Thursday, December 18, 2014

20 Examples Of How A Narcissist Uses You

December 2014 

names have been omitted in this post


My daughter sighed and I scrutinized her expression… it was one of great irritation and unhappiness. We were on our FaceTime call… she was already in her pj's and had called me from her bedroom at her dad's house. With her pink cheeks and downturned mouth, she looked the picture of resigned defeat.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked her.

"Yeah… I'm okay…" She mumbled but I knew that look… and knew she wasn't. She sighed and spoke again… "So, tonight for my birthday dinner we went out to eat… but not somewhere I like. Not where I wanted to go." She added.

"Really? Huh… where did you go eat?" I asked her.

"We went out for mexican food but we went where they wanted to go. Daddy invited Grandpa and he brought some lady with him. And Mimi came and she didn't even talk. She just sat there." She told me.

"Daddy brought Grandpa?" I affirmed… thinking it so ironic that my ex had teamed up with my narcissistic estranged father since my divorce. On the day I'd had my ex served with divorce papers he had phoned my father demanding an explanation for my having him served… to that my father had retorted back with "Well, yeah you sorry so and so… you've been cheating on her!" … yet as time passed my father decided his bread was better buttered by my ex and as I tried to assert boundaries by keeping him at a healthy arms length… ultimately he didn't like it and told me off via voicemail. In the wake of him now being divorced from my mother it appeared he had moved some woman into his home within just a few short months of the decree being finalized. {To a narcissist people are merely like chess pieces… always being moved strategically as they suit them.} It made me raise an eyebrow and I couldn't help but wonder to myself if he had been cheating on my mother with whoever this newest female supply of his was. I made a mental note of his lacking character by his conscious choice to bring this woman that my daughter didn't even know to her birthday party… it was some sort of bizarre narcissistic world they lived in where no one else's feelings mattered but theirs and my daughter had zero voice in the matter despite it being her birthday.

"Oh yeah…" My daughter grimaced and spoke "I don't know why he brought this lady. I don't even know her. She brought me perfume, necklaces and makeup."

"She brought you a gift?" I asked "She doesn't even know you. That's pretty forward. You're too young for makeup. Why would Grandpa think it was okay for him to bring this woman to your birthday party?" I pointed out.

She nodded and agreed "I know! It was like, not even about my birthday, it was all about them."

Smart kid… she was quite observant and saw reality as it was.

Of course it wasn't about your birthday, I thought to myself. Because that's what they do. Narcissists use situations to their own personal advantage in how it will benefit them… they don't care about how it affects others… or what anyone else wants.

"Well, Grandpa is inappropriate and doesn't care what you want. He does what he wants shown by his actions that night. It wasn't appropriate for that woman to come to your birthday party. I'm sorry about it…. and really, he shouldn't be dating anyone so soon after he and Grandma divorced… that's not appropriate either. He's setting a bad example. I don't want you thinking that is okay because it's not." I told her.

"I know!" She said and nodded with emphasis… we chatted a few more minutes and then I told her goodnight and that I loved her.


At the end of the day a narcissist is an individual that uses others… for their own profit and gain. They rotate people in their lives as the targets suit them… as their needs change… and whomever they discern will butter their bread better. It is always changing… at some point someone is always discarded by a narcissist… because inevitably there will always be better prey that comes along.

20 Examples Of How A Narcissist Uses You: 

1. He demands sex with his wife even though she has a temperature of 104 and is sick with the flu.
2. She expects her best friend to always pay for her meals when they have lunch.
3. He doesn't care that his wife's breathing has been affected by fumes at his place of business. He demands that she continue to work there despite her protests and affected health.
4. He uses his children as pawns in retaliation at his ex-wife for divorcing him.
5. She borrows all her friends handbags and shoes and never returns them. Or does and the items are damaged.
6. Your sociopathic ex uses your narcissistic father as an fellow conspirator in the aftermath of your divorce as a pitiful attempt to "get back at you."
7. Your narcissistic father uses your sociopathic ex in the aftermath of your divorce to pay for all his meals out… and his girlfriend's meals as well.
8. Your narcissistic father uses your daughter's birthday party as his chance to bring a guest which is his  live in honey… knowing this information will get back to his ex-wife via your daughter.
9. She accepts her friend's kind offer to go pick her up some lunch to go and then talks poorly about her behind her back to others.
10. Your best friend is in a relationship and she suddenly (and ironically) has no time for your friendship and despite your verbal interest... you never meet the guy she's dating.
11. Your narcissistic friend tells you in the middle of your break up story "Let's talk about me instead."
12. He uses his children's academic smarts, beauty and talent for building up his own ego… using them for narcissistic supply.
13. He uses the fact he has "connections" and knows so and so… He tells everyone who comes in close contact with him that he has such "connections" in the community because it makes him feel important.
14. He tells his daughter "With your looks you should be able to get a guy with a family name and money here in town." His desire is for his daughter to marry well merely to make himself look good in the community.
15. He always receives gifts from acquaintances for holidays, birthdays, etc but never reciprocates.
16. He likes being able to say he has a family but in reality he ignores his children behind closed doors and is emotionally unavailable. The purpose they serve is feeding the image he wants to project to the public.
17. He doesn't care that the college he wants to send his daughter to isn't a good fit for her… because at the end of the day it suits him and his ego… he tells everyone where she attends and enjoys the accolades.
18. She doesn't give her son any congratulations that he gained employment with a great company… instead she takes the credit for his new position.
19. He uses his son's generous spirit to pay for all the refreshments for any and all social gatherings… and comes to expect it… and when that no longer happens he throws a fit.
20. She expects her husband to watch the children while she goes off regularly whether it be shopping or partying… she's not involved in the family unit and has no desire to be.

© ~ 2014 

Being with a narcissist is like 
being trapped with a 
vampire… they suck you dry 
and leave you lifeless…
reclaim your life
and walk away to 
away from the abuse
and being used

You can do hard things… 
like start over and live a
life of happiness and peace

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts: 

Fathers: Shepherding His {Black} Sheep 

The Sociopath: The 6 Tricks He Uses

Common Phrases Spoken By (and signs of) A Narcissistic Sociopath


  1. This post is good. It gives real life examples and I like your site. You are good at describing what they do in story and list form so those that aren't sure if they are experiencing a narcissist know for sure. Thank you

    1. Thank you for reading and the kind comment... they excel at keeping you wondering if what you're living is truly toxic or just your wild imagination as they would like to infer.