Praying For The Narcissistic Sociopath

One of the most, if not the most viewed posts I've written is: Is He A Narcissistic Sociopath? 20 Signs That post has had so many views I find myself cringing if this is not a reflection of where the world is… leaving me to bewilderingly wonder if indeed narcissistic sociopaths are becoming the majority and those who are high on empathy are being emotionally annihilated faster than we can all count to twenty. But… joking aside, this post is an important one.

The other day as I was replying to a few comments on that post I typed in so many words that… "narcissistic sociopaths cannot be helped, that they cannot change". Since that time I've felt a tugging conviction and I believe that is where this post is coming from. Some may not like this post… some may not like what I have to say and respond with harshness… but I believe this is something that needs to be said.

What I typed needs clarification.

A person may not be able to help a narcissistic sociopath change.
A therapist may not be able to help a narcissistic sociopath change.

But someone can help them.

God. 

If God cannot help a narcissistic sociopath change, if He cannot help he or she in ways that only He can… if He cannot SAVE them… then how on earth can He help us either?

It would be putting a limit on God saying He cannot help a narcissistic sociopath.

My saying "Joe" or "Susie Q" etc or "a highly qualified therapist" cannot help a narcissistic sociopath may certainly hold true…  however, God being incapable to help he or she who is broken?... I cannot say that. That's the difference. This is a post that has been a long time coming and in that I don't want any reader to believe for a minute that the tortuous pain, grief and manipulation they have been through… many of them years on end (myself included) is okay, permissible, etc… because it's not okay. I believe in distance, "no contact" and setting boundaries between a narcissistic sociopath and their target… it is essential for health and healing. At the same time… it is worth writing this post to point out that at no time can we say God can not save a narcissistic sociopath… that is entirely up to Him.

Narcissistic behavior is the stark polar opposite of the Christian faith… it only stands to reason to believe that when their core traits are those of manipulation, lying, image seeking, supply to feed themselves, etc that they won't go to God and admit their brokenness, their faults, failures, sin. Whereas the Christian faith is one of repentance… crying out to God seeking Him, His grace, favor, His forgiveness because we know we need it.

As children we may go through hurts, loss, pain and dysfunction as we live under the same roof of our families. We may endure horrific physical, sexual, verbal and emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissistic parent… some flee from their childhood homes unscathed minus many or a few scars and some unfortunately end up modeling after their narcissistic parent… embodying what they grew up with… they are sadly never able to seemingly find that acceptance, that love, that peace that they so desperately desired growing up… leading them to feeling inadequate, unlovable, abandoned. Whereas others may have found eventual healing from within from the unconditional love of Jesus… a wounded child with a broken heart that grows into a narcissistic adult may struggle believing that Christ truly loves he or she. But it's true… He loves and He wants to heal you… He didn't sit down and draw straws on who He was going to die for… the narcissist, a sinner, a broken individual is included.

New International Version

"The King will reply,

 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these

 brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'

Being a Christian is reflecting God's love for others… even when they are less than lovely… when we walk a path of care and let God's love pour out abundantly without restrictions, without limitations, without a choosing of who to give it to… this true love comes from God. Knowing Christ died for us on the cross long ago… way before we were even the apple of our mother's eye enables us to express love, mercy and prayer to others regardless of our all-human fickle feelings and our wondering if it will be returned. We can remember we don't have to get worked up about what the "other person"aka the narcissistic sociopath (or anyone, really) is going to do, what they are thinking, etc… we can just extend love even if it's from a distance.

And this is my prayer: 
that your love may abound more and more…

Philippians 1:9

In going to God and praying for a narcissistic sociopath we can humbly relay our concerns about the individuals behavior, about the damage they have done…. and then let it rest… trust that He will take care of it as He sees fit… we must not boss God around and state that He must get this person under control (!) tempting as that may be… (guilty here on a few occasions in the depths of frustration). He doesn't take orders from us whether our life is all sweet as pie at the moment or down in the dumps. But He does want us to pray… which we can do… pray to Him about what is causing us pain, what the person has done to hurt us or inflict chaos… we can go to Him and ask for comfort which He will readily give us… after that, the rest is up to Him.

Anyone who has lived a life either under the iron clad grasp of a narcissistic parent or has been married to one… even worked for one, etc… knows firsthand that life with them isn't easy… stress, anxiety, walking on eggshells, abuse and tears are rampant… and support is needed… at minimum distance or preferably "no contact" is needed and affirmation that you are not alone as well… that's why I've written so many posts on divorce, co-parenting and child custody related to narcissistic sociopaths… because knowing you're not alone is the very first step toward recovery from these toxic relationships… not to mention sharing the red flags of their manipulation we can hopefully prevent many other's become unwitting targets by becoming educated about the behavior. But in the pain we've experienced from a narcissistic sociopath (personality disordered individual) … when we go to God and ask for comfort, when we ask for help, when we ask for Him to wipe away our tears… let's also humbly pray to God not just for the oppressed... but for our oppressors.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

Malachi 3:5 
I will draw near to you for judgment, 
and I will be swift to bear witness against
 the sorcerers, adulterers, and perjurers, 
those who defraud the hired man of his wages, 
against those who defraud widows and orphans; 
those who turn aside the stranger, 
and those who do not fear me, says the LORD of hosts.


New International Version
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you


“The church is not a select circle of the immaculate,
 but a home where the outcast may come in. 
It is not a palace with gate attendants and challenging sentinels 
along the entrance-ways holding off at arm’s-length the stranger, 
but rather a hospital where the broken-hearted may be healed,
 and where all the weary and troubled 
may find rest and take counsel together.”
 ~ James H. Aughey                                            

                          

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts:

You Are Not Your Parents Choices: 5 Tips For All Parents

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/11/you-are-not-your-parents-choices-5-tips.html

Confronting The "Other Woman"

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/08/confronting-woman.html

Abused Wives: An Open Letter To Pastors

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/04/abused-wives-open-letter-to-pastors.html

Your Heart: Guard It, Yes, But Still Love

Decades ago we were told by the "experts" that eating eggs too often would leave us with possible health risks in the long run… resulting in high cholesterol for one which can potentially lead to an increased risk of heart attack or stroke. Now we are encouraged to eat eggs, as they've now been touted as healthy. Some would say perhaps we just need to look to moderation when it comes to any food… whether it's chocolate or salad were consuming. And yet on some level, you name it and we've been proved that what we once firmly believed about eggs has now been proven incorrect.


It's not any different than being single and childless and witnessing a screaming child in a store just a few feet away… and not understanding why on earth the parent can't seem to get the child under control and happy… "spanking or cookie, maybe?" Then a few years down the road once that same person becomes a parent themselves and are standing before their own screaming over-stimulated child in the midst of Target they cringe at the memory of that moment… "Oh, jeez…" they think to themselves... they bite their lip wishing they could disappear into the floor from embarrassment. They have now been shown that no matter how many goofy faces they make, pleading and prayers to above, bribes of lollipops or just plain old threats of "if you don't cut out that screaming right now, no PBS kids this afternoon!" they make… they realize they (just like that parent years ago they witnessed and yes, possibly judged) are not a "bad" parent… they are just human like everyone else… as their kid is too. They have been proved wrong.


It applies to meeting someone new as well… we may go through a mental summary of things we won't allow in our checklist… no one who has a motorcycle, maybe no one who likes to ski… perhaps no one who is younger or no one who is older. Then we meet said person… and before we know it… were undeniably smitten… and not only wondering if they are too but sitting there thinking to ourselves… well, jeez… I always said I wouldn't date someone with a motorcycle… or maybe it's not being willing to date someone who likes to eat sushi or even someone older, or even younger… and yet there you stand… you may feel blindsided by a mac truck driven by cupid and stunned… because you realize just like the eggs… just like the screaming child on aisle 5… and just like the guy you're undeniably attracted to… you've been proven wrong… (sigh) yet again…


Whether it's the newest fad diet that has proved to be a flash in the pan or you've realized that potentially dating someone who does not fit your typical criteria however well intentioned… it's irrelevant now due to the plain and simple fact you like them thus far… it's okay to be proven wrong… it's okay to say "Well, I sure wasn't right about this or that… go figure!" We don't have to slip into stubborn rigid ways… and cling to old ideals… instead we can admit to ourselves that our perspective has changed and maybe that's not such a bad thing. Life is about change… about embracing it… and maybe we've come to realize that in some ways we've been too rigid in what we want… or for some in what we think we want. If either of those are the case… it's okay to look ourselves in the mirror and admit we were hasty or even just plain wrong… at least in this case… we may realize life has a funny way of creeping up on us when we least expect it and giving us a surprise.


No one likes rejection, for sure… no one wants to feel as though they have been pushed aside or snubbed. After a relationship ending or a divorce we may naturally feel a little fragile… we may all have "handle with care" wrapped around our hearts… we may be a bit hesitant or unsure of our footing as we walk this new path… we may question if we will ever find a "safe spot" with another human being… but one lesson I have learned is… even if you are rejected, or feeling rejected, or not even sure… even if your advances, interest, your calls, your inflections, your glances, your texts, your whatever are not acknowledged or even sent packing… at least you will know you tried. After not speaking up in the past… my lesson has been learned… it's always better to live with "Okay, I tried" than "What if I had tried?" Because "Okay, I tried" means maybe disappointment and hurt from someone else. But "What if I had tried?" is you disappointed at yourself… loathing yourself, kicking yourself because dang it… you didn't speak up… and now you're left with regret, wondering… and that has the ability to eat you alive. We can deal with disappointment from someone else… even eventually move on… but disappointment at ourselves? That can become all consuming and detrimental to our very fiber.


So, yes… guard your heart… guard it in the attitudes you hold, guard against being so worried that love might backfire for you this time that you don't even try… that you don't even bother… guard against becoming jaded, guard against throwing your hands up and thinking to yourself "why even bother?" Guard against allowing your heart to harden from the past hurts where love was perhaps spoken of but not ever shown… guard against walking right into the evil one's path where you know you shouldn't be… where sociopaths, pigs, married men, married women and sexual predators prowl like hungry wolves for any supply they can get on the side because their marriages are falling into disrepair and they won't choose divorce or marriage but just themselves… guard against allowing yourself, your heart from becoming hooked to these dark types… guard yourself from knowingly entering anything you know to be wrong in the eyes of God.


Walk in light, walk in love… be open to that new season, that new chapter, to love, to new beginnings… be open in your words, your body language and your smile… do not fear… because you may get a little hurt, yes… you may take a chance on love, a risk, but at the end of the day… you aren't going home to no one… you aren't crying into your pillow solo… you aren't going to rest your head in sleepy slumber without hope and love still in your soul… because Jesus is there… you're already complete as His scarred hands brush your hair and wipe your tears… because you have Him.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014

I hear the Lord saying, “Come into the abundance of My love. Do not believe the lies of the enemy, for they will steal from you the promises that I have made. Come fully into My love. Allow Me to lead you and guide you in this season. Allow Me to be one with you. Allow Me to show you that you can prosper and that you can live every day of your life in victory. Allow Me to bring you to that place of peace, in Me, and all things will then work together for your good. Live under the rule of My kingdom in absolute love, joy, peace and unity with Me.”

… excerpt from "Come Into The Abundance of My Love" @ godsgracefulness.com

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts: 

Saying Goodbye To Your Ex And "Yes" To Love Again 

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/09/saying-goodbye-to-your-ex-to-love-again.html

Loving Her As God Would Want Him To

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/09/loving-her-as-god-would-want-him-to.html

Divorced? For The Single Man Or Woman: My Hope For You 

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/06/divorced-for-single-man-or-woman-my.html

Dear Friend: A Letter Of Love To You

Dear Friend…


Maybe you have been brought down… at least temporarily… perhaps by a life circumstance, maybe by a person whose actions are comparable to a punch with gloves off… but fret not… let a few tears escape… lay on the cold hard floor and bite your lip till it nearly bleeds… lie there listening to nothing but your heart beating in the quiet surrounding you… and take a deep breath… deep breaths… let your stomach rise and fall… let your core and back relax… let it all go… and then after you've allowed yourself that momentary time of prayer and a rejuvenation of strength and strong will… you will leap upward again… you will spring forward like an arrow forced into the wind and sail along despite any push back… you will continue onward because you've been down before… you've been here in this pit of darkness… and yet you know it's never forever… it's not a destination of "this will never change"… but instead it's "this too shall pass".


Determination and strength from God is what fuels you… takes you far… and as wide as possible… determination is a willingness to change as needed… to go with the flow… keeping an open mind and being able to adapt… because often what causes the initial frustration of an obstacle in life is compounded by the inability or unwillingness to accept it… to embrace it… versus kicking it away and resisting it's presence. That resistance… futile resistance is mere stubbornness… an unwillingness to accept what is… and deal the hand dealt to us… versus fighting or sitting stagnant in our chair, arms crossed and closed off to the new chapter that awaits.

Instead we can free ourselves from that cage… we can be open to new possibilities… what our life now looks like… savor what is wonderful right now… and look to what is coming that holds promise and goodness… we can thank God each and every day for the blessings He lets rain over us… despite our condition as wretchedly human. Or maybe the cage is in our head… maybe it's a voice of limitedness that whispers tauntingly, that deceives and tells you that you aren't capable, you aren't worthy… that you cannot go any further because you feel too whipped by your poor choices in the past or life's hand dealt to you or by others… maybe you feel the injustice of it all… but those whispers are just that… whispers and lies of the evil one… in an attempt to keep you down, miserable and suffering… far away from victory… but freedom can be yours… it only requires telling that negative whisper to hush and go shrivel up to die because you, my friend… are a survivor and thriver.


In any life defeats there is a silver lining… where we have loss we always have gain… where one door shuts another opens… we have the ability to embrace something new, or someone and in that be with someone who makes you laugh… who notices the little things… who energizes you… who when you have doubts they acknowledge that no, you did do that… you did it and well… be with someone who gives you credit… who acknowledges your contribution, your efforts, your interest, your care… be with someone who will be straight with you… who doesn't bs you around… who doesn't make excuses, who doesn't pick and choose, who doesn't stall… who is forthright and gives as well, who shares their life, their thoughts, their history… if they aren't willing to do this or questionable flags rise... walk away... be with whom you can say without hesitation "I appreciate you" or "I'm thinking about you"… be with someone who knows what they have when they are with you, who isn't content with living in a relationship of gray but chooses you and commits… these little things from the heart are like rays of sunshine and create a bright glow even in the darkest day.


At the end of the day no matter what threatens our peace what matters is you are defined as God's beloved daughter or son… not merely who others believe you are as defined by our worldly consumerism of cars, clothes, homes, status, jobs, degrees, alumni, etc… we are not defined by our past, our family or the choices made by others. If we were stripped of all that "makes us worthy" in the eyes of man and each of us wore a t-shirt with all our life pains listed… what would yours say? Divorced? Cancer? Loss? Infidelity? Financial Struggles? Job loss? Alcoholism? Depression? Drug Addiction? … and yet it would also say… loved by God. Much of our happiness comes from knowing God's perspective of us… when we see ourselves as God sees us… whether we are on the floor wanting to melt into it from pure exhaustion feeling defeated by others choices that are out of our control or standing atop a hill in joyous liberating song… when we realize with a deeply planted knowledge that our Lord cares for us and will walk beside us no matter what storms occur, no matter the outcome, we will release the chains and absurdities of life to Him and walk free.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

                         

                             

                             

                             

                             

                            

                   Thank you to my readers for reading, commenting and sharing!

Healing Post Divorce & Beginning Again

fall 2013

names omitted in this post 

*****************

With my left hand gripping the tan leather steering wheel… I maneuvered the curving road with enjoyment... was there nothing better than not being in a hurry and music playing, being able to just fall into a song and let it carry you to your next destination.... the sunroof was open allowing a fall breeze to blow in… trees in changing colors of copper, mustard yellow and radiant red passed by along my route... my long brown hair flew behind me with glints of auburn catching the afternoon sun… the top of my head shining like a crimson irish crown in the rearview mirror. Music… lyrics blasted from the radio and I sang along to the lyrics, taking the curves as they came…

"… listen to the wind blow
       watch the sun rise
       run in the shadows
       damn your love
       damn your lies


       and if you don't love me now
       you will never love me again
       I can still hear you saying
       you would never break the chain…"

~ the chain fleetwood mac


The night before had been emotionally trying… to say the very least. It was a season of just post divorce… and unlike my ex who had upon my filing a year earlier immediately joining a divorce support group at a local church... I hadn't.

Instead, I had diligently attended individual therapy sessions which had been an enormous help in navigating the rocky road of divorce and learning about how incredibly toxic my ex's behavior was. That his behavior wasn't something to be minimized… ours couldn't be chalked up as "just another divorce" like many other's. It couldn't be explained away as two people "who just can't seem to get along" but it was due to controlling, emotionally toxic behavior that was purposeful and punishing on his part. This was someone who consciously chose not to behave with respect and chose to merely win… who you couldn't have a conversation with on the phone because he would merely shut you down with "Jennifer!", who then followed ironically with… "If you'd like to have a discussion about the issue in person we can… otherwise this is what I'm doing" … it left you bewildered… obviously wondering how you could possibly fathom having an actual discussion "in person" when it wasn't possible to communicate properly in the typical give and take healthy folks have on the phone… conversations with him always involved stonewalling and my being interrupted, my feeling belittled, with his agenda being spewed full force like venom from a monster… and it understandably left you so exasperated that you weren't really sure if you wanted to beat the phone, him or your own head against the wall out of complete and utter frustration.


The previous night I had done something I'd never done… opened up about my divorce in a personal group setting. When the gentleman leading the divorce care group I had attended at a local church turned to me and said "Jennifer… why don't you tell us a little about your story"… I was a little taken aback… I'd been fine with watching the video and filling out the workbook… but talking about it in a group? Really? I hadn't been prepared for that. Faces stared at me expectantly and waited.


"Um… I really didn't think I needed this class" I began… feeling like I'd been in a state of denial on some level... "but watching the video upset me." I admitted and my bottom lip began to do that quivery thing I hate and I tried to bite it to make it stop it already… I knew what was coming behind that quiver and I wanted to stop it… a floodgate of tears that had been kept at bay for over a year. "The thing is… I've only cried like a few times during the divorce. I don't think I realized until I got here tonight how much I needed this. I've been holding most all of it in and just pushing forward."


He nodded and gently asked who I could relate to in the video and I told him… then I briefly explained how I had discovered my ex's infidelity… how I had initially been angry I'd had a husband who wasn't loyal. How his actions had broken up our marriage and yet… really, the truth was, at the end of the day the marriage wasn't healthy anyway. This I knew. That the relationship was comparable to a ticking time bomb. I told him I'd experienced a mix of hurt, anger and yes, even relief at the demise of my marriage and yet as time went on… most of my deep hurt had been buried, pushed deep down, viewed like a high maintenance need no one had time for and I certainly didn't... this was game time, this was hit the deck time, this was me less than gracefully telling myself daily "Get your arse out of bed(!)" and going out each day attempting to make up for lost time in creating a career and financial stability. There was maybe self-focused anger on some level that I'd allowed someone else's life's dreams to over shadow mine. This was "I don't have time for tears... I've got a business to build"... and that was more important than facing (with a box of tissues) what some creep had done that at one time I was married to.

As I explained a bit more of what had led me to where I sat at that moment… I wiped tears from my hot cheeks and he nodded sympathetically. Others murmured in agreement that they too had experienced a similar mix of emotions as well. The woman beside me kindly handed me the tissue box for the third time and our group leader spoke…


"It sounds like your ex believed he could just do what he wished. That he believed you either wouldn't find out or he thought you'd accept it." He told me sadly, dressed in khakis and a burgundy golf shirt… his peppered hair shone under the lights in the room and his kind blue eyes twinkled. I nodded in sad agreement and balled up the wad of damp kleenex in my right fist laying in my lap wishing the tears would stop already... I felt like a snotty three year old girl and it couldn't be even close to pretty.


He began moving around the wide circle and one by one each person told their story… hurts and injustices abounded as well as tissues passed to one another. It was affirming to hear that so many people seemed to have similar emotions and very real fears… one woman spoke of how she was terrified of having to now support herself after many years of marriage, as her husband had been the provider. She kept questioning if she was truly capable of doing it. She was job searching and not having much luck, she admitted… I smiled kindly at her with total and complete understanding... praying encouragement for her, determination and favor to wash over her.


Once making his way back around the circle our group leader spoke of how God was grieving beside each of us in the loss of our marriages… that He would help each of us move forward… bit by bit into the next chapter. He confirmed that by admitting our deepest hurts and true feelings only then could we begin the healing process… because feelings that are pushed aside or squashed only serve to keep us in the past… in that quagmire of suffering. But when we can honestly admit what were experiencing and not feel shame or the need to escape it… but embrace it… then we can break that chain… the cycle of pain and move into the future.


With his eloquent words he assured us that one day we may very well meet someone new… likely when we least expect it… as he himself had… and he was incredibly happy… he praised his wife and spoke of how incredibly blessed he was. He looked over at me and smiled...

"Just take it slow… heal first… and then you'll be ready for someone that will make you realize love is totally possible… and it can be so much better than it ever was before."


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

3 Tips For Healing After Divorce: 

1. Be gentle with yourself: 

Take time to relax, to pamper yourself. 

Read a book, journal, take a bubble bath, listen to relaxing music. Don't over-schedule or hold high expectations of yourself. Life may seem a bit foggy right now… and there may be times you feel frazzled like you can't locate the basic things you need or function as efficiently as you previously had. But your energy is being used to grieve and heal. It's normal to be tired and maybe

fatigued. If fatigue persists, or

sleep issues, even depression,

 see your doctor.

2. Begin a fresh start: 

Painting your home, getting 

started on a new creative project, 

re-organization, volunteering, gardening... as your comfort level increases small changes can be a good thing. This is your new life and whether you're wanting to learn new recipes you've put off way too long or to travel… tiny steps can make a big difference. 

3. Find forgiveness:

Even though you find forgiveness for your ex it also doesn't equate to condoning the poor behavior of his or her actions. Forgiveness cleanses your spirit, brings you peace and calm. It is a process and it can be yours. 

To My Readers; 

Thank you for reading,

commenting and sharing! 

Divorced? For The Single Man or Woman: My Hope For You

If you're divorced… or going through the process… you, like myself have hope for all things new… for beautiful things to happen around the next corner… promises for good and for all the sorrows and pain of yesterday to fade away like an old photograph. If you find yourself struggling, here is my hope for you…

****************

I hope so many things for you… some that may happen today, tomorrow, next week or next year. I hope you know the electricity of meeting someone new again… someone that makes you tingle with excitement and yet you feel at ease with… someone with whom you have an unspoken understanding that lets you know you each just "get each other."


I hope you are willing to open your heart to someone and let them in… to let them curl up and know all the nooks and crannies within… the pain, the beauty, the hurts and the joys. I hope you are willing to let them see your love shine outward… that they see how much love you have to give.


I hope you push your doubts away and know what whatever rules or limitations you've set on love… whatever restrictions of this or that you've found yourself setting or maybe not even realized… know that someone above is ready to prove you wrong… to show that yes, love can be yours and that you don't have to subscribe to a life without someone special to share it with.


I hope you wake up one day to someone's heartbeat against your back… beating in sync to yours… whispered breaths on your ear and a delicate warmth on your neck… I hope for joyful mornings and sweet romantic goodnights… I hope for a satisfying connection of genuine selflessness between you and the one you love.


I hope you will go to sleep each night with a smile on your lips, divine favor washing over you and heavenly dreams as your head rests atop your pillow. I hope you can sleep well knowing that who lies beside you loves you with their whole heart…. their entire body and soul. I hope you can rest knowing you have nothing to fear and your battles are already won.


I hope you will be surrounded with those who remind you that you are lovely, you are brave, you are beautiful and they show you each day how truly irreplaceable you are. All those voices within that have beat you down during this process of change will fall away and be replaced with truths… I am worthy. I am His. My hope is you will be transformed.


I hope that whoever you're with one day knows you like the back of their hand in a world that struggles to know anyone… I hope that you are protected and sought after in a way that's best for you… I hope you are known like the tune of a familiar sweet melody and prayed for without hesitation.


I hope you will forgive the past but not ever forget what it's taught you or what has been done. I hope you can take those lessons and use them to make the next chapter better and brighter than the last.


I hope the person who will one day walk beside you will also walk in truth, in bare vulnerability and grace. I hope they use their power for good… for lifting up not pushing away or hurting.


I hope for strength on the days you want to give up and patience when you want to hurry. I hope you admit when you're wrong, hold back what could wound and share what you love. I hope you have wisdom and rest when life is challenging you beyond your limits.


I hope you remember that God is directing your steps… He is with you the entire way… guiding your path, taking your arm, carrying you when needed… cupping your chin with love when you forget who you are.


I hope you will never forget that love, sweet love is always worth it. Because with love comes the awesome ability to be yourself… to be you. The you that God knows and loves. May I remind you to always always be yourself… never try to hide who you are. There is someone in store for you that will love you for you.


I hope you always see God for who He is… a beacon. A beacon of hope in a fallen, often dark world… beckoning you to Him. He has wonderful things in store for you… fret not… He's here, He knows… and He's listening to the silent song that plays in your heart… one of hurt, maybe betrayal, rejection and  pain… He hears every note and He's ready to play a new one… of sweet, sweet glorious victory.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

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To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Related Posts: 

Finding Comfort In The Divorce Process

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/07/finding-comfort-in-divorce-process.html

Like Fireflies: Being A Light And Sharing Our Story 

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/03/like-fireflies-being-light-sharing-our.html

Sin, Forgiveness And Reconciliation 

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/03/sin-forgiveness-reconciliation.html

Your Children: Do They Know God Is Their Biggest Hero?

I tell my children all the time

 "God loves you."

That sentence is something I never heard growing up. That sentence although now easily rolls off my tongue with strong conviction would have been completely foreign had I heard it growing up. I wouldn't have believed it then. That single simplistic sentence of "God loves you" with so much meaning and weight, grace and power behind it would have stood out as an impostor in my family environment as a child. No one ever uttered the Lord's name the entire length of my childhood nor did we pray before meals or any other time except at Thanksgiving right before digging into my grandmother's turkey, dressing and Watergate salad on her Spode plates.


I often reflect on how different my children's childhood is compared to my own. In some ways they are glaringly different, because as we know society progresses and generations change. My childhood didn't have the technology that is so readily available today. Mine was simpler… hula hoops, sidewalk chalk, Lincoln Logs, paper dolls and Tinker Toys took up quite a bit of my time as a kid. Playing outside back then was not viewed as an outing requiring Epi-pens, Benadryl, helmets, knee pads, sunscreen and a hat but instead a daily expected adventure in which whatever happened happened, then upon coming inside guzzling giant glasses of Kool Aid full of red dye and delicious sugar. A world where peanut butter and jelly was a lunchtime ritual, dandelions were flowers gifted to mom and the words allergies, gluten and asthma weren't ever present in vocabulary. Every afternoon after school and weekends there were mud pies to be made, wagon rides to be had and teeters to totter.


Todays generation is so different  iPhones seem to have taken over the little hands of children in general… little hands that we one day pictured building sand castles, holding a jump rope as songs are sung in rhythm to the jumps and those same little hands that should be holding caterpillars. That is why my house is an electronic-free zone. I realize I'm likely in the minority here. I don't allow my children on the weeks I have them to bring those addictive tools that only serve the purpose of "zoning out" into an alter world. The world we live in offers so much more. It offers beauty, light, love and hands on learning. A video game may allow you to "win" at racing, in conquering the bad guys in battle or learn how to style a princess to sweet perfection. For five minutes you can be the winner, the hero, the diva producer. But then what? What happens then? The high, the five minutes of fame is lost and no real skill set is acquired. When someone asks you "What can you do? What are your strengths? What are your skills? What do you contribute?"

What do you say?

 How do you reply? 

A video game doesn't offer our children the skills to help them learn about who they are. A video game doesn't offer our children the opportunity to help others, to interact and engage in a meaningful way… to learn hands on what they excel at and what their interests are… whether it's planting a small garden, doing a craft or science experiment, baking homemade lasagna with mom or sweeping the driveway… all of these real life experiences and more offer invaluable time spent together and allow children to learn about themselves… raising their self esteem in a way that has longer lasting effects than being the five minute hero just because he won a virtual basketball game. That high is short lasting but getting out and swimming with team mates, encouragement, sweat and determination is a life long lesson in going after your goals and dreams in life, finding your strengths through trial and error, learning about what feeds your soul and maybe even makes you walk with a happy step.


It's when we realize that iPhones and handheld video games allow us to walk the earth in perpetual distraction, to chronically walk or sit with our heads down and shoulders slumped… to live life in a state so focused on a tiny screen that everything happening around us is just a blur of activity now deemed unimportant. This feeds our natural narcissistic hunger within, feeds our flesh… to ignore others and play in an alter world instead… at the cost of our relationships, at the cost of connection, at the cost of love. We are the ultimate displayers of love for our children. When we are allowing them to be focused on a tiny screen versus the happy wag of the family dog asking for a treat, or the sound of music playing from the family stereo to dance to… or the making of homemade pizza as a family on a Saturday night… our children lose. When we all connect, we all laugh, we all love, we all share, we all learn….  at the end of the day it really comes down to….

Only then we all win. 

God wants you to have a life of beauty, love and connection with your children. Yes, there will be hardship. There will be days you want to run into the street and cry "Really?! Come on, God! I need some help down here!"…parenting is never easy… we all know, anyone who is a parent that there are infinite challenges with the biggest responsibility we will ever have, we will ever be given and be blessed with. We know there will be days of raining emotion, frustration, disappointment, despair and days of sorrow…. there will be all these things… no one ever promised perfection and we shouldn't even want it. Because when we go through parenting…. the key word, "hands on parenting", when we engage and connect we are going the extra mile, we are doing what's right, what's best for our children… when we are having dinner as a family versus setting the children in front of the television and walking off we are sending them a message:

I care. 

I am here.

I am listening. 

You matter.

 I love you. 

God does the same thing for us every single day.

He's there.

He wants to connect.

He says:

"You matter… whether you are in the womb or a hundred and five… you are mine, my child."

He says: "I'm listening."

He says: "I love you."


There is no battle there to be won.

It's already won. 

God is your hero, your grace, your power, your strength.

And even when life is like a bag of lemons, even when it seems like that rain will never ever let up… even when it seems like everything will never get better…. remember this….

Where you fail God is there.

Your children know you love them…

But do they know God does?

Maybe it's time to tell them.

After all…

He's really the biggest hero of their childhood. 


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

Our children are our future…. 

let's all practice being engaged and not living a life of detachment, of everything that love isn't. Let's spend time with our kids, tell them we love them, and that God does too. 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

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