The Narc, Sexual Addiction & Their Kids: 5 Tips

“Sex Keyword On A Cork Board” by artur84 via freedigitalphotos.net

July 2015 

names have been omitted in this post

**************

Hearing the air conditioning come on and smelling the scent of coconut hand cream hanging in the humid interior I pattered with bare feet into the kitchen. In it's dark shadows I reached for the handle on the fridge and yanked it open. Peering inside with the light that shone outward at me I surveyed with quick eyes what it contained… my eyes narrowed at it's contents… a bag of salad, a jar of salsa, a package of bacon. It was time to go grocery shopping, I thought to myself, making a mental note to do that the next day and plucked one of the last Yoplait yogurts from the glass shelf. Ripping the little top wrapper off I absentmindedly licked off the smudge of yogurt on it and then tossed it in the trash… grabbing a spoon from the utensil drawer I heard my mother call out from the next room.

"You up?" She called to me.

I made my way to the den and stood in the doorway with my late night snack.

"I can't cycle down. Big shock, I know." I told her dryly.

"I couldn't sleep either, so I got up to clip coupons. Exciting, huh?" She replied with a wry grin as she sat on the taupe couch. She cut out coupons by the light of the lamp beside her. I snorted in response and took a seat on the opposite end wearing knee length black leggings and an oversized faded t-shirt, tucking my legs under me. I'd recently gotten my hair cut into a long bob and now pulled it up into only what one could call the bam bam hairdo like on the Flintstones.

"So… how did it go today? Your conversation with her?" My mother asked me.


I twisted the hair elastic round my nimble fingers and spoke "It went alright… I feel good about the conversation. I believe it went well... I kept it very simple and emphasized that any and all questions are welcome." I told her. Earlier that day my daughter and I had watched a sermon online we had missed at church one recent Sunday… our pastor had tackled the issue of sex and the importance of it's confinement to only marriage based on God's word. In the sermon he briefly touched on the importance of faithfulness between a husband and wife and how easy it is for the sin of sex outside marriage to infiltrate our lives affecting us in physical and spiritual ways years down the road we never saw coming nor were prepared for. Afterward we'd had a discussion about what we had watched and then a birds and the bees talk. Her initial reaction was about what I had expected for most kids her age… "Ew" and "I'm never getting married."

But as we discussed the realities of what God desires for us in our relationships where intimacy is concerned it became clear to her that "infidelity" and "cheating" were not merely just going on dates behind your spouses back, that being unfaithful was not just kissing someone other than who you were married to but much much more… as she became more enlightened through our birds and the bees discussion it also became glaringly obvious just what exactly her father had been doing when he was unfaithful and even now as an unmarried man. Her expression grew from shock to disgust. There was no more keeping that stink in the bag… it was out and exposed in bright light.


I spoke as I dipped my spoon in the yogurt cup. "As a society were surrounded by sex, it's thrown in our faces constantly, were consistently advertised a barrage of sensuality and lust. Have you watched the Bachelorette? Did you see that guy Ben Z? Hello? Have you flipped through any magazines and noticed Scott Foley in the Charisma ads? There's certainly no lack of attractive men to put you in a hot and heavy state… but we are instructed to rebuke it and push past it. We are to cling to God's word and flee from sin. A few minutes of gratification? We pay for that a long time, for some a lifetime. We know that the devil tempts us through deceitful lies… like sex is no big deal, were already too far gone in our sin, this is just a little sin or grace is redefined as the green light to do anything we please because were already forgiven, right? If it's not what God wants for us we should respect that… that He made sex to be within the safety net of marriage… because He knows what is best for us and wants us to live a fruitful life not one of damage and regret… "

My mother nodded "True… I guess what makes me angriest is the fact he's making poor choices that are being paraded in front of his daughter." She told me referring to my ex and our daughter.

"Hey… go sin all you want behind closed doors… go sin your pants off… go act like an animal and get yer freak on… It's sadly no secret the devil has some people firmly in his grasp, that the power of evil is in full force in their lives… we may not agree with some folks choices but at the very least please don't do it around the kids!" I stressed. "That's my gripe. It's ridiculous that some people don't have the basic common sense to not parade their sex life outside of marriage around children. This isn't a soap opera he's living, it's our kid's childhood and I don't appreciate him screwing it up. If you can't control yourself any better than that or choose not to… then just don't have custody… hand her over and go live your life in a perpetual sex driven state… because he clearly can't be a spiritual compass… heck, forget the spiritual aspect for a second. At this point… it's just about basic empathy… someone who doesn't believe in Christ can have that…. why would you want to put your child through a childhood that isn't in their best interests? This is a basic." I pointed out. "If you're that deficit and can't see that you're selfish and need to change then you have no business having custody… at least until you get some help."

***************

Sexual impurity and at worse sexual addiction (an unyielding desire to have sex) can seriously impact and affect a family, whether intact or divided by divorce. It's imperative that when our children are of an appropriate age we have open discussions based on their maturity level regarding sexual impurity. Ideally children would be shielded from an environment where the adults in their life are engaging in sexually immoral behavior and regardless must be assured that they are not to blame for the adults poor choices in their life.

Sex addiction is no more about sex than other addictive behaviors… gambling is not really about gambling or nail biting about nails… instead it's merely a symptom of a greater issue… typically anxiety, depression, impulse control issues, low esteem or shame. Narcissists and Sociopaths are known to have sex addictions. 

The effects on our children witnessing a sexually immoral relationship under the same roof they reside in are long lasting… children grow up believing that the behaviors they are surrounded by are normal; what is expected in their own relationships one day… leading to promiscuity, emotional soul ties and a life of sexual sin. 

Folks who engage in infidelity show signs of a sexual addiction as it interferes with their marriage and family…. and need intervention through counseling to stop. When someone chooses to take part in an extramarital affair they are putting their own overwhelming need for physical gratification ahead of their family's needs. Hence, the addict is willing to risk losing everything in their life to pursue their sexual satisfaction. Men (and women) who pressure their partners to have threesomes and take part in sexual acts that they aren't comfortable with ultimately don't care about the person they are married to… 

The truth is, you could be anyone and nothing you do or say can change the person you're with for the better.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2015

If You're Married To Someone With A Sex Addiction:

1. You cannot change them. They have to want to change and then take the actions necessary.

2. You don't have to tolerate any behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable, unsafe or demeaned. You have every right to set boundaries and if those don't work to walk away. You have the right to a full std panel test.

3. You have the right to demand your spouse join a sex addiction support group or at least one on one counseling. You have the right to enter counseling on your own.

4. You have the right to come to the final determination that your marriage will not survive and choose divorce.

5. You have the right to look out for your own emotional, mental and physical health. You can begin your path of recovery and healing by putting yourself and your children first.

RELATED POSTS: 

SEX AND THE NARCISSISTIC MALE

CHEATING: OFF THE NARROW PATH STEP BY STEP

Cheating: 50 Shades Of Lies ~ 5 Reasons To Not Keep Him

Choices: "Yes, You Can Order A Baby…" I Told Her

November 2014 

names have been omitted in this post 

*******************

The wipers glide across the windshield, each glide clearing away the tiny drops of rain speckling the glass. The sky overhead is dark and even though it's a quarter to eight in the morning it feels much earlier. Driving my daughter to school I access the freeway, accelerating to gain a spot in the busy morning line up of cars. Everything around us appears gray and dreary like the world has been ensconced in a gray shroud. Red tail lights light up ahead as blurry red warnings and I begin applying the brakes. I crack the driver's side window to let some fresh cool air in because the interior is stuffy.

"Mommy, did you know you can have a baby without getting married?" My daughters voice asked from the backseat. We had some of our best conversations while riding in the car. But this question made my insides momentarily panic and my hand gripped the leather steering wheel a bit harder like a reflexive reaction.

What the…. ? My mind automatically thought and I wondered what this was about. I inhaled and tried to use my breezy calm I'm not a freaked out mommy at all voice but simultaneously my mind raced.

"Oh, really? Hmm… you can?" I asked her, flicking my right blinker on so I could exit.

"Uh, huh… you can…" She affirmed "You can go to the doctor and order a baby."

Shock and a huge sigh of relief ensued. Apparently she had found out about insemination, sperm donors or the like… and wasn't referring to pre-marital sex… thank the good Lord.

"Yes, you're right… you can do that. You can also adopt a baby." I told her as I made the right turn into the residential area the school was near. We had just enough time to get through the car pool line and pull curbside.

"Yeah… so that's what I'm going to do I think. I think I'm going to order a baby." She replied very matter of fact like she was telling me she was going to have cookies with milk for an afternoon snack while doing her homework that afternoon.

I smiled to myself, tickled at her words… "Well, you can certainly do that, sweet pea. I don't see anything wrong with that." I replied and after some thought added… "Just always remember you have choices. You don't have to fit into a mold, you don't have to be limited by what you see other people doing. You can get married, you can stay single, you can adopt, you can order a baby, you can do any of those things… okay?"

She yawned and nodded, already bored with the subject and ready to move on. "Okay…" she said.

*****************

I knew if her dad had heard that conversation he'd be ready to glare daggers at me for giving her the green light in having a choice… in choosing to have a baby minus a husband… my agreeing she could just order a baby like a ham at the local delicatessen. He would say he wants her to get married. To find a nice guy. He would say he wants her to find someone better than him.

I focus on the fact she has choices

 instead of trying to persuade 

her one choice is the way to go

Maybe it's being a mother… maybe to be more accurate it's just being a woman. But as women we know the limits the world often tries to place on us in general… the whole list of "you should" do this, "you should" be that etc… expectations of women being demure and walking around with a smile pasted on their faces merely for the enjoyment of men's ogling eyes. Expectations that when I had a man tell me once "You would be so pretty if you smiled!" I retorted "You'd be so smart if you'd shut up!" I let my own ugly honesty hang out in that moment and even though it wasn't pretty, and I'd let my impulsive tongue loose (!)  there was truth to it… as women we aren't put on this earth to caress men's lustful eyeballs with our outer beauty.


It seemed there was always someone ready to tell you what to do… in the male sense… and how to be… once when I was in my twenties I worked for a chiropractor. I didn't believe in it. I simply needed a job.  I have since learned that staying true to yourself, actually believing in what you do is kind of important. But this chiropractor believed I needed my back adjusted. And no matter how many times I told him no he continued, he pushed, he wouldn't let up. Finally one day I snapped, told him exactly how unprofessional he was, called him an a**, grabbed my purse and walked out… him with his mouth gaping open to the floor and about a dozen seventy plus seniors sitting in the waiting room witnessing the entire scene play out with their mouths hanging open as well. I received a screaming language laced voicemail from him later for the lurch I'd put him in… as there was no one to answer the phone and check in patients all afternoon… yet no apology for the way he had behaved… in his eyes his behavior was irrelevant. I don't want my daughter to be at the mercy of any man who believes she needs to be pretty for him… that believes he can harass her, that her needs are less important than his, that she needs to hold back when she needs to speak up, that she has to do what is considered the "norm" in society's eyes and have two kids, a hubby and the picket fence, as there are so many more possibilities out there not just for her but for all girls.


What I want for my daughter is not feeling like she has to have a man if she so chooses not to. I want her to realize that although love is essential in life a spouse isn't. I want her to know that she can order up any kind of life she so chooses just like a pizza… she can make it custom to her liking and no one else's. Is that selfish? It could certainly be argued so. But I didn't have her so she could produce a life to my liking and give me grand babies. I gave her the gift of life so she could create one to her liking one day. If there is any gift I give her I want it to be the knowledge she always has choices… so far she's making pretty good ones and although that may not always be the case… I'm proud of her. She prays, she loves Jesus with all her heart, she's kind and thoughtful and she's beginning to be assertive… she has a way to go… sometimes it doesn't happen when it should, sometimes it's right on point and other times it comes out snarky with a sting … there is undeniably a difference between being assertive and having a loose and reckless tongue as this has been my own battle of plain old rebellion mixed with a case of ADHD impulsivity… but she will get there… bit by bit and in that bit by bit is God… with His guidance, His teaching, His lessons…  namely His conviction and grace…


Maybe I don't just want her to know she can make choices… but that she can make good ones… I've made so many choices I regret… that I wish I had a re-do on… we all have something… I don't believe in that "denial-filled have no regrets" philosophy… I believe our regrets tell much about us… they show the point of where we've been and where we are now… and in between is a dusty road filled with growth and change albeit painful as heck… there in regret is me in a foggy cloud, lying on a bed with wheels covered under a white sheet and hearing the murmur of another girl behind the curtain beside me say "This is my fifth abortion…" and thinking to myself instantaneously how horrible she was… how I was better than her… even in my gross state of ugly wretched sin… and yet then feeling numbly convicted because I had screwed up too… I had chosen death over life and I would spend forever regretting that choice… during that trek on a dusty road doubting if God ever really forgave me… how many times can you ask for forgiveness? And what is worse is wanting forgiveness from your baby while not deserving it… and now I wonder if the girl behind the curtain regrets too… I have never forgotten her, a face I never saw… and I never will…

Like that girl I want my daughter to know that God may not love your choices but He loves you… He has the final say… the final verdict on our lives, He is who brings beauty from the bad choices we make… He is who makes our flesh whole… who brings vibrant color to where deathly gray hung. He is who we go to in our tears of bad choices, our weaknesses, our frailties and our sore spots.


So, yes, dear daughter and girls of the world… make good choices… will you have regrets? That's like asking if you'll ever have grey hair… you will. But cling to God in the good and bad… take one day at a time… order the life you want with God's blessing, do your thing, start a business, travel the world, run a marathon, write a novel, volunteer…

And if you find someone who you love and you make the choice to include them in the life you built with God by your side…

Consider him a beautiful bonus to an already very blessed life…

Illuminated by Christ's love shown for you on the cross.


~ Jennifer Gafford (2014)
© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com  

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting & sharing!

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http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/01/youve-probably-heard-by-now-at-least-if.html

Depression: It Affects Us All

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Family, Forgiveness & Healing

Forgiveness. 

Being convicted… the word forgiveness may make us shift uncomfortably in our seat, make us want to swallow down any bitter feelings with great force and plaster an unconvincing smile of "yes, I'm perfectly fine" look on our face as we try to feebly attempt to ignore any sharp pain in our heart or boiling fury in the depths of our gut resembling acidic lasagna long not fully digested. 

Yet true forgiveness is such a necessity. 

How often are we urged to forgive?

How often are we judged for not forgiving? 

We live in a society where forgiveness is viewed as a necessary accessory of the heart and if we don't have it we are deemed incomplete and half dressed. The bible clearly states we are called to forgive those who trample our hearts and lives. It can be an undoubtedly sweet victory when we do choose obedience to God.... choosing forgiveness and the feelings that follow are feelings of peace and calm after the passing of an inflicted storm. 

And so often it's incredibly difficult to get there. Our natural fleshly tendencies want to rebuke self control and obedience and go to the task of making karma happen by our own hands. We want that person to pay, to suffer as we have, blindly or obstinately believing we will feel better and perhaps momentarily we do…

We may entertain thoughts of fantasy, wishing we had a real life friend (accent and all) named Aiden Mathis off Revenge that will take care of any hurts our heart has endured and yet... 

We know without a doubt this ill advised thinking does nothing to produce fruit but instead death on top of already stinking decaying death. 

How hard is it to forgive our family members? Those closet to us? It's a little talked about issue and yet one that plagues so many people behind closed doors. 

Like children we want to do the right thing, to please God. It is natural to struggle with the much sought after idealistic fantasy of a picture perfect family (maybe to our own detriment) when the reality of much needed boundaries in the midst of chaos rears it's head... it's our family after all and not much is discussed about how to handle forgiving a family member without throwing yourself back to the wolf and saying "Here, bite me again!"

***************

"I don't understand why you are so mad at me..." He said, standing in my kitchen, his taupe coat coordinating with the cream wall paint and granite countertops speckled in flecks of brown and gold. 

I stood at the stove stirring a bubbling pot of spaghetti. Water popped up in tiny hot bursts from the stainless steel pot and I lowered the heat slightly so it wouldn't boil over. I looked over at him with a watchful eye and replied "We've discussed this before." 

"You've been mad at me for years. Years!" He replied. "I've been a perfectly good dad. A damn good dad! Yeah! I didn't do anything wrong!" His volume increased as he spoke.... his words spilled out as if trying to convince himself of a past that didn't reflect reality. 

Seeing my father standing before me in denial, aging, broken and stubborn I felt bad for him. I felt bad for him because he had invested a perfectly good life on everything but what mattered and now stood claiming that he hadn't. I felt bad for him because I could wish to turn back time all day long, travel back in a time machine....  but once there.... there would be no victory in appeasing to him that he needed to divert from the path he was on... because it would invariably lead to heartache for him and all involved and straight to this moment where we stood in my kitchen. I had forgiven him a long time ago. And I was able to speak words of kindness that he hadn't always given me the benefit of. And yet in that I had since also kept him at arm's length out of the need for boundaries. 

The act of being put at arms length infuriated him. 

Forgiveness doesn't also include being willingly mistreated again and again. 

Our realities of the past clearly did not match up. And in that there is not a sentence I likely dislike more than: "There are two sides to every story." Perhaps undoubtedly true for some, but other times... there is the side of truth and there is the side of lies. 

In life we can choose to forgive and move on. It may seem impossible or be a struggle to forgive a parent who was undoubtedly abusive and who continually stands in denial he indeed was, hence wedging the knife in deeper.... but it's possible in honesty with God. 

In some cases the past may be able to be repaired... when parties acknowledge their failings and past inflicted abuse... honesty, self awareness and repentance...  it may lead to reconciliation, the hurts redeemed for all which is such a beautiful testimony to growth and joy. 

Family members who continually abuse always do it planted in justification... and the abuser who continually denies it ever happening doesn't feel guilt or sorrow as God intended.... they don't turn from their behavior.  

And yet the vicious cycle also continues when the grown child of an abusive parent admits to themselves, friends and their therapist their parent was abusive yet continues to place their abusive parent on a pedestal of backward sick idolatry to still gain their approval instead of knowing they already have God's. 

Sick? 

Yes. 

Common? 

Yes. 

The truth is, it's up to the adult child to recognize this sick pattern and bring it to a halt. To realize that yes, you can love and pray for this person from afar. You can care for them at arms length. You can wish them well. You can keep your contact at minimum without guilt because loving them doesn't also mean being someone's punching bag, target or scapegoat. 

Sacrificing your own sanity, your own emotional health while catering to someone whose denying tearing you down like a house brick by brick, attempting to chisel you to their liking.... as you always attempt to quickly repair and rebuild is not healthy. You may look around one day and dismally realize you stand in a heap of crumbling bricks at your feet never making any progress. 

Close the door. 

Clean your house.

Send prayers and love their way. 

Rebuild brick by brick.

Know that forgiveness and healing are possible. 

And we have to take the chisel away from our parent so they stop chipping away at our heart. 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013 

this blog is dedicated to every child and every grown adult who despite the pain, despite the ugly words, despite the hurt, despite the bruises, despite the loss.... you can heal. 

Saying Yes To God And No To Excuses

Are we spending time with God? 

If the answer is no what is our excuse? 

 ********************* 

Who do we not want to be? 

How do we not want to behave? 

What is our excuse?

"I'm Busy!".... 

Some people take claim to busyness in their life as to why they don't have time to connect with God. They continually shove God to the back burner of their life yet always seem to be in search of something undefinable and always yearn for a love that is never quenched. It takes self discipline to make the necessary time with God... we have to choose what goes on the front burner versus the back in life. 

Saying "Yes!" To Hope... 

Some will mistakenly claim that God could never love someone like them... as if they are too far gone and a hopeless case. Perhaps they've never realized that there is a love out there that is unconditional and pure... free from any agenda... God's love is the best ever.

"Hey God, I Need Help!"....

Some may only cry out to God when they find themselves down in a rabbit hole like Alice... wondering how to get out, ready for a magic solution so they can carry on, yet once out and back on steady ground they move on without so much as a "thank you God" in return. They walk away in pride and misguided self reliance.

Say What???.... 

Some may live their life with a misguided philosophy of "Ask for forgiveness not permission"... aka meaning they just do what they want (sin) let it all hang out, have fun in the sun and then at the eleventh hour before their last breath THEN request God's forgiveness. They may squeak into Heaven but will they have lived a life of joy? 

But I Have "This Or That".... So I'm Off The Hook....

Some people may attempt to use a "get out of jail free" card because of Narcissism. Someone with Narcissism may erroneously believe that they are owed this or that, lacking empathy or showing it... differences due to a mental and or emotional state may certainly impact their life. But having these things doesn't let them off the hook in loving and serving others and walking a humble path. Likewise, a man or woman with Aspergers that involves a natural self-focus on their likes, desire and interests doesn't condone living a life doing just that… they must seek balance and have an interest in others. 

God sees our struggles. 

God sees our limitations, our capacities, our strengths, weaknesses, our mental and emotional limits, our damaged selves. He sees when we've inherited genetics that create more difficulties with staying in His word. He sees when we are struggling with the impulsivity and restlessness that goes with ADHD. Yet these aren't excuses to sin... Having ADHD isn't a free ticket to act out or fly the coop because the monotony of Monday through Friday is comparable to being stifled in a closet. 

Believing But Not Pursuing... 

When I was in my twenties I believed in God yet didn't pursue a relationship with Him. When I married my ex husband at twenty two I was adamant we get married in a church. It's amusing to me now to look back on that because I was so well intentioned but yet so incredibly misinformed. In my young naivety I truly believed getting married in a church would stamp my marriage with His approval and it would be blessed. It never once occurred to me that perhaps it might have been wise to have God in the marriage not just at the church. Not until after many years, two kids and a very stressful marriage did I see the true importance of this and how miserably lacking the union was in the spiritual sense. We can't expect to slap a bandaid on a situation later and expect it to work out if we haven't laid the proper foundation to begin with. 

What was my excuse? None. Perhaps many contributing factors but no real excuse. If we believe in God who are we to then dismiss Him as if not having any true relevance in our life? Doing so leads us to a path that's not the best for us. 

Injustice As An Excuse... 

God sees when we feel jipped in life... when we feel wronged and if we believe we are owed something. We may try to justify our actions due to past injustices but these are zero excuse to push God away or commit sinful behavior. We may fail but we can turn to God in humble spirit and ask for forgiveness knowing His love is greater than any sin we commit. 

God sees our busy days, our packed schedules and yet He would love to have a minute of our time... He would love to be included in our day, to be asked "What do you think about this, God?" Instead of us filling every waking minute with noise and media... the truth is... silence is golden. It's in those quiet moments that God can whisper "I've missed you." or "You need to apologize to this person..."  or "Stop. Doing. That." ... whatever He is trying to tell us we can remember: His conviction is not to condemn, not to hurt but instead between each word He touches us with there within lies the weaved message of: 

I love you. 

That's a beautiful message to share with someone we love.

No excuse. 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013

              To My Readers: 

              Thank you for reading, 

             commenting and sharing! 

Behind Closed Doors: Who Are You?

Do you pour a little something on the rocks?
Slide down the hallway in your socks?
When you undress, do you leave a path?
Then sink to your nose in a bubble bath?

My oh my, you're so good-looking
Hold yourself together like a pair of bookends
But I've not tasted all your cooking
Who are you when I'm not looking?

I wanna know
I wanna know
I wanna know

Do you break things when you get mad?
Eat a box of chocolates 'cause you're feelin' bad?
Do you paint your toes 'cause you bite your nails?
Call up momma when all else fails?

Who are you when I'm not around?
When the door is locked and the shades are down?
Do you listen to your music quietly?
And when it feels just right, are you thinkin' of me?

(song by Blake Shelton)

Who Are We? 

Who are we when we are all alone behind closed doors, (when only God is looking) or just spending time with our family, etc? 

God sees who we are

We can't compartmentalize our life into neat, organized sections where God is only present in certain areas and then wonder why we don't have peace. 

We can remember that God wants to be involved in every detail and aspect of our life! He wants to be involved in our career, our schooling, our studies, our dreams and goals, our dating, our relationships, our marriage, our parenting and more! He wants us to reach out in the tough times and the seasons we sail through without a glitch. We don't have to limit what areas God is involved in nor do we have to wonder if we should ask Him about this or that... the answer is unequivocally "Yes!" 

God Sees Everything... 

God sees how we interact with our children... how much time we make for them, how much we are on our cell phones and "Hmm" at our children because we are too digitally distracted by a gadget. When He convicts us of this distracted behavior or spending more time cleaning the house, watching tv, shopping or surfing the web than spending time with our loved ones we need to move into a new (better) direction with that nudge of conviction. 

What God Is Not Doing... 

God is not condemning us but teaching us, bringing awareness to our situation so as to bring accountability. Awareness brings accountability which brings the knowledge that there is a need to change. Our children, our spouses and our life suffers when we don't take action upon conviction from God. When we are moved to change and ask God for help with changing, great things can happen which has a domino effect on others. 

God sees how we spend time alone and whether it includes time spent with Him. He sees whether we are greedy with our time in general and with Him. He is jealous for us. He sees when we don't make time for our spouse and make work an idol, when we don't date our spouse and make them a priority after Him... when we don't take the time to invest in the person we've made a covenant with, to make genuine love to them and take the time to communicate with them on a deeper level rather than the superficiality of many relationships. 

Self Reflection...

How are we spending our time? Are we willing to acknowledge God in all areas of our life instead of just the convenient times like church and prayer at dinner? Are we open to His taking the lead and also His correction? How open are we to surrendering to Him? Or are we gripping on with tight control? Are we walking in pride because we have everything "taken care of" in regards to certain sections of our life like our career, marriage, etc? What areas do we believe are superiorly "fixed" and fine?

God Gives... 

God wants us to relinquish all areas of our life to Him... we often don't want to rely on Him or wish to wait, so we get grumpily discouraged like a kid who has to wait for a Popsicle at the end of a run. We tend to want everything yesterday... (insert a 3 year old's stomp and bottom lip stuck out) hence the fleshly desire for instant gratification... but this isn't pudding in a box, it's God's timing and work in us.... in His time which is often much slower than ours... albeit sometimes gratingly slow in our minds. But that's okay.... because God is faithful, slow and steady, unfailing, honest and good... even when we aren't behind closed doors, our sin seeming so cringe worthy under our microscope of self examination filled with misguided shame, regret and defeat. 

The next time we are alone painting our toes... in a bubble bath, reading a book... driving along the freeway... we can take a few minutes. A few minutes to spend with God knowing that this time spent with Him is nourishing and essential like the air we breathe, the water we drink and the bread we eat. 

The next time we are with our kids and they say "Daddy, Mommy... Look!" on the slide at the park, or making a silly face, showing off their latest Picasso masterpiece, dunking a basketball... we can drop the "Hmmm's", ditch our phone, step away from the computer and  engage with them thus honoring God and the children He gave us in a time so fleeting it disappears in the blink of an eye.

The next time our spouse gives us a disappointed look when we've been on the phone all evening with work as they idly pick at their dinner, or lay beside us quiet and sad as we tap away at our laptop, or alternatively as we resignedly sigh "never mind... it's not important" as they rush off to another "important" business dinner, meeting or flight... we can all choose to act upon feeling convicted by patterns beginning to set in. These "small signs" are not just signs... they are red warning flags that if the detached behavior continues deeper damage will be done which grieves God... He wants a meaningful, close connection for you and your spouse not one of detachment and separation. 

Path Of Progress... 

We can ask God to convict us, to surrender to Him, to ask Him to lead, promising to follow and although we will certainly have set backs on the path of progress we can live victoriously... 

knowing that God sees who we are 

and thankfully He loves us more 

than anyone ever will! 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013

               To My Readers: 

               Thank you for reading, 

             commenting and sharing!

Abortion: You Aren't Your Choice

Silent grief. 

There's no baby. 

There's no funeral. 

There's no grave to visit.

Abortion is permanent. 

There are no do overs. 

But now....


maybe you are left wondering what the child would have been like. 

maybe you are left wondering what you have missed. 

maybe you are left wondering how it would have changed you.



Maybe at the time you believed you made the right decision.

Maybe at the time you weren't sure what to do but had to make a decision.

Maybe at the time you didn't realize how this decision would follow you the rest of your life.

But now here you are. 

Years have passed and yet the pain may still be there if not perhaps magnified. 

Years have passed and yet you may still feel the loss and emptiness within. 

Years have passed and yet society today still claims that wasn't really a child. 

But your heart whispers within and now tells you otherwise. 

It's filled with regret and guilt and conviction and possibly even shame.

Maybe of all the missteps in your life, of all your decisions, of all your choices you regret this the most.

You want to grieve and yet may not know how.

You may drown in silent grief and bite your tongue not daring to speak of what you did.

You may keep silent and not tell anyone. Because what would they say?

They might judge. 

But no matter what you choose to say or not share....


Take heart and know that God is there for you.


There was a baby. That was yours. That you carried however briefly.


And you have every right to mourn that baby and reach out to God for comfort.


Maybe all you have left is the sonogram, the receipt or the discharge/recovery papers...




But in the midst of those tangible memories that are tucked away in your dresser, in a shoebox or in a desk, remember that your child is with God.... in His presence, in His light and with God you can find peace... by reminding yourself that you are NOT your decision, you are NOT your past mistakes, you are NOT your misguided choices. You are LOVED by God and by convicting you He is not condemning you.

God's grace is way bigger 
than your choice. 

You had a choice. 

But so does God. 

And He still chooses you. 

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2013

To My Readers:

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing! 

Conviction

Conviction

Have you ever noticed that the word Convict is in Conviction?


Often times it's very easy to slide into a negative view of conviction. We don't have to feel like a criminal. There is a huge difference between feeling convicted and feeling condemned.

Conviction is a good thing even if at times we struggle with it. It is the Holy Spirit letting us know that we have done something that is not in line with God's word. The Holy Spirit's work is being done in us to instill more conviction and repentance, so we may live in the illumination of God's ever lasting light.

Oftentimes as we grow and change through conviction and repentance in our walk with God our circle of friends change. As we make each step of progress in our walk with God, other's around us may begin to shift uncomfortably and either point fingers of judgment toward us, or step away and eventually move on. Other friends and acquaintances may draw nearer to us as they see us begin to make progress however slowly.

We have no reason to let shame override our being, but merely feel conviction. Being upfront and admitting our sins readily when the Holy Spirit convicts us.


This is the best thing we can do for ourselves. It's truly not the end of the world. Discipling our children is certainly not much different! If we ignored our children's negative behaviors....


Wouldn't they threaten to override the good? We merely TEACH them with gentle correction and guidance back to the right path without condemnation just as we ourselves like to receive.

Years ago I used to think conviction was terrible. I felt shamed instead. I would beat myself up. Internally wring my hands and become very frustrated. But the truth is, it is a very good thing if you are feeling conviction! God wants a fruitful life for you and by convicting you of your negative behaviors (sin) He is letting you know how much.

Rejoice! He loves you that much!


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2012 

To My Readers: 

Thank you for reading, 

commenting and sharing!