"That Was Supposed To Be My Life" She Said

"And you let her go

And you let her go 

well you let her go… "

passenger 

lyrics ~  let her go

************************

I listened to the lyrics as they played in the background…  slowly making my way around the circular tables of designer shoes displayed… Nine West, Coach and Franco Sarto leather wedges and summer flats dazzled like prized trophies on pedestals. Finding myself at the corner clearance rack I began casually surveying the shoes lining the metal shelves… blue suede pumps, heels that were glittered and glossy lipstick red begged to be bought and worn out… worn to a party, a glittering event or maybe a dinner date and play afterward. As my brown-green flecked eyes fluttered over them my sight caught an older couple just a few feet away… visible to me through the staggered shelves of shoes. They appeared to be in their late sixties or early seventies. He was sitting in a club chair noticeably patiently waiting while she, his wife, tried on several pairs of shoes. There was a comfortableness between them. He nodded at what she was saying as she modeled them in front of a petite knee height mirror nearby. I watched as she took a seat beside him and he gestured to the pair she held in her hands and seemed to speak with his body language from afar that yes, indeed she had chosen the right pair for her… and that he too liked them as well. He spoke to her with undetectable words from my vantage point yet I saw that she smiled, chuckling appreciatively at what he said. I moved away from the clearance section and made my way to the nearby clothing department.

I began skimming through a rack of women's pants for work… and as I skimmed through the slacks in colors of gray, navy and khaki I heard a female voice nearby speak "That was supposed to be my life." she said. I turned to her, startled and met her lined gray eyes staring back at me. Her face looked pained and she affirmed to me what she was referring to… "That couple… being married for so long and obviously happy… that was supposed to be my life." she told me.

Divorce. 

Heartache. 

Pain. 

Loss. 

I meet people, randomly, not expected, in ways that connect us all in so many ways… past experiences that continue to show up in ways they can be used now in present time to help, to reach out, to do good, to affirm, to heal. With each person's pain comes the current place of who they are now… each and every life moment has led them to who they are today.

We are each a sum of all our experiences. 
We are each molded by the past into who we've become… 
formed by what we've been through, 
each person who has crossed our path in life has touched us in some way, shape or form.

For this woman she stood here today… before me with raw feelings and her words caught in my throat, hinged on my shoulders and pulled at my heartstrings. This woman was brave. Brave enough to say what any woman (or yes, even man) may not utter but feel deep inside… each person who has been through the hell of losing… something that was supposed to be for the long haul, the end of time, for eternity, "what coulda shoulda been" but yet they continue to push those feelings down deep each time they try to rise up again and like waves threaten to engulf them in a flood of tears.


She was brave to speak for us all.

"That was supposed to be my life" she'd said.

I looked her in the eyes and painfully but honestly replied "Me too."

That was supposed to be my life too… 

a marriage where no one took the other for granted

a life where we each encouraged one another to grow, to learn, to push and far exceed what perhaps we narrowly believed we could do

we were to be able to talk about anything and yet at the same time to be happy with discussing nothing

we were to be best friends; me climbing your back like a kid until I was no longer limber enough to do it and your back finally cried uncle

and yet we were supposed to be lovers and we'd tingle with excitement in complete simpatico like a complementing storm of thunder and lightening always on cue

we were supposed to be able to overlook the annoyances and when they'd threaten to divide, one of us would crack a joke to smooth the ripple out like a warm iron on a ruffled shirt

maybe one day there would come a time when we could no longer physically do the things we used to but there would always be hugs…  the long hug-you-and-squeeze-you-tight-at-the-end-of-a-long-day-type-hugs-where-no-one-wants-to-let-go… because those are the best

it was to be a life of sunny flowers in the kitchen, the scent of apple pie, a dog panting and wagging at our feet and kids running happily barefoot through the house

there would be extended family barbecues, cookouts, what have you and smiling sun-kissed faces ready for another photo, ice cream cup or dip in the pool 

years of family road trips filled with impromptu stops for sight seeing, a sno-cone and silly picture taking 

there would be arguments, no doubt… disagreements of this or that… but there would always be open communication… we would each be one another's "safe spot" to go to and respect would reign for one another… because the biblical golden rule would be the first rule applied… do unto others as you'd want them to do unto you

life might sometimes become monotonous but we'd know it was up to us to inject moments of whimsy and fun… and we'd take the time for adventures

we were to be best friends and be able to tell one another everything and not be judged… because being best friends means picking each other up, not pushing the other down

really it was supposed to be the best thing ever meeting you… it was to be a lifetime of inside jokes, a history of meaningful shared moments, of pet names, of "i love you's" that meant something… 

that was supposed to be me.

that was supposed to be her…

that was maybe supposed to be you.


Don't believe for a minute God doesn't see your disappointment.
He knows.
He sees the unspoken pain and hurt…
He is very much aware of it… and yet…
there's another chapter coming around the corner…


for me.

for her.

and yes, for you.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

worrying will do nothing 

but keep you stagnant… 

don't let anything from the past 

overshadow your now

Like the rain… even pain is temporary… 

healing is for everyone, not just some people 

“The best way out is always through.”
―Robert Frost

Every single step forward you take is one more step of progress

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