Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Child Custody/Possession Schedule & The Narc Ex: 4 Tips

May 2015 

names have been omitted in this post 


It was eight o'clock in the evening and I had been awake since three thirty that morning due to the storms that had rolled in again. Our weather was always unpredictable this time of year… tornado season was alive and well during our spring months that left us with very few true spring days but more like wanting to spring outta this place due to the erratic winds, flooding, torrential downpours and hail. The typical four seasons had slowly over time been whittled down to like two… scathing hot summer and dreary winter… with spring and fall becoming more like rainy hiatuses. I wanted to leave Texas far behind in my rear view mirror… real estate was cheap that was a plus for the state, but the scenery was far from rolling hills, mountains or sandy gulf shores… eventually I wanted settle someplace that was scenic but that wasn't going to be possible for quite some time.

That night as I spoke with my daughter on FaceTime she shared something "Daddy says when I come to your house Friday, you know, tomorrow night? He said I only get to stay for the weekend and then I come back to his house to start the summer schedule of two weeks on, two weeks off."

"Oh, really?" I asked "Well, Daddy needs to put that on the Wizard to let me know. Not tell you." I informed her.

She shrugged. "He said for me to tell you. He said he wasn't putting it on the Wizard."

"Well, that is putting you in the middle which shouldn't be done." I pointed out.  You're not the messenger. I will message Daddy about this myself. And by the way… you do start the summer schedule here. Don't worry about it, I will handle it myself." I told her, not wanting her to be stressed out which I could discern was exactly what was happening by her distraught expression via the FaceTime video call.

I thought it to be incredibly thoughtless of him to inform her that she would be at one home when in reality she would be at another… all it did was leave her feeling unsettled and not knowing what was going to happen… there was zero excuse to upset her and cause undue anxiety.

Taking matters into my own hands, I proactively messaged him on the wizard informing him that per the court order since our daughter would already be at my home as regularly scheduled she would then stay for two weeks due to the summer schedule. Soon I was being met with opposition; he claiming that no, the decree stated he was to go first for the summer schedule… so in light of that I must turn her over to him after the weekend. I reviewed the entire order from beginning to end three times to ensure I was not missing a single detail. Scrutinizing it I finally surmised he was pulling one of his usual go-to tricks; tell me with complete confidence that such and such was in the decree and figure I won't argue due to fear. What fear you ask? Any fear… worry that he might be correct and consequently I would be in the wrong if he was and then I could potentially face the police being called on me for not following the order… you name it, he like all self-entitled manipulative individuals of disorder was banking on the fact that if he stated i.e.; demanded x,y,z was true then surely I would accept it and let him have his way.

Not so fast. It wasn't happening.

I sent a message stating that if it was indeed true as he claimed that he was to have summer possession first, then to please email me a photo of the section on the decree that reflected such. After several requests for such evidence despite his arguments, he wasn't able to produce such proof. Because he didn't have it.  I let him know in no uncertain terms then that I would be the first to have summer possession and if he interfered with it I would have to take legal action. Soon came hissy fits via message and I ignored.

A narcissistic sociopath 
is like a rabid dog 
that must be kept within 
the necessary boundaries. 

It's one of the narcissistic sociopaths favorite tactics to get what they want… declare something as truth with such confidence and combined with their past ability to make you doubt yourself; your knowledge and gut instincts so you wouldn't dare question him/her. 

Because to tell them: "this is the correct way" based on facts is asking for wrath and revenge from them.

Soon came the reasoning for his push to have the first summer possession…

"Mommy… I think Daddy wanted me at his house first because his girlfriend from London is here in town… he's angry because he wanted me to spend time with her. So he's taking it out on you."

"Oh, really?" I affirmed, "Well, they are just dating." I replied dismissively.

"I know… " She sighed "But I think it is moving too fast."

I turned to look at her, surprised by her acute observation. "You do? Well, this all affects you… maybe you need to share how you feel about it with him."

The narcissistic sociopath uses any and all tactics they can pull from their back pocket of tricks to fool, manipulate or coerce you into doing whatever it is they need. It is always to their advantage. It is always to benefit themselves. The best thing to do is to disengage and not fall for their deceitful ploys. 

4 Tips To Help:

1. Keep it simple. Facts only. Read all messages before you press send. If need be come back to it later and read it again. Don't get into long rambling explanations or let emotion creep in. 

2. Keep a copy of the decree and possession schedule handy to refer to when needed. Keep a copy in your vehicle in the event your decree is needed at an exchange and you must show it to a police officer.

3. If you must communicate do it in writing; use an online communication tool such as Our Family Wizard ($100 per year) or Talking Parents (free).

4. Don't doubt yourself. You've been programmed by the personality disordered individual to doubt your own knowledge and gut instincts; you will re-gain more and more confidence as time goes on. Your antennae will go up when a red flag exists; trust it and don't cave into his/her manipulation.

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