Saturday, May 18, 2013

Divorce: Your Status Doesn't Change


I answered my cell phone as I placed my SUV in park...

After a few niceties and chatting about how we each were she sighed on the other end of the phone and asked…  "My dear... I heard you are getting a divorce and I'm so sorry to hear that. But I have to ask you, do you really want to go through with that?"

I replied... "Yes, I'm sure. Why do you ask?"

"Well, the reason I ask is because it's extremely difficult to be on your own."

I spoke...  "I'm not afraid of being on my own. I've done it before. Besides, God is going to provide and look out for me. He cheated and is not repentant. He chose to not repair the marriage. I've been set free from it. This is very simple and merely a matter of doing what I need to now to move forward."

She recoiled at my words and began telling me certainly there were times she was not treated right in her own marriage over the years but as women we turn our heads... " as she rambled on I began feeling a small pain in my head first begin slowly then gradually increase into the beginnings of a headache....

yet she continued on... 

how it's just too difficult for women to (gasp) become divorced when they have children and manage financially and lose their place of status 

Behind my aviator sunglasses I closed my eyes against the late afternoon sun coming through my windshield and flipped the visor to block it. Seated in the front seat wearing frayed jean cut off's, a soft thin henley in charcoal gray and flip flops I suddenly wanted to be transported anywhere but where I was listening to this... as these little scenarios had popped up every so often the past six months leaving me wondering why people continuously felt the urgent need to intervene with their undoubtedly well intentioned nuggets of wisdom but unsolicited words... and why as a society, as a whole it really seems to come down to "status" as to what's important... murmurings of despair over the love lost between two people and most importantly the dissolution of an entire family rarely if ever leaves their lips... instead it's a verbal sputtering over the loss of homes in older established neighborhoods trimmed in weekly manicures by lawn companies, high end cars, fine clothing from Nordstrom's, handbags from Louis Vuitton, shoes from Brian Atwood, the coveted tennis bracelet, nannies, maid services, trips to time shares on the coast... why did the misguided focus seem to be on these items of wealth and place in society as if automatically because you have them consequently you are deemed more worthy... and when they disappear (gasp) your worth as a human being plummets like the stock market when it's taken a hit... at that moment I wished I was laying on a warm beach with white grains of sand between my coral polished toes… I could almost hear the sound of the cerulean blue waves rolling in nearby to lull me to sleep like a bedside machine set to white noise.... but there would be no escape into paradise because she was still talking into my ear....

After she let up for air I voiced I had to let her go but I appreciated her concern and wished her a good evening. She wished me the same and after our goodbyes I hung up. I tossed my phone in my purse, exited the vehicle, clicked the key fob to lock the doors and began crossing the parking lot ready to move on and leave that conversation behind.

I may want to mentally escape at times, I may want to flee from trials and tribulations, I may want to cling to my pillow and not drag myself out of bed, I may want to shut out other's questions and opinions, I may want to hop aboard a plane and travel to another place far away... but I can instead choose to keep my feet firmly planted where I am.... firmly planted in what I believe. That God is good... that there is no reason to fear... no reason to retreat, no reason to flee. That He will comfort me in my hurt, provide and see me through each trial because He has my back... that what other's say; their unsolicited advice, criticism, opinions etc... at the end of the day really don't matter... because they haven't walked in my shoes.

Nor have they walked in your shoes. 

God has witnessed the scenes of your life behind closed doors and intimately knows the pain, the hurt, the tears and the disappointments for you and me. It's about not allowing other's opinions to sway you and persevering. It's about faith. It's about God. It may be an uphill battle right now and may be daunting to take on but sometimes those are the very battles that mean the most in the end. The path you are taking might be narrow and entail dangerous curves with only enough room for you to trek but... God is there to help you with the mountains not just the molehills of life.

You may feel as though you keep facing those who question your decisions, who question your faith and question your life. They may be coming at you like birds pecking at you incessantly and as soon as you've shooed one away with kindness yet here comes another dive bombing at you...

But we don't have to submit to fear... to submit to doubt, or to society's standards of "we aren't worthy if we don't keep our status". The truth is... our status has never changed... at least not the one that matters... last I checked it was still the same....


God loves you and me. 

We aren't defined by our trials. 

Faith is bigger than fear.  

Someone, somewhere, can relate to what you've been through. 

Faith means surrendering your control. 

Trust is ongoing, an ongoing practice 

we have to commit to with God. 

We have to surrender to God's ways; 

our status is not contingent

 on material things and the ways of the world. 

God will give you the wisdom you need. 

The strength you require not just to survive but to thrive. 

We see everything we've dreamed of far off in the distance

 but we don't have to stand frozen in fear.

God never fails with His perfect love 
and everything He plans for you will prevail. 

© ~ 2013

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

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