Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Dear Soon-To-Be-Divorced

Dear Soon-To-Be-Divorced, 

I see you sitting there worried and I know this journey you are about to embark on likely seems really daunting... I know you are probably feeling pretty scared right now. I also know that it's often the unknown that elicits the most fear in us... wondering how this will all turn out. This is will be a bumpy ride, it will. I can't and won't promise otherwise. There may be days you want to smash the picture of the two of you. There may be days you want to "decorate" your wedding album. There may be days you want to go to the shooting range and get some aggression out. There may be days you just want to drive and think... and doing that requires you using up an entire tank of gas to do just that. There may be days you sob that this was how it all turned out and yet you wonder if doing anything differently would have helped or mattered. There may be days you overeat Ben n Jerry's, donuts, beer and fried chicken and feel like a glutton. There may be days you buy all new sheets and towels and anything else that strikes your fancy just. because. you. can. 

There may be days you miss him or who you thought he was or maybe who you wanted him to be and yet there may be days you know it's great he's gone. There may be days you want to spill your guts to your friends and cry... there may be days you want to talk about anything but him. There may be days you are met with kindness and there may be days you are ignored. There may be people who want to know the details so they can let you vent and help any way possible and yet there may be those who listen merely to share it with others and drop you like a hot potato.

There may be days you feel like a failure and there may be days you are reminded of the truth: you. are. not. a. failure. You are a strong person. You may hear people say that those who divorce took the easy way out. Their wrong. That couldn't be any further from the truth. You've been strong a very long time. And going through a divorce means gearing up for battle... it's long, arduous and costly... and it's an emotional roller coaster no one weak gets on. You may be a different  person when you come out on the other side. You may be jaded, you may be less trusting, you may find yourself questioning everything and everybody... pray they will be patient with you. Remember this time and how you felt and more than likely you will become even more compassionate toward others. You may find yourself wanting to become isolated. If you find yourself beginning to pull away from friends and not getting out... that's a sign it's time to schedule something social... it's a sign you're struggling and it's okay... your true friends want to be there for you... let them listen and help you. 

You may feel judged and whispered about and you may hear "I'll pray for you" and yet never hear from them again... this is a crucial time in your life... you will find out so much. You will learn who your true friends are. You will discover how loyal your bestie is. You will learn how kind your neighbors are. You will see if your attorney is going to weather the storm beside you and fight... you will find out how our court system works and may come to be miserably disappointed in the human race as a whole. 

You may have times you simply must talk to someone because you're beyond exasperated and no one is around to listen. You may sob in the shower and regret ever meeting what's-their-face. You may swear off men. You may swear off women. You may swear off marriage. You may swear off love in the romantic sense. 

You may have to hear about how your soon-to-be ex has met someone new and they are "so in love" and it sends you into fits of gagging and eye rolling. You may run into your ex-in-laws and wonder why you ever chose that family. 

You may be shopping one day and while picking out a package of unblemished strawberries at the market sense someone watching you... looking up you see someone checking you out. You may find yourself smiling back. Or maybe you find yourself thinking "Ew. Get away. So. not. ready." 

You may think "This will never end..." but it will. This too shall pass... one day you will look back and realize that yes, it was a long bumpy road but guess what? 

You made it. 

You survived. 

And not just survived. 

But you're stronger. 



What you went through has contributed to who you are now. 

You're a victor.
You pushed through.
You pressed forward. 

Now who are you going to help and cheer on as they go through their own battle? 

I get messages often on Facebook from people telling me that just knowing "I'm not alone" means everything. Those three words... so small yet they hold such meaning and power.

Who can you tell today: 

"You're not alone"? 

Maybe there's someone you know who is silently hurting.
Maybe someone you know feels completely isolated.
Maybe they've started a journey you know nothing of.

Today, I encourage you to post your status on FB to:

"No matter what you're going through... you're not alone." 

Someone will see it. 

Someone needs it. 

And someone will be helped.

© ~ 2014 

18The LORD is near to the brokenhearted 
And saves those who are crushed in spirit. 
Psalm 34:18

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary 
and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28

33 “I have told you these things, 
so that in me you may have peace. 
In this world you will have trouble.
 But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts: 

Cheating: 50 Shades of Lies: 5 Reasons Not To Keep Him

You're Getting A Divorce: 10 Tips On How To Tell Your Kids

Standing On A Road She Didn't Plan: A Single Mom Dating


  1. I might have shed a tear here while reading your awesome post. Your words are laced with so much power and hope. I think it can move almost everyone. I've seen my fair share of sad stories and I really think what you did can really help. I'll be bookmarking this. Thank you so much for sharing.

    Christine Bradley @ West Green Law

    1. Christine, thank you for such a kind compliment. I hope it helps others. Thank you for reading. ~ Jen

  2. This is a very inspiring post, Christine! Going through this kind of battle is never easy. It can drag someone down, both physically and emotionally. That’s why it helps if they can read such articles like this. It might help them cope, and they'd know that they are not alone, and what they're feeling is something a lot of people have gone through as well. Thanks for sharing!

    Sandra Walker @ Eric L. Risk, P.C.