Dear Divorced Man or Woman: There Is A Place For You

There is a place for you.

Whether you're a man or a woman.

It's a place of escape in the midst of coffee and good books… a place of quiet reflection while the world rushes by outside and you enjoy your bubble of complete relaxation, drowsily losing yourself in the depths of other peoples stories because that may be just what you desire and even desperately need for now.

There is a place for you.

It's a place of ease, hand holding and frolicking in ocean water, the salt and sun kissing your bare face as you enjoy the company of those you feel sweet affection for like your children.

There is a place for you.

It's a place of comfort, being wrapped in a down comforter, soft light filling the room as you hit snooze for the millionth time because where you lay just. feels. good. and life doesn't have to be a series of rushes but mixed with moments of leisure… it's you reminding yourself that yes, you're worth a little extra rest.

There is a place for you.

It's a place of support, of pats on the back, of prayer and "It's gonna get better…hang in there" and even if you don't believe it some days, maybe most days… it's also knowing you have the greatest friends who will listen and nod empathetically, feeling your battle and all the swirling emotions that go with it.

There is a place for you.

It's a place of affirmation, that no, you aren't alone… you are known, you are loved, you are thought of and there are others just. like. you. that are going through it as well and intimately know the same themes, the same struggles, the same heartaches.

There is a place for you.

It's a place of humor at late night television or a comedy because for just two minutes through the gift of laughter you can forget your troubles that may have taken over your life and infiltrate nearly every waking second no matter what else you're doing.

There is a place for you.

It's a place of commonality… that there's another man or woman in the same town experiencing it as well… going through the motions, wanting to release pent up tears and then realizing there isn't even any energy left to… it's just laying there replaying the same scenarios in your tired mind, the same events over and over and wishing this story would get to the next chapter… a better chapter… one of triumph.

There is a place for you.

It's a place of faith… where maybe you are just hanging on by a mere thread, barely hanging on and yet determined not to cave into worrying about what has been, what is and certainly not what may come… but instead to buckle down and pray… pray like you've never prayed before, not ceasing and asking for some divine intervention from Him above.

There is a place for you.

It's a place of healing, of slow but eventual complete restoration over time… it's one day the bandage on your heart being no longer needed because you've been mended together, all the hurt spots and frailties within have been loved back together.

There is a place for you.

It's a place that is here… right here… in this very moment... I know the hurt, the pain, the rejection, the "How could she have done this to me?" or "Why did he hurt me like this?" and I'm here to tell you in this moment, in this place… even if you're not okay, even if you're crying, even if you're beyond angry and words cannot even express what you're feeling right now… I'm here even in the silence, even as you rant, even as you weep… even with the distance, I'm here. for. you. 

There is a place for you. 

Always. And it's never ever alone.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2015

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading! 


Related Posts: 

Dear Soon To Be Divorced 
http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/05/dear-soon-to-be-divorced.html

Divorced? For The Single Man or Woman: 
My Hope For You
http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/06/divorced-for-single-man-or-woman-my.html

"That Was Supposed To Be My Life" She Said
http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/06/was-supposed-to-be-my-life-she-said.html

The Power Of The Word "Okay?"

"Okay?"

Parents may do it…

And they may not even realize they are.


Hindsight is always 20/20 and it may be a few years down the road that we realize we didn't handle this or that right when it comes to parenting our child. We may realize that inadvertently we gave our child power when we shouldn't have. We will all have failures and successes in our parenting. We may realize much later along the path of parenting that what we at one time innocently thought to be an affirmation of what we'd just relayed to our child was instead viewed by them as us asking if they were okay with our instructions.

Giving our child instructions happens everyday as a parent. We tell them to sit quietly in the shopping cart as we shop for essentials. We instruct them to bring us their dirty plate as were loading the dishwasher. We remind them that there is no running in the house, no jumping on the beds and no leaving the door open. I distinctly remember when my children were around the ages of four and five saying "Close the backdoor! We don't live in a barn." Every day we give our children instructions of how to behave, what tasks they need to complete and teach them what behaviors are acceptable and what aren't. We wouldn't be good parents if we didn't give instructions to our children. The word "parent" is of German origin and it's meaning is to teach. As parents we truly are our children's first teachers. With that naturally comes blessings and huge responsibility.

When we give instructions to someone

 and follow it with an:

 "Okay?"

 it only stands to reason

 that we are then asking:

 "Are you in agreement with me?" 

It's easy to see rather quickly how asking a child this could take you down a path as a parent to a destination you'd prefer to not go to. Obviously the child may more often than not may think to themselves… "Well… no, I'm NOT in agreement… I WANT to watch another t.v. show… I WANT the gum ball from the machine… I DON'T want to set the plates on the table for dinner." This may then be verbalized… their feelings and then… yikes… as a parent the door has been opened innocuously enough for negotiations. Despairingly, you may stand there faced with a small frowning face holding it's stance… as you wrack your brain, searching for what course of action to take next… because now you feel backed into a corner.


If you continually tell your children "Come put your shoes on… we have to go, Okay?" you've added an opening for them to dispute what you're telling them to do. The door is wide open for argument… for whining… for "I don't wanna's!"... the meltdowns that make parents cringe and want to disappear like a visible stain on a shirt.

By asking our children if they are okay with our directions we are subtly asking them if they want to comply. This leads children into believing they are in the driver's seat… their in charge and they are the leader and you're following them in a game of insanity.


The word "Okay" has huge power… and it holds much power not only for children but for adults as well.


When it comes to adults the word "Okay" is a good thing… it can actually help our relationships... bringing connection and affirmation, rather than pulling us apart like children and needing time outs from one another.


Think about the last time your spouse did something where they undeniably had great intentions but for some reason or another it didn't quite turn out how you expected. Maybe your spouse bought a new outfit and you're both getting ready to go out. You're wearing something dressy and he walks downstairs wearing a much more casual look. This is a time that could literally make or break your night out. Should you say something? Will it cause an argument? Will it cause hurt feelings? You naturally want to have a conversation about it but what should you do? How do you approach it? Or do you just shrug it off and move on?


It may have been helpful if when beginning to get ready to check in with each other on what you plan to wear. If looking like you're both wearing clothes that belong in the same season, are of the same style, etc is important to you… it's better to be proactive than to say something after the fact that may turn your perfectly fine day into a not so great night.

Telling our spouse "Hey… I'm thinking of wearing such and such… what are you thinking of wearing?' or "Hey, does this look okay?" joins you together… it unifies you and asks the other's opinion… this can be done by men or women… as it shows your partner that yes… you value what they think and you want to make an effort to look great together… to start your evening on the right foot. Obviously there are a dozen other scenarios… to choosing new dishes for your home… to where to get the oil changed… to where to go to dinner… we can affirm our choices and include our spouse in them by simply asking "Okay?" and being matter of fact about it. This isn't an opportunity to wield control or to be sarcastic in tone… it's not an invitation to sneer, roll your eyes, sigh, stomp off, mutter, or huff… (did I cover all of them?) but instead it's to bring you and your partner together…

To show that you care… and you're supportive of each other.


And doing that sets a great example for your children. 


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

Depression: It Affects Us All

The darkness.

The silence.

The loneliness.

The isolation.


Depression. 


Many of us have been there…

Maybe we were there for just a bit… a fleeting period of time… but there nonetheless.

Maybe it was postpartum depression.

Maybe it drug on for years…

Maybe it was like being on a planet shrouded in fog or a black veil.

Maybe it was due to a loss or maybe it's reason of origin is try as you might undefinable.


Depression is curling up in bed sweaty, dirty, twisted in the sheets, eyelids closed. Wanting to sleep but not able to… it can be knowing we need to muster up every bit of near inhuman strength to get up, to set two feet on the floor and walk five feet or twenty to the bathroom… to the kitchen… to anywhere... but unable to.

Depression is something as simple as saying in your head "I need help" but managing to utter the words to someone is not possible because there appears to be a glitch between your thoughts and expressing them… and trying to overcome this hurdle is really at the end of the day seemingly not even worth the effort.

Well no matter who you are and no matter what you’ve done

There will come a time when you can’t make it on your own

And in your hour of desperation

Know you’re not the only one, praying

Lord above, I need a miracle

I need a miracle

Depression is putting on a false smile and emitting an unnaturally high pitched tone of "No, I'm fine, really" to concerned friends on the phone and as soon as you hang up a drop escapes from your tear duct… depression is not bothering with a tissue but wiping your wet face with your arm like a three year old.

Depression means shutting those who love you out… everything changes out there in the world while inside behind closed doors your world stays stagnant… time freezes in your home minus the spoiled milk and expired groceries in the fridge… voicemails go unanswered and phone calls are ignored… being social might be just what's needed and yet to an aching, weary body and mentally zapped mind it just feels like too much effort to exert.

In your hour of desperation

Know you’re not the only one, 
praying Lord above, I need a miracle

Depression is missing events you should have been at… parties you should have attended… and believing that just because you actually stepped outside the front door to retrieve the mail it was an okay day… and if you absolutely had to venture out… meaning driving a vehicle it was an automatic victory when you retuned home not having driven off a bridge.


Depression is being an atheist… or a Christian… it can affect anyone... and yet feeling at the mercy of a nearly unexplainable deep black hole that wants to suck you up like a powerful vacuum or relentless twister. Like the lyrics you feel like a man in the box, censored by this unfathomable dark presence, as you can't even really begin to articulate, it's like you've been bound and gagged… and try as you may you simply cannot seem to escape.

He lost his job and all he had in the fall of ’09

Now he feared the worst, that he would lose his children and his wife

So he drove down deep into the woods and thought he’d end it all

And prayed, “Lord above, I need a miracle”

lyrics by Third Day; I Need A Miracle

Depression is finding a snag in your best sweater and not caring like you would have weeks before… it's wearing a jacket when not really necessary because it offers some sense of protection, comfort or shield from a world that's just to difficult to face right now.


Depression is knowing God's plans far exceed the circumstances of your day but just wanting those circumstances to stop, wondering if they ever will… or maybe it's wanting to believe His plan… but for whatever reason thinking maybe it doesn't apply to this time… or maybe it's being tired… just so incredibly tired of the circumstances piling up like an endless pile of debris that needs to be set aflame and extinguished out once and for all.


Depression is a bowl of cereal for breakfast at two o'clock in the afternoon and you weren't even out partying the night before… it's using every last bowl you own in the kitchen sink… ten dirty bowls wait to be rinsed and placed in the dishwasher… instead, you move on to using mugs… and from there every last glass in the house.


Depression is not cracking a smile at anything… the comedic efforts of the late night shows, the spoofs, the grumpy cat pics… nothing elicits a laugh… suddenly laughter and levity seem so frivolous and a waste of energy you cannot expend… especially where it doesn't exist.


Depression is your mind wandering… wandering to places it shouldn't go… places that are dark, in shadows and yet somehow infiltrate your mind even if momentarily… places that bring finality, final destinations and no re-do's, no fresh starts, no next chapters…


Depression. 
it sucks. 


I know. 

I was once there. 

Maybe right now you are. 

Depression doesn't have to be your final destination.

There are people who care.

Myself included. 

People who will help.

Even if you don't know how to help yourself.

There are those who will guide you to the next place…

A better place… 

one that doesn't end in...

"She was really struggling."

"He didn't get better."

"She seemed okay the last time I saw her."

"I had no idea he was depressed."

"Gone way too soon." 

"Why didn't I see the signs?"

"Did anyone realize?" 

"Why didn't someone help her?"

"I am heartbroken." 

DEPRESSION AFFECTS US ALL

You may be thinking: 

Things will never get better. 

There's no hope. 

God doesn't care. 

Today I'm writing to let you know that the cross tells you otherwise… Jesus died for you… His love shined beautifully for you before you were ever born… knit together in your mother's womb He already had a plan for you and your life. When were struggling or suffering… when He seems so far away… when you question if He is listening… trust that He is there… He is working diligently to accomplish far more in our lives and us than you could ever imagine. What's to come is another day, the real possibility of better… and in that is encouragement and even better... hope!


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

Symptoms of Depression via psychcentral.com

Not everyone who is depressed has every symptom. Some people experience a few symptoms, some many. Severity of symptoms varies with individuals and also varies over time.

Depression:

• Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
• Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
• Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering or making decisions. 
• Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
• Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
• Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts
• Restlessness, irritability
• Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain

WAYS TO HELP SOMEONE WITH DEPRESSION: 

BEGIN A CONVERSATION WITH THEM:

• I have been feeling concerned about you lately.
• Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you are doing.
• I wanted to check in with you because you have seemed pretty down lately.

SPECIFIC QUESTIONS TO ASK THEM:

• When did you begin feeling like this?
• Did something happen that made you start feeling this way?
• How can I best support you right now?
• Specifically what can I do for you? 
• Will you promise to call me or text me with specifics? 
• Will you promise to call me any time day or night if need be?
• Have you thought about getting help?
• Who is your primary doctor? 
• Are you drinking?
• Have you recently begun any new medications or stopped any?
• Who else knows you are experiencing these symptoms?

RELATED POSTS

Transparency: Unmasking Our Worries 

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/08/transparency-unmasking-our-worries.html

Divorced? For The Single Man or Woman: My Hope For You

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/06/divorced-for-single-man-or-woman-my.html

Grieving = One Of The Most Basic Human Needs

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/06/grieving-one-of-most-basic-human-needs.html

Dear Soon-To-Be-Divorced

Dear Soon-To-Be-Divorced, 

I see you sitting there worried and I know this journey you are about to embark on likely seems really daunting... I know you are probably feeling pretty scared right now. I also know that it's often the unknown that elicits the most fear in us... wondering how this will all turn out. This is will be a bumpy ride, it will. I can't and won't promise otherwise. There may be days you want to smash the picture of the two of you. There may be days you want to "decorate" your wedding album. There may be days you want to go to the shooting range and get some aggression out. There may be days you just want to drive and think... and doing that requires you using up an entire tank of gas to do just that. There may be days you sob that this was how it all turned out and yet you wonder if doing anything differently would have helped or mattered. There may be days you overeat Ben n Jerry's, donuts, beer and fried chicken and feel like a glutton. There may be days you buy all new sheets and towels and anything else that strikes your fancy just. because. you. can. 

There may be days you miss him or who you thought he was or maybe who you wanted him to be and yet there may be days you know it's great he's gone. There may be days you want to spill your guts to your friends and cry... there may be days you want to talk about anything but him. There may be days you are met with kindness and there may be days you are ignored. There may be people who want to know the details so they can let you vent and help any way possible and yet there may be those who listen merely to share it with others and drop you like a hot potato.

There may be days you feel like a failure and there may be days you are reminded of the truth: you. are. not. a. failure. You are a strong person. You may hear people say that those who divorce took the easy way out. Their wrong. That couldn't be any further from the truth. You've been strong a very long time. And going through a divorce means gearing up for battle... it's long, arduous and costly... and it's an emotional roller coaster no one weak gets on. You may be a different  person when you come out on the other side. You may be jaded, you may be less trusting, you may find yourself questioning everything and everybody... pray they will be patient with you. Remember this time and how you felt and more than likely you will become even more compassionate toward others. You may find yourself wanting to become isolated. If you find yourself beginning to pull away from friends and not getting out... that's a sign it's time to schedule something social... it's a sign you're struggling and it's okay... your true friends want to be there for you... let them listen and help you. 

You may feel judged and whispered about and you may hear "I'll pray for you" and yet never hear from them again... this is a crucial time in your life... you will find out so much. You will learn who your true friends are. You will discover how loyal your bestie is. You will learn how kind your neighbors are. You will see if your attorney is going to weather the storm beside you and fight... you will find out how our court system works and may come to be miserably disappointed in the human race as a whole. 

You may have times you simply must talk to someone because you're beyond exasperated and no one is around to listen. You may sob in the shower and regret ever meeting what's-their-face. You may swear off men. You may swear off women. You may swear off marriage. You may swear off love in the romantic sense. 

You may have to hear about how your soon-to-be ex has met someone new and they are "so in love" and it sends you into fits of gagging and eye rolling. You may run into your ex-in-laws and wonder why you ever chose that family. 

You may be shopping one day and while picking out a package of unblemished strawberries at the market sense someone watching you... looking up you see someone checking you out. You may find yourself smiling back. Or maybe you find yourself thinking "Ew. Get away. So. not. ready." 

You may think "This will never end..." but it will. This too shall pass... one day you will look back and realize that yes, it was a long bumpy road but guess what? 

You made it. 

You survived. 

And not just survived. 

But you're stronger. 

Wiser. 

Better. 

What you went through has contributed to who you are now. 

You're a victor.
You pushed through.
You pressed forward. 

Now who are you going to help and cheer on as they go through their own battle? 

I get messages often on Facebook from people telling me that just knowing "I'm not alone" means everything. Those three words... so small yet they hold such meaning and power.

Who can you tell today: 

"You're not alone"? 

Maybe there's someone you know who is silently hurting.
Maybe someone you know feels completely isolated.
Maybe they've started a journey you know nothing of.

Today, I encourage you to post your status on FB to:

"No matter what you're going through... you're not alone." 

Someone will see it. 

Someone needs it. 

And someone will be helped.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

18The LORD is near to the brokenhearted 
And saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

Psalm 34:18

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary 
and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

33 “I have told you these things, 
so that in me you may have peace. 
In this world you will have trouble.
 But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts: 

Cheating: 50 Shades of Lies: 5 Reasons Not To Keep Him
http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/02/cheating-50-shades-of-lies-5-reasons-to.html

You're Getting A Divorce: 10 Tips On How To Tell Your Kids
http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/02/youre-getting-divorce-10-tips-on-how-to.html

Standing On A Road She Didn't Plan: A Single Mom Dating
http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/12/standing-on-road-she-didnt-plan-single.html

Divorce: What No One Tells You

spring 2014 

some names have been omitted from this post 

******************

It was a bleary, gray, rainy day… the windshield wipers dragged across the glass before me and swiped away at the minuscule drops of rain falling from the sky. I drove past the University at a snails pace… students began crossing in front of my vehicle and I slowed to a stop so they could safely reach the other side. I glimpsed long blonde ponytails, backpacks and umbrellas... youth in a blur beyond the wipers that dragged… I heard faint laughter amongst the crowds of students and cracked my driver's side window to get some fresh air… cool wind came sailing in and the path was cleared so I could begin my way down that wet street… small burger joints and ice cream shops were soon in my past and before long I approached the curving lanes that led to the higher end district of shopping. Pressing buttons for something on one of the Christian radio stations… yet finding nothing but babble, I select a contemporary station. Switching to the middle lane…  I take the curves… the tall trees passing me in a sweep of majestic evergreen… and then my ears pick up an oddly, subtly familiar tune…


Weep for yourself, my man,
You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep, little lion man,
You're not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself
Take all the courage you have left
And waste it on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really messed it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I, my...

Tremble for yourself, my man,
You know that you have seen this all before
Tremble, little lion man,
You'll never settle any of your scores
Your grace is wasted in your face,
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck
Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really messed it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I my...


~ Mumford & Sons , Little Lion Man (some lyrics changed due to language) 

….. the wipers swipe back and forth… 

seeing a red light ahead I press the brake and come to a slow stop.

"I really messed it up this time, didn't I my dear?… "

…. the words continue like a loop in my head and 

as I listen to the lyrics a memory comes flooding back… 

a moment I had forgotten… 

Spring 2012 

********************

Walking into the bright master bath I saw him at his vanity combing his dark wet hair before the mirror... that song playing on his iPhone laying on the speckled granite countertop beside the sink. It jangled loud, permeating throughout the bathroom bouncing off the cream walls and bank of windows near the high ceiling creating almost obnoxious noise. I walk past him and say amidst the deafening tune...  "What is that? Why do you keep playing that song? I feel like I'm in a pub." I tell him… not really waiting for answer, I grab what I need from my drawer and leave. 

************************

"I really messed it up this time, didn't I my dear?… didn't I my dear?"

I never really listened to the lyrics of that song.

I never took the time. 

Now I hear the words loud and clear. 

I hear you in there… I hear it all. 

Yes, you messed up. You did. 

Little things like that still 
pop up quite some time later 
in the aftermath of the finalization
 and all of a sudden you're transported back in time… 
wishing these interruptions would come to a stop because
 they resemble disruptive little gnats that won't go away. 

No one tells you that… 

One night you may be medicating with Ben and Jerry's and the next relishing seeing a movie with your friend because you're hitched to no one now… and yes, it's absolutely wonderful. 

That last night while picking up some essentials at the drugstore you saw the cutest little boy toddling along with his mother and joyfully beamed back at him when your eyes met but tonight when you saw a little girl and her mother choosing a craft to do on the craft aisle at Target you watched from a distance with wistfulness… wishing that was your night too because suddenly you really, really wish you could hug your own daughter right now… but you can't because she's at her dad's. The emptiness you suddenly feel is overwhelming and you just want to bawl between the scarves and handbags. 

You get angry that your daughter has zero good male role models in her life… you get tired of hearing her continual hurt and crying when she's telling you: "Daddy ignores me at his house… he only talks to my brother. Girls are invisible"… and yet you still hold out hope that maybe, just maybe one day someone will fill that role of a father… because you value that huge responsibility and know it's importance… and yet it's better to have no one than another negative one. Her dad doesn't attend her school meetings, he doesn't go to her psychology testing appointments and thinks just throwing a bag of chocolate at her suffices as attention. She watches across the cafeteria with sadness while her father continually has lunch with her brother and never with her. 

The past will try to sneak up on you and fill your mind with doubts and whispers of "if you hadn't done this or that, if you had held your tongue, if you had been more patient, if you'd said this or that…" etc and you have to shut those little torpedoes down before they destroy you… you know rationally like anyone you could have done better here or there, that's without a doubt, we all could have… but at the end of the day if someone is not healthy, if someone becomes emotionally abusive… it was a sinking ship regardless of all the admitted coulda, shoulda, woulda's. 

One minute you are undeniably enjoying your freedom… the next you are longing for someone to share it with. There may be feelings that contradict one another. Don't act on any of them; their fickle as the wind. Just stay focused on your kids, your career and re-building your life... everything will fall in place.


It seems the people who are married often want to be single and the singles often want to be with someone. No one needs a man… for sure. No man needs a woman. Yet we are created for…. we are meant for companionship in this life… we are meant for connection and love and mutual care for one another. We are meant for sharing ideas, for intimacy and for communication. We are meant for all these lovely things and someone special to share them with till the end of time.

You may think when you divorce someone they will go away… I mean, divorce is a dividing, not a joining of people… and yet just because you've flung off your ex doesn't mean he will go away quietly or stop infiltrating himself into your life. Suddenly he's friend requesting your Facebook friends, he's having dinner with your father and you're offended. Yes, you have every right to be irritated. It's confusing why some people continue to wreck havoc in your life when they have no place in it… like an attention seeking little boy he must continue to do things even if in a negative light just to gain notice. Some people will continue to do whatever they can to "punish" you and stir the pot… it's really ironic because if they'd put that much energy into the marriage that they've put into irritating the heck out of you in its aftermath maybe it wouldn't have gone to pot… but at the end of the day its a reflection of them not you… move on and ignore them.


Your ex may put only his name, address and phone number in the school directory… he got the form and didn't tell you, leaving you out in the cold. Birthday party invites, etc all now go to his address and you're left wondering why on earth the fellow mothers don't reach out and send them to you. It's moments like this you once again are reminded of his manipulativeness how he does everything possible to keep you out of the circle and himself ingratiated within. This does nothing but create issues and only further cements why you divorced him to begin with.


Fridays, or "exchange days" are always bad. Always. That day… whatever day you exchange your children on is a day of him calling, texting, etc that you "didn't do this or that"… or "you didn't put this or that" in the bag, etc… stuff that doesn't even matter or have significance… just so he can cause stress and tell you that you don't have it "together".


They will mess with your mail. This can be beyond aggravating and putting in a change of address for an entire family versus just an individual is what they love to do to create more chaos. I'd recommend a P.O. Box in the days/weeks leading up to filing for divorce and alert your mail carrier of your situation and change your mail as an individual so it's forwarded to your box. The ex messing with your mail creates all sorts of havoc because then your bills, attorneys statements and copies of documents don't reach you in a timely manner.


You will have to decide whether to keep your married name or not. People are often shocked if you keep your married name if your spouse cheated but the truth is if you have even less than wonderful feelings about your maiden name then you may reluctantly keep your married one. Some people understandably feel its best to keep the same last name as their children… others are more than ready to dump their married name and move… others I'm sure wish there was a third option. Take some time and decide what's best for you.


You've asked him numerous times to please drop off and pick up the kids at the street or end of the driveway. But no, the inept ex who continually has to push the limits, pulls all the way up in the driveway and is on your porch ringing your doorbell, his face in yours. It's best if all exchanges are done at a neutral location like McDonald's.

There may be times you feel alone but you are never ever really alone. God is watching over you as well as family and friends… those who are supporting you are cheering you on.


Just because you are signed up to communicate on the site Our Family Wizard doesn't mean they will communicate with you. They may "view" your messages but ignore 90% of them and not reply. 

One day you may feel pity toward your ex… another day anger and the next just sadness… these feelings may occur all within the same day or same hour…. going through a divorce is a process… and it's a process of emotions too… that continue even in the aftermath of the finalization. Sitting in front of my attorney one day he asked me what I wanted, what my expectations were in my case… that's a good question to ask yourself, too. He told me with a laugh… "I'm an attorney, okay? I'm not an assassin"… going into divorce it's important to have some idea of what exactly you are wanting… you may get a "fair settlement"… but remember, no one ever truly "wins"… least of all the kids.  

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Like Fireflies: Being A Light & Sharing Our Story

Have you shared your story?

Have you spoken about your journey?

Have you shared your testimony?

I leave a trail of these everywhere I go... 

image created & owned by gps grace power strength 

Making these by hand, I've by now likely left hundreds of these little slips of paper in places I've been... I've left them in hotels, in courthouses, at the post office, in the ladies room at restaurants and stores, I've passed them out on college campuses, tucked them under windshield wipers and more.


Each of us have a story to tell… with many chapters… a story that God has guided us through… with perhaps dark beginnings that have led to later pages filled with light reflecting off them… maybe your chapters intensify with song, with beauty, with triumph, with God's love for you as you leaf through them, prisms of glorious color streaming from them as more of your story is written each day…


What a beautiful thing to be able to share those glorious pages with someone you know and care about… maybe someone to inspire… maybe someone to encourage and lift up… maybe someone you love. When we share our story not for our own glory but take a backseat and let the light of Jesus shine front and center… to show people only by God's teaching, His grace, we have grown... we have changed from walking in the dark fumbling, tripping over ourselves, searching for that much sought after light switch… and now have found the light and owe everything to Christ… to let people know that only because of Him we walk in the light due to seeing a light cast on our sin and realizing that we stand in dangerous chaos, in murky darkness… and that only by following Christ can we be saved.


When were driving down a dark, unfamiliar road the first thing we think of needing is… light. We desperately need light to find our way, to see ahead, to know where we are headed. But left without light that is impossible… left to our own devices to muddle our way along, we are on treacherous roads… we may skid out, we may hit a bump and go off the road completely… but with light we can see… and we know where we are headed… the gospel itself is light and light always gives…

COMFORT.

No matter how good you are, how skilled at driving in the dark, you won't make it alone. But light… the word of God… Jesus Christ, our Savior who came to cast light on our sin, make us aware, convict us of wrong doings and then ask us to repent… for us to receive His forgiveness and give us much needed comfort…

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord.

 “They are plans for good and not for disaster,

 to give you a future and a hope.

 God promises good things 

for us and one includes comfort. 

It was in the aftermath of losing my sister to a drunk driver that brought me face to face with the realization that I desperately not just needed God because I was hurting... because I was crying out in despair and pain… and NEEDED HIS COMFORT… but that for once in my life… for the very first time, I WANTED to have a RELATIONSHIP with Him.

It was small moments here and there… like bright spots of sunlight that peek through a wood fence on a sunny day, spots of light shining in and you're so incredibly happy and relieved to feel that sunshine on your skin… on your face. Because those beams of light represent something called hope.

Sometimes the people in our life are like light… like sparkly fireflies they happily offer help and are like bright spots of light through the darkness... to the eternal beacon of hope, healing, and comfort... our Savior. In the weeks, months following my sister's death I was enveloped in darkness; comparable to a black duvet, I was curled up in a cocoon of pain, of loss and hurt… crying out to God "Why??!!" and yet clinging to Him… because I realized just needing wasn't enough anymore… but wanting to be near Him.


A friend I've known forever suggested we go to Mardel, a Christian store and look around. I'd never been to Mardel and didn't really know what to expect. As she led the way through the books and gifts, we finally came upon the music section. As she selected a couple of cd's she was going to purchase I browsed the music… my curiosity was there but I had never listened to Christian music in my life. My life had been an ongoing playlist of AC/DC, Metallica, Gun's N' Roses, Pantera, Audioslave, Ozzy Osbourne, Rage Against The Machine, Sneaker Pimps, Kidd Rock, Limp Bizkit, Alice In Chains,  NIN, Dr. Dre, Notorious BIG, 50 Cent and more… a playlist that was less than soothing but instead reflected the angry, the boxed in and the sinful flesh. Feeling completely out of my comfort zone… not certain what to choose I finally asked her for some recommendations. Narrowing it down to MercyMe I would soon find it was the perfect choice. Playing "My Heart Will Fly" until I nearly wore out the cd was soothing and before I knew it I was channel surfing and stumbled upon Joyce Meyer late one night… soon followed reading Heaven Is For Real by Todd Burpo… these tiny steps in the aftermath of losing my sister brought me along a path that was begun by my friend suggesting Mardel one day. Just one moment led to a series of moments. A few years later when I had her on the phone one afternoon I said:

 "I just want to thank you." I told her… " For what?" she asked. "For taking me to Mardel that day. For suggesting it. Because of you, of that cd I bought... it led me to other things… to watching Joyce Meyer, to reading books to finally picking up the bible and having a relationship with God. " 

There was shocked silence on the other end… and I seriously thought she'd fainted. Finally she spoke "I'm so glad, Jennifer. I've been praying for this for a long time… for years. I kept wanting this! I kept hoping… but you were so stubborn!" she laughed and I laughed too. Oh, yes, she was so, so, so right. And God knew this too. And I was so, so, so incredibly blessed by God. Thank God for her and all my friends.


Never, never, never give up that your friends will never know Jesus. You may step back from time to time in admitted frustration… you might question if your persistence (and loving patience) will really make a difference... but always pray, still reach out and know that there is still that chance, that hope that yes, the light will penetrate their black cocoon they are in… that it will cast into that dark inky hallway they are pacing like a caged animal, like a slave to their sins…. know that each and every one of us are capable of being a light to others too.

Ephesians 5:8 ESV

For at one time you were darkness, 

but now you are light in the Lord. 

Walk as children of light. 

What a gift we are given by God… to be a light to others in this life and share the good news of the Gospel… to share our own story and let others know the only reason we made it through those trials, through those dark times and emerged from that cocoon bathed in glorious light...

Is because of His unconditional love for us… 

And sometimes we find friends who love us like that too. 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

To My Readers:

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing!

Related Posts: 

Anxiety, Panic & Entrapment: Facing Our Fears Head On With God

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/06/anxiety-panic-entrapment-facing-our.html

Equating Easier With Better 

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/03/equating-easier-with-better.html

When All You Have Is A Prayer

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2012/12/when-all-you-have-is-prayer.html