Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Husbands & Wives: You Have 2 Jobs

winter 2012

names have been omitted in this post  


My soon to be ex husband and I sat in the tiny office of the psychiatrist. The office with it's minimally decorated cream walls, modern black desk and three plastic chairs flanking one wall… the three of us sat as the psychiatrist listened to our valid concerns over our sons most recent meltdown or "fit" as we often called them. He would nod as we gave further explanation, acknowledging he was hearing what we were saying… his fingers typed rapidly on his keyboard as he took notes. He listened carefully and then nodded... turning to our son he spoke, "Okay… let's go over this again. When you began coming here… we had a talk. Right?" He asked our son looking to him for agreement.

Our son nodded.

"And what was it we discussed? What was it that we agreed were your two jobs?" He asked him, leaning forward in his black swivel desk chair.

"My two jobs are go to school and listen to my parents." our son told him quietly with his hands in his lap.

"That is correct. You have two jobs. Go to school and listen to your parents. So if you're having fits then that means you're not listening to mom and dad. Correct?" He confirmed giving him a long look.

"Yes." our son admitted.

"Okay… so let's not lose track of what exactly you're supposed to be doing. You need to stick to your two jobs and nothing else. Alright?"

"Yes sir." our son told him.



We all have them. It seems so simple of a concept but listening to the psychiatrist break down everything our son needed to do under the heading of two very simple jobs made it even easier to see where our sons focus needed to be versus where not.

It's really not much different for us, is it?

As women we are often expected to wear many hats… but even men who have jobs that are more demanding than others can relate… we can all undoubtedly get swept away with all the things we need to do… whether it's on a daily basis or just life in general… and sometimes we lose touch with what our job truly is.

When we get married we gain two jobs

And not just any two jobs. But the two most important jobs we will ever have in this lifetime. Today, if you're married I'm writing to gently remind you of those two jobs… because we can tend to forget… I know I did when I was married. We can undoubtedly forget that when we say "I do" there is then much that we choose to "don't" do. For Christian couples who are dedicated to putting God and their spouses first it's essential to review what those two jobs really look like.

When we marry we vow to honor and love our spouse… before God… and we know that not one person in the union is to be the dominant one… instead that the two become one before God and are there to serve the Almighty King. It takes three to have a successful marriage and putting God first at the head of the relationship sets the very foundation for it to thrive. When we realize that our marriage is not truly ours to mess with… it's not ours to neglect, it's not ours to shun or turn our backs on or choose not to serve in… that it's actually God's union, it's in His jurisdiction and we are there to follow what He deems loving and life producing… we will be much better off and our marriage will reflect it.

Today I would ask you what you've done for your spouse? 

Today I would even go so far as to ask if you're divorced... 
What could you have done for your spouse that you didn't?

It's something to think on

If you're married I'd ask you today what you could do that would be choosing selfless over self? What could you choose to do that would be putting God first and not you? What could you do that would tell your spouse "I thought of you" without any strings attached?

And then go do it.

We have two jobs when were married: 

1. Put God first
2. Love our spouse

When we love God first it becomes easier to love our spouse and look out for them… it gets us past our egos, past our own louder than life needs and wants that can threaten to overtake anything our spouse perhaps desires.

So today take a little time… to think of how you could do a better job at your two jobs.

I wrote this post aimed at both sexes because it is something that applies to everyone, not just women, not just men. At the end of the day no matter how good, bad or toxic a marriage is… even post divorce we can look at patterns in our own past behavior and see where we could do better if we ever marry again. Tomorrow would have been my fifteen year wedding anniversary and with that each year reflection is good for anyone who has divorced. In my own marriage I could have done a better job at my two jobs:

1. I could have prayed over my marriage more
2. I could have sought more guidance from God in the day to day annoyances
3. I could have bought him those tickets to the game or race he would have loved as a surprise
4. I could have taken better care of myself (rest) and worried less about household chores
5. I could have just gone with him to see the guy movies (Marvel) he loved and watched them because at the end of the day it made him happy

Granted, these are just a few… obviously all of us would have many more… but it's something to think about… when we say "I do" we obviously aren't also agreeing to neglecting God, to not praying over the little things, to choosing ourselves over our partner, to letting the frictions between us and our spouse grow or to allowing demands from work, kids and in-laws come between us. Yet that is often what happens in marriage because we lose focus on what we're supposed to be doing. Instead, are we saying "I do" to our spouse each and every day?… our job right after living for Him is to love him/her.

So how would you grade the job you're doing?

Would you give yourself an A? B?
Maybe a shaky C?

There is always room for improvement… maybe it's time to go ask Him what you can do to love the one you said "I do" to better.

God will be so glad you did.

© ~ 2014 




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Marriage: The 10 Do's & Don'ts 

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