10 Phrases A Narcissistic Sociopath Uses

He's so good. 

He's so good at being bad. 

"I don't care what you think 
unless it is about me" 

- Kurt Cobain

"Even the best of states 

have serious flaws. 

The best solution is you take 

someone who has

 been identified as a sociopath 

and you lock him

 up forever because by definition,

 they are predators. 

They will do it again." 

- Marc Klaas 

"If a sociopath believes a 

lie it makes it truth." 

- Karen Kirschbaum 

If anyone has perfected the art of saying the right things and making you believe that he means them it's a narcissistic sociopath. He is skilled in charm not sincerity… he excels at superficial not substance… he is a man of much nonsense and riddles like a joker or magician but not meaning or truth.


A sociopath has a typical set of phrases he uses as there are always commonalities between them. It's been said so many times in the support groups I belong to that when the members post messages that their Ex has sent them… they could have been sent from anyone's Ex sociopath… as they all appear to speak the same language… astonishingly, it's as if they are all one and the same person… as if they went to the same school and were taught from the same bag of tricks.


When I was dating my Ex, (even a large part of the marriage) for the most part he was doting… he listened… in fact, part of my attraction to him was the fact he listened… something I didn't have from a father who simply talked at me. What I didn't know then is that people of a manipulative nature may very well listen… they may not be what is expected… dismissive… at least in the beginning… as it behooves them to listen to you and listen well. They excel at listening to what you have to say… hanging onto every word… learning all they can about you so they can reel you in… and in this crucial time period offering bits of sage advice, comfort and affirmation. When we date someone who appears to be the picture of care, of kindness and empathy we believe we truly have what were seeing… we take it to heart and don't doubt that what were experiencing is real.


Any of the typical phrases a sociopath uses may not come to the surface until much later on… once you're immersed in a marriage and dependent upon him. It's not until he has you captured in a corner like a defenseless little ladybug does he begin to show his true colors… and for a while he may even dance back and forth between charm and seemingly genuine care and contempt for you… leaving you completely confused and off balance… because you can't figure out where you stand with him… and he knows it.



Often times when were so close to a situation or person we don't have the distance to step back and be objective. It may be difficult for us to not beat ourselves up later down the road upon the full truth revealed… or block out the "What was I thinking?" thoughts going through our head… but we have to forgive ourselves for any blindness that kept us in the wolf's path… this is part of the healing process. It's a mental barrage of "coulda, shoulda, woulda's"… and it can go on forever if allowed. At some point we have to say "What's done is done and it's unfortunately reality" and then begin self care… making a conscious point to be gentle with ourselves, to journal, pamper ourselves, surround ourselves with healthy, supportive friends and family… doing the little things including the big, leaning on God… asking Him for comfort, strength and healing.



Below are phrases that a sociopath typically uses with his target.


10 PHRASES A SOCIOPATH USES: 

1. "Trust me" My Ex used this all the time and amusingly even later during the divorce process. What he's really saying is "Please be a sucker and let me trick you once again." Why on earth would you trust someone who has continually lied and cheated that you have proof of? For a sociopath to tell their target "Trust me" after they've shown (perhaps repeatedly) they cannot be trusted is merely laughable.

2. "I love you" He will use this phrase over and over again. Another lie. He will use this with every woman he's with. A sociopath is incapable of love. What he's really telling you is "I love the way you make me feel. Being with you is like a rush for me at this moment."Unfortunately, eventually the rush will wear off and you'll be replaced.

3. "Happy?" or "Happy now?!" Is his little guise of a remark of ensuring he has taken care of your needs or desires but in reality is a dismissive way of telling you "You're a pain in my butt and inconveniencing me big time. Now go away." My Ex used this one all the time and still does with our children.

4. "It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission." Ugh. My Ex used this all the time. Another statement they use to try to justify their actions and believe that whatever recent ordeal they just put you through (or shady business deal) will merely blow over… that by just saying "Sorry!" in their usual dismissive tone that everything will smooth over, consequences will be nil and he will be able to wiggle his way back into your heart.

5."You're so sensitive." A classic. A way to justify his negative actions or verbal abuse toward you when you naturally get upset or mad. Then you begin to question yourself and your own feelings. What eventually happens is later on (even perhaps after you're divorced) it strips you of confidence and you begin to question every interaction you have with people… the natural response is a phase of being unsure… the good news is your confidence will return as you heal and become stronger. Keep in touch with friends that know and love you and don't allow yourself to become isolated.

6. "I can never make you happy. My God! You are so negative! Why do you think I'm never around? Because I can't stand being around you!" Justification and twisting for why he's cheating or a workaholic.

7. "What about you? What about your issues?" This is his comeback to you when you call him on the unacceptable choices he's made. He will spin it back onto you and try to bring up any faults or flaws you have (or make any up) to get the heat off him.

8. "I could do that for you." Could. Interesting. He could, but chooses not to. He could do that Honey-do on your list that you really need finished but he won't.

9. "I only get this negativity from you." In other words…. he isn't getting what he wants so it's easier to attack you.

10. "The more you tell me one thing the more it makes me want to do the opposite." Oh, okay… it's comparable to a three year old boy having a fit. He doesn't wanna just cause you want him to so he ain't gonna!


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts: 


5 Signs of A Pathological Liar and Manipulator 
http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/07/5-signs-of-pathological-liar-and.html

The Narc's Family: 5 Ugly Secrets Behind Closed Doors
http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/04/the-narcs-family-5-ugly-little-secrets.html

The 3 Stages The Sociopath Puts You Through 
http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/05/the-3-stages-sociopath-puts-you-through.html

We Were Meant To Live For So Much More

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves? 

Somewhere we live inside 

Somewhere we live inside 

We were meant to live for so much more

Have we lost ourselves? 

Somewhere we live inside… 

Switchfoot "Meant To Live" 

Sometimes in life we may feel lost. 

It's so incredibly easy to get lost in our day to day lives. It's so easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of each day... the harried rushed mornings, the commute, the mandatory meetings, the conference calls, demanding clients, scheduling and so forth. 

It's so very easy to get caught up in the usual... the sameness of routine… the quick send offs, the flurried goodbyes, the absentminded "MmmHmmm's" and "Hurry!" 

Life can become one big deadline, one huge leap... a sprint, a race... a marathon. We often feel pressure to "get there"... to meet a goal, a project completion date, a first kiss, a marriage date, a first house, a conception date, a ten year anniversary, fiftieth and so on… life can become one big "One day…" of wants, wishes and hopes…

But then sadly…

"One day" never gets here.

Time keeps passing us by and with each check in the morning mirror we may notice more crow's feet, more graying hair and maybe looking past the reflection in the mirror a lot less fun.

Perhaps life has become one long list of… 

"Hopefully soon…"  

"Hopefully soon we will go on that cruise." 

"Hopefully soon we will go on a vacation that involves

 being gone more than a measly two or three days." 

"Hopefully soon we will go on that date night or overnight." 

"Hopefully soon we will have that pajama day at home, make waffles and connect." 

"Hopefully soon we will go back home to visit Mama." 

"Hopefully soon we will take the kids on that trip to Disneyland." 

"Hopefully soon we will… "

What's on your list?

What do you hope to do? 

The very word "Hope" means faith that such and such will happen, something wonderful will take place… that we believe it will come to fruition.


But in that "Hopefully we will…" is there excuse lurking?

Is excuse or procrastination insidiously hanging in that sentence we utter with the somewhat (?) convincing tone we use?

Perhaps. 


We don't have to lose ourselves in life. We don't have to subscribe to a life where everything that has special meaning to us is put on the perpetual back burner… we can claim today…  that we will pull out the calendar and begin marking definitive dates we will go live for so much more than just work and stress. We can claim today… today that we will choose our children over our iPhone, our late night at the office or a skipped family dinner. We can realize that we may have second tries… we may be able to say "I've got a chance to do this again…" but only so many times do we get that chance. Are we living with our eyes half open, stumbling through the commitments and motions or are we fully awake and tuned in to our very present moment?

We all want more than what this world has to offer… Christians ultimately want Heaven… we want peace, we want love, we want Jesus… and we all want our slice of Heaven here on earth while we walk this land… we won't find it in an office cubicle… but we will outside…

In the glorious beauty God has given us in this world… where land meets blue painted skies.

Where is your little piece of Heaven on earth? 


Maybe it's the snow-capped mountains… the majestic trees, the lakes and rivers… maybe it's the desert and all it's simplistic beauty… or maybe it's like mine… the sandy beach.

This past week I was blessed to relax a bit where my little slice of Heaven is on earth... in Florida I spent some time on Barefoot Beach in Naples. If you haven't been it's a wonderful place to take your family. The Barefoot Beach State Preserve has beautiful beaches and turtles.

Wherever your slice of Heaven is on earth… be sure you take some time there now and then… don't let it become relegated to a "Hopefully" with good intentions that never come to pass.


Because we aren't meant to just exist.

Were meant to live. 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

                          

           

The Happiest Place On Earth: Disneyland Dad's

Ah, Disney Land… 


Can you imagine what it would be like for your kids to go to Disneyland every other week? Or every other weekend? I'm sure it would be according to them "the best thing ever!"…. and yet you may know already by now that I'm not really referring to Mickey or Minnie but to someone that more closely resembles evil Jafar in Aladdin.


Welcome to Disney Dad… the father who runs a home without rules… who instead of having a healthy father-child dynamic the children are treated as equals… or at least specific children are… whomever it benefits the father most. The father placates his children with a constant flow of promises, gifts and free will. It's a home where order and boundaries don't exist… kids that run amuk and candy flows freely. Foul music abounds, meals are served in front of the television instead of eaten as a family, children are taken along on business trips and treated as adults, personal boats are promised to boys as young as eleven, movies are uploaded to iPhones to keep the younger children out of his hair… and fits are met with "Now… if you don't stop that I'm going to take your cell phone."

The kids leave dads hopped up on excitement from their week or weekend in paradise and go to Mom's where they are met with "No, you can't eat an entire bag of M&M's in one sitting… yes, you have to brush your teeth… no, showers are not optional… no, you are not going to get a phone, you're not old enough… what do you mean the park is old hat? I'm not buying you a boat, sorry."

Rules are stated and attempted to be enforced and instead are met with much derision and anger. Now mom is dealing with kids who don't want to comply… who yell her rules are stupid and they want to be at dad's house exclusively. "Dad is more fun!" they wail and their faces glare at her as she tries to wrack her brain for what exactly just happened. Since when is life like an amusement park everyday? That mentality has become normal for them. Since when does everything have to be a "big deal"? Whatever happened to reading a book, relaxing, playing a family board game and eating supper together? Now comparisons run the gamut and she is quickly losing the race… a race she never knew she entered into… a race she believe is ridiculous and is nothing but spurred by her Ex's insanity and insecurity.

Instead, she feels she's losing control… 

her life has become a train wreck and
 she's met with contempt by her son. 

Here's the truth: 

Disney Dad is not a good parent. He's not modeling healthy parenting for his children… his "parenting skills" in reality suck. He is sitting back with glee… basking in the gratifying joyful supply he gains by hearing how the children are acting out at mom's house… how they defy her, they scream at her, maybe even hit her and mock her ideas of fun. The truth is… he's angry she left, he's angry she has the audacity to ditch him… so he uses the children as his pawn of anger toward her.

She's a great mom who is doing the best she can considering the circumstances. She is dealing with an Ex who is insidiously conveying to the children that mom's rules don't matter… that her ideas of fun are stupid and inadequate… just by having his home be a free-for-all… the two homes are at such extreme ends of a spectrum of parenting it's no wonder that she's frustrated. To a court she may appear to be the inept parent… after all, how much backlash can a dad get if he's giving in to every whim his child has? To the outside world it appears he has everything under control. But the courts need to look closer… and therapy is a must.


So what needs to happen? 

The father needs to be held responsible for his actions. A good therapist needs to step in who is educated in manipulation. Finding a therapist who will work with the family in getting the help they need is essential… if all else fails... for the therapist to document and finally come to the realization that the children are better off with their mother… and voice her findings in court. Perhaps the father can be allowed supervised visitation until he realizes that his Disney-parenting may make his children the happiest on earth under his roof… but if they are terrorizing the rest of the world the source of the issue points back to him.

There Are 2 Types of Disney Dad's: 

The Guilty Dad: 

This dad truly feels bad for the divorce and believes being a Disney Dad makes up for it and at the least makes himself feel better. Granted, he may not have malicious intent but his actions are still not healthy for anyone. 

The Manipulative /Vindictive Dad: 

This Dad knows exactly what's doing… his behavior is calculated and purposeful. All folks go through angry and sorrowful phases of loss right after divorce. But eventually most people heal and begin rebuilding their life. Their anger subsides and in it's place is peace and a desire to move forward. Not so with the Manipulative Disney Dad. He is focused on a long term agenda to make his Ex pay… maybe he has been discarded by his spouse and is bitter about it. This Dad then uses the children in his vendetta to make his Ex suffer and even attempt to gain full custody. He believes by convincing his children he is that he is "most fun parent ever" they will then voice their desire to live with him full time. This is essentially all about control. 

7 SIGNS OF A DISNEY-LAND DAD: 

1. Excess toys, treats and experiences.

2. Too many experiences allowed for their children too early in age… the Disney Dad erroneously believes that allowing his children to have a lot of "adult-like" experiences earlier than typical for their age gives them an advantage in life… it sets them up to be more mature than their peers. However, it can actually lead children to position themselves as equals to the adults in their life… and lead them to become spoiled… and expect preferential treatment.

3. Dad provides material things that he knows mom could never afford or doesn't have the ability to provide even if the money was there. Example: Dad offers to buy son his own boat and he lives along a lake. Mom, on the other hand not only can't afford a boat but has no way to use one if she could.

4. No rules… if babysitters are quitting, if dad can't seem to keep one hired, if kids are being allowed to stay home alone that have zero business doing so… especially young children or special needs children, if children upon acting out are just given empty threats of consequences and nothing is followed through… then those are all red flags of serious issues.

5. These Dads buy their children's love. They believe everything is a "deal to be made" and don't recognize the value in spending time with their children, in connecting with them and listening to their thoughts, needs and feelings. Instead, they make these big sweeping gestures through purchases or experiences.

6. These children often feel empty inside unless they have a loving caring in-tune parent to help offset the damage Dad is doing. They often don't feel heard by their Dad or truly loved. Instead, they are given a bottomless supply of "things" to help fill their needs within. These are the children who later go on to max out credit cards, compete with the Joneses and look for love in all the wrong places.

7. The Disney Dad often plays favorites amongst his children… he may target one child whom he feels he can brain-wash the easiest and then once he's been successful in forming that alliance move on to the other children and seek full custody.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

Children & The Manipulative Ex: How To Respond

July 2013

names have been omitted in this post 

*****************************

It was getting late… nearly nine thirty at night... too late for dinner but my mother and I were starving all the same. It had been a long day… movers had moved my belongings into my new home… the place I would begin my new life as a once again single woman… I would be receiving my final decree any day now and although my new abode was filled with all my furniture and belongings… most everything still sat…  untouched. Pieces of furniture were draped in sheets, the refrigerator held cold water bottles. My new home was awaiting much needed work… as the inside wasn't yet livable.


We pulled away from the drive-thru… neon lights and festive music in the background… thanking the kind woman at the window for our crispy chicken taco dinners with beans and rice to go… (is there nothing better than take out when you're exhausted?) and slowly glided toward the street to head to our hotel. All I wanted to do at that point was scarf down my hot meal, take a hot shower and get some good sleep. En-route to the Hyatt where we were staying until the house was ready… my iPhone began ringing that a FaceTime call was incoming. Setting the iPhone up on the dash against the darkened navigation screen so I could answer the call while I drove with both hands, my son soon appeared on the screen.

His tear streaked face looked distressed and pleadingly into mine. I asked him what was wrong, as it was obvious nothing was right by his expression. He was hysterical, crying and frantic asking for help, asking for intervention at Dad's home. He said he'd called the police.


The police never showed. 

Why? You ask.


Good question.



Fast forward…

One year later. 


This same man has successfully within a one year time period gone from heavy handed physical discipline to placatingly dispensing Disneyland-like bribery in his home and brain-washed an innocent child to turn against his loving mother. This same man has set a continual unGodly example and says "I don't know what Christian music is"… allowing his children to listen to Jason Derulo Talk Dirty on a regular basis… embarrassing yet true. A man who believes it's acceptable to allow an eleven year old to learn how to drive. A man who tells his daughter "Mommy never emailed me that picture you drew" despite my email showing it was sent and I showing her it was indeed. She sees the truth for herself. A man who believes everything… including ill behavior all the way to just prompting his child to jump from the diving board at the pool… just requires a bribe of some sort… promises are continually made for anything and every little thing… from new phone apps to cake to new toys. This same man has successfully lived a facade that makes others close to him believe him to be an upstanding citizen... who tsk tsk that "I'm so awful"… and sigh "I just don't understand her"… they erroneously believe him to be a good person… a person who never lies… who I have proof after concrete proof does indeed lie in black and white… a man who manipulates situation after situation.


How does this happen you ask?


Don't people often believe that there must be "more to the story" because surely you've done something to have all this havoc in your life… surely so because who on earth has these sorts of things go on? They may think "white trash" or "freaks" or "crazy people" and so on… who knows what they believe… and although I know not to take it personally… it bothers me in general terms… for everyone as a whole… because so often society sees others situations and may, just may think to themselves… "Well, clearly you did something wrong… that would never happen to me!"


Superior. Haughty. Prideful. 

Those words come to my mind.

And yet the thing I'm most guilty of is saying two little words... "I do." For people who have had zero familial dysfunction in their life… in their family growing up or in their marriage… those who have had a lack of unhealthy individuals surrounding them in their close inner circle… all I can say is this… count your blessed stars… thank the good Lord(!)… because if you haven't lived it you may admittedly certainly not understand it… I get that it's maybe not relatable and yet in that… please be kind to others… please keep in mind that not everything or everyone is as they seem. A manipulative person is a cool and cunning individual who can charm their way into anyone's life and begin their calculated agenda to take, take, take.

They first assess you… 

and decide if you will make the perfect target. 

They adore you then spin you in circles to confuse you. 

They create manipulation… they waffle between loving you and displaying disgust for you… "Jump, higher!" they laugh within in glee as they watch you do more, push yourself, love them more… and then… just as you think you are back "in"… they shockingly wish to discard you. 

They… like Sir Topham Hat in the Thomas the Train stories look for a person's usefulness… not a fan of that mindset or those stories. If you're a "very useful" person to them they will prey upon you… using up every good thing in you until their ready to move on… to the next unwitting target.

What most people would never believe is that nearly all of us will cross paths with at minimum one sociopath a day… this may be alarming and it should be. Sociopaths are skilled at conning people whether it be in business or relationships… 

and unfortunately they continue to breed…  

and the probability is high that they 

are unfortunately raising more sociopaths.

So now I give you concrete ways to deal with the less than healthy person who has infiltrated your life… now it's time to take that deep breath and realize you can take back the control you've possibly lost or feel you're losing. You don't have to feel chained and controlled by the manipulative person in your life or your child's life anymore. They don't ever want you to feel free. And when the day comes that they realize they no longer hold any power over you… that is a beautiful day. That's the day when you realize you had it in you to bite your tongue, to hold back… to state the facts and reply with a cool head when you'd really admittedly like to punch their face out… instead you realize joyfully how wonderful it feels to take back your life and say "This person is not worth me being worked up. Am I mad this is happening? Yes. Do I know he is purposefully trying to cause havoc? Yes. Do I see him for what he is? Yes. And I also know not to let it get to me. "

Because now instead of caving into a wave of hurling emotions, being sucked into a hurricane, I can count to three, ten or two hundred and reply calmly… almost scripted, almost robotic… because I know despite optimism or blindness he will not change… at least I've finally come to the sober realization that I cannot change someone… they must want to.

You cannot change someone who is counting on stirring you up… someone who is betting on your fury to override… who will surely be disappointed when expecting you to be enraged…

Instead you sit down and type your candid matter-of-fact reply devoid of emotion… noting his behavior, noting his choices, noting his insanity…

Then you press send.

You smile.

And you know.

God has given you strength where you lacked.

Where you had need.

Where you struggled.

And you thank Him.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

HOW TO REPLY TO A MANIPULATIVE EX VIA WRITTEN COMMUNICATION: 

Anytime you must communicate with someone manipulative it's best done in writing. Phone calls may work but recording them is best if permissible…  (check your local laws) the verbal responses via phone can be the same as below if done in a calm manner and you stick with the script. 

Example #1. 

He's stated you don't really love your kids. 

He's questioned your love for them. 

He has chastised you for not taking them earlier than was scheduled. 

Your Response: 

"I'm noting your attempts to portray me in a negative light." 

Example #2. 

He has allowed your daughter who is six to stay home alone. 

He has allowed your son who is nine see pictures of his girlfriend naked.

He has allowed your children to hear lyrics about big booties and oral sex.

Your Response: 

"I'm noting due to your behavior you believe
 it's acceptable for our children to be exposed to x,y,z… "

At this point you've stated the facts. 
Nothing left to do but sign your name and ignore
 the possibility of an onslaught of angry responses
 or even the silent treatment. 
You've stated the facts and removed emotion.

Print and save for court. 
You're well on your way to exposing his behavior for what it truly is. 

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http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/07/divorce-5-common-scenarios-in-co.html

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http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/06/divorce-kids-drafting-final-decree-10.html

The Non-Sociopathic Child: How To Instill Empathy - 3 Tips 

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5 Signs Of A Pathological Liar and Manipulator

Lies. 

So small and yet some so big.

Some may keep secrets by omission… 

and yet at the end of the day omission indeed equals a lie. 

We may think that by not sharing what we've done or even what we know others have done, we are potentially protecting the people in our lives… but in actuality it's that the knowledgable one, the bystander, the person privy to the truth or the actual culprit, the sinner is just trying to protect his or herself.

Lies are always found out… people have an uncanny knack for knowing when something isn't right… when something is amiss… when something… a picture just isn't complete. Granted, it might take some time... days, months... even years... but eventually the truth is always exposed and a person's true character is revealed.

People know… 

they see money where it shouldn't be present… and despite all the right answers from the suspicious one… people know when they are being played… when they are being lied to about where it originated…

People notice the tilt of a head, the shifting of feet, the nervous laughter, the touching of one's face… and they see through the words coming from the liar's lips… they sense another version somewhere in the midst of those false stories…

People sense distance and sudden disinterest… 

they can feel a lack of warmth and closeness… now replaced with a simple nod… a shrug and a retreat from the room… a head buried in work, in a phone or in a screen of some sort… people always finally come to the truth of a secret life hidden away…. even if it takes time… it is always eventually revealed. 

*********************

some names have been omitted in this post 

2012 

this post contains language 

I clutched the iPhone in my hand listening to his words spew into my ear… words that were the epitome of ignorance… words that were the clincher that what I already knew was once again confirmed… that there was zero guilt, zero remorse… zero regret on his part in the lies he'd orchestrated. Instead, he was now free from his secret life to now flaunt it and all the damage he had done… now he could live openly the life he'd kept hidden away from me and so many others.

"Oh…cool! " he laughed callously in my ear on the phone. I had told him after researching the couples who had lived in our home it was rumored that there had been scandal and divorce. Whenever it had been on the market it had brought curious gawkers… the house had a history of being difficult to sell. When showed there were hushed whispers that it left people feeling unsettled when in it. I had spent countless hours researching the previous owners due to the fact it wouldn't sell… talking to neighbors and hearing tidbits of the original owners life… the husband, a builder, the wife was a society woman… a woman of some means and stunning beauty. Rumor had it decades later she lived out of the country but who knew where she was now. There were stories of a family tragedy… the husband had had an accident… and a son who in the wake of it had written the story for a 1997 science fiction horror film that despite initial negative reviews is now considered a cult film.


"It's the house of divorce…" my soon to be ex trilled in my ear with delight upon my sharing this information and I cringed at his stupidity.

"You fool…" I retorted in the phone back at him… "It's not the house of divorce… It's the house of sin! "I exclaimed, my dark eyes flashing angrily.

It was hardly something to be proud of… his affairs and others by past residents, yet his despicable tone and words showed clearly he was so proud. Your line of thinking coincides with that of shitting in your own shoes and taking a walk in them, I thought to myself… your statement shows a sense of humor that's more twisted than amusing. Sitting behind the wheel of the SUV I turned the key in the ignition and sent the engine roaring with the air conditioning and radio along with it. The air blew my hair and I fumbled with the buttons on the radio. I had no idea that there would be more lies exposed… no idea that his lies would multiply… because lies are like that… like a stack of playing cards… the more you tell the more that must stack up… compounding what's been done until the liar doesn't even know his lies from reality anymore… delusions set in and their lies become their new truth.

Some people will lie for any and all reasons… 

it's like the air they breathe… 

if served ethics and morals on a shiny silver platter

 they would wave their hand, dismissing it… 

as they have no need for such frivolous things… 

The Biological Factor: 

The results of a 2005 research study published in the British Journal of Psychiatry indicates that the brain of a person who is a pathological liar is different from that of an individual who doesn't have this issue. Compulsive liars have more white matter and less gray matter in their prefrontal cortex.

"If all you can offer me is ethics… I'll go elsewhere" is what someone who is a pathological liar believes… and yet… it's the ones around them living a life of humility and honesty, they know… the only way to overpower that minuscule doubt that the liar wishes to plant about them… like a seed that will only grow bit by bit, day by day until it's flourishing like an invasive vine is to flood that toxic plant with the naked truth. It's to expose the pathological liar's agenda, to expose their lies… to expose their twisted insidious behind-the-scenes manipulation.

Can they be successful?

Can honesty shine light over darkness?

Yes.

Will it possibly take an inordinate amount of time?

Yes.

But will it be worth it?

Absolutely.


Perhaps you're taking life one day at a time… whether you're in the early beginnings of divorce or you've been in an arduous custody battle for several years with someone who was capable of procreating but not loving and telling the truth… whether you've discovered your distant relative has conned you out of thousands of dollars in an inheritance, maybe your own children have stolen from you, you've been sleeping next to a pedophile or a porn maker… maybe you've discovered your best friend is really closer to your husband than you are… maybe the person you married has through their actions now revealed, led you to realize that they are a criminal on borrowed time and the clock is ticking before they are found out by the law.

There are many scenarios out there and ways to be lied to… to be betrayed… to be purposely deceived by someone with less than honest intentions. You may be quietly documenting each day… each message, each phone call, each lie… you may be keeping a log of recorded calls, speaking to witnesses, the police, the FBI… no matter what your situation in life… just keep doing what you're doing. Keep living a life of honest goodness, of calm and observation and eventually the lies of the one who created the destruction will be exposed for who he or she really is.


5 Signs Of A Pathological Liar and Manipulator: 

1. They blame others for all their problems, they never take any accountability and say "Well, I shouldn't have done that." They will lie about anything and everything even when there is no benefit… it's like a drug addiction, they can't stop. 
2. They also exhibit signs of Narcissism and Sociopathy. All Sociopaths are pathological liars. 
3. They always come across as optimistic, cheerful and upbeat. This is living a life for show, not a genuineness that comes with the natural ups and downs in life. Instead, it's a glossy facade they wear to present the image they want others to believe. 
4. The person has incredibly low self esteem. Naturally not all insecure people lie but this can be a behavior that is seen with lying. We all have bad days now and then, even occasional self doubt. But a healthy individual has a healthy dose of narcissism or i.e.; confidence. But matched with that confidence there is a self awareness of humbleness, humility… realizing that life is not always about them… others are important as well and it's not about thinking less of yourself but just yourself less. 
5. Their reaction to when they are confronted about their lies… watch closely. If they become extremely defensive, blaming others, outright ignoring you when confronting them… or they jump on the "all these accusations from you!" bandwagon… they are not addressing the real issue. Instead, they are skipping around it. With a liar it's impossible to get to the root of an issue for true nitty gritty discussion. 

If the person undergoing treatment… which is typically cognitive behavioral therapy… is not deeply committed to changing his or her life, treatment will not be effective. In the case of people with a personality disorder like Sociopathy, their tendencies make it very easy for them to lie and attempt to manipulate the therapist who is attempting to help them. They may lie about taking their medication, lie about the people in their life and what they've done, ultimately leading to zero change. 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts: 

The 3 Stages The Sociopath Puts You Through 

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/05/the-3-stages-sociopath-puts-you-through.html

Is He A Sociopath? 20 Signs 

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/11/you-may-be-wondering-if-hes-sociopath.html

The Sociopath: The 6 Tricks He Uses

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/04/the-sociopath-6-tricks-he-uses.html

Evil: Blatant Versus The Deceptive

Those that deny the past are
 destined to repeat it… 
to stay stuck on that page, 
within that dark chapter… 
and yet those who remember it vividly, 
who vow to never live it again… 
unfortunately also live with the painful
 memories each and every day of their lives
 as their awareness is heightened like 
that of an animal being 
potentially preyed upon… 
as they are determined to not let history repeat itself. 

For the past twenty years like a numb soilder I've traveled from one chapter to the next… stumbling into the following story wearing fresh wounds inflicted from the past battle I'd just fought into the next…  looking back now I see those that have held common themes in my past.

I see triumph and strength by God. 

In life people cross our path and sometimes by the words they speak... their actions, how we quietly observe them in their treatment of not just us but others… we know without a doubt whether they are to be trusted. We know we cannot pull them into our inner circle of trust… because the signs they wear… the warnings they demonstrate like construction workers in florescent garb… they transparently let you know you need to slow down… to watch out and proceed with caution. But what about the others? The ones who aren't so easily identified as evil. We aren't always so easily warned by the less than obvious trolls of toxicity… instead we may be blindsided… and if we haven't properly gained insight into the mask used to hide the hidden evil… we may unfortunately find ourselves back within the devil's grasp….


Sometimes the signs are obvious

that you're playing with fire. 

With the Devil. 

Other times it's not.

1994 

names have been changed or withheld in this post 

***************************

Increasingly heated words were exchanged between Duc and Bao in Vietnamese… hostility spewing from Duc's mouth as he carried on, his eyes narrowing at me with open dislike. Duc turned to face Bao, now unleashing a string of fury-laced language at him while holding a lit cigarette in one hand, gesturing at me angrily with the other. 

Duc was losing control as he would sometimes do… suddenly he grabbed me roughly by the arm and with the lit end of his cigarette went to burn the inside of my arm with the end of it. Bao pulled me away quickly from Duc's grasp… then shoving Duc backward, toppling to the ground in his jeans and shirt... likely injuring his ego more than him...  Bao screaming at him infuriatingly in rapid Vietnamese… he was the angriest I'd ever witnessed him… as usually it was Bao attempting to placate Duc and keep him "happy" so to speak… to keep the tornado within him under control… but not this time. Bao had finally had enough… his allegiance was to me before Duc…. it had always been clear I wasn't safe left alone in Duc's presence… and Bao had never risked leaving me alone with him for good reason. Duc quickly regained his balance and glared darkly at us… standing there together, Bao's arm protectively around me, I stood in black jeans and a gray top watching Duc with trepidation… I could sense the weight of Bao's gun in the pocket of his leather jacket and it was a comfort in the presence of Duc. It was then like a light switch, Duc switched over to a maniacal laugh that reverberated through the air as he slowly walked away…  leaving Bao and I breathless and shaking… him comforting me in a low tone and expressing thankfully I was alright. 


Sometimes it's so obvious were in deep. 

Sometimes it's so obvious were playing with fire. 

Sometimes it's so obvious were associating with the devil. 

We can't deny it. 

We can't dress it up pretty and make it something it's not. 

We know what it is. 


But what about when we don't know? 

What about when we have no idea that the person who is holding us and vowing to protect us doesn't mean a word he's uttering? What about the man who appears to be keeping us safe but in reality is the one holding the gun? What about "Mr. Wrong" who comes clothed and packaged as "Mr. Right"? 

This evil is so much harder to detect… all the little nuances, all the signs, all the warning flags are harder to perceive for what they truly are. Some people are so good at being covertly evil it's like they have two personalities in one… they are scriptwriters, they are movie makers, play producers… and you are their current leading lady…. you, so as luck would have it… are the chosen one for the part… because you are the opposite of evil… 

He knows you donate to the animal shelter, he hears you coo over a newborn babies laugh... he observes your kindness to strangers, watches how you handle bitter loss… he laughs silently within to himself as you dutifully use a blinker to switch lanes with careful ease… all the while he's watching you… grooming you… and he mirrors what you do… showing care, to make himself the perfect partner, your potential soul mate… your one and only… because by doing what you do… following your example of empathy… he gains your admiration, your respect. He listens carefully to you speak of your past… he nods and tells you everything you want to hear… like taking a test... he masterfully answers all the questions with ease and responds appropriately… he listens and as he does he brushes your hair back from your cheek, wipes your tear from your eye and whispers in your ear with his warm breath and seemingly heartfelt reverberation… "I won't ever ever hurt you… I'll always be here for you." Just like that… he has it… he has your trust. You smile gratefully and nod and he knows he's in like flint… he has you, he's captured your heart and you're at his mercy. You erroneously believe you're both in the trenches of life together now… you naively believe you'll fight the battles together… as a team of two… united in love… but you're wrong. One day you will come to see this for what it is… a trick and you're the punchline… one day you'll realize you're in the trench alone… and he's above you… you reach out to him for help and he kicks dirt on your face… he sneeringly laughs at you and says "Gotcha"… and you're left wondering why, why, why… 


It has nothing to do with you and yet it has everything to do with you. 

He will do this with every woman he is with from here out. 


The sociopath has an entire arsenal of evil in his back pocket… some are his strategies that he will use to wield against you… like a game of chess he has the keen ability to plan ahead, to know what ten moves to make next… and some are the people he aligns himself with… people whom he knows will aid in his agenda of manipulation toward you. 


10 Warning Flags Of A Sociopath: 

1. Charming, large sexual appetite/addiction, fetishes, risk takers. 
2. They don't feel any empathy, love, guilt or remorse. 
3. Pathological liars, they lie about anything & everything. 
4. They are never wrong, they don't feel regret, or look back, they lack self awareness. 
5. Has the innate ability to triangulate people and cause division. 
6. Lacks rationale, cannot reason with them, as it merely annoys them. 
7. Ultimate goal is to con, destroy and "win" at any cost. 
8. Avoid answering direct questions, they excel at twisting, spinning and deflecting. 
9. Stonewalling, gas-lighting… ability to make you question reality. 
10. Watch how they react when confronted with their lies… if presented with hard factual evidence of their deceit they will instead attack the person confronting them versus owning up to their behavior. 



The People They Align Themselves With: 

The Apath: Sociopaths have an uncanny knack for knowing who will support them in their agenda of conning and destroying others. They carefully choose who to align themselves with… Apath's are people who also have a dislike for the sociopath's target… reasons of their own… perhaps out of jealousy… they are willing participants to the sociopaths plan… they happily choose to be blind and not see the sociopath for who he or she truly is. The apathy is at heart a very fearful person… they are not capable of standing up for what is good and true… they cannot stand up to the sociopaths evil… so they cower and acquiensce to their power. The last thing they want is for the sociopath to turn on them… because they have seen what they are capable of… and in some sense they are looking out for themselves… they will do what is needed to have the sociopath in their corner and get what they need off them for their own benefit in the process. 



Sometimes… looking back in life we see the obvious. 

We see the obvious evil taking a lit cigarette to our bare innocent arm… sneering at us with dark eyes and laughing as we squirm away… 

And then sometimes evil whispers in our ear and says with warm promises "I'll never ever hurt you… you're safe with me." 

Only then later…

You realize he was just as evil… maybe more so… 

because he led you 

to believe he something 

he never ever was…. 

Good. 


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts: 

The 3 Stages The Sociopath Puts You Through 

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/05/the-3-stages-sociopath-puts-you-through.html

Free From The Narc: Are You Co-Dependent? 

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/02/free-from-narcissist-are-you-co.html

When He Tries To Change You! And 5 Tips To Not Change Him

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/02/when-he-tries-to-change-you-and-5-tips.html