Tuesday, April 28, 2015

The Narcissistic Sociopath: Are They Lying? Are Their Lips Moving?

If your lips are moving, if your lips are moving
If your lips are moving, then you're lyin', lyin', lyin', baby
If your lips are moving, if your lips are moving
If your lips are moving, then you're lyin', lyin', lyin', baby
Hey baby don't you bring them tears
'Cause it's too late, too late baby
You only love me when you're here
You're so two-faced, two-faced babe
You can buy me diamond earrings and deny-ny-ny, ny-ny-ny, deny-ny
But I smell her on your collar so goodbye-bye-bye, bye-bye-bye
I know you lie
'Cause your lips are moving
Tell me do you think I'm dumb?
I might be young, but I ain't stupid
Talking around in circles with your tongue

Meghan Trainor 

- Lips Are Moving Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

“Lying Businessman” by jesadaphorn via FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

The narcissistic sociopath is a liar through and through. He or she has many forms of lying that they utilize… there are the lies of omission... 

which is omitting part of the story or not sharing any of it. There is the tactic of stonewalling (ignoring) when asked a direct question. He or she may also choose to embellish or completely change the facts of a situation… there is absolutely no reason for the lie, they just do it like breathing in each breath of air to live… it's pathological. There are the lies to make them appear more successful than others… "attention-seeking" as he or she may claim to be the CEO of a company that they merely work for. Of course, there is criticism as well. So many people suffer from low esteem because a narcissist has torn them down from head to toe... they feel worthless and have lost their zip, their laugh, their confidence and joy... essentially they have been stripped by the narcissist out of jealousy for their targets wonderful qualities... the narc lies and points out "flaws" to destroy the one their with making them believe they are unlovable. They lie about you... it's called a smear campaign, telling everyone you're either angry or crazy so that's why you've done x,y,z. 

Last, there is gas-lighting and projection. Gas-lighting is the conscious decision to deny someone's true reality and instead make them dependent upon the narcissists. 

Projection is claiming or accusing someone of doing something that in reality they themselves are doing; your partner accuses you of cheating when in reality they are. 


They are quite simply 


Like the song by Megan Trainor

 if the narcissists lips are moving

 it's a sure bet they are lying. 


April 2015 

names have been omitted in this post 

It was a Saturday night… storms were rolling into the region and we were waiting to hear how bad it would be… heavy rain, strong winds and possible hail (hopefully no tornados) were expected but who knew if that would come to fruition as Texas weather tends to be a bit erratic… with temps in the fifties one day and then nineties the next. 

Dark clouds hung overhead and the humidity swelled in the air… my mother was busy at the kitchen counter preparing a salad complete with kale, sliced mushrooms, tomatoes, crumbled cheese and salad dressing. Meanwhile at the cooktop I was browning tortillas filled with fajita chicken, a medley of cheeses, chopped peppers and onion. 

My daughter fetched the tub of Daisy sour cream from the fridge and placed it on the table. I asked her to set out napkins, salsa and chips as well. After I served our food on my favorite plates we settled in our chairs at the table. 

"Mommy… Daddy told me that his daddy died in a car wreck." She told me, completely catching me off guard. I paused and looked over at her as I spooned some sour cream onto my plate. 

"You must have his daddy confused with someone else?" I asked. 

"No!" She shook her head adamantly, her wavy hair bobbing and her brows furrowed, "He told me that! That his daddy died in a car wreck!" She insisted. 

I wondered what on earth was going on and looked over at my mother who gave me a knowing look…. 

"Looks like someone is telling stories." She remarked. 

"Daddy told you that his daddy died in a car wreck?" I asked my daughter for confirmation. 

"Yes!" She exclaimed. 

"That's not true." I told her. "That's not true at all. Why did he tell you that?" I asked her. 

She shrugged "I don't know. But that is what he told us." She affirmed, referring to herself and her brother. 

"Unbelievable." I shook my head. 

"So it's not true?" She asked me. 

I shook my head "No, it's not true." 

"Huh. Well, he lied again!" She remarked and with a 'I'm not surprised' at all tone to her voice. 

"How did he die?" She asked me. 

"He was depressed." I told her simply. 

"What is depressed?" She asked me curiously. 

"That's where your mind doesn't feel well." I told her. 

"Oh." She said as she dipped a corner of her quesadilla in sour cream. 

We talked some more and it became oh so clear to me once again how the narcissist wants to paint a pretty picture of perfection… of themselves and their family… where no depression, no struggles exist… only a picture of them and their unflawed, near non-human ancestors reigned supremely over all others. 

Amazingly, it really wasn't any different than my own family growing up… my entire childhood had been a spew of verbiage, a tangled maze of obscurity that was meant to make us all, my mother, myself and siblings believe that we were worthy because we were descendants of someone, of someone important, of someone of status. We were constantly fed an unhealthy dose of "Our family line is related to General Lee" and swanky coat of arms were hung in fancy frames in our hallways, a sign of prideful delusion; like it mattered, like that genealogical fact made up for all the crazy hidden behind closed doors for generations, like it over-shone the fact that personality disorder ran rampant. 

I held a "I don't give a rat's rear who were related to" type philosophy that had infuriated those who believed it was the be all end all as it provided them the supply they so desperately needed to feel good about themselves. It's one thing to find our ancestry interesting, it's another to define who we are in it. Like a little celebratory affirming pat on the back narcissists remind themselves of their worth by who they know, who they are related to, not that Christ died for them because their sins are so wretchedly ugly and they needed a Savior. 

It seemed my ex was determined to paint a picture quite different from reality and now was feeding our children said lies. Perhaps your ex is doing the same thing. All we can do is continue to tell our children the truth… to teach our children that honesty is something to be valued, that we don't have to change our family history or cover it up to make it presentable to present or future generations… that we don't have to cling to these super inflated lies that we are worth something because were related to so and so or whomever holds a distant place in our family tree. The narcissistic sociopath may try to re-write history or make you doubt what you've lived… but at the end of the day you know the truth and that is your story to own no matter what. 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2015

If you are a habitual liar and are willing to seek help from a professional, 
the first step is admitting you have a problem. The therapist will focus on the 
addictiveness that lying holds for you. The short term payoff in lying is a high of 
sorts that makes you feel better and is addictive like drugs or alcohol. 

Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing! 

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