Friday, January 2, 2015

10 Signs You're Dating A Narcissistic Sociopath

December 2014 

names have been omitted in this post 


I sat with my daughter at her appointment waiting our turn while my son was seeing the therapist. At the end of the tiny cream painted room with dark wide planked wood floors we sat in black cushioned chairs. I watched as she rolled model magic between her small hands. I think model magic has become the new play-doh… as I watched her roll the clay-like substance I ask her what she's planning to make. In the background I hear the front door open and with it the windy cold night air sweeps in. I glance up to see someone new enter… it's a woman, possibly older than myself with long dark hair pulled back in a pony tail wearing a London Fog trench style jacket tied at her waist. She acknowledges my ex sitting at the other end of the room and nods at him, gesturing to the seat beside him if it's available or taken. He gestures for her to take it and from the smiles exchanged I can see this isn't their first interaction… they've met and chatted before. Keeping an ear and eye out for their exchanges in the tiny space while talking to my daughter I was curious as to how he would engage her… if wasn't the question but how. Sure enough, he asked her where her children were and she responded… as they chatted about work and he claiming to be the CEO of the company he actually co-started with someone else… internally I marveled to myself at the scenario… how adept he was at noticing things about her and pointing them out, how he was able to build the conversation and draw more out of her as she chatted, linking commonalities between them. He gave away very little and what he did only served to create the image he desired. It was eerily like watching myself with him in what felt like a million years ago when we first met.

10 Signs You Are Dating A Narcissistic Sociopath: 

1. Very Charming: He/She is able to draw you in unlike anyone else, it's like their magnetic. They seem to know exactly what to ask to keep the momentum of the conversation going and draw more and more out of you. They tell you that you look amazing no matter what, over and over you hear how handsome or beautiful you are. They gush about how no one else makes them feel like this… you sense a rush, a high of sorts.

2. Superficial + Shallow: There is little depth… as far as personality goes there is little to learn, there is a shallowness that just keeps you going in circles not deeper… they can talk much about nearly nothing. You find yourself giving away much more than they are.

3. Huge Ego: Their ego is a mile long and wide… they brag about whatever is going to make them look good to their newest target… usually they have multiple targets at once. They brag about where they've traveled, what they've tried (adventure; zip lining, eating locust, etc) they brag about their career and the strides they've made with it, they brag about their vehicle, where they live, etc. When you finish hearing of their accomplishments you can't help but admire them.

4. Takes Zero Responsibility: They got divorced because there were "some issues". Or they state "my ex filed." What they fail to tell you is that they cheated on their ex the majority of the marriage, they committed or attempted to commit fraudulent crimes in relation to taxes, relatives, etc. Also that they were crazy, i.e.; gaslighted, projected, were abusive and manipulative.

5. Togetherness: They want to be together all the time, they are crazy about you and want to spend every waking minute with you. They pressure you to get married soon or at the least move in together.

6. Lies, Lies, Lies: They lie all the time, it's pathological, they lie about the stupidest things too… like if they like mango… they will say they do when they don't and vice versa… you never really fully know them nor can you trust them. If you confront him/her about the lies he/she will either lie more and or twist things, change the subject, project; blame you, or gas-light you.

7. Sex Addict: You can never have enough sex with them, they are like non-stop energizer-like bunnies; a high and insatiable need for sex… they cheat, are addicted to porn, engage in risky sex.

8. User: They use people… they mooch off others. Even if they have their act together and are actually successful in life they think nothing of using others whether it be for meals, for gifts, for anything… they think the person helping them is stupid, they aren't thankful or grateful for the help. They also believe themselves to be incredibly clever that they were able to fool someone as they don't feel guilt or remorse for it.

9. Image Seeking: They crave a perfect image on the outside… they keep up with the neighbors, they are anal about a clean vehicle, clean house, maybe even their clothes… they have the art of perfecting an outward image to others down pat. How they appear to others in the community is much more important to them than what goes on behind closed doors.

10. You're Soul Mates: They make you believe that you have much more in common with them over others. They have studied you, they know what coffee to drink because you drink it too. They are adept at remembering small details you've spilled so they can build on it by asking the right questions and drawing you in. You are their prey and they've decided they want to keep you… for awhile at least… until the next soul mate they've "fallen in love with" comes along.

© ~ 2015 


  1. My fits my ex-boyfriend to a tee. I feel so blind and stupid for not being more careful from the outset. It started with the love bombing, but it didn't take long for the mask to slip. Constant lying, boasting about himself (mostly about his sexual prowess), gaslighting, fits of rage whenever I didn't agree with him, on something. Then one day, I was discarded just like that. Hindsight is 20/20 or course. I was just so caught up in the idea that someone loved me. For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to fantasize about a wedding. Now after this, I feel like any warmth or love that I might have had left for a relationship has vanished forever. Everything I’ve read says that sociopaths are incapable of change. The Bible says that nothing is impossible for God. But I also think that for true redemption to take place, people have to see themselves as they really are. A sociopath who constantly sees himself as a hero or a victim isn’t seeing the truth about himself. The question isn’t “can God redeem this person’, but ‘will this person see the truth about their own nature.” In most cases, probably not.

    1. I'm sorry to hear you were duped by one of these personality disordered people, you are not alone, there are so many who gave their heart... we may beat ourselves up but really we are the brave ones who believed in love not merely what someone could do for us like they suscribe to. It's horrible living with these types, so draining and life sucking. Thank God for new beginnings and with time and hope God will heal and lead us to someone who knows the true definition of what love really is. Bless you

  2. I believe I am married to one for 28 years. Took me a while to realize it but now that I do not sure what to do. We both have confessed to each other we love each other but are not in love with each other. He is very good at turning things around and remembering things so different than what I recall. Yes and its usually in his benefit. He hit me a few times until I finally filed a police report and now he knows better. He also has said I would never survive on my own especially since I am use to a certain lifestyle. Does anyone have any comments or questions to help me along the way. I definitely would appreciate it.

    1. The best course of action once you know what they are is to make an exit plan; file for divorce. We aren't capable of changing them and they aren't willing to change. He tells you the same thing so many others have been told; that you couldn't make it on your own so you won't ever risk leaving. It's a mentality that is aimed to keep someone down, controlled and dependent. As someone who lived a high end lifestyle and now lives much more modestly I can attest that no money can replace peace and knowing you're not sharing space with someone who doesn't love you and is even abusuve. It's hard work getting through a divorce, it's not easy but it's worth it... finding a good experienced therapist who has been in practice 20+ years is a good start; have some individual sessions to discuss what you're dealing with, and then have that support as you take the next step(s). If you have any questions you are welcome to message me on the GPS Facebook page.