Sunday, December 7, 2014

30 Signs Of Parental Alienation/Abuse

30 Signs Of Parental Alienation:

1. Your child's cell phone always goes to voicemail now.
2. Your cell number is now removed from your child's "favorites" or deleted completely.
3. Your texts to your child have no response; you've been blocked.
4. One parent not including the other's contact info in the school directory.
5. One parent not including the other parents info on the emergency contact form at school.
6. One parent saying "Daddy/Mommy has all my money due to the child support I pay."
7. A parent allowing their child to speak hatefully to the other parent in person/ on the phone.
8. Scheduling activities for the children without consulting the other parent.
9. Playing favorites over one child; one child gets a tutor, soccer, cotillion, etc and the other child receives nothing.
10. A parent having "private talks" with one child and the other child/children excluded.
11. Ignoring the "Right of 1st Refusal" in the decree/ not contacting the other parent to spend time with the child… instead, enlisting a babysitter, family member or intimate partner to watch the child.
12. A parent stating to the child that because the other parent filed for divorce it's their fault the marriage ended.
13. Removing photographs of the other parent from their children's room/possession.
14. Not informing the other parent of their child's school plays, field trips, Open House, field day, picture day, soccer games, swimming lessons, parent/teacher conferences, etc.
15. Chronically not answering the phone when the other parent calls to speak with the child.
16. Sabotaging one parents visits to see the children.
17. The child is afraid of you for no valid reason. They say they "don't feel safe with you", or "can't trust you."
18. Your relationship with your child deteriorates; it goes from close and loving to hateful and eventually non-existent.
19. The other parent over buys for the children creating a world of tempting excessive materialism that you could never or would never choose to provide.
20. A child's hatred suddenly extends to the rest of the parent's family; grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc.
21. A child erroneously believes he/she is making the choice to cut ties with their parent but in reality it is the other parent who is using them like a puppet on strings.
22. The child refuses to spend any time with the other parent; even meeting for dinner, etc.
23. One parent tells the child that the other parent has "rules at their house unlike his/hers".
24. A child's viewpoint is black/white and see the alienating parent as a "hero", "all good guy/gal" and the other parent as the total bad one… no gray area or in between.
25. Your child now lies like your ex about anything and everything.
26. One parent makes poor choices that aren't in the best interests of the children; hiring a babysitter that has a baby so the attention is on it not the children, sneaking in men/women into the house for sex with the children present, not using car/booster seats, leaving young children home alone or those with special needs, drinking & driving, etc.
27. Therapy for the child isn't proving to be helpful in a reconnection with the alienated parent.
28. One child continues to report that their sibling is being manipulated by one parent.
29. Overhearing a parents plans with the child; dinner, movie, water park, etc and immediately takes them to do those activities as a ruse to "win points" as the more fun parent.
30. One parent telling the child "when you are 12, 16, etc you can decide whose house you want to live at." a child too much power and/or asking them to choose one of you over the other.

~ Jennifer Gafford (2014)

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

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The Manipulative Parent's Child: Teaching Empathy & Exposing Lies

For Men & Women: 10 Lessons From Divorce 

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Divorce: 5 Common Scenarios In Co-Parenting & How To Respond

The Happiest Place On Earth: Disney Land Dads


  1. I have been going through this. One of my children is showing signs of parental alienation due to my ex, he is doing quite a few of these. We just started therapy and I am hoping this helps my little girl. Thank you for wiring this, it helps

  2. I'm so sorry to hear of your daughter… and I am hopeful therapy helps her gain assertiveness with her fathers attempts at creating a rift between you. Hopefully with a therapist in the picture her father will begin being held accountable for his behavior and it will come to a stop.

  3. #12 This is my life. Doesn't matter he handed me papers to sign over house, pension , 401k etc. All that matters is that I filed to save myself from being bullied by him and his attorney. Sigh.
    #18 just hurts my heart. Especially since we were so close and now speaks to me just as hateful to me has her dad. Even told me "I wanted you out of the house and that is why you are gone"!! I can't say "no honey your dad made the decision and is using you"

    1. Robin, I get it.... I'm so sorry. Our situations are similar. It's so hard to hear our kids say these things when we know they are being used and the accusations have zero validity. Have you checked out the Facebook page Ryan Thomas Speaks? It's worth taking a look at regarding parental alienation.

      Like you I had to make a decision to file; it's like being backed in a corner... I didn't want to risk an std from his cheating. Yet they are so good at spinning it around to be their spouses fault.

    2. Jennifer,
      I actually deactivated my Facebook account. Every time I saw my friends celebrate an anniversary it hurt. Worst was when my daughter would write about her new adopted family (not sure who they are) and removed every picture she had of me. Me the woman who stayed at home for 18 years just because I loved being her momma. One day I will go back on but for now it helps to not be thete.
      Can I find Ryan Thomas somewhere else.

    3. I feel for you... it can be so hard being in the depths of all this and seeing all the couples celebrating anniversaries and their children's birthdays as well. It's been hard being on FB at times myself.

      He has a website
      He just released some videos you can subscribe to by email regarding alienation. He's a survivor of it.

  4. Everyone of these is going on. He has my 3 boys against me. In the middle of a custody fight he leaves for weeks and comes back for a few days for court. He is not trying! His lawyer is a snake and the guardian doesn't know who to believe! :(