Wednesday, July 3, 2013

When A Sociopath Meets A Nice Person



"NICE PERSON" 


Imagine having that plastered on your forehead and everyone who would love to take advantage of you immediately knowing you were a viable target, a person whom they could calculatingly pounce on and take hostage mentally, emotionally, psychologically, financially, physically, etc. 


But what if you didn't need a sign like that stuck to your forehead? What if those calculating people could just sniff you out like a dog who can detect the next kill during a hunting expedition? 




This is the agenda of a sociopath. 

To hunt you down and capture you. And they know you are a prime target because you are so good. So honest, so trusting, so reliable and so sweet. It's like you have a sign on your head directing them to you. Unfortunately sociopath's don't come with signs on their forehead but there are some things we can do to look out for ourselves and detangle ourselves from them. We can protect ourselves by being aware of what traits make up a sociopath and how to handle them if we find ourselves in their path of destruction.


Let me guess.... 


He was charming, he said all the right things. He made himself appear to be the golden boy and you believed it. You believed him when he said he would never hurt you and he was crazy about you. The only problem is.... later you catch him in a lie. Then another lie. Then another. 


He won't stop lying. Because lying to him is like the air he breathes. It will continue and will be pathological. He always has an answer. He seems to know what to do about anything and everything and will always come to your aid to help "fix" whatever needs fixing. 


He has an enormous ego that is insatiable and he cannot feed it enough to keep it satisfied. He will appear to be the smartest, wealthiest and most successful man in the room.  He declares his love for you and wants to seal the deal quickly. These are the men who typically want to marry quickly and swoop in speedy quick to make you his bride because he has found someone sweet, naive and "so good" that will luckily for him fall for all his pathological lies. 


He is likely pursuing you so much you mistakenly take it for flattery and revel in the initial over the top texts, emails, cards, phone calls, etc... but one day you will come see them for what they are... a mask of control and eventually one day when you receive one of his millionth texts it will send you cringing and wanting to run to the nearest escape exit. 


He wins. When you begin to voice any opposition to his behavior he always wins. That's what he does. His reasonable logic will always outshine your emotional quivering or attempts at explaining your feelings or point. Your reasoning is emotional whereas his is collected, cool and calm which makes you begin to look stupid, inadequate and unstable. This is what he desires. It gives him power. And makes you appear weak. 


He is never ever wrong. Ever. It is always you. If you parked your car in a spot and someone hit it, "There must be something YOU did" and "It must be your fault. Because clearly you don't know what you're doing". His behavior wasn't always like this toward you.... but over time it changed. Initially it was aimed at others but he turned on you somewhere along the road... and one day it will be not only aimed at you but any children you have together. Or he might choose one to be his golden child to feed his narcissistic supply and the other child will become the black sheep. Completely disposable ... likely because this child sees him for the monster he really is so that particular child does him zero good. He will continue to dote on his precious golden child.... at least until he no longer needs he or she and then they will be dismissed too and replaced with a brand new narcissistic supply to feed his ego. 


He will never be sorry for how he's treated you. He's not capable of being sorry, feeling remorse, empathy etc. He is devoid of all feeling, love, generosity etc. If you are nice to him he merely laughs to himself and thinks "Stupid fool!". He will never take any blame for his behavior and will always twist the truth to spin it back to be your fault. He excels at spinning a web of deceit and construing a mask of the polar opposite of who he really is beneath the surface. To others he cunningly crafts a facade of positivity, humor and the all around good guy. Sociopath's don't feel love, compassion or empathy. His greatest fear is being outed publicly. Behind closed doors is a man who is so insecure, so broken, so sick that he hurts those closet to him with dismissiveness, stone-walling, gas lighting and fits of rage. 


His very core is criminal and he doesn't hold a moral compass. He lies, evades taxes, he drinks and drives, he doesn't pay his bills, he restructures his job title and pay to evade child support, he uses his company to hide assets and make purchases, he propositions women for sex, he has sex with prostitutes, he has affairs, he lives beyond his means, he makes money under the table, he speeds putting his children at risk, he does drugs, he gambles, and acts entitled because he deserves to "be happy" at the expense of everyone around him. He is all about himself. 



He is an over-inflated walking ego high on crack.... that is the summation of a narcissist... a narcissist who has reached this level of extreme destruction has become a sociopath. 




It's only a matter of time before he turns on you. At some point he will completely reveal himself to you and then he will no longer have your respect. Then he will gladly begin actively treating you with cruelty. He will criticize and ridicule you.... seeing you not with love but with the contempt he feels for you... for now you see him for what he is..... a monster. And there is no going back now. 


By now you undoubtedly feel desperate. Desperate to make him see the light. To make him see what he's throwing away... two words.... just stop. Walk. Away. It's a losing battle. He will not change. You can't reason with unreasonable. You have done so much for him, given yourself to him and yet he has now disregarded you, your love for him and all your wonderful qualities like yesterday's dirty worn out newspaper. He has already moved on, rejecting you and searching for a new supply to feed his hungry ego. Hold your head up and realize that you aren't giving up by walking away but you ARE walking to healthy.... to whole... to love... to healing. 




You deserve a love that's not tainted with love of self.... but instead a love for others.


So how do you react to a sociopath? 

These steps may seem harsh, but you are dealing with someone who is not mentally healthy. The most important thing for you to do is begin healing after being exposed to them and by doing these things you can begin that process.  This is about your survival so you can then thrive!

1. Ignore them. This is their greatest fear. If it's possible to have zero contact then cut off all communication. Change your number if it's an ex spouse. 

2. Avoid eye contact. Every time you look at them you feed their supply and their wrongly perceived adoration of them. 

3. Don't answer his phone calls. Screen his calls via voicemail. 

4. If you must have contact via phone keep silent after he speaks. He will be shocked by your inattention to his every word. Stay silent on the line until he has to confirm you are still there by asking "hello?" Keep your responses minimal to one or two word answers. 

5. Don't sign or agree to anything that could land you in court. Keep all answers non committal. 

6. If you give him an inch he will take a mile. He will say "Well, you let me!" When negotiating stand firm in what you want. Don't waver, for he sees it as a sign of weakness and stupidity. 

7. Don't be sucked back in by glimpses of his niceness. It's a facade. Sociopath's "don't do anything just to be nice." Him being nice is a red warning flag that he's about to pounce on you mercilessly. 

8. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. If he's a sociopath then more than likely his mother or father is too. Look for patterns of behavior. If one parent is hung up on ego, status and image more than likely they are the one who he is patterning after. 

9. Losing control terrifies them. Losing you means they have been rejected and losing you also means losing money, assets, and possibly his children or less influence over them. Divorcing him is the greatest insult to his fragile ego. This requires punishing you on his part. 

10. Keep the motto "I'm collecting not giving" in terms of information during a court case, custody battle, etc. Keep information you have on them close to the vest and keep them guessing as to what you know. Eventually you can spring it on them and unmask what they've done in court. 

11. They use their children as pawns in the divorce process and will go to any lengths to "win" even if it means bribing their children with toys, candy and clothes etc. His children are completely disposable to him and yet he needs them to punish you with parental alienation. He may think he's bought the children off but children are incredibly sharp and will always go back to the parent whom they view as their "safe place". You can't bad mouth him to your children regarding his lies, his cheating, his inadequate parenting and immoral character. Yet you can point out people in the media that have committed similar acts as lying, cheating and immoral behavior to show that there are indeed always consequences to how we live our lives and how we treat people. 



© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013







To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing!






40 comments:

  1. Thank you
    God bless you

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  2. you're welcome, bless you too ~ Jennifer

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  3. John and Rita PoluchuckJanuary 28, 2014 at 6:47 AM

    we had a neighbor who was like this. we finally moved away... we feel so sorry for his children

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  4. Children are truly the innocent victims in it… my hope is that they persevere despite their upbringing and thrive.

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  5. I was married to a sociopath for almost 8 years. It wasn't until our counselor set me aside and told me why my marriage was so troublesome. I did my research, and then it all made perfect sense. We have a child together and I am still learning how to deal with him. Thanks, this is great advice.

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    1. I'm sorry it's been so difficult... I know first hand unfortunately as well that even once the divorce is final it's still trying most of the time. Just trying to communicate and get a straight forward answer from them can be like pulling nails. I was married 13 years. I think one of the biggest things is just realizing we aren't alone, that others are going through it as well. I had no idea how common sociopaths are or even really what one was until I was told by my therapist what I was divorcing.

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  6. I am mid-divorce from a woman who exhibits all of these traits. I have been married 22 years, have 4 children, and wondered why it was always such hard work, and why it was never enough. When I confronted her with her behaviour 6 years ago she then ignored me as a human being and started a depraved lifestyle with another man/men, all the while deceiving me and watching me dance trying to make things right. She is now brazening it out, after trying to get me imprisoned for unmasking her. I am that nice guy.

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    1. I know, divorce is such a long process and I was completely taken by surprise how emotionally exhausting it truly is. Take care of yourself and make your health and kids a priority. It's terrible when people don't appreciate the person they have and treat them well. I know what you mean about the brazen behavior; since the finalization, my ex continually just does what he wants in regards to communicating and the children. If I had a money tree, plenty of free time and enough Xanax I could be at the local court house every day. You will make it! Hang in there!

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  7. I'm literally coming out of a relationship with a man who from start to finish was like this. I no idea somebody brought this to my attention. I was ignoring him and not responding if did respond it was shot and not about us. I made a huge mistake and went to go see him because he kept begging. Now I feel like like he has won and he got what he needed by talking talking talking to me. All can do is ignore him from here on out. This article blew my mind.. I only wish it was so simple to turn my heart off as well.

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    1. I'm sorry to hear about your relationship. I know it's difficult not to be pulled back in... they try to come across as nice in small glimpses here and there to gain supply and yet it is just a facade. Keep doing what you're doing, just ignoring him and living your life! You can find peace and a fresh start.

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  8. Anonymous Feb 5, man married 22 years! My heart so breaks for you! I can't imagine being with someone that many years and having to experience this! I just had to break up with social path in boyfriend of over 2 years and it leaves me raw inside still! I still love him very much, but him being so sickly crippled with this disorder I couldn't allow myself to stay with him any longer,had to release him to Jesus , I can no longer tolerate the incredible pain of witnessing a person I love self destruct in front of my eyes or bent on striking out at me through his own pain in projecting blame on me and the toxic acting out behaviors they mind screw you with! I sure do not envy what you have in front of you or what I am having to go through presently.the best thing we can both do is go to whatever support methods we can gather ,and be courageous to keep our distance from their painful behaviors and heal ourselves, my best to you.

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  9. Anonymous man of 22 years of marriage and 4 children.my heart breaks for you! I can't imagine being with someone this long and having to experience this kind of grief. I am raw inside still after breaking off things with boyfriend of over 2 years. I still love him so much yet can't tolerate the emotional pain of watching dome one I love so bent on self destruction and trying to take me down with him! I had to release him to my lord Jesus,because it will take an act of god for him to be healed and transformed from the broken and completely damaged man that he is.i continue to pray for him .The best thing we can do with this kind of pain is turn it over to god,seek out as much support systems as we can,have courage to get healed from these traumas and bring that experience , strength and hope to others!! I do believe that is my calling to help others heal in.

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    1. These people are so broken and create so much pain and heartache for others! Im glad you were about to have a fresh start because a sociopaths behavior is so toxic. I agree with you; there are many people who can be helped in these relationships or even spreading awareness as a prevention... no one, man or woman (or children) should have to endure a sociopaths abuse.

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  10. I too have had the unfortunate experience of being involved with such a toxic man. We dated for 2 years. In the beginning everything seemed wonderful..He treated me so good and after a unhealthy marriage that too ended in divorce, meeting him and the feelings i had when i was with him was like a dream come true. The flattery, the gifts, spending time together was so great. But in retrospect, there were so many red flags from the very beginning..i witnessed a of rage while we were at the movies, not directed at me but from a scene that i thought maybe made him have a flashback or something..nevertheless it scared me as this was just our 2nd date, he constantly spoke bad of his exes, he was dismissive of one of the counter workers for no reason, ALWAYS had an excuse, then came the gambling ( online, casino) he was really addicted, the over the top LIES that were mind blowing to say the least, the CHEATING,...Omg..i could go on and on..then he started pulling away, less calls, less visits, less texting. Started showing annoyance at minor things..would say put downs but in a joking way..started trying to ask me for money..the list goes on and on. So thankful to God allowing things to be revealed to me..i broke things off with him. It has been a struggle for sure..8 months still no sincere apology, still cast blame to me, has ran my name in the mud..the whole 9 yards as they say. But i see he is not well..have done lots of reading on this disorder and he fits the bill..I am on my healing journey...and he is yet stuck in his dark place..i can only pray for him..cause it will surely take God to deliver his soul!!!!

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    1. I hear stories so similar to yours all the time... Thank goodness you didn't marry him! So many women who have married sociopaths and divorced them are so relieved later to not have had children with them... You're forever linked to them then. I'm so glad you got away when you did! I wish you healing and blessings!

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    2. Yes because we talked about marriage...but i prayed to God to give me a sign to reveal to me whatever it was if he was not the man I should marry...Boy did i get a revelation ! :) But i am so glad I did..avoided what would have been a life of misery! And thank you..blessings to you as well! :)

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  11. My sociopath husband and I were together for nearly 14 years...10 of them he was in prison. We were together two years before one year of marriage under the same roof. I just recently found out less than a year after he got out how incredibly mentally ill he was and that he was a sociopath. It put all the puzzle pieces together for me and I am comforted to see others have been 'duped' as they say by these mentally ill people. I really don't feel so alone. I recently received divorce papers and felt a little bit bad because he had beaten me to the punch. It will save me a lot of money though. And he will win...which is their goal right? I had changed my number but made mistake of calling his work when I got papers. As Homer Simpson says, Doh! I'll have to change it again. It was nice and peaceful him not having it and I live almost 1000 miles away now. Still love him but am trying to work on that. I too have prayed for a miracle and given him to Jesus. (I know people say I'm crazy! That's okay...it's him.) My mother was a narcisisst and I see now she and my husband acted almost identical. No bonding involved at all with either despite my constant efforts. I really do want to forgive them both because it's too much toting around all this junk from them both. I used to think it was me. It's not! Love to all! Shelly

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    1. Shelly, getting divorced from them is such a blessing and so much better than living with the abuse; gas lighting, spinning, projecting etc. The distance is a good thing and I pray you continue to heal .. yes, the forgiveness is really for you, to have peace:) Bless you.

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  12. I took my two children and moved 200 miles away from my ex 7 years ago. At first, if i wasnt looking after the kids or cooking i just went to bed. I think I spent 2 years in bed. I think I was healing. I didnt know what he was at the time, but when i discovered what a sociopath was a few years ago it was a light bulb moment, an epiphany, everything fitted. EVERYTHING ! Hares definitions were word for word all I had been trying to descibe for years but only managing to sound slightly mad myself. He had taken in my Mum,my Dad, my friends were sick of hearing about it. . .I had nowhere to turn. Understanding his condition has made coping so much easier to deal with ! I don't think I realised how deep/low I'd gone till I look back. I left my own business when I left. I've spent 3 years retraining and have had a brilliant job for 3 years now. I stopped smoking and drinking 5 years ago and over the last year have lost 2 stone. I've just recently moved me and the kids into a lovely new little home. I'm happy, I hardly recognised the feeling at first but, oh yes, that's what life used to feel like, I remember now.!

    But, Hes come back, In the beginiing he kept me hanging on for years saying we were sstill married and he wanted to be with us ( just not live with us, because he was too busy sleeping with everything he could aka Don Draper) but after hearing absolutley nothing for the last 2 years my son went to spend 2 weeks work experience with him at his office. He said how everyone thought our son was a brilliant kid and he sounded quite surpried!
    He now wants to visit his kids again and is being incredibly nice. And I just looked at your comment in the article above ' if they are being nice to you its because theyre about to hit you again. . and I dont know what to do. The kids adore him, my Mum ( who still doesnt quite get it) says ' think of how the kids feel, you cant keep them away from their Dad'. But my eldest son, now a teenager, well rounded and achieving high grades at school is begining to show the signs and I'm worried. I know teenagers have low empathy levels. . . but the more time he now spends with his Dad the more he treats us with disdain, disgust, contempt . . and his temper ! From what I can see, his Dad just stands back . . . and smiles. . .
    As soon as he'd seen we'd moved on he went and got a new girlfriend 34 (hes 50). She has been an absolute BITCH and I know hes egging her on. . I know hes cheated on her already and he lies and manipulates her as he did with me and I feel like warning her becaause I'm sure shes going to be wanting a baby and I so fear for that child . .I can see it starting all over again! Hes been to visit at xmas, valentines and mothers day, (thats got to piss her off) ?? !! But then I think - why am I bothered about this, why do I care? I feel like he's dragging me in again.
    I'd rather have NOTHING to do with him but I feel I have to have contact for the kids sake. How do you do this?

    I think I can handle it this time though . I now know what he is. even if it still comes as a shock what he can do. .. but I do worry about the kids. I know hes already manipulating them and I worry that he's going to turn them against me or fight for custody or, i don't know, stir it up so much that they end up hating me.. . . . I don't know what to do? Do I let them go? How do I not? How do I manage this situation ?
    Looking back now, its been hardwork, heartwrenching and its been lonely but leaving him was the best thing I could have done for the kids and I feel lucky, so lucky, to have got away. .
    I've worked so hard to get back on my feet and . I don't want to go back down there again. . ever.

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    1. There will be some who don't agree with this but I would absolutely limit your children's contact with him... these are also the folks who haven't been through this type of experience and believe life should be "fair". Well, you're dealing with someone who is nuts. And if you're dealing with someone who is unreasonable would you think that you could reason with him? That would likely be no.

      I would immediately hire an attorney. Take some action. Find an attorney and consult with several; weed them out by stating you know he's a sociopath and get their reaction. If they laugh or don't believe you; run. Choose carefully.

      I can tell you from personal experience; they are not nice to just be nice. Two weeks ago my ex walked up to me at my sons soccer game and commented how proud he was of me and my accomplishments regarding pursuing school and a new career post divorce. The very next week (within days) he had me served to go to mediation (which I know will ultimately lead to court as sociopaths are incapable of compromise) regarding the children and gaining sole legal decision making for them.

      You know what he is. Do not trust him. His girlfriend... I feel sorry for her. She's a pawn in this as your son will be; used by his father. He will ruin your children; protect them as far as you can. My ex has already turned my son against me; he refuses to come to my home and has no valid reason not to; dads is more fun... no rules like teeth brushing. The sociopath loves creating division, destruction, chaos and loss.

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  13. I literally coming out of an 8 mos relationship as well with a sociopath. I was swept off my feet by him and fell head over heels in love and as soon as I moved in with him and with (my two children), everything changed. He completely stopped doing everything I liked (sweet texts, cooking, affection, kindness, etc... and in started blame, arguments, criticizing, disrespecting, rudeness, control, etc.. and would dangle little bits of sweetness or love every once in a while to make me think that it was all me. If I just be good and not voice my concern about his behavior towards me then he will be the man I fell in love with again. But that never worked. He NEVER understood my feelings and said that my thoughts about my concerns were pathetic, crazy and jealousy. I came down to him yelling foul language calling me terrible names in front of my 14 yr old daughter for me to panic and high-tale it out of there with 1/2 my things in just 30 minutes. now, two weeks later, all ive gotten is how Ive caused all of this and it is all my fault. He is threatening me now, saying HORRIBLE hurtful things to me, refusing to give back the rest of my things which are big ticket items that I cannot just go out and buy. Wont even give back my daughters bed or our washer. Im at a loss as to what to do, cause he will not allow any law enforcement over his house to gather my things with me and he is refusing to bring me mine back. I know now that I did the right thing and left, Its been a horrible feeling since the first week we moved in. He had me then, hooked me real good then devalued me to where I actually thought I was this horrible stupid person and started questioning my own sanity and thought that something was really wrong with me, not him. I know that the person I fell in love with was just a mask, and not real and he is really the person who I see now. Nobody knows his true self except for his exes and they have disappeared off the face of the earth... I am in counseling now and hopefully will help me try and understand what the hell has just happened. I wish these people didn't exist. They are horrible people and will stop at nothing to destroy you and suck the life out of you.. literally..

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    1. Oh my goodness.... You poor thing. I feel for you, his behavior is classic how he would just dismiss your feelings. They excel at making you feel as though you are imagining it, or exaggerating what is really happening... they say "you're too sensitive", etc. I'm so glad you got out earlier rather than later; that you and your daughter were exposed to less rather than more of the crazy! Counseling will help a bunch and reaffirm that yes, this is real what he's done to you both and empower you as you rebuild your life.

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  14. I am so grateful to have found this! My husband is just like this and I'm trying to divorce him and he says he won't let me! We've been married almost 2 years, no kids, no joint property or anything, it could be so easy, but no. This explains so much. I knew I was dealing with someone who was spiritually sick, but now I know what it is. I pray for the strength in dealing with him so I can get the divorce.

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    1. Susan, I'm so relieved you didn't start a family yet with this man and now don't run the risk of having a child who perhaps becomes a sociopath. Stay strong! Go "no contact" with him... much easier & doable without kids. The sooner you can get the divorce finalized the sooner you can begin healing and begin your new life! Prayers and good thoughts your way.

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  15. I thought I point out that it is not just men that are sociopaths. My girlfriend almost broke me and infected my family with her actions. She was such a wonderful person to begin with. I am trying to heal from the experience but it is so hard after loving someone and spending so much time with them, to let go and truly come to realize they are not the people we thought they were. It's heartbreaking to learn. Even after the end of the relationship.

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    1. You're completely right... not just men are sociopaths... women can be as well. I simply write from my own experience. I'm sorry to hear of your experience with one... healing will happen, hang in there. There is a big blessing in that you didn't marry her; thank goodness you can part ways and begin a fresh start without contact. Remember that sociopaths prey on highly empathetic people... remind yourself of this wonderful trait you have because it's a blessing to others! Blessings to you and your family.

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    2. Those of us who went thru the darkness will tell you that eventually you will see the light. Time does heal. Know that once you do get thru it, it will be a brand new day and brand new LIFE,

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  16. What an eye opener this is. I actually felt guilty for wanting to leave my ex wife because of her "illness". We were in joint counseling to consider reconciliation. But the truth of her actions was overwhelming. Just recently whe. I unmasked yet another lie about our finances, she flew into a rage and accused me of trying to destroy her. Amazing how they can twist and justify almost any lie or deception to be your fault.
    To the young man above who learned the truth about his girlfriend, count yourself lucky and don't look back. Marriage and family with a sociopath is living hell.

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  17. 13 yrs married, 3 yrs seperated, 1 child, shared custody. Jennifer, I am sure you know my ex (I know you don't!) but seriously the article above is him to a tee. Exactly. Without any deviation. He does it to her now. Been with her since we split (gee really??). I was discarded as being of no use anymore - too old, no money etc etc etc. She? younger, skinnier, more money, more high profile connections. All as you would expect. In the 3 yrs together he has walked out on her 7 times in the last 12 months, moved out three times, maintained constant contact with me despite being told not too, gaslighted her, gaslighted me, and in the current phase is back with her, trashing me, bla bla bla. He finally has worn her down and has her under control. Pity. I know her, quite well. Don't like her but she doesn't deserve what is coming to her either.

    Loving the no contact. Problem is I need to have contact as we share a young child. I have been blanked for weeks now. It is so tiring, pathetic and utterly childish.

    My goal is to get that boy back. He is becoming withdrawn, sullen and totally under the influence of his father. I love your other article about the steps to take to prevent your child becoming the parent. This will be the 3rd generation unless I stop it somehow.

    But ah yes the loneliness of it all. NO-ONE believes what a nutbar the ex is. I am the neurotic one. Mentally unstable etc etc etc.

    As she will be when he discards her for the next supply.

    And the one after that, and the next one and the next one. (so boring!!!)

    All I want is peace, quiet, to learn to laugh, to have respect, to be allowed to speak, to be allowed an opinion, to feel safe (that is a biggie) - and mostly - to have my son with me, laughing and trusting and to see the light back in his eyes.

    The court system here will not back me up. It is all about mediation (mwahaha - mediate with a sociopath - yeah good one) and unless they can see the bruises there is no abuse apparently.

    Instead my heart gets ripped out when my son is distant from me these days (his father's influence) and is sullen and withdrawn and is on his way towards being a sullen withdrawn teenager who has issues.

    I have a great counsellor now. I asked the higher powers to help me and they found her. She has lived this too - but she came back to 'normal'. She is living proof it can be done. Her son is finally OK, she has a great 2nd marriage, she owns property and has a successful business.

    She is proof you can rebuild your life. A long hard slow process but as someone said to me earlier this week - from all this digging in the dirt, precious gems and jewels of the greatest brilliance will be discovered.

    That means - from this hardship we will all grow to be come the most awesome caring helpful people, who have so much wisdom to offer others.

    I lost my home, all my money, my investments and several jobs thanks to my ex. The constant undermining, pressure, emotional manipulation and eventual slow slow painful destruction left me with major self esteem issues. I have only just started to accept what he is and trust me that is a big step. When you realise and accept what sick people they are and that you did nothing wrong - then you can start on the pathway towards light and laughter. Away from the darkness that has consumed you for so long.

    Step away from the darkness and move towards light and laughter.

    Kia kaha to you all



    .

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    1. its like reading my own story lost my children everything I owned thousands and thousands of pounds only realised 6 weeks ago who he truly is planning my escape now

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  18. Is it possible for them to change on their own? Or is it a ploy altogether?

    My husband was like this very much in the beginning of our relationship. He turned me against my own family until I started listening to God and healing myself. He has changed a lot since we moved out of state 7 months ago. We fought horribly at first until I punched him because he always dared me to. I don't recommend doing that but if I hadn't he would've continued bullying me and pushing me around that was 3 or 4 months ago. I don't know if it is permanent, but he is still not the man of God I expect him to be.

    I have talked to him about leaving twice, the first time he threw a violent fit and banged his head on the wall, got out our gun then shot it off outside (pretending he was going to kill himself) and the most recent time he said his heart was broken then went into a trance of sobs saying he would go die somewhere if I left until I pretended it never happened. I have fallen out of love with him, my heart is elsewhere. I just don't trust him, he is much better now with me and our kids but he spends money frivolously and declared it is I who needs to get a job and not him who needs to help budget first. I want better, I want the man that God wants for me and my children.

    Right now, I am always stuck at home. He lets me have time to myself like play guitar but I've never made friends because I wouldn't dare invite them around him. We barely get out of the house because he would rather watch tv. I'm not a socializer but i love to get out in nature. Talking to him is also like talking to a brick wall. My hopes and dreams are irrelevant to him most times. I've only recently gotten a compliment from him that I have talent.

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    1. RUN and NEVER look back. You have CHILDREN!

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  19. As someone who has discovered this weekend that I fit fully everything in this profile about a sociopath and I have accepted it and studied everything about a sociopath and the family that suffers I do now understand my wife and why things are so bad at home. I honestly thought that it was all her fault.
    I do now understand that I am incapable of feeling like others (which I have kind of known for a while) and I have understood that everything that I do I do it for my own ego.
    However, I am not totally without feelings, I have bad days and good days. When I have good days our life at home can be wonderful. But when I have bad days, my wife has no chance (I have realized this now) whatever she does or say I will turn it around to my benefit.

    I can say though that even though I do not feel like a normal person does I have no desire to hurt someone. When I have hurt my wife and others in my surrounding it has been because my need had to come first.
    I know now, what I can do to make things better for my wife and my family and for me.
    This might sound very strange but it makes sense for me.
    I need to give my family everything that I can all the time. If I do this, then my wife will do everything for me. She is that kind of person, that if she has a husband that is safe and secure and calm then she will be the best wife ever. I have understood that now.

    So even though I do this in a selfish manner, I think that it can benefit my wife and my family. I will also try to studie as much as possible for my sons not to turn out the same way as me.

    Thank you so much because all the reading on this site has helped me and please give me your thoughts around this.

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    1. Wow thank you for honesty! Read the Bible and I will be praying for you! God can heal you and give you direction, bless you

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  20. I was in a marriage for 22 years and he acted just like this article says. It was my second marriage, thank god I never had children with him. And my children never had to really live with him, they were on their own by then. He was also much younger then myself. He wanted to marry me in the worst way and I finally agreed. He threw my children and my x in my face our whole marriage. Would accuse me of cheating on him, couldn't have any friends he would find fault with all of them. Was jealous of me visiting with my children. Would start fights with me and turn everything around and make it all my fault. I left him several times but always went back. It was like walking on egg shells all the time, never knew what kind of mood he would wake up in. Everyone always thought he was a great guy till they got to see what he was like. He claimed to be a christian and read the bible, but would pass judgement on everyone. I been gone from him 3 years now and it has been really hard. As I mentioned there is a big age difference I feel I gave him over 20 years of my life and now am really too old to find anyone...and he is still young enough to have a life. Looking back now I wished I had never meet him,

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  21. How do you break free from a crazy psychopath? I have been with a narcissist for 6 lonnnnggg years. I am afraid of him and for good reasons, I've been tied up and tortured, not knowing if I was about to die, it was like a horror movie. I've been choked to the point of passing out and waking up on the cold tile floor of my kitchen wondering why my forehead hurt, I have been put of his car or left somewhere more times than I can count only to be picked up shortly after walking a little bit and having no other choice but to get back in out of fear of being ran over and having nowhere to. I have lost my job, car, have no money and live in his house an hour from any family. I have no friends, I sit alone in the house all day and no one even knows what pain I go through everyday. I've almost completely lost my faith in God, I get so angry with God because I cry and beg him everyday to make a way out for me. Some may say just leave but it's not that simple, I don't want him to come to my family's home and kill us all, he hates all of them too. Why not call the police? Well that would be a major betrayal in his eyes, they may lock you up for a short time but not long enough for your anger to subside then he would most likely hunt me down and do God knows what. I have lost myself, I'm bitter and hate life and have almost lost all hop. I try to be patient and wait on the Lord but I can't understand why it would take him so many years to put an end to my suffering which has really caused me to question his faithfulness and/or existence which in turns make me feel guilty for questioning God, but he is my only hope which is definitely adequate but only if he chooses to exercise his help... Its a paradox... The struggle is real people. Please pray for me

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    1. You aren't alone... and questioning God and why this has happened in your life is not a bad thing. He is there and sees what you're enduring. The first step is going to a local women's shelter and getting the help you need; and reaching out to trusted family members who can help further. Narc's and sociopaths; abusers are in this world unfortunately but you deserve so much more; better. You deserve to live a life of peace, calm, happiness and freedom to make choices that bring you joy and health. Sending you hugs and prayers for safety in the first step toward a new chapter.

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  22. A very enlightening piece! You are right on point. Thank you for sharing. God Bless!

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  23. Anonymous who has been with six long years.....your story sounds so similiar to one I went through back in my twenties...before I had kids...I know the struggle with faith and paradox in trying to trust s god you feel almost hates you ..or why ???why would he allow you to go through the things you do in life and take so long to rescue out of...almost like he is sadistic psychopath himself ...I have had a pattern in my life of attracting these kind of men from my toxic up bringing .....and also just left another socislpath I was involved with for two years ...I have been a way from for two years now ...yet I still ache gor him and have cognitive dissonance ...sheer hell ...trying to heal from ..I don't ...won't allow him back in my physical space no matter how he's hovered last two years ...however I feel impossible to move forward also ...I'm so angry at him I want revenge so bad ...yet ..I still cry myself to sleep about how much I wish things could have been different ...the paradoxical thinking is in every corner of my mind ..I am in therapy again 5 hours a week with two different mental health workers for major chronic post traumatic syndrome ..anxiety disorder ,depressive disorder ...I know I deserve much better than this man ..yet I'm still sick with this longing for him ...I can't stand it ...I know he's constantly lied ,cheated,twisted crap by gaslight ing ...anxiety and on and on with much other stuff...but my mind still ruminate about him...I can't even sleep in my own bed for last two years because reminds me of him and feels empty with him no longer next to me ...I've slept on my couch...I've miss my old sensitive self...I've ve become hard ,paranoid of others...I isolate at home now ..most of time ...I've ve love my kids ..but it's effected my relationship with them in many ways now ..even after I've long put him away from me ..ivevem not same person anymore..ivevem fear I never will be!!I quit going to church many months ago ..and even feel angry at god for not answering my prayers with much . And why??hasn't he made him suffer more for all he's done to me...not just me ...but many others he's left a trail of wreckage with for his whole 61 years of life!! I'm pissed as hell !!I wish people on here that has went through same as me lived closer to me ...so we could meet up in person in like personal support group or talk on phone ...I get tired of texting all the time ..it takes much more time and energy to get down what want to say ...and sometimes I'd like to just get out and go for coffee and get out of my isolating mode with ...so bad ....!!it can't seem to break the ice by getting out much by myself to do anything ...so depressed...

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