Friday, July 31, 2015

5 Things A Narcissistic Sociopath Does In A Relationship

“Sad Woman Sitting On The Bed” by Witthaya Phonsawat 

We meet him.

 The "perfect" match, right?

The quick and dizzying courtship ensues and before you know it… you're talking rings, dates and vows. Before long he's saying "Let's move in together", "You're the one"… and worst of all… "You're my soul mate."

In hindsight we realize there is no such thing as soul mates, that there are many fish in the sea and a number of them might be well suited matches… some better than others obviously but no "perfect" one.

In hindsight we realize that slow isn't a bad thing. That letting things progress naturally is best and that anyone who is trying to hurry things faster than they play out has secret motives and we should run.

In hindsight we realize that moving in together isn't wise because then it makes it that much more difficult to back out of a relationship when we've seen possible red flags there may be trouble ahead.

But with a narcissistic sociopath these lessons in love are learned often on the back end of a relationship … after much damage has occurred and sadly perhaps even to our children.

Maybe you saw red flags that he wasn't healthy for you but you dismissed them. Maybe you thought you were overreacting or second guessed yourself… maybe you wanted it to work so so badly that you admittedly later see that you contributed to the facade that it was good in your desperate denial of any toxicity.

5 Things A Narcissistic Sociopath Does In A Relationship: 

1. Controlling.
Your opinion doesn't matter. He/she doesn't care what you think. Each time you express yourself; what you think, he/she will shoot it down as displeasing. They always believe they are right and will make all the decisions on where to live, how to manage and spend finances, your sex life and parenting. No matter how much you try you can never please them as their expectations are so incredibly high you can never meet them.

2. One-sided communication. 
He/she will not be able to effectively communicate with you. He/she will use tactics of callous arrogance, intimidation, stone-walling and silent treatment instead.

3. Objectification.
He/she will objectify you sexually not value you as a person. You could be anyone… you're a non-person, a useful tool to satisfy their every whim and desire.

4. Cheating.
A narcissistic sociopath will cheat and lie pathologically about it. He/she will expect you to "just get over it"… a common phrase narcs use to gloss over much of their immoral behavior. In fact, a narc will believe that their spouse "drove them to cheat"; if you hadn't been "this way or done that" they think: "I wouldn't have had to cheat on you. This is your fault." They take zero responsibility for their poor actions.

a. The sex is always one-sided. He/she ensures their needs are met but offers no reciprocal satisfaction to their partner. They always expect it when they want it and it's so often (to the extreme) the other partner isn't even given the opportunity to initiate.

b. The sex involves manipulation. He/she tries to discern how far they can make their partner go and compromise on what they feel comfortable with.

5. Taker.
He/she is a taker and more than likely you're a co-dependent and/or highly empathetic individual who has confused love and sacrifice to an unhealthy extreme. You may tend to put the success of the relationship ahead of your own needs becoming less and less satisfied because you're giving so much and receiving little to nothing back. Co-dependents are often the product of one or two parents who were narcissistic… they are merely living out what they've known their entire childhood; desperately seeking love and on some level they question if they are capable of ever finding someone healthy who will love them. The best thing to do is go no contact with a narcissistic sociopath and enter therapy to begin learning healthier ways to relate to others especially in regards to romantic relationships.

© ~ 2015

1 comment:

  1. All true, but particularly #3. After the first couple of years, I had the feeling that anyone would do. There certainly was no consideration for me or my feelings. Just him. Always about him!!!!