The Narcissistic Sociopath: Are They Lying? Are Their Lips Moving?

If your lips are moving, if your lips are moving
If your lips are moving, then you're lyin', lyin', lyin', baby
If your lips are moving, if your lips are moving
If your lips are moving, then you're lyin', lyin', lyin', baby

Hey baby don't you bring them tears
'Cause it's too late, too late baby
You only love me when you're here
You're so two-faced, two-faced babe

You can buy me diamond earrings and deny-ny-ny, ny-ny-ny, deny-ny
But I smell her on your collar so goodbye-bye-bye, bye-bye-bye

I know you lie
'Cause your lips are moving
Tell me do you think I'm dumb?
I might be young, but I ain't stupid
Talking around in circles with your tongue

Meghan Trainor 
- Lips Are Moving Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

“Lying Businessman” by jesadaphorn via FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

The narcissistic sociopath is a liar through and through. He or she has many forms of lying that they utilize… there are the lies of omission... 

which is omitting part of the story or not sharing any of it. There is the tactic of stonewalling (ignoring) when asked a direct question. He or she may also choose to embellish or completely change the facts of a situation… there is absolutely no reason for the lie, they just do it like breathing in each breath of air to live… it's pathological. There are the lies to make them appear more successful than others… "attention-seeking" as he or she may claim to be the CEO of a company that they merely work for. Of course, there is criticism as well. So many people suffer from low esteem because a narcissist has torn them down from head to toe... they feel worthless and have lost their zip, their laugh, their confidence and joy... essentially they have been stripped by the narcissist out of jealousy for their targets wonderful qualities... the narc lies and points out "flaws" to destroy the one their with making them believe they are unlovable. They lie about you... it's called a smear campaign, telling everyone you're either angry or crazy so that's why you've done x,y,z. 

Last, there is gas-lighting and projection. Gas-lighting is the conscious decision to deny someone's true reality and instead make them dependent upon the narcissists. 

Projection is claiming or accusing someone of doing something that in reality they themselves are doing; your partner accuses you of cheating when in reality they are. 

DEFINE THE NARCISSISTIC SOCIOPATH: 

They are quite simply 

SMOKE AND MIRRORS 

Like the song by Megan Trainor

 if the narcissists lips are moving

 it's a sure bet they are lying. 

**************************

April 2015 

names have been omitted in this post 

It was a Saturday night… storms were rolling into the region and we were waiting to hear how bad it would be… heavy rain, strong winds and possible hail (hopefully no tornados) were expected but who knew if that would come to fruition as Texas weather tends to be a bit erratic… with temps in the fifties one day and then nineties the next. 


Dark clouds hung overhead and the humidity swelled in the air… my mother was busy at the kitchen counter preparing a salad complete with kale, sliced mushrooms, tomatoes, crumbled cheese and salad dressing. Meanwhile at the cooktop I was browning tortillas filled with fajita chicken, a medley of cheeses, chopped peppers and onion. 

My daughter fetched the tub of Daisy sour cream from the fridge and placed it on the table. I asked her to set out napkins, salsa and chips as well. After I served our food on my favorite plates we settled in our chairs at the table. 

"Mommy… Daddy told me that his daddy died in a car wreck." She told me, completely catching me off guard. I paused and looked over at her as I spooned some sour cream onto my plate. 

"You must have his daddy confused with someone else?" I asked. 

"No!" She shook her head adamantly, her wavy hair bobbing and her brows furrowed, "He told me that! That his daddy died in a car wreck!" She insisted. 

I wondered what on earth was going on and looked over at my mother who gave me a knowing look…. 

"Looks like someone is telling stories." She remarked. 

"Daddy told you that his daddy died in a car wreck?" I asked my daughter for confirmation. 

"Yes!" She exclaimed. 

"That's not true." I told her. "That's not true at all. Why did he tell you that?" I asked her. 

She shrugged "I don't know. But that is what he told us." She affirmed, referring to herself and her brother. 

"Unbelievable." I shook my head. 

"So it's not true?" She asked me. 

I shook my head "No, it's not true." 

"Huh. Well, he lied again!" She remarked and with a 'I'm not surprised' at all tone to her voice. 

"How did he die?" She asked me. 

"He was depressed." I told her simply. 

"What is depressed?" She asked me curiously. 

"That's where your mind doesn't feel well." I told her. 

"Oh." She said as she dipped a corner of her quesadilla in sour cream. 

We talked some more and it became oh so clear to me once again how the narcissist wants to paint a pretty picture of perfection… of themselves and their family… where no depression, no struggles exist… only a picture of them and their unflawed, near non-human ancestors reigned supremely over all others. 


Amazingly, it really wasn't any different than my own family growing up… my entire childhood had been a spew of verbiage, a tangled maze of obscurity that was meant to make us all, my mother, myself and siblings believe that we were worthy because we were descendants of someone, of someone important, of someone of status. We were constantly fed an unhealthy dose of "Our family line is related to General Lee" and swanky coat of arms were hung in fancy frames in our hallways, a sign of prideful delusion; like it mattered, like that genealogical fact made up for all the crazy hidden behind closed doors for generations, like it over-shone the fact that personality disorder ran rampant. 

I held a "I don't give a rat's rear who were related to" type philosophy that had infuriated those who believed it was the be all end all as it provided them the supply they so desperately needed to feel good about themselves. It's one thing to find our ancestry interesting, it's another to define who we are in it. Like a little celebratory affirming pat on the back narcissists remind themselves of their worth by who they know, who they are related to, not that Christ died for them because their sins are so wretchedly ugly and they needed a Savior. 

It seemed my ex was determined to paint a picture quite different from reality and now was feeding our children said lies. Perhaps your ex is doing the same thing. All we can do is continue to tell our children the truth… to teach our children that honesty is something to be valued, that we don't have to change our family history or cover it up to make it presentable to present or future generations… that we don't have to cling to these super inflated lies that we are worth something because were related to so and so or whomever holds a distant place in our family tree. The narcissistic sociopath may try to re-write history or make you doubt what you've lived… but at the end of the day you know the truth and that is your story to own no matter what. 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2015

If you are a habitual liar and are willing to seek help from a professional, 
the first step is admitting you have a problem. The therapist will focus on the 
addictiveness that lying holds for you. The short term payoff in lying is a high of 
sorts that makes you feel better and is addictive like drugs or alcohol. 

RELATED POSTS: 

Wives: 3 Lies We Tell Ourselves & 5 Signs A Marriage Needs Help

Projection & Signs Of A Cheating Spouse

10 Phrases A Narcissistic Sociopath Uses

Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing! 

Moving On After A Divorce/Break-Up: 10 Tips

Moving on after a breakup, 
a divorce, what have you,
 can be incredibly difficult… 
but thank goodness
 it is totally doable… 
and with a few tips we can 
have a smoother transition 
from the despairing sniffles of: 
"Oh My Gosh WHAT happened to my life?!" 
to: 
 "Okay I LOVE this new life!"

10 Tips For Moving On:

1. With numerous posts on going No Contact it's no surprise this one makes the list. It can do us no good to keep one foot in the past and one in the future.


2. Getting off Facebook… at least for awhile. Seeing other's posts of their wonderful marriages (or perhaps delusions they have one) may send you either into a wallowing of self pity or retching in the toilet from jadedness. Once you're past the storm and firmly rooted (and thriving) in your new life Facebook may be more enjoyable.


3. There will be a day you are caught off guard that you're happy. That you're truly happy. It may be finding yourself giggling at something… or walking to your car after work and feeling the sun hit your face as you grip the check you earned that goes into your solo bank account… or maybe it's finding yourself humming to a song and feeling light again. Whatever it is, take joy in it… take joy that divorce didn't destroy you. That you're still here and happily thriving. You may throw yourself into your work, your hobbies, your passions, your children, etc and find that life really does not just continue after a breakup but can actually become better.


4. Counting our blessings are something that comes with going through a storm and coming out the other side wiser and stronger. So often we hear that God won't give us more than we can handle… but that's simply not true. If He only gave us what we could handle we wouldn't need Him, we'd be self sufficient. Instead, no matter what happens in our life God is there with us and will guide us through… we just have to trust him despite any doubts. When we emerge out of the darkness into the light we can breathe a sigh of relief and thank God for being there with us and for everything we have.


5. Sometimes folks can find themselves addicted to people who are not good for them. Kinda like unhealthy foods, drugs or alcohol… it may be a struggle to completely cut the cord from someone who is not healthy but it's doable and so worth it. (Here is a link to a recommended book) Breaking up, getting back together, breaking up again, is a sign of instability, dependency and toxicity. Remember that you deserve a love that is healthy and not abusive in any way shape or form. And the alternative of having no one is way better than being with someone toxic.

6. Reflection. It is so incredibly important when it comes to your breakup, divorce, etc. Yes, your ex may be certifiably crazy, I get it. But there are things we can all reflect on that we could have done differently. Now I look back on dinners during my marriage and wonder why I went to so much effort back then. I cooked meals that were often met with: "Oh, I already ate, I had a late lunch at three, I'm not hungry." Yes, it was incredibly insensitive; there is this little invention called a phone (take note). It wasn't like I was serving spam or something… I was making baked chicken complete with Italian breadcrumbs, green beans, red potatoes and rolls with chocolate cake for dessert. If I had it to do over; I'd have just picked up ready made meals from the local high end marketplace, warmed it and said "Come and get it if you want it!" I would have shopped way less on decorative "stuff" for the house and instead when my cd player went out in the SUV just promptly driven it to the dealership and said "I need this repaired, please. Put it on my husband's credit card, thank you." We can each realize what areas we went above and beyond, what areas we personally lacked in (for me it would have been needing to take action, not waiting for him) and where adjustments (and different reactions) needed to be made. *There is no "different or right reaction" to abuse; it's wrong, period. You didn't cause it to occur. No one can make someone else change their ways; we are each responsible for ourselves. 


7. Realize that whatever you think may be in black and white terms. (Yet this can change). As women we may think to ourselves: "All men are slime. All men are no good, lying, sorry cheaters."

(Men may think the same of women).  I told God this on more than one occasion during my divorce process. Imagine my surprise how we can then be placed amongst people whom God uses to prove us wrong. I really think He often sits up there listening to us down here spew gibberish in the heat of frustrated hurt and anger and goes: "Oh really? Hmm, okay, we'll see." God may place new male figures in our life that are highly empathetic, caring, safe and genuinely selfless… and yes, they are so very needed and much appreciated. We can thank God for these men and women placed in our lives… whenever we begin going down a path of black and white thinking there is always someone ready to prove us wrong.


8. Cherish this time with your children if you have them in your life and they haven't been alienated from you by your ex. Pray for their continued healing and well being. Have the tough conversations and encourage openness. This is a time to connect and develop an even deeper bond than before. Time will pass as we all know much too quickly and we don't want to look back realizing not only was our children's childhood affected by their parents splitting but forever further affected by an absent parent who wouldn't/didn't spend time with them. 

9. Remember the good in your relationship (if there was any) and realize that it's perfectly okay to enjoy looking back on the good memories… that they aren't a betrayer to how nasty the relationship was at times or perhaps ended. It's fine to admit that you really enjoyed that vacation to San Diego together, that he (or she) was good about making sure your vehicle's oil was changed, or that she was a good cook and maybe you miss that. 

10. It's so important in going through the aftermath of a breakup to feel all of the emotions involved and to realize that just like the process of moving on after a death it's not linear… there will be ups and downs. It won't be overnight, it won't be a clean and precise upward climb but the good news is you don't have to rush it, your time line is specific to you. And the best part is once you have made it to the top of that mountain you will smile with uninhibited JOY… no amount of people from your marital past can tear you down. You have been in the pit. God was with you the whole way out… like a butterfly you've escaped the dark confines of the cocoon and now fly on the wings of freedom and renewal. You are firmly planted in your story of triumph and your journey is not over... God has given you the grace, power and strength despite all the pain and doubts to proclaim without hesitation: "I give praise and glory to God!" 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2015

RELATED POSTS

Dear Divorced Man or Woman: There Is A Place For You

Saying Goodbye To Your Ex & "Yes" To Love Again

Single Life: How You Feel Is Perfectly Okay

Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing!

Single Life: How You Feel Is Perfectly Okay

“Woman Running Across Field” by marin via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I sat in the dim Italian restaurant, ensconced in a corner booth eating my pasta milano, a delicious myriad of sun dried tomatoes, mushrooms and roasted chicken. Music swelled in the background amongst the chatty patrons enjoying their meals. Glancing up, I took note of one of my favorite flowers, gladiolus that stood at attention on the nearby counter where waitstaff grabbed oversized glass pitchers of ice water and tea to serve refills. My friend across from me, reached for a hunk of bread to dip in the shallow bowl of olive oil graced with cracked pepper between us. It was the pinging of her iPhone that interrupted our chat and led her to excuse herself while she checked to see if it was important. It was her husband.

It was of no surprise to me.

I watched her carefully as she scrolled to view the message and seemed inconvenienced, almost irritated he was checking in with her… asking where she was.

I remembered those days.

I didn't miss them one bit.

She took the time to message him back with the details of where she was, who she was with, etc.

Meanwhile, I sat across from her chewing on my bread with no where to be and no one to answer to.

It was wonderful. 

She finished replying to him and then tossed her iPhone back into her oversized bag that was the perfect summer coral hue and sighed.

"Sorry. You know the drill." She flashed me an apologetic almost overly bright smile,  "Gotta do the check in… " She sighed and trailed off.

"Yeah?" I asked, concerned if something was seriously wrong.

She looked at me, her brown hair bobbing in a ponytail "He just…" she hesitated then forged forward,"He's not checked in. Oh, sure… he wants to know where I'm at. He wants to know where the remote control is. He wants to know what were having for dinner. But he's not CHECKED IN. He's not THERE. We just go through the motions, Jennifer."

Ugh, I thought to myself. 

Yeah, I remember that. That's I think called death. Then I got divorced. I went through hell and came out the other side feeling alive for the first time in forever. 

It's these moments that continue to crop up and make me question if there are any truly good marriages. Because as I hear more and more I see that most couples are not satisfied. Most couples are bored out of their minds. Or at least one person is. Most couples have at least one or both individuals that are looking at the exits even if they aren't acting on walking through them. Most couples have one or more people in them that are secretly looking at someone else thinking: "Wish I'd married her" or "Wish I was with him"… or "What would it be like being married to them?"

And I've been there. And it's no way to live. It's torturous hell. We may preach a good talk and say "Well, ya know… God is about chiseling you to Holy not Happy. Marriage is about bringing glory to God and serving, loving another, blah blah blah". I get it. Yes, that is all true. I've written post after post about it. YET… at the same time, if were looking at the next yard ruefully thinking it looks greener isn't that a big blinking sign something is amiss in our relationship? You can tell yourself: "I agreed to this marriage, I made vows, I will uphold them and follow through. I will work hard on my relationship and do everything I can to persevere."

Despite the hard work, the grit and the grind, sometimes that's still not enough. Sometimes it is. Yet sometimes no matter how "adult" and "mature" as we believe we are responding to a not so great marriage it still fails as shows the divorce statistics today. And that is without a doubt disappointing as all get out.

Watching my friend and all my other married friends engage in the whole "I have to check in with him" thing drives me to question if I could ever go back to that.

I used to value love above all else. Love and marriage. But what happens when we begin to find ourselves valuing freedom over love? In the bible love is drilled into our minds and hearts over and over again… that love is the most important of all for mankind.


Can we love without ever getting married? 
Yes, of course. As Christians we (hopefully) do that everyday. 

Recently a friend of mine sighed

 and told me:

 "I just don't want you to go through life missing out on experiencing a great marriage."

That left me stumped. I knew she meant well, she's like the most caring person ever. But I didn't know what to say. I thought… Really? Where are they? Because I can't put my finger on anyone I personally know that has a great marriage. And I'm really trying here. But I don't know anyone who does. Fact. That is frightening. Right now there are twenty people reading this huffing THEY have GREAT marriages! And maybe you do. I hope somebody truly does.

I read in the bible that there isn't marriage in Heaven. 

Now, I could have let my 

sarcasm slip out

 and quipped to God:

 "Oh that must be why you call

 it Heaven, DUH!"

But I refrained… 

Although He's kinda a mind reader, ya know?… mind you this is coming from me, the same person who fully expects a dessert buffet to be in Heaven with zero calories, no heartburn and an endless supply of hot fudge and sprinkles.

The Bible tells us,

 “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; 

they will be like the angels in heaven” 

Matthew 22:30

But once were comfortably settled in our single life … we can take comfort in several facts… just because we are feeling something negative or positive about being single, just because right ***now*** we are feeling x,y,z but in six months or a year (or maybe next week) we feel something radically different that is okay too. We don't have to subscribe to what society deems is acceptable to feel when it comes to being single… like being single is something to abhor and we need to be on a speedy quick plan (or maybe more like mission impossible) to finding someone again. We can take all the time we want or not look at all. There is nothing wrong with relishing our freedom, our single life... we're perfectly capable of loving others along the journey of life…

No matter what you're feeling while single please know that your feelings are not "bad".... they don't have to be dismissed or treated as wrong. They may be fleeting, they may be here to stay. Regardless, no matter where we are in life, single, married or dating, God wants us to come to Him as we are... we don't have to worry, we can just trust Him... He has it figured out even if we don't.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2015

15 SINGLE LIFE & DATING FACTS:

IT'S PERFECTLY OKAY TO:

1. Be scared or hesitant to commit again.
2. Have doubts about being in love again.
3. Take the time to trust your instincts.
4. Not trust anyone until they have proved they are trustworthy.
5. Look to others actions not words.
6. Not want to date… or to think "what if?"
7. Expect your questions to be answered with transparency and ease.
8. Not want to be vulnerable… or wanting to want to be vulnerable.
9. Be completely off marriage and decide to remain celibate.
10. Overanalyze everything he does to make sure he's not a psycho.
11. Take him to meet with your therapist to ensure he's not a psycho.
12. Read plenty of books on what a healthy relationship looks like.
13. See your therapist weekly, monthly, etc to discuss what a healthy relationship looks like.
14. Expect him to prove he's not like the other jerks you've been with.
15. Put up walls and need someone to be understanding. 

RELATED POSTS: 

"Follow Your Heart" Is Bad Advice

All The Single Ladies: 10 Perks Of Being Single

When Love Isn't Enough & He Doesn't Provide

Domestic Violence: When It Happens In Your Family

12.7 million people are 
physically abused, 
raped or stalked 
by their partners
 in one year. 

That's approximately
 the population of 
New York & Los Angeles
 combined. 

That's 24 people 
every minute. 

facts via http://nomore.org

Thursday, July 29th, 1993

names have been omitted in this post 

this post contains some language

*****************

“Plate With Ripe Cherries” by Apolonia 

via FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

Ooh, child
Things are gonna be easier
Ooh, child
Things'll be brighter
Ooh, child
Things are gonna be easier
Ooh, child
Things'll be brighter
Some day, yeah
We'll put it together
And we'll get it undone
Some day when your head
Is much lighter
Some day, yeah
We'll walk in the
Rays of a beautiful sun
Some day when the world
Is much brighter
La la la la la…..


lyrics Ooh Child by Dino 


It was a typical night at home for my family growing up… it was summer, school was out and everyone was scattered, trying to stay out from under the radar and keep quiet. My mother was in my parents bedroom where she often stayed in the latter part of the evenings watching Seinfeld or reading her subscriptions of Southern Living magazine. She, likely from the stress of an unhealthy marriage and at the time undiagnosed celiac disease suffered from several autoimmune diseases… and would often retreat to bed. My two younger sisters were in the den curled up on the dark navy couch just outside my bedroom watching something on t.v., probably a favorite movie of my youngest sister's like All Dogs Go To Heaven. I was holed up in my blue and white Laura Ashley bedroom listening to a 90's mix of music as low as I could and still hear the lyrics with my door shut but not completely… just pushed enough to look like at first glance it was closed but in reality there was just enough of a crack to still hear what was happening in the rest of the house. Throughout my childhood I had always felt the need to be within earshot of what was happening in the rest of the house. My father was in the storage room where he'd set up a work table and spent most nights repairing frames for customers… hand mixing clay to replicate the engraved frames clients brought in that had become damaged due to time and neglect. Then he would begin the tedious process once they dried to match the finish to what already existed, spraying or hand painting it on, finishing with a clear coat of gloss.

But soon my sisters movie ended, the credits rolled and I heard them stirring to get up and get ready for bed. The den was cloaked in paneling that had never been painted white much to my mother's chagrin… it screamed of the original brown wood, of masculinity and was lined with shelves overhead of my entire collection of Nancy Drew books. Most families dens would contain a wall or two of cherished family photos… but not ours. Photos were absent in our house. The paneled walls in the den were covered in antique war posters our father collected. It was fitting… there was an unspoken war in our home. Along one wall caddy corner to the couch was a long slick maple table decorated with my mother's collection of scottie dog figurines… big and small black dogs adorned with sweet plaid ribbons round their necks stood at attention on the table along with a ceramic decorative bowl of plastic shiny cherries… a piece my mother had purchased from a Mary Englebriet collection at a Hallmark store.

It was when I heard some laughing between my two younger siblings and then a crash that I paused my music to listen. It sounded like pebbles that had been released all over the floor… what was that? I wondered and it was then that I heard the angry male footsteps coming. Oh no… I got up from my blue floral bedspread and walked to my door. Opening it halfway, I looked out. There was my younger, middle sister, eleven, with a pale expression on her face kneeling down hurriedly picking up the scattered cherries one by one. In one hand she had the bowl still miraculously intact… and was meekly placing the cherries back into it. She looked up as he came romping in mad as heck and he roared at her…  What the hell had she done? What had she broken? What was all the noise about? Rapid questions were fired and without any chance of sputtering out a coherent answer, she fled to her bedroom she shared with our youngest sister. He followed her through the living room with it's exquisite art and fine antiques, his heavy tread resounding on the wood flooring… and then down the hallway past the little antique wood stand the phone rested on… into the bedroom after her.

An expletive ran through my mind as I had knelt down to finish picking up the wayward cherries on the floor and it was when I heard my sisters panicked screams from her pink floral bedroom I raced through the house after him…

I nearly collided with my mother in the hallway who flew out of my parents bedroom, the door slamming open, her with a bewildered expression on her face… dressed in a pale blue and white pajama set and her hair in a chin length blonde bob she spoke "What the hell is going on?!" She demanded.

From down the hall I can hear my younger sister screaming:

 "It was an accident! I didn't mean to do it!"

"She accidentally knocked over your bowl of cherries in the den. Nothing is broken. He's out of his mind." I told her over my shoulder and continued down the hall toward the lit room. Upon standing in the doorway of the bedroom… on the far side of the room sat my sister, trapped in the corner on her bed trying to fend off him beating her, leaving bright red whelps on her arm and screaming like an unhinged psycho. She kept screaming "Stop it! Stop it! I didn't mean to knock it over!" Tears ran down her red-tinged face as she tried to protect herself with one arm raised… she continued to try to scramble further away from him into the corner but there was nowhere to go… she was essentially trapped.

My youngest sister was in her bed, her blonde brown hair and face peeking out from her pretty bedding with tears escaping telling him to stop but her plaintive cries like that of a baby lamb were barely heard over the chaotic fray.

My mother past me as I entered and strode up to him, screaming for him to stop hitting my sister. He turned to face my mother, his face angry and dark, boiling with fury that he was being called out on his behavior, on what he deemed appropriate discipline… in his mind she was overstepping her boundaries.

"You stop it right now!" She exclaimed.

He shoved her, causing her to stumble back slightly but she caught her balance. She didn't back down.  I stood absolutely shocked as she pushed him right back and yelled "Don't push me! Get out of here! Right now! GET OUT!" She screamed.

He stood there, every muscle on his face flinching like he was trying to determine how far he should go, how much he could push her. I knew if he pushed her again she'd land on the floor next time. I made the choice for him right then.

I had slowly backed down the hallway and rested my hand on the phone.

I now picked up the cordless phone and stepped in the doorway.

"You get out!"I snapped "Right now!" I told him "Or I swear I'll call the cops and have them come pick your ass up." I threatened him, trying to steady my voice… I never cursed… I would have gotten my butt whipped if I ever did, but I did that moment to let him know how serious I was. My entire body was trembling like a leaf… At sixteen it was the first time I'd gone up against my dad and set a boundary yet I knew he could snatch the phone from me in a nano-second if he wanted.

He stood there, glaring daggers at me. I glared right back. He looked around at all of us one by one… he knew he was outnumbered, he knew he was done. It was clear. His rage and abuse for one night was over. With a huff and flared nostrils he turned on angry feet and stormed out of the room, down the hall and from his dresser top I heard him snatch up his car keys. Seconds later I heard the front door slam shut and then tires squealing down the driveway into the summer night. He had left without a word. At least for the night. He'd be back. Now all we could hear were my sister's both sniffling…my mother fetched ice for my sister's arm and tissues for her tears and I was left shaking…  my mother's rant was heard throughout the house about him as she grabbed supplies… I was half hoping he wouldn't come back… and yet if he had to return, I hoped only as a better person.

*****************

There is no excuse for abuse… 

domestic or any kind. 

You can take the pledge here 

as I did and say No More. 

Some may ask: 

"Why don't you leave?"

"Why don't you get out?"

There are many reasons why people in domestic violent relationships don't get out or feel they can. Let's say hypothetically your abuser has a "connection"… you'd likely feel stripped of choices, you'd feel trapped… maybe your father tells your mother anytime someone pisses him off: "All it would take is one phone call to have their kneecaps busted or their head blown off"… you would probably think twice about getting out, right? You'd probably acquiesce, back down. You probably wouldn't risk leaving until his "connection" died. 

But even if your abuser doesn't have a "connection"... An abuser is a constant threat of his own accord, as he (or she) uses threats as consistent bullying tactics of intimidation and control... keeping their target fearful and under their reign. If you're getting beat to a pulp it only stands to reason that you'd fear worse retribution if you left.

As many of us know protective orders are a worthless piece of paper. People don't stay in a domestic violent relationship because they want to. They stay because they are terrified of the alternative… of not being alive to enjoy the rest of their life… not being alive for their kids and risking their children ending up with some psycho or in foster care… because child protective services are not always adept and may make situations worse instead of better. And the one wanting out? They aren't big enough, strong enough to squash the toxic little roach their with… so they remain stuck… waffling between wanting the one their with to die or even themselves because their so miserable…  like a light that slowly fades out over time and with that light so does perhaps their hope of ever getting out. It's no hell anyone should have to live in. It's a prison. And if you're blessed enough to get out once you don't ever want to risk getting in it again.


Let's join together in saying no more to domestic violence… to domestic abuse of any kind.

Whether you're the abuser or the abused it's time to get help.

Because no one should have to live in despair.

God wants so much more for you.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2015

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