Tuesday, April 22, 2014

5 Tips In Dealing With A Narcissistic Sociopath


"I'm taking the kids for the next three weeks. You won't see your kids… 
<insert evil laugh>…"

"I'm not going to pay you a dime in child support. You will end up on the street if I have anything to do with it."

"I'm going to quit my job so you'll have to pay me child support instead."

"I'll quit my job that pays six figures and go get a job as a garbage man."

"You won't get anything if you leave me. I'll see to that."

"Wow, you're going to have to go get a job and stop mooching off me… maybe you can get a night job."

"If it wasn't for me marrying you, you would have ended up in a string of bad relationships and probably stripping for a living."

"The kids don't want to have anything to do with you… wow, their own mother."


If you've experienced any or all of these threats of abuse or even something similar you're likely dealing with a narcissistic sociopath. He makes threats and those threats are intended to instill fear in you, to bring you down and to make you crumble… to make you give in, to feel frozen, to admit defeat and slash your self esteem in the process. 




He/she may win for awhile… a narcissistic sociopath may win for a short time, but long term? No…. he won't. You have the ability to stop him/her in his/her tracks. You have the power to overcome, to conquer that crazy torpedo aimed at you. You have way more arsenal tucked away in your little pinky finger than he/she does in that brain of his/hers as he/she tries to hatch his/her next evil plot. You have the ability to overcome his/her game of evil. 

The best advice I can give you regarding how to handle a narcissistic sociopath? 



go no contact 

A narcissistic sociopath will attempt to do everything he possibly can to make your life a living hell. He/she is like a defiant child who tries to get a reaction out of you even if it's through negative action. He/she desires supply. He/she will use the Family Wizard that you are to communicate on as a platform for his/her threats, his/her manipulations, outrageous lies and childish games. Let him. Or he/she will alternatively refuse to use it and instead attempt to communicate via phone. Don't answer the phone; ignore! He/she may put messages on the Wizard of how he's/she's willing to discuss in person whatever the latest issue is… maybe your son's need for braces, etc. Yet he/she will push for it to be an in-person discussion of the matter versus his/her thoughts and concerns being documented on the Wizard. You can use this. You can point out to the court how he/she is not following what was ordered. You can point out how he/she continues to push for in-person discussions when it's not necessary. So in the interim ignore it. Let him/her continue to set himself up. 

The biggest key in dealing with a narcissistic sociopath is to: 

IGNORE HIM (or her)

Hard, I know… maybe even difficult or just plain impossible, you say. But… in order to "deal with him" it's imperative to learn some coping skills and one of those is to find an outlet for stress… whether it's exercise, meeting up with friends, journaling, etc… find something constructive that will allow you to release your pent up stress. This is ultimately about letting go and realizing reality… it's a process of change, of transformation… that begins with the sober realization that you cannot change him/her… this leads you to the distance needed from him/her… to where what he/she does doesn't get you worked up any longer (at least 90% of the time) and you can shrug and say "Oh, well. His/her crazy channel is on again".  It's not possible to change him/her… because let's face it…. if you could, you'd still be married…. you would have waved your magic wand and he/she would have been transformed from a fruitcake to angel food (sorry, but I'm hungry) and you'd be singing "Happy" by Pharrell. 

But put the brakes on that dream because that's exactly what it is… a dream.

Let's get back to reality shall we?

5 Tips In Dealing With A Narcissistic Sociopath: 

1. He will never admit you're right. He believes in two things; power and more power. He sees you as weak and himself as all-powerful. Think about what you're doing that is giving him more power…. if you guessed your reactions to him… you'd be right. Goes back to ignore. 

2. He believes himself to be an elitist. He has no use for people who he deems "lower" than him (which is pretty much everyone) and won't take any real advice from a therapist. He may tag along on appointments for the children (as the "caring" father; yes, it's a facade) and "listen" to their recommendations of how to parent better, he may smile, nod and say all the things the therapist wants to hear but as soon as he is home alone with the child he does exactly as he wishes… the opposite of what the therapist says. Don't call him on his behavior. Don't accuse. (however tempting) Ignore. Quietly document and continue to do so.

3. He is bored beyond belief. He will continue to try to engage with you in some manner… likely at an event like the children's soccer game, a birthday party, etc. Your job? To now be known as the most utterly boring person on the face of the earth when around him. {Don't answer his calls at all, screen emergencies by voicemail} The next time he's attempting to engage with you; Be boring. Be vanilla. Talk about the weather in such intricate detail he slips into a bored comatose oblivion onto the floor. Do not smile. Do not make facial expressions. Do not allow emotion to play across your face. Remember that college professor with the monotone voice that put you to sleep? Channel that. Be so non-reactive to him that he will no longer gain supply from you. Or read up on Gray Rock Method

4. He will twist the truth and outright lie. When he accuses you ALWAYS verify if it's truth or a lie. ALWAYS go the extra mile and effort. It will pay off. Example; You each talk to a new potential therapist for the children. Later he tries to say via the Wizard that she didn't want to see the children due to talking to you. Knowing he would never believe you'd follow through and have the guts to call up the therapist and inquire about his accusation and it's accuracy you do just that. Low and behold... what do you know... she confirms he lied to you. Imagine that. <insert shocked face> Big points for you. Save that baby for court. 

5. He does the opposite of what you tell him to. This is where things get interesting… and predictable if you've been dealing with a narcissistic sociopath for awhile. It's important you learn how to play his game… because to him it's all a game. Let's say he doesn't ever listen to you (big shocker, I know) and takes the children on his week to see your dad. The dad you have distanced yourself from because guess what? He's a narcissist. You secretly don't want your ex taking the children to see your dad. You know he's not a good influence on them. You have two choices here: One, you could ignore your ex's repeated attempts when he takes the kids to see your dad, hoping he will eventually stop on his own. (Because you voicing opposition will surely only encourage him to do it anyway). Or, two… you could voice just enough opposition knowing he will then go right ahead and do exactly what he wishes… because by now you know his nature…. and then use that against him later in court. Let him stand there as the judge asks him point blank why he continues to overstep boundaries. Let him answer for his continual and complete blatant disregard for your boundaries and beliefs.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

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