Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Finding Comfort In The Divorce Process



It had been an incredibly long day of interviews, appointments and errands.... and it now unfortunately also included sore callused feet, clothes that pinched and pulled, black heeled shoes that needed to be kicked off, a hungry irritable stomach and a mildly throbbing headache at my temples.



Ugh... 

The shoes were kicked off...

The callused feet massaged and soaked in bath salts...

The headache treated with the popping of an Advil...

The uncomfortable clothes were replaced with comfy grey pajamas...



I walked into the dark kitchen and opened the stainless steel refrigerator, the light from within revealing it's highlighted contents of a family size package of fried chicken, potato salad, green beans and chocolate pudding cups alongside a tub of cool whip. Reaching in, I hauled the family sized pack of fried chicken to the counter where I grabbed a plate from an upper cabinet and began the process of piling chicken legs onto it... then nearby on the speckled granite countertop I spied a clear plastic package of plain donuts drizzled in glaze.



I stuck the package of the remaining chicken back in the fridge and began prying open the plastic package of glazed donuts. Setting three donuts on the plate alongside the chicken legs, I then headed downstairs to the den where I promptly set up on the couch with my plate piled high, plenty of napkins and a glass of ice water. Covering up in a cozy blanket, I picked up the remote, aiming it at the blackened screen, ready to watch the Bachelorette.



Comfort

Sometimes we need a little comfort. Depending on our changing circumstances we may even need more than a little. Maybe we require a lot. There is nothing wrong with finding comfort in the little things in life, like soft sweaters, buttery mashed potatoes, blankets, warm cocoa, coffee, chocolate cake, well worn pajamas, bubble baths, a favorite movie, journaling, the warmth of our bed, etc. These are all wonderful things that God gave us and we can enjoy. But we want to make sure the comforts of the world aren't replacing our greatest comforter.... God.



When we are in need of comfort we can ask ourselves... 

What are we turning to for comfort but also who are we turning to for that comfort we so desire? One of God's great promises for us is comfort along with peace. We may find comfort in fried chicken, donuts and a soft blanket curled up.... but we can also always find comfort in God's word... reading it, meditating on it and praying.


We don't have to fear that God will make us go it alone in life... He is there and always ready to lend His hand, to wipe our tears, to share His shoulder. He is forever faithful and ever-lasting unlike the worldly comforts of fried chicken and donuts that are fleetingly filling and then leave us empty once again.


We may in the midst of life changes such as divorce feel an emptiness around us... after all, one side of the bed is empty, one closet is empty, one place setting at the table is empty... but God's presence is still there... He has not left you for a moment. He is right there beside you and although divorce saddens Him and He hates divorce... God doesn't hate you. He hates what it does to two people who were joined in a covenant before him, who had lovely expectations and hopes at one time that have now been infinitely altered. He hates the pain, the anguish, the disappointment, the tears, the breaking up of a family and the sin that brought it to that state.



Ex spouse vs God: seeking comfort... 

We can't expect our soon to be ex spouse to provide the comfort we need during the course of a divorce. In a healthy marriage, we are able to seek and feel the comfort we desire from our spouse because it's a healthy union with two people selflessly loving each other. With every marriage there will be hurts however unintentional along the way. But, in a case of divorce, it's already been established the union as it is IS unhealthy, comfort is not attainable, it may be one-sided or requires lengthy intensive therapy to get it where it would need to thrive if it ever would. We don't have to worry about God abandoning us and not giving us the comfort we seek from Him... He is always ready to comfort us, to selflessly love us with unconditional care and compassion.



Affirmation: comforting words from others... 

There is some comfort to be found in knowing other's have survived divorce. When we learn of other's who have endured the often lengthy trials of divorce and the wide range of emotions that go with it... it gives each of us an additional glimmer of hope. We can take comfort in knowing God led them too through the darkness to the other side where light and a renewed self stands in strength and victory. Divorce changes us and may very well shape us to become even more compassionate toward others who later go through the same experiences.... we can nod and affirm their feelings... and confirm that God will see them through just as He did for us!



The process: take your time... 

We can't hurry the process of healing from divorce overnight. There is unfortunately no "quick fix", bandaid or magic pill to swallow. Many well intentioned friends may try to advise us to "rise above", "cheer up" or "get out of the pit" etc. But it takes time to go through the healing process and we may need comfort over well meaning instruction on how to feel or grieve. Naturally if anyone is tired of feeling the way you do... it's you and having someone dictate how you should feel and process your emotions including a time line to do it in is certainly not helpful. Having the freedom to grieve in your own way and time frame is essential to seeing the process through and not getting stuck.



You're of great value: don't blame yourself... 

If your divorce stemmed from a betrayal and you now feel rejected... take heart in knowing that without a doubt it is no reflection on you. Just because you have not been a "perfect" spouse, (surprise! there is no perfect spouse) ...  just because you were occasionally cranky or didn't make his favorite dinner more often, etc doesn't mean he had any right to cheat on you. A spouse being "unhappy" in their marriage does not give them the green light to cheat. Someone choosing to betray you... that is not a "mistake". A "mistake" is a mathematical error. A betrayal on the other hand is a conscious decision to make a negative sinful choice and to lie. A person cannot cheat without also lying. The two acts go hand in hand. To cheat one must lie regarding their whereabouts, their activities, their loyalty and love for you. You are a valuable, worthy person that God loves and cares for... He sees your pain and is right there to comfort you and help you in working through your anger. The good news is... your anger can actually fuel you forward, to motivate you to push yourself to new outward limits whether it be personal goals like fitness, your career, your passions, etc... your anger can be a positive thing to help propel you into your new life!




God: walk boldly with Him...

We can walk boldly in life knowing God is there beside us ready to give us comfort during our trials and that no amount of fried chicken or glazed donuts will ever come close to replacing that. Thank goodness we can look for a greater comfort from the Lord above... that He is always ready with a comforting love so fulfilling we must use our napkin to blot our eyes in eternal thankfulness.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013 




To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading,

 commenting and sharing! 



2 comments:

  1. Very inspiring words for people who want to move on from divorce.

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    1. Thank you for your kind comment! Have a great week

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