Saturday, June 27, 2015

"The One Everyone Wants" - 5 Types To Avoid

image by gps grace power strength 

Spring 1994 

names have been changed or omitted in this post 


It was spring of 1994… temps were becoming warmer as the months rolled by and in the small office where I sat there was not much but a simple desk, a tall indoor plant and small bulletin board that hung on the wall. Bright sunlight streamed in from the windows despite the mini blinds being closed. It was becoming hot in the small bright room despite a small clip-on fan clasped to the edge of the desk helped to circulate air. I sat in the oversized black swivel chair slightly rotating back and forth, relishing the cool air hitting my porcelain skin and face. In the adjoining room behind the closed door I could heard the muffled grunts of men and rapid Vietnamese being emitted by them in short orders. The sound of machinery was heard as well and as I sat wondering how much longer I had to wait before we were off to the next stop for the day, the door suddenly opened. Bao burst in and he gave me a quick look, "Come, come with me." He motioned with his hand and I rose to follow him into the dark din.

Inside the garage were several work areas… sunlight shone in from the door that was opened to the outside and Bao turned to me "I'll be back." He said and I nodded, transfixed in watching all the activity around me. Waiting, I ran my hands through my dark hair sweeping it back off my face to stay cool… men were disassembling vehicles with deft skills and wore protective eye gear… music played from somewhere in the background but it was barely detected due to the deafening noise. Wearing snug black flared pants, black kitten heels and a slightly oversized t-shirt of Bao's I'd tied off low on my hip, I finally carefully made my way through the chaos to just inside the doorway of the garage.

Bao pulled up in a slick black vehicle with the drivers window down. He eased to a stop beside me and smiled winningly up at me with his dark eyes and wide grin "Well? What do you think?" He asked me.

I loved it and marveled at it's beauty… taking in the lines and then viewing the interior, I spoke "It's beautiful. What is it?" I asked him… He gently grasped my left hand with affection that I had rested on the edge of the open window and his eyes twinkled at me.

"Supra" He told me and gave me an electric smile "It's the one everyone wants."


"It's the one everyone wants." Sometimes his words echo in my head even today, more than twenty years later… because guaranteed there is someone today who wants something they can't have. Maybe it's a vehicle, maybe it's a mansion… perhaps it's a boat, motorcycle or… maybe it's someone. Perhaps there is someone who wants you, that has made it clear in no uncertain terms they want to be with you… that they enjoy your personality and company… and also that they desire you on the physical level… they would love to be with you, to call you their special someone and potentially marry you.

The only problem is… the biggest problem of all… they don't want Christ. They want you and all the glorious aspects that come with you but please leave Christ at the door.

It would be wonderful of course if 
Christ was who everyone wanted….

The person who wants you doesn't want to accept the reality of the matter; that you are a package deal… Christ comes with you and He comes first. Instead, like a car being picked to pieces at the chop shop they are choosing which pieces they believe work for them… they may not tell you that you cannot worship Christ but we can bet as sure as the sun is hot they won't be leading you to Him… instead it will be comparable to you playing a game… a game of tug o'war… with one hard yank you may just be dragged into who-knows-what by the unbeliever… or just as bad… perhaps you decide it's simply not worth the battle and give in; tossing the rope aside and leaving Christ behind.

So what do you do? You speak up. You set boundaries. You draw a line in the sand graced with love and enough salt to let them know you mean business… that Christ comes first and no one else… that anyone who wants to be with you but not Christ shouldn't cross over that line. Jesus spoke up when needed… at times it wasn't popular… but He spoke anyway because He cared and wasn't going to compromise on what was right just to keep the peace.

People pleasers, door-mats, "Yes" people… all these terms we loosely throw around… they sum up behaviors of people who struggle with setting boundaries with others. People who struggle with setting boundaries are often times targets of people of a narcissistic or even worse sociopathic nature.

It's vital we learn to recognize the fact that some people will do anything… lie, trick, manipulate, deceive, etc to get what or who they want… they will do anything except accept Christ and lead you to Him. But we don't have to compromise our belief system nor should anyone expect us to.


that little something being 
what we think is 

© ~ 2015

Whether you've been a follower of Christ for years or you're a new believer and uncertain what Christ wants for you in terms of a significant other…. it's time to review some basics.

1. Unequally yoked… is going to be referring to the majority of people out there in terms of a potential partner if you're a Christian. An unbeliever may be a great co-worker, friend, exercise buddy etc but not someone you would want to join in marriage with. (Likewise just because someone states they are a Christian doesn't mean they are living for Christ). An unbeliever won't have your best interests in mind; they have not made Christ the center of their life and any decisions made between you will inevitably end with you being the one who has to compromise… leading you further from Christ instead of closer.

2. "The Daddy's Girl" or "Mama's Boy"… pass on folks who have this unhealthy attachment to their parent as it creates huge dysfunction in a marriage. I lived with this continuing interference for years in my own marriage. Every week I notice my neighbors mother arrive multiple times at their home; even at times when they aren't there. She is there so often I initially mistakenly mistook her for the man's wife… imagine my shock to realize that was his mother months later. A parent who is so immersed in a couples relationship and home doesn't add to or enhance their life… it merely divides… bit by bit causing irreparable damage.

3. Addictions & Idolatry… Christ wants to be first in our lives and when we allow ourselves to consume anything that can harm our bodies… alcohol, drugs, porn, etc… or even idolizing false gods… dabbling in gambling, horoscopes, palm reading, etc… we are allowing darkness to enter versus light. Someone I know recently purchased a Buddha statue for "decorative purposes" for her home… she innocently enough believed this to be harmless and was excited about her new find.. imagine her shock when the neck broke off upon purchasing it. Maybe we need to be more in tune to what we are bringing into our homes and creating an environment that is pleasing to the Lord.

4. Selfishness… Christ is the epitome of love (selfishness is the polar opposite) and someone who is not checked in, who doesn't care about your needs, desires, wants, etc is not showing love but instead a self-imposed campaign of loving themselves. Partners who are healthy realize each person needs to share their hopes, fears, dreams, joys and faith… they expect each other to openly share in the safety net of one another… not one person stonewalling and ignoring when support is needed… or one person dominating all conversations about themselves. There should be a mutual give and take, back and forth.

5. The Controller… he (or she) tries to tell you what to think, what to do, how to be, etc… you not only don't agree on each other's actions as individuals but you aren't in agreement on how to parent either. The person who takes the reins in an overt manner because it's going to be "their way or the highway" is merely a bully… they may try to present it as "they know best" because they are older, they are the man or maybe they have more experience or knowledge in whatever it may be… but this isn't a partnership as we can see… this is a dictatorship. The one who tries to control your feelings, your voice, your whereabouts, your decisions, etc… they will surely also at some point try to control your faith as well.

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