Showing posts with label FAMILY COURT SYSTEM. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FAMILY COURT SYSTEM. Show all posts

Thursday, July 9, 2015

The Tsimhoni Children: Dear Judge Gorcyca

“Wooden Justice Gavel” by suphakit73 via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

UPDATE: Friday, July 10th 2015 - 
as of this afternoon the children have been released from juvenile detention and sent to summer camp. 


This post is an open letter to Judge Lisa Gorcyca in Oakland county regarding the article (including court transcript) that was recently published highlighting her decision to send three children to a juvenile detention facility to live for refusing to have a "healthy relationship with their father." 

The hearing that took place involving a divorced mother and father along with their three children by the names of Liam, Rowie and Natalie only continues to prove that the family court system is not only deeply flawed but downright dangerous to children and hardly in their best interests. 


Dear Judge Gorcyca, 

Upon reading the news article regarding your decision to send the Tsimhoni children to a juvenile detention facility I was appalled. I was not only deeply saddened for these children and worried for them but rightly moved to write this letter to stress to you the error in your decision. 

The family court system is to look out for the best interests of the children. When you made the decision to send these three children to a juvenile detention center the system failed them. You were not looking out for their best interests… in fact, upon reading the transcript from the hearing and reading what you said during it, I can only conclude that you were at best highly emotional, (the transcript reeked of a lack of empathy on your part) in making such a serious decision that you were given the responsibility to make for this family. 


Looking out for the children's best interests means not placing them in a place where they will be frightened. Looking out for the children's best interests means not viewing them with contempt which you clearly do by the things you said to them: "I'll tell you this, you two don't have a nice lunch with your dad and make this up to your dad you're going to come back here at 1:30 and I'm going to have the deputies take you to Children's Village." 

Using threatening language with the children as you did only shows how you're merely using FEAR and SHAME tactics to get them to comply. You're ignorantly and superiorly believing that a lunch will fix whatever damage there may be between these children and their father. You're behaving as though these children are merely possessions and property that must bow to you and their father… like robots you believe by your actions they have no hearts, no feelings, no spirits. 

You, Judge Gorcyca are wrong. These are children with hearts, with feelings, with spirits and view points who are refusing to have lunch with their father. These are children who are saying no to a relationship with him. The eldest who is fifteen claims to have witnessed their father hit their mother. You are claiming parental alienation by the mother. As the judge and the one who is supposed to be the adult and run a responsible and ethical courtroom you are to get to the issue at hand; is there alienation or not? Or are the children rightly justified in refusing a relationship with their father? It's your job to find out. It's your job to step up to the plate and not take the easy way out; to not send three children packing to a detention facility, throwing your arms up and talking ugly to them. The youngest is nine, a girl… no, Judge Gorcyca… you owe these children an apology. You owe them an apology for not doing your job and finding out the truth. 

What's the truth? Is the mother alienating the children? Where is the proof? Is the dad abusive? Is HE healthy? If he is abusive the children should have a voice in whether they see him or not; a nine year old is old enough to see toxic behavior if it exists and voice how often or if at all he/she chooses to see that parent. Not everything is always as it seems on the surface. Is there a combination of issues going on? Is the father abusive and the mother finally snapped and just told the children in no uncertain terms exactly what she thinks of their father? We don't know… and clearly you don't either. But regardless of what the father, what the mother or the children have done… they DO NOT DESERVE the decision you made in that courtroom. There are many who believe you should be removed from the bench for your outrageous and blatantly irresponsible rulings. 

There are plenty of Ad Litems, counselors, therapists, etc that are available to help in these types of cases… there are plenty of avenues to consider and take besides throwing three innocent children into a mini prison like criminals. In the interim until the truth was sorted out wasn't the children staying with another relative an alternative to the choice you made? It seems you had many alternatives for these children yet instead you chose the punitive route. 

I will pray for these children's safety, that they are reunited with family members who have their best interests at heart. I will pray that the truth comes out and it's so glaringly obvious no one, not even you can deny it's reality. I will pray that you see the damage being done via your ruling to these children as so many of us can. 

In the transcripts you address the youngest, Natalie by saying "God gave you a brain. He expects you to use it." I would say He expects the same for you… use your brain, seek the truth, exude love, use discernment… because none of those were utilized in your courtroom that day. 


Sincerely, 

Jennifer Gafford 
© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2015








Thursday, June 5, 2014

Divorce & Kids: Drafting The Final Decree ~ 10 Tips



disclaimer:
like all decrees and the law they vary from state to state 
and country, so be sure to ask your attorney what is 
legally permissible in your divorce decree... this post is merely to be used as
a brainstorming of ideas between you and your attorney


I had no idea until after the finalization of my divorce and receiving the final copy of the divorce decree that had been filed in court how many things were amiss… things that should have been included yet had never occurred to me during the course of the divorce due to my own inexperience but later in retrospect I realized were must haves.


When going through a divorce we may be asked by our attorney:

"What do you want to do? What do you want to put in the decree?"


If we don't know the questions to ask… if we aren't knowledgeable about what we can include in a final decree we may be left scratching our heads wondering "Ummm, I don't know? What should I put in it?"



“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,
 for tomorrow will worry about itself.
 Each day has enough trouble of its own.” 
Matthew 6:34 (NIV) 


We naturally look to our attorneys for guidance in this arena… and obviously hope for some active input without having to drag it out of them. Yet also part of the equation is our ex. We know him (or her) better than anyone so even though our attorney may really see no need for meeting at a neutral location for exchanges and believe we are exaggerating much to our irritation… the truth is… it's going to impact us long after the ink is dry on the decree… not our attorney once finished with our case and having moved on in life.


In Matthew 6:25-34, 
Jesus specifically told His followers not to worry about food or clothes because God would provide for their needs, just as He does for the birds of the air. This promise of provision and protection applies to all areas of our lives, including help with our problems and easing our inner-most anxieties.


You, the parent is who is going to have to deal with the ex and find a way of co-parenting that is healthiest for you and your children. If this means meeting to exchange them at a neutral location versus your home and thankfully not having your ex in your face on your front porch trying to push boundaries, then yes, it's essential for your decree to reflect what is best in regards to your situation… not what is easier for your attorney's office to draft.


So what can you have put in the final decree?

Naturally it depends on your personal situation. We can't get too crazy but we can definitely set some reasonable boundaries. The most important thing is we don't want our decrees to be so vague that were always having to check in with our attorney for clarification (that gets expensive quick) because what is printed in black and white the ex "interprets" differently than what you're reading in plain and simple terms.


Obviously any ideas listed here you should run by your attorney first and foremost to get their thoughts and how they apply to your situation.  If you're new to all this and have no clue what to even ask your attorney for… depending on your ex's behavior here are some general ideas for your decree to get you started thinking about specifics and run by your attorney…



1. EXCHANGING THE CHILDREN:
Have a neutral meeting place to exchange the children. Maybe this is McDonalds. If your ex is prone to violence a police station might be a wise choice. A neutral meeting place keeps you off your own turf and significantly brings down any power plays going on.


2. DRINKING:
You can have your decree state no drinking while in the presence of the children. If you put this in the decree like any other behaviors you're perhaps asking your ex to not engage in while in the presence of the children keep in mind that you will be held to this rule also.


3. PHONE CALLS:
Phone calls are often a big issue between ex's and their children. Parents want to check in with their children periodically during the week and say hello. But then they are met with phones no one answers and continual voicemail. They are ignored and times when the children are to call one parent they don't.  Get around this continual source of friction by having the decree state maybe two or three nights a week (ex; if you're doing 50/50) they can talk to their other parent for 15-30 minutes. Days and times can be specifically put in the decree.


4. DATING & BOUNDARIES:
You're recently divorced and come to find out your ex decided it would be a stellar decision to introduce the children to the woman he cheated on you with during the marriage… or maybe just some random woman he met at a bar last week… or last night. You can get around this fiasco by having the decree state he (or she) must be in a one year exclusive relationship before introducing the new partner to the children. At least then if it's not followed you have it in writing what was to be followed.


5. HAVE A START DATE:
Your final decree possession schedule should have a start date… if you don't know where to start from how will you know what to do next year?


6. KIDS & TAXES:
If you have two children, the tax deductions are easy. Each of you can take one child… if you have first choice… as a mom if you're receiving child support choose the younger child, as they will turn eighteen later.


7. SUMMER SCHEDULE:
You can alternate longer periods of time with your children in the summer to make vacation planning easier. It might be that you alternate two weeks versus every other. I can't say I personally agree with this scenario in my own situation but for couples who have an amicable co-parenting relationship that is free of one parent being manipulative, controlling, etc and putting the children's best interests ahead of their own… then it certainly may be a good fit.


8. THERAPY:
The final decree can state specifics regarding the children's on going therapy… like who they should be seeing, how often, etc. It might be wise to have a back up of one or two other therapists you've agreed upon listed in the decree in case something happens to your current therapist… like they move away or your insurance suddenly stops paying for sessions. It's always good to have a back up plan because trying to find agreement on a new therapist for the kids might be like butting heads with your ex… and if you can't agree… guess what? You're going to spend a bunch more money on mediation or court fees.


9. ELECTRONICS: 
If you don't agree your kids should have their own cell phones and yet your ex does… you don't have to give in to what you don't believe in. You can have the decree state that electronics won't be brought to your home. You can also video tape exchanges with your phone for your own protection. You can record a call that is between you and your ex. If your ex is technologically savvy and you believe he wouldn't hesitate to bug your phone, your home, your car, etc… spend the money to have your property swept for peace of mind. If your ex has your vehicle tracked without your knowledge you can notify the police and file a report and have the device removed.


10. CO-HABITATION:
You can have a morality clause in your decree where it's prohibited for your ex to have any overnight guests in the home. Will he (or she) follow it? Only you know the answer to that… but it may be something that you should add if they are dating before the divorce is even final… which is not in the children's best interests at all… before the dust has even settled. When in doubt it's always best to have everything in writing so later if something was to happen you can point out to the judge that x,y,z was not followed… it's always better to be prepared.


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 



To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 


Related Posts: 

A Must Read For All Parents & Judges: Sociopaths and The Family Court System 

The Devil Works In Child Custody And Yet I Praise God 

Divorce & Children: 50/50 Custody