A Season Of Change: Sensing God's Presence

“Autumn Leaves” by Paul via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

2008 
names have been omitted 

****************

September had slowly changed to October and with it the cool fall air had brought smiling scarecrows perched on bales of hay on front porches, cozy sweaters paired with boots and apple crisp served with vanilla ice cream on top. Autumn was my favorite season, the one I always anticipated most.... piles of leaves, mugs of soup, pumpkin patches, candy corn and giving thanks. It was a season of comfort, of warm things to wear and drink and cuddling by the fire was always welcome with a blanket for two. This year comfort was something I yearned for more than usual as two weeks had passed since the death of my sweet sister. I was driving home from work in the late afternoon sun along my usual route when out of the blue I felt a prompt for me to turn left at the upcoming light. I felt prompted to go to Hobby Lobby. Hobby Lobby was a Christian craft and decorative store that I loved shopping at. But I didn’t need or want anything there that day. I imagined myself later telling my husband after the fact that "I had needed to go to Hobby Lobby" and picturing his expression of "Uh, huh... sure you did" and laughed to myself. As I drove I remember thinking incredulously to myself I didn’t have any concrete reason to go there. But the prompting came again and so I flicked my blinker on, making the left hand turn at the green light up ahead. I continued down the main thoroughfare toward Hobby Lobby navigating congested late afternoon traffic. Finally I pulled into the parking lot and walked toward the large building. Walking through the glass doors and once inside, I paused wondering what the heck I was here for. I mentally chastised myself for driving all this way, fleetingly thinking this was just silly.

I was contemplating turning around and walking out when I felt prompted to walk down the main center aisle that split the store in half. Slowly walking down it I turned left on the second aisle. My eyes caught sight of something that made me stop in my tracks and almost gasp audibly.There at waist level was a brown plaque with a well-known verse printed on itin gold lettering. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 was the verse. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

It had been my sister’s favorite bible verse and was always book marked in her bible. I stood there motionless just staring at it. In the bright lights of the store I glanced around me and almost felt the need to ask someone to pinch me. Surely this was not coincidental, I told myself. I had been led here for a reason. I immediately took the plaque and headed to the register to purchase it. I felt great joy and comfort and thanked God for leading me to this gift. Once home I wasted no time in hanging the plaque in our hallway among various family photos that included my baby sister. Passing it in the hall would give me a sense of comfort, a smile, a reminder not only of my sister but of God’s everlasting presence in our lives and how thank goodness His love never fails. 

************

Every day God is with us in the mundane, the busy, the good and the bad.... yet how often do we get caught up in the busyness of our life? Each of us can take the time out of our busy schedules, our hurried moments...  to reach out to God and ask Him "What am I missing right now?".... "What am I not hearing or noticing, Lord, that you need me to see with new eyes and a fresh perspective?" 

Are we chronically living in an environment of rushing from here to there and background noise that interferes with our ability to tap into what God has for us to see or hear? We can breathe deeply, exhale.... and take pause... we can listen with earnest for the Lord and His whisperings, prompting and signs from above. The words of the Lord we can treasure in our hearts and give thanks for his words of peace... for we never know what good His words will lead us to. 



Ways we can hear God... 

1. Listening for His still small voice to be sure we are on the right path… 
if we don't feel at peace we very well may not be listening for God's guidance 
2. Sometimes God will speak loudly to get our attention
3. God may use other people in our lives to speak to us
4. He may use our circumstances to reveal something to us we need to learn
5. In reading our bible we may be directed to a certain verse God wants us to read 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013 

And he said to them,

 “Pay attention to what you hear: 
with the measure you use, it will be measured to you,
 and still more will be added to you.

 Mark 4:24 ESV

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting & sharing!

Grieving = One Of The Most Basic Human Needs

Grief 

&

Loss

image “Heart” by usamedeniz via FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

Through each tear we find healing, comfort and peace. 

I'm sure you can picture at 
least one special someone 
you have grieved losing. 

Perhaps you've lost a parent, a child, a pet, a friend, a classmate, a neighbor, a lost love, a sibling, a spouse or any combination of those mentioned. Grief can come in many forms.... either through the loss of someone due to death, the end of a relationship or even divorce.



Loss & Grief That's Expected...

I visited my grandfather in hospice right before he passed away... the place, the room, it silently spoke of impending death... no decor, no life sustaining medications, no cheeriness, just a bed and the drip of pain meds. There were no words between us...  but sitting beside him, he looked me in the eyes with recognition and I detected embarrassment in his face that I was witnessing him in what he likely would have perceived as a weak state. He had always been a very tall, strong, dark haired, robust man who enjoyed big game hunting, traveling the world, watching the history channel and yet had a soft spot for any dessert he could get his hands (or sweet tooth) on. He could be brash, impulsive and quick to temper. He had more energy at sixty than most people have at twenty. But in his final moments with him I didn't see a weak man... I saw an incredibly strong man who had led an incredibly full life with stories from hunting expeditions that rivaled something out of an Indiana Jones film. I saw a man who had continued to hold on long after diabetes had begun it's corroding damage to his feet. I saw a man who had survived prostate cancer decades before. I saw a man who had always wanted to portray himself as undeniably strong do the unthinkable which was to let me grasp his now fragile weathered hand and hold it.... I saw a man who was so vulnerable in his granddaughters presence yet amazed me with his strength in holding on to the very end until Jesus met up with him in everlasting light.

When we know of the impending loss of an elderly grandparent due to age, frailty and diminished health we can in some ways prepare ourselves for their soon passing. They may very well be exhausted both mentally and physically and have suffered for quite some time... their quality of life may be severely lacking if they were so blessed to live well into their eighties or nineties. Having time to absorb the bittersweet reality that they are passing into a new home of great eternal joy where birds will undoubtedly sing melodies announcing their grand arrival... we can take heart in knowing that they are going to a place of peace and love with our Savior. We have time to come to terms with any related baggage, with any unspoken words, any sorrowful un-forgiveness and find our own peace in the quiet moments at their bedside grasping their hand during their final moments... being there for them to the very end and finding healing in that very act of love.




Loss & Grief That Is Unexpected... 

This is in stark contrast when we lose someone without any warning. When my sister passed away unexpectedly in 2008 due to a drunk driver part of the reason my grief was so magnified was due to the unexpectedness of it. When we lose someone so unexpectedly we may struggle with the numbness and shock of it for quite some time... we may not be capable of wrapping our head around the reality that someone we deeply loved could be here one day and gone the next. Or the hour for that matter.  For myself, as I know many other's feel... losing someone to a drunk driver is comparable to them being murdered. Each person that makes the unwise yet conscious choice to get behind the wheel of a vehicle who has been drinking beyond the individual state limits (and/or personal limit as each person varies in height and weight, etc) is setting himself or herself up for killing someone. Vehicles don't kill people but people do by utilizing bad decision making.

Losing my baby sister was the worst loss of my life... it was two-fold in that I was grieving her losing her life and no longer being capable of accomplishing her hopes and dreams due to her life being taken at much too young an age of twenty two but the loss of her and how it related to myself also. Not only was I grieving her loss of not realizing her own dreams; traveling to New York one day, getting married, raising a family, pursuing a career in journalism... but my own loss of never hearing my sister's voice again, seeing her smirk, seeing her tuck her "chappie" aka chapstick in her jeans pocket, ordering pizza together and watching chick flicks.... all the little things that made her who she was and the moments we shared.... I could list indefinitely. Likewise the pain I saw in my mother's face was heart wrenching.... no mother should ever have to go through the pain of losing her child. Standing at my sister's gravesite all I really wanted was for everyone to vacate and leave the site so I'd have that precious alone time with my sister. I wanted to embrace selfishness and shoo everyone away and just sit there beside her coffin until the sun set but eventually we all made the somber walk to the limo and clambered in. Leaving her physical body there even though I knew she was in Heaven was one of the most incredibly difficult things ever.



Loss For The Best But Still Grieved...

I will be forthcoming in saying hindsight is always 20/20 and in that I should not have married my husband. Did I see jerky behaviors in the beginning? Yes, yet those initial occasional "jerky behaviors" mixed with a facade of goodness gradually grew into monstrous proportions of negative traits over the course of a thirteen year marriage and would later resemble narcissistic and sociopathic abuse. I had lived it for so long I myself had believed it wasn't as bad as it really was... or had erroneously hoped it would get better... or maybe at the end of the day a bit of both. There is nothing wrong with hope, as hope is a must in this world. However, if you aren't seeing any change or desire to change coming from an abusive spouse... it's time to cut your losses before you're so beat down you don't care if you live or not... more so if you have children. Thankfully I wasn't anywhere near that stage but I had been complacently living with him changing the rules on me so often regarding what he wanted or needed that I was chronically anxious and stressed out by his ever changing expectations....  I honestly didn't know whether I was coming or going half the time. It's not healthy to live like that... to have him come home and his temper always simmering, ready to bark and then having a son who bless his little heart struggles to use his words and express himself when stressed... and well, you have a situation that requires walking on eggshells as I would try to step in to be the buffer. Constantly trying to soft peddle to keep them calm and on an even kneel as my daughter would flee to her room and hide behind the door. Who wants to live as a referee and try to keep the other adult in the home appeased? At what cost? Your health? Your sanity? Your status? So you can say you're married? Not. Worth. It.

Divorce and grief as a shared package?...  sometimes people may not understand that concept, especially if you were the one who filed. People may erroneously believe that if you have filed for divorce you must be fine about the demise of your marriage. People may believe you have happily moved on and are not sad in the least bit. But this may not always hold true and for the most part likely doesn't. I can say that I am very relieved to be released from my long standing toxic marriage. I know the marriage wasn't good or healthy for me, nor for my children. But in that I am grieving what I wanted it to be... he could be anyone in that grief... but I am incredibly sad over the loss of what I wished and hoped for in marrying someone. I had hoped for someone who would openly talk to me and love me without chronic dismissiveness and stonewalling. I had hoped for someone who allowed me to be myself (I don't like roller coasters, not going to learn to like them... and that is okay with me). I had hoped for someone who wouldn't place pressure upon me to be perfect (I'm not perfect,  not gonna be perfect and don't want that unhealthy pressure), I had hoped for someone who appreciated the simplicity of the little things in life like ice cream on the deck under the stars with Gary Allan or Matthew West playing in the background... children with bare feet and beach-wave hair fresh from their baths cuddled up next to us pointing out fireflies and toasting marshmallows.... versus the misguided hyper focus of status, image, ego, sex and materialism. I mourn all of those things I had hoped for not only for myself and my husband one day but for my children and am now facing the reality of it not being what I'd pictured. In the grieving of divorce we may mourn just the breaking up of a family even if we know deep down keeping it intact is at a cost to everyone. The loss from divorce is profound and every woman (and man) who is grieving... we all need a little comfort, a little sweet affirmation that our shattered dreams deserve to be mourned....  and a hug too.


No matter what type of loss you have or are experiencing... remember that it's always okay to mourn and grieve. It's human and a very basic need when we have had love and hope in another person, relationship, etc and we finally come to a place where we realize our initial dreams and those of others will not come to fruition and instead are cut short.


In that remember that God is always there for you in your grief, tears and sorrow. He will wipe away your tears, comfort you and renew your hope in a better tomorrow... God will help you come up with another dream, another wish, another day to start anew.... a promise of God's love that never fails.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting & sharing!

Life Trials, Hurts & Losses: They Aren't Contagious

It's not contagious. 


It had been a couple weeks since my sister had passed away unexpectedly by a drunk driver. A warm October evening, it was nice to be relaxing outside under the stars on the wood deck. Children's laughter and cries of glee traveled across the expansive backyard and I took a sip of tea from my glass.


My thoughts went to earlier that day and what had transpired during a play date for the kids....


"Do you have siblings?" the other mom had asked me.

I had hesitated. I honestly wasn't sure how to answer this question. I didn't want to say "One." because it felt just wrong. Acknowledging only one sibling seemed to act as though the one I'd lost never existed. Yet how was I to handle this? I wasn't ready to explain anything and yet I felt trapped by her question.

"Yes." I'd finally uttered reluctantly.

"Do they live here? Sister? A brother?" the questions came at me despite my wanting them to halt.

Ugh, I'd thought. What a time for this.

Drawing in a sharp breath, I had replied "I have two siblings. One recently passed away."

Awkward silence ensued and I had changed the subject.

She hadn't known what to say.

It wasn't a moment either of us wanted or had counted on happening.

Death

Divorce

Trials

Illness or Cancer

Developmental Disorders

All these issues can sometimes cause people to shift uncomfortably when they know someone who is experiencing them. They may pull back, become distant and even choose to terminate the friendship.

Fight or flight sets in…. 
 and like a deer caught in headlights 
they just want to flee the scene.

Ignoring it is awful and we all know that if we were in their shoes we wouldn't want a life trial we were facing to be ignored ...or us.

We aren't going to "catch it"...it's not contagious. 

No, not even the cancer. Sometimes people can begin acting really wary of anyone they know going through something big. But we need to have compassion and show empathy toward others who are suffering as this is the way of God. Yes, we may truly not know what to say and struggle. For some, words come easily and for others it's tougher...and that's okay. But if words don't come easily for us, it's up to us to find out what is the compassionate thing to say.


In general we shouldn't ignore them. We can call, text or email them and admit it sucks and we are sorry to hear about it. That simple acknowledgement will mean so much. In general we can't tell people not to be sad, angry upset etc. They have to go through the emotional process. Acknowledge how they feel and validate their feelings.


What We Can Say...

Divorce: 

It's a long grueling process. Ask how the kids are doing. Life is changing and with it often brings great change like moving, counseling and new jobs. Offer the name of a great therapist, realtor or job opening...it will always be greatly appreciated. 

Cancer: 

A hug, a card, some flowers, a nice meal dropped off do wonders. Suggestions for alternative therapy like dousing your body in green tea isn't helpful.

Death:

Your hamster or your pet fish just died? It's not the same. So many people are there in the beginning of a loss and then drift away. Make a point to invite them to lunch two months out from the date of their loss, six months, etc. If you aren't hearing from them they may have symptoms of depression. Don't give up. 

Divorce:

Pushing for them to date again....even if you vehemently believe they were married to a certifiable a-(hem) -hole and could do way better... they need to go though their grieving process before they are prepared to date. Instead point out how strong they are, how you know they will persevere, and you will be there for them. Hug them. Don't hide your own struggles, allow them to support you also and lift you up...distraction is a wonderful thing. Keep reaching out. 

Cancer: 

Discussions of how your Aunt recently got over shingles or Pneumonia. It's not the same as cancer. But we can ask how they are doing, how their treatments are going and offer transportation to and from the doctor. They will gladly take some extra help and a laugh or two wouldn't hurt either. 

Disabilities: 

Someone is trying to explain their child's disability.... whether its physical or learning etc it isn't helpful if you say "He looks normal. I don't see any issue." This isn't comforting. No one wants to feel their concerns are dismissed, that they are being pegged an over anxious neurotic parent, or ignorant. Behind closed doors there are struggles, doctor appointments, therapies, evaluations, stress, advocacy, and sometimes isolation and depression. Listen and listen some more. Try to understand what they are going through. Be encouraging through words and actions. Plan a play date for the child with yours. Learn about differences and teach your own children to have empathy towards others.

Death & Life Are In The Power Of The Tongue…

Proverbs 18:23

We all have the ability to encourage. To offer uplifting words with our tongue that bring life not despair to others. When we take the time to find out what words are most pleasing to God we are able to grow in new ways, drawing people closer to us not further away. They are not contagious....When we speak in love to someone who is struggling the love it has reverberates. This is a powerful act and God sees the positive effects it has on many which pleases him.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Loss In Life = Growth

“Butterflies On Hand” by sixninepixels via FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

Life struggles

Or worse… Loss 

We all have them.

Big or small there is something each of us will face at some point.

Much of how we respond to the individual struggles we face show our character. We can choose to be discouraged or we can choose to have faith in God.

It is human nature of course during particularly difficult times in our lives to keep a positive outlook and constant reassurance that everything will be alright. But when we have those small doubts begin to nag at us like an unclipped cuticle we can remind ourselves this:

During our greatest challenges or losses are our greatest growth.

Remember the caterpillar you learned of in elementary school as a child. Remember the beauty and awe you held for it as you pressed your tiny nose against the glass and watched the caterpillar go through its formations to its final stage. The final stage of growth, beauty and sweet release with wings.

This is each of us.

It will happen, it merely takes time.

There will be seasons of good times in life and seasons with challenges. But when we take a moment to look back at our last challenge or the one before that we will see growth. It's often when we hit rock bottom in our worst circumstances that our faith is ignited and we are further assured of God's plan and promises for us.

For growth we must submit ourselves to God fully. To do this we must admit our weaknesses and mistakes to God. Humble yourselves. He knows best and knows every thing about us.

Acknowledge your active hand in your challenging circumstance to God. Don't search for excuses for your behavior and like a child reach in a box and try to pull out a name of someone marked as the reason for your "challenge." Do not try to blame others. Admit your part before God. Trying to rationalize and validate your reasons for your circumstances is like taking medication to stunt your growth. When we do this is only serves to cause our suffering to last longer and growth to take much longer.

When we feel deep down the want to change and grow we can know God sees it and will use it! He loves to see us sincerely want to change and through Him we can be better each and every day.

So when we are in the midst of challenging circumstances, when life's challenges seem too strong, we can take note that this too will pass. Remember the caterpillar and see the beauty in the changes to be made...

A burst of growth is just up ahead.

On the wings of a butterfly you will soar in triumph and
God's beauty will be reflected in your face, your spirit and your heart.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2012 


Note: This is dedicated to my sister who had a love for butterflies. I know she is in Heaven beside God and through the loss of her I found Him. In my darkest days following her loss driving through tears I would often find reassurance in butterflies landing on my windshield which I know was a gift from above. During those times I was continually reminded of her strength and beauty. I'm also reminded of what God gave me. Growth.

Related Posts: 

Drunk Driving: 

Losing My Sister & Finding Hope In A Dark Place

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/12/drunk-driving-losing-my-sister-finding.html

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing!