes, she is healing, yes, she will be okay, yes, she is strong, and yes, she will love again… yet it's no wonder she's a little hesitant to move forward dating again. 

Because the truth is... yes, it is her life and yet it's not just about her anymore... she has children to think of and can't risk bringing someone possibly as bad, worse than, or not much better than her ex into her children's lives... so she must proceed with caution. 

It takes a man with patience and understanding to pursue and date a now single mom. For she is a bundle of mixed emotions... fear, excitement, liberation and apprehension… 

Single moms may go through the mental battlefield of:

"No man will want me now... however many years later... an ex who I swear is mad-as-a-hatter nuts, however many kids later that have their own histories and a schedule that means one week I can see   him but the next I can't because I'm in full 'mommy mode'... what guy is going to sign up for this???" 

Trust me... you aren't alone. 

Then throw on that stacked pile of accumulated life some fear, apprehension and wondering how a man would meld into it all, this new life, without throwing his hands up in exasperation and driving away... 

And yet… this won't last forever. 

Fellow single mom, I don't know who you will date... who you will meet... I don't know his name... it might be someone you know or a man you've not yet met.... I don't know who that man may be... yes, he will see you as a glittering jewel in the sand of life no matter your past or present... no matter the insecurities you occasionally let get the best of you in those midnight hours you do too much thinking because you can't sleep and the crickets chirping outside your window deafen the sweet quiet of slumber... 

But this I do know... 

You may need all those qualities in a man first listed at the beginning of this post... 


Where you have those fears that threaten he also needs your faith in God.

Where you may have apprehension he also needs to know you're open to a second story.

Where you may have trepidation he also needs to know you will let him comfort you.

Where you may have developed distrust in the male species he wants to prove otherwise. 

Where you have been told: "There are no good faithful men who truly love their wives..." he wants to be the one who shows you otherwise despite his own admitted imperfections. 

When you question, agonize and doubt a Godly man exists… undoubtedly far from perfect yet striving to live in obedience to Him... in this he wants to know you will go to God and pray for him as he's praying for you every day.

Where once someone held you thinking of themselves, their own needs... there will be a man who considers himself blessed to know you, to hold you and loves you selflessly as you do him. 

Where once you had a "love" that represented anything but... you will be cherished by a man who values your sweetness, your kind heart and love for God… what a beautiful second chapter of life. 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013 

He replied, 
"You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" 
Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

- Matthew 8:26 (NIV) 

For Men Dating The Single Mom: 

1. Go slow... her heart has been hurt, and if you're a single dad more than likely yours has too. 

2. Date her but don't smother her... be sensitive to the fact she has children and is still a mom. 

3. Plan couple time when she doesn't have the kids... she will appreciate your thoughtfulness. 

4. Don't be a daddy figure to her children. That's not your job and it creates more issues between her and her children and even her ex. Respect boundaries and be more of an encourager toward her kids not a disciplinary figure. 

5. Realize that once you are together… the trust she has given you, the new life you have formed with her, will be all the more special to her after what she's been through… she will feel liberated… and how beautiful for her to be able to come together with you, fully herself, uninhibited… her second love story in a lifetime… and last.

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

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