Divorce: 5 Changes

“A Woman Jumping On A Beach” by Jomphong via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

October 2012 

names have been omitted in this post 

******************

" With change comes growth 
and in that beautiful 
things can happen." 

The very first thing I did when I entered the pale bedroom with it's mahogany four poster bed, beautifully embroidered Cynthia Rowley duvet, nubby textured sheer curtains in cream and set of matching neutral lamps was to begin stripping the bed of it's charcoal gray sheets. The afternoon sun filtered through the curtains bathing the room in warm light. Ripping the sheets from the bed I gathered them in my arms and proceeded downstairs to the laundry room. Shoving them in a messy wad into the front loading washer I slammed the door shut and began filling the tray with liquid detergent. Soon the cycle began and the sound of water churning into the spinning tub filled the room. Pulling the door to the laundry room shut behind me as I left I already felt better... those charcoal gray sheets would be donated and thankfully soon out of my life. That afternoon I began shopping for a new sheet set.... finally selecting sheets that were ultra feminine... pink and flowered to match my new life.


When we go through a divorce we may find ourselves surprised by the many changes that soon take place. With great change always comes reflection and thus more change almost inevitably. Ripping those sheets off the bed was my first step in emotionally detangling myself from my marriage and soon to be ex-spouse. There certainly may be things we don't necessarily count on happening or are even prepared for emotionally. Everyone is different and some situations may vary but here are a few things that  may occur during the divorce process and even post finalizing.


1. Some things must go immediately... think sheets, photos, gifts and cards he bought you, wedding mementos, etc. Anything that ties you emotionally to your spouse or the memories you intimately shared would probably be best removed from the home... that way with your fresh start you can have a fresh environment and perspective also. If you aren't to a place where you feel you are ready to discard the items, packing them away is always a good alternative too. This helps begin the healing process and aids in finding some bits of peace along an otherwise likely bumpy road during the divorce process.

2. People will judge you even if you were in a not so great marriage. For some odd reason we are still living in an age where divorce is stigmatized by some. It may not be right but it is an unfortunate truth. Just hold your head high and remember... they weren't married to your ex. People will take sides and even if you were cheated on there will always be one person who huffs "Well, you should have done this or that to prevent it!' Take heart in knowing that although some people may make misguided assumptions about your intimate relationship, you know that they know nothing of it or the specifics. Your marriage may look quite differently to the outside world or even in what you share... to what really went on behind closed doors. Remember that you know your truth and so does God... and at the end of the day... that's all that matters.

3. Surviving at first but then replacing it with thriving. When my divorce was finally finalized I bought myself a gold strand necklace with the word "love." It cost virtually next to nothing but I thought it was fitting to commemorate the event considering the timing and the long arduous process that had spanned nine months of my life. For me, it's a reminder that God loves me no matter what and I'm not just going to survive this phase of my life but thrive!

4. There is way more freedom than anticipated... and that's a good thing. If you were living with a controlling spouse who dictated all the finances, your schedule and even the decorating (?!) you may be relishing the newfound freedom you have in making sole decisions about anything and everything... and that's okay... embrace and go with it.

5. Try something new. There is a whole new world to discover out there and it can begin in your own backyard, the city you reside in, or even during a quick, inexpensive weekend getaway. Trying new foods, traveling to a new place, learning a new recipe, volunteering, beginning a new workout class, learning a different language... all of these things and more are great ways to set the tone for your new adventure in single-dom and learning more about yourself and what you find interesting and important.


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