A Father Impacts His Daughter's View Of God: 5 Tips For Dads

“Approve Reject Computer Keys” by Stuart Miles via FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

Fathers and Daughters

Fathers, do you have any idea the amount of power you play in your daughter's life?

Your power for the positive or negative is huge.

Daughters want to view their fathers as protectors, providers, leaders, 

competent, trustworthy and moral. 

DAUGHTERS SEEK APPROVAL 

AND ACCEPTANCE FROM THEIR DADS

It is imperative that fathers are setting the example that their daughters so desperately need in order to thrive in life… in all areas; emotionally and socially. A father is the first man a girl has in her life so it's incredibly important that she is able to connect well with him, to be capable of trusting him and see him as strong in good values and decision making. There is certainly no relationship more vital than the one that sets the foundation between father and daughter… as it sets the tone for her relationship with all other men in her life… future husband included if she marries.


Can she trust her father? 

Well, that depends… is he making choices that deem him trustworthy? If he's attending church regularly, if he's actively following Christ, if he's leading the family in prayer, if he's taking the time to connect with his children, if he's balancing work with down time, if he's not speeding, not drinking to excess, not lying, etc… if he's making morally sound decisions on a daily basis… she will come to find with time that yes, his actions match his words and he can be trusted. However, if he's practicing road rage, flying off the handle at his family, drinking, cheating, lying, working all the time, being emotionally, verbally and or physically abusive… he will show his daughter bit by bit that he cannot be trusted… that his words are meaningless… that when he speaks everyone might as well drown him out with deaf ears because anything he utters is a lie.

Eventually if he proves over time he is not capable of leadership, of morally sound actions, his daughter will pull away. She won't feel safe. She won't respect him. She will find herself feeling derision toward him each and every time he proves once again he's merely a sham.

******************

March 2015 

names have been omitted in this post 

I set my keys and the warm pizza box on the kitchen counter along with an aluminum foil container.

"Grab a fork and an extra plate and I'll split this Fettuccine Alfredo with you, sweet pea." I told my daughter as I grabbed a stack of white napkins from the wicker basket atop the counter.

"Okay!' She said and scampered to the utensil drawer. I quickly began assembling everything we needed on the wood coffee table in the den including two glasses of water. She pulled up a couple ottomans and after we sat down I opened the pizza box.

"Oh, yum! I want pizza too!" She said and I swiftly set a large cheesy slice of pepperoni pizza on her plate beside her pasta.  "Thank you for dinner, Mommy." She said and added "And thank you for having them add chicken to the fettuccine. It's way yummier."

"Yeah, it is!" I replied with a grin "You're welcome. I love Joe's Pasta and Pizza." I smiled at her. It was the perfect cozy night at home with her, eating Italian to go and spending time together.

As we talked she said "So… guess what? Daddy… he told me that God is not my Daddy."

I stopped mid-chew and looked at her "What?"

"Yeah… I told Daddy that he's my dad and that God is too. But Daddy told me that God is not my dad, just he is." She told me.

Silence. I was getting pretty fed up with having to clean up the messes he continued to make.

A FATHER IMPACTS HOW A CHILD SEES GOD

“Family With Two Children” by Ambro 

via FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

  A GODLY MAN IS HUMBLE AND KNOWS THAT ULTIMATELY GOD IS IN CHARGE. HE IS A LEADER IN THE HOME FOR CHRIST. HE IS BOTH SERVANT AND WARRIOR FOR GOOD ON EARTH.

Finally I spoke "That's not true. God is your Daddy… God is our Heavenly Father. If you're a believer you believe God is your dad and he sent his only son Jesus Christ to earth to die for our sins. God was Christ in the flesh. Daddy is your father but he's your earthly father."

She picked the chicken out of her fettuccine eating it first then starting on the pasta. "Oh… so he lied. Again. Why did he tell me that?" She pondered aloud. "I guess if he doesn't think God is my dad then he thinks he isn't his either." She spun fettuccine on her fork "If he doesn't believe God is our father then maybe he doesn't believe in God at all." She said. I watched the pasta swirl on her small fork and I sighed.

"I don't know." I replied then added "But I do know that you have every right to believe in God and what the bible tells you." I told her.

******************

In John 14:9-10 Jesus said, "Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work."

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2015

5 Thing's For Father's To Tell Their Daughters:

1. You are wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139:14)
2. You are loved and accepted (Romans 15:7)
3. You are God's daughter (2 Corinthians 6:18)
4. Christ died for you (John 3:16) 
5. Forgiveness and grace are for you and others (2 Corinthians 12:9) 

RELATED POSTS: 

Husbands: Loving God's Daughter

Girl's & Life: Everyday We Have A Choice

How To Be A Good Father: 7 Tips

Your Heart: Guard It, Yes, But Still Love

Decades ago we were told by the "experts" that eating eggs too often would leave us with possible health risks in the long run… resulting in high cholesterol for one which can potentially lead to an increased risk of heart attack or stroke. Now we are encouraged to eat eggs, as they've now been touted as healthy. Some would say perhaps we just need to look to moderation when it comes to any food… whether it's chocolate or salad were consuming. And yet on some level, you name it and we've been proved that what we once firmly believed about eggs has now been proven incorrect.


It's not any different than being single and childless and witnessing a screaming child in a store just a few feet away… and not understanding why on earth the parent can't seem to get the child under control and happy… "spanking or cookie, maybe?" Then a few years down the road once that same person becomes a parent themselves and are standing before their own screaming over-stimulated child in the midst of Target they cringe at the memory of that moment… "Oh, jeez…" they think to themselves... they bite their lip wishing they could disappear into the floor from embarrassment. They have now been shown that no matter how many goofy faces they make, pleading and prayers to above, bribes of lollipops or just plain old threats of "if you don't cut out that screaming right now, no PBS kids this afternoon!" they make… they realize they (just like that parent years ago they witnessed and yes, possibly judged) are not a "bad" parent… they are just human like everyone else… as their kid is too. They have been proved wrong.


It applies to meeting someone new as well… we may go through a mental summary of things we won't allow in our checklist… no one who has a motorcycle, maybe no one who likes to ski… perhaps no one who is younger or no one who is older. Then we meet said person… and before we know it… were undeniably smitten… and not only wondering if they are too but sitting there thinking to ourselves… well, jeez… I always said I wouldn't date someone with a motorcycle… or maybe it's not being willing to date someone who likes to eat sushi or even someone older, or even younger… and yet there you stand… you may feel blindsided by a mac truck driven by cupid and stunned… because you realize just like the eggs… just like the screaming child on aisle 5… and just like the guy you're undeniably attracted to… you've been proven wrong… (sigh) yet again…


Whether it's the newest fad diet that has proved to be a flash in the pan or you've realized that potentially dating someone who does not fit your typical criteria however well intentioned… it's irrelevant now due to the plain and simple fact you like them thus far… it's okay to be proven wrong… it's okay to say "Well, I sure wasn't right about this or that… go figure!" We don't have to slip into stubborn rigid ways… and cling to old ideals… instead we can admit to ourselves that our perspective has changed and maybe that's not such a bad thing. Life is about change… about embracing it… and maybe we've come to realize that in some ways we've been too rigid in what we want… or for some in what we think we want. If either of those are the case… it's okay to look ourselves in the mirror and admit we were hasty or even just plain wrong… at least in this case… we may realize life has a funny way of creeping up on us when we least expect it and giving us a surprise.


No one likes rejection, for sure… no one wants to feel as though they have been pushed aside or snubbed. After a relationship ending or a divorce we may naturally feel a little fragile… we may all have "handle with care" wrapped around our hearts… we may be a bit hesitant or unsure of our footing as we walk this new path… we may question if we will ever find a "safe spot" with another human being… but one lesson I have learned is… even if you are rejected, or feeling rejected, or not even sure… even if your advances, interest, your calls, your inflections, your glances, your texts, your whatever are not acknowledged or even sent packing… at least you will know you tried. After not speaking up in the past… my lesson has been learned… it's always better to live with "Okay, I tried" than "What if I had tried?" Because "Okay, I tried" means maybe disappointment and hurt from someone else. But "What if I had tried?" is you disappointed at yourself… loathing yourself, kicking yourself because dang it… you didn't speak up… and now you're left with regret, wondering… and that has the ability to eat you alive. We can deal with disappointment from someone else… even eventually move on… but disappointment at ourselves? That can become all consuming and detrimental to our very fiber.


So, yes… guard your heart… guard it in the attitudes you hold, guard against being so worried that love might backfire for you this time that you don't even try… that you don't even bother… guard against becoming jaded, guard against throwing your hands up and thinking to yourself "why even bother?" Guard against allowing your heart to harden from the past hurts where love was perhaps spoken of but not ever shown… guard against walking right into the evil one's path where you know you shouldn't be… where sociopaths, pigs, married men, married women and sexual predators prowl like hungry wolves for any supply they can get on the side because their marriages are falling into disrepair and they won't choose divorce or marriage but just themselves… guard against allowing yourself, your heart from becoming hooked to these dark types… guard yourself from knowingly entering anything you know to be wrong in the eyes of God.


Walk in light, walk in love… be open to that new season, that new chapter, to love, to new beginnings… be open in your words, your body language and your smile… do not fear… because you may get a little hurt, yes… you may take a chance on love, a risk, but at the end of the day… you aren't going home to no one… you aren't crying into your pillow solo… you aren't going to rest your head in sleepy slumber without hope and love still in your soul… because Jesus is there… you're already complete as His scarred hands brush your hair and wipe your tears… because you have Him.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014

I hear the Lord saying, “Come into the abundance of My love. Do not believe the lies of the enemy, for they will steal from you the promises that I have made. Come fully into My love. Allow Me to lead you and guide you in this season. Allow Me to be one with you. Allow Me to show you that you can prosper and that you can live every day of your life in victory. Allow Me to bring you to that place of peace, in Me, and all things will then work together for your good. Live under the rule of My kingdom in absolute love, joy, peace and unity with Me.”

… excerpt from "Come Into The Abundance of My Love" @ godsgracefulness.com

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

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Saying Goodbye To Your Ex And "Yes" To Love Again 

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Loving Her As God Would Want Him To

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Your Daughter's Bestie: 5 Signs Of A Great One

The Bestie.

The pinky promises.

The friendship bracelets.

The endless photos.

The shared dress up clothes.

The pajama parties.

The inside jokes.

When your little girl announces she has a best friend you are naturally going to be excited for her. Maybe you reminisce about your first best friend… maybe years later she's still your best friend. There are many wonderful things about having a bestie, no doubt. There are endless pluses to your daughter having a close friend to share special experiences and to make memories with she will fondly look back on one day.

As a mother you want the best for your daughter and that includes friendships that are healthy for her. One great thing about your daughter having a bestie is that she will not only learn so much about her friend but also herself.

The Importance Of Sharing… 
It's important that your daughter and her bestie share the spotlight. They should be able to take turns in allowing each other to shine and one not taking over. It's important they encourage turn taking whether it be at playing games, playing dress up (choosing to be a princess versus wicked witch) or even just alternating playing with the only scooter on a playdate.


The Reality Of Rejection… and Conversation Starters
Keeping your communication open with your daughter about her friendship is so important… it's vital she has a soft place to go to (you) with any issues that rise up that are drama related. Perhaps there is a third girl at school that your daughter's bestie is talking to about her… then she gets wind of it. Or maybe she attempts to play hopscotch with her bestie and a third girl on the school playground… only to be shunned suddenly by her best friend. These types of scenarios teach your daughter that exclusion hurts… very much so and that the golden rule do unto others as you would want them to do unto you still very much applies even today. To feel rejected by her peers is devastating… especially at a young age. If your daughter is repeatedly being rejected by her so called bestie… it may be time for her to re-evaluate her friendship. There might be a conversation needed where you encourage her to think on her own… to prompt her evaluation of the situation. You can begin that process by asking her these questions:


1. How does it make you feel when she does that?
2. Would you do that to someone? 
How would it make you feel knowing you did?
3. What does a best friend look like to you? How does she behave?
4. If a best friend does something mean should she say she's sorry?
5. If she says she's sorry how would you expect her behavior to change?


The Ugliness Of Betrayal… and Importance Of Loyalty
A bestie who talks about your daughter behind her back is not behaving as a best friend should. This is an important opportunity to discuss the meaning of betrayal and let your daughter not only express her feelings about the situation but explore what betrayal by a friend means specifically to her. This is a great time to discuss with your daughter the importance of loyalty… not being two-faced and to set healthy boundaries. It may be good for your daughter to realize that confrontation doesn't have to be a bad thing… she can confront her friend regarding her gossiping, listen to her response and state her feelings. It's important that we teach our daughters that to confront is not mean but instead the route we take doing it is what really matters. It also can be a chance to realize we may go about it wrong but in that we can also try to make things right. Ultimately as moms we can teach our daughters that we don't have to take or put up with just anything thrown our way… we always have a choice… we can choose.


Self Esteem... Up Or Down?
If your daughter's self esteem seems to have taken a nose dive during the course of her friendship… it may be time to look at the words her friend uses. Are they uplifting? Are they kind? Are they encouraging? Is her bestie's behavior dismissive? Hurtful? Excluding? Using? Discouraging? If your daughter is feeling left out, if words are making her feel criticized or self conscious and to turn inward… if she's doing the brunt of the school work on a project they are supposed to do jointly… if she's showing anxiety about going to school or withdrawing socially… it may be time to take a long hard look at her friendship.


Encouragement and Love… 
When we encourage our daughters to be brave… to ask for what they need in relationships… to state what they expect… to draw the line at behaviors that should not continue… when we model healthy boundaries ourselves and remind her that God doesn't expect her to be a doormat… He doesn't expect her to roll over and be treated poorly… that it is permissible and even okay(!) for her to learn to stand up for herself in a calm respectful manner… then we know as moms we have reminded her that she is worthy, she is dearly loved for who she is… and most of all by God.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

5 Signs She's A Great Bestie: 

1. She loves you for you 

2. She believes in you

3. She treats others with kindness 

4. She gives not just takes

5. She is trustworthy

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. 

It has no survival value; 

rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.

-  C. S. Lewis

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commenting and sharing! 

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Women: Proverbs 31 Or Sexy Hot? 

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Father's: Shepherding His {Black} Sheep

Father's and Leadership 


Father's have authority over their children just as God does over all of us. Father's, as like God, are not equals to their children and hold a position of leadership over them. However, with that leadership comes the responsibility of leading with loving discipline, not iron clad control.

There is a huge difference between loving leadership & rigid control.

Leadership brings.... love, listening & talking, character,& wisdom, stability, protection, respect and calm strength.

Control brings....rigidity, preaching, condemnation, 

scapegoating, disrespect, detachment and a temper.

Be assured that as a father you hold enormous power for good or bad. Especially in regards to your children. Father's have the ability to receive their children's respect or lose it.


If as a father you lose your child's respect, you risk alienating your child long term or having a relationship with them at arm's length. Because even if they forgive you (which hopefully they will) for whatever the long lasting ramifications are from your estranged relationship they may keep their distance and guard their heart so as not to risk any further hurt induced by you.


There are many ways to lose your child's respect which can range from failing to look out for them, scapegoating them for all the problems that have arisen from your failures in parenting, lying to them,  treating your spouse (their mother) badly and many more.


When father's scapegoat and use one of their children as the "problem" for all the issues in a family they contribute to their child who is the black sheep to have contentious relationships with their siblings. Some level of competitiveness is always there between the healthiest of sibling relationships but when one child is pegged the "black sheep", one child is deemed the favored "golden child" and another is just tolerated with apathy it deeply affects the family dynamics.


If you paint your daughter as a "black sheep", as a father you are walking a very dangerous path. Because when you do this you are not providing for her needs. In fact, you are contributing to setting her up to find someone who WILL meet her needs. Hence the unhealthy cycle continues.


As a father it's crucial you talk with your daughter about God, men, relationships, boundaries, respect, drinking, drugs, sex and limits. Ask her what she sees for her future, ask her what her greatest achievement thus far has been, ask her what she wants to accomplishment one day. All these questions open the door for more in depth conversations so you can develop the bond with her that is so important. Ask her what she sees herself doing career wise one day. Ask her how she would change the world if given the opportunity and what speaks to her heart.

Ask her questions versus just talking AT HER...

There is a huge difference between listening and having a discussion and just preaching at her. Your questions are always appreciated. She wants to be heard. Find out what is going on in her head, what she's thinking about instead of just projecting what you deem right for her and walking away believing your job is done.


Encourage her to use her God-given talents and intelligence to further the world in some beneficial way such as in medicine, science, teaching, art, music, design, etc. Let her know that she is a valuable asset to this world and God can use her to do great things. Yes, she can become a wife and mom, but remind her it's vital for her to be prepared to potentially have a career of her own in the case she doesn't marry or even divorces. Let her know whatever path she may choose, God and yourself are there to guide her and neither of you will ever reject her.



When I left home at seventeen I had for years felt rejected by my father. The rare car rides I had with him during my childhood were filled with awkward silence. Once, I, like my siblings, had reached the age past around five or six, he didn't know what to do with us. The little girl he had chased all over the house on all fours like a bear leaving her shrieking with glee was now a distant stranger. He didn't know what to say, what to talk about or how to interact. It leaves you feeling rejected and questioning whether it's really you. The day I returned home from being gone and walked up to that front door my dad clutched me and hugged me like no tomorrow. His muffled "I love you" was the first one I'd heard since around the age of six. I'll never forget that single "I love you". I erronously believed his lack of love shown reflected God's lacking love for me also. It wasn't until years later I learned he never looked for me. My mother and grandmother contacted the police, drove all over town searching for me, put up fliers at the local high school asking for help, hired a private detective and more. My father was busy working and "couldn't take the time" to join in the search for me. I had left and yet it added insult to injury to know he at the end of the day didn't care. His focus of how I had "embarrassed" him overshadowed any love. It wasn't until after I was back that his control worsened and I was pegged the "black sheep" and the cause for any future issues for years down the road that arose in the family.... despite a professional telling him his behavior was the kick start to any family issues. 

What a father does matters. 

Leading as a father takes faith, love, strength, humility, respect, stability and protection for your children. A child's perception of their father will in turn be whatever their perception of God is. If their perception is less than stellar or even seriously lacking this will no doubt in turn affect their view of what God is like.


Daughters can remind themselves that no matter what their father did or didn't do, no matter how much he may have lacked in his role, God is there to lead you and like a sheep will guide you when you stray. We don't have to question His love, we don't have to accept someone's negative labels. We can know our great value to God, His constant love and that He will always search for us and bring us home.

We are the sheep, the Lord is our Shepherd and His love for us is greater than anyone's.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing! 

Life: Tôi quan tâm

“Driving In Car In Fall” by digidreamgrafix via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

1994

some names have been changed

*********************

Bao drove along the dark streets now slick from an earlier drizzle, the bright intermittent halos of street lights casting intervals of light on his face. I settled into the deep low passenger seat on the brink of sleep, cushioned in the scent of his cigarettes, hair gel and black leather jacket wedged between us. We weren't dating, we weren't together. But we were friends and he had taken me under his wing while gone. He had been fiercely loyal to me and expected nothing. I felt safe with him despite the threat of the constant unknown considering the circumstances. The custom sound system played The Power Of Love by Celine Dion and the music swelled throughout the tiny Supra. I saw his cigarette burn marks along his foreman and back of his hand. I had asked Bao about them but he'd briskly yet gently brushed me off. People question why a young person would join a gang or just live with a gang however temporarily. Granted, every individual, situation and reason is unique but there is always commonality. 

Belonging 

Being part of a group. Belonging to something, to someone. There is something seriously lacking and a need that needs to be filled. Each story is different but the overall themes are often strikingly similar....

Absentee dads, rejection, low esteem, shame, etc. Magnify these things by a thousand and you have a lack of hope. Lack of care. Lack of light. However misguided and sinful the outcome is related to theft, drugs, chop shops, prostitution, etc... The initial intentions are to feel a sense of belonging within a group, something so many of these young people lack in their lives. 

Like Bao's cigarette burns... whether we self inflict pain or inflict pain on others, all pain begins with our attitude regarding care. How many times have we all been guilty of this? 

"Tôi không quan tâm"  =  "I don't care." 

Which translates to "I will do whatever I want." 

Which leads to...

Not caring who we hurt and their feelings

Not caring about our actions and the consequences of them

Not caring about what God cares about 

Not caring in the future or hope in God's plans

We don't have to be guilty of being in or associated with a gang to walk in this attitude. In fact, we are all susceptible to walking in this negative manner. All of this is due to our human flesh and stubborn sinful ways. It goes back to a prideful self-focused attitude of "Me, Me, Me" and whatever serves us. Which is the opposite of humbleness and God. 

We can self examine our attitudes and behavior on a regular basis in our lives to determine whether we are staying in an "I care" walk in our life or taking an "I don't care" mentality. " I don't care" puts us in darkness. "I care" puts us in God's light.

Instead we can choose to say "tôi quan tâm"
 Which translates to "I care." 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013

Cast all your care upon Him, 
for He cares for you.
 - 1 Peter 5:7

To My Readers: 

thanks for reading & sharing!