Sunday, December 22, 2013

Desperation: Drop It like It's Hot

It's that time of year…

when all over the world under bright multi-colored lit Christmas trees in town squares a man will get down on one knee and propose to the woman he loves… asking her out of billions of other fish in the sea to be his one and only. This is a time of magic, of horse-drawn carriage rides for two under blankets, a time of hot cocoa shared at Serendipity's in New York and blushing glances, a time of frozen fingers warmed by holding hands at hockey games and kisses shared between cheers for a favorite team in Dallas… a time of Italian dinners shared over candlelight in Palo Alto and stars in his eyes as she exclaims "yes!" to his lovely words of how much he adores her, how much he values her and hopes she will be his bride for now and forever.

Yes, it's a time of beauty and love and what better time than the magical sweet season of Christmas when the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ is celebrated to profess our love for the one we cherish most?

And yet in that this can be an incredibly lonely time for people, when dinner parties are seated by couples, when photographs are taken of him and her and cards are mailed with Mr. & Mrs. emblazoned across the front… watching others from a table of one as you nurse a coffee in a corner at Starbucks as those couples nearby chat with heads leaned in close, muffled laughs emitted from their giddy bright white smiles… can threaten the feeling of looking conspicuous. And yet…

Conspicuous or Lonely shouldn't lead us to feeling the need for a relationship. 

Here's the truth: 

You Are Not Defined By Being Single.

And your happiness shouldn't be based on whether you have someone or not. If we can't be happy when were single then how on earth can we expect to be satisfied when were a couple?

"Uh, huh!"… you may think grouchily as you cross your arms and snort "humph!" as the song lyrics "…it's the hap-happiest season of allllll…" plays in the background of your mind.

The absolute worst thing we can do is let the whisperings of "I need to find someone… quick" run continuously like a worn out loop in our mind… because this leads us to a very very bad place… a place called…


And that line of thinking does not come from a good place but a very bad, a very dark place filled with men who likely compare to smelly rats that will ironically sniff you out like the next good meal to pounce on because they can smell your desperation a mile away… undeniably not a good thing.

Because desperation leads to ill choices… to one night stands, unhealthy relationships formed that should have never ever taken place to begin with. Desperation begins with the idealizing of love, the clouded idealism of infatuation of what other couples have that is not grounded in reality… desperation begins with timelines and timeframes, alarm clocks and planners, biological clocks and our gynecologist clicking her tongue saying "you're on borrowed time my dear…" and desperation begins with our mother pressuring us to "get out there" however well meaning because she won't be here forever and there are grand babies to be had and for her to enjoy…. desperation begins with all your friends getting married, your baby sister announcing "I'm engaged!" and everyone cheering then giving you the look of pity and walking on eggshells in your midst.

Desperation doesn't find love. 

Desperation finds something that will initially be like an innocuous pot sitting on a stove that once you get close and touch the handle you jump back in alarm because the handle you've come to find out is hot… and you drop it like it's hot just like that guy you will drop once you realize desperation led you to him… an unGodly man… because hot is comparable to hell…. to fire and fury…. and hot has the ability to burn the heck out of your hand… leaving you with scalding burns and the unfortunate remaining scar to prove it.

We have to change our mindset. 

We have to change our internal thought process of "I need someone" to these questions:

How can I become a better person while I am waiting patiently for a Godly man?

Am I prepared to be a wife? Am I prepared for such a huge responsibility?

Am I well versed in what a proverbs 31 wife looks like?

Do I know what makes up a Godly man? Will I recognize him?

Am I engaging in a relationship with God and have I asked Christ to help me remove all barriers to anything I have between me and the Godly man for me?

Have I dealt with my past and am I not defined by it but instead realize it's just a conglomeration of short stories that has led me to where I am standing right now in this moment…

in my kitchen stirring my soup while waiting for my sourdough bread to warm in the oven and for now… right now… perfectly content with a glass of wine for one….

These are the questions to ask… to contemplate while you enjoy that chick flick The Holiday for one… or savoring that devotional in the late hours of the night when all is quiet and you can reflect…

and remembering that the last thing we want to do is get burned but the best thing we can do is be patient, waiting… enjoying our single time between now and when we are warmed….

 on a winter December night by just the right man.

© ~ 2013 

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