Valentine's Day: Married Or Single ~You Are Loved

image by gps grace power strength 

This week I bought a handful of pale pink and fuchsia tulips for my kitchen (pictured above). I took my daughter along and we spent some time oohing and ahhing over all the pretty flowers to choose from. I wanted her to see that just because Mommy doesn't have a guy to buy her flowers the world doesn't stop spinning when were not coupled. It's so important for girls to see that their moms can create a world of beauty, can buy something sweet for themselves and enjoy said beauty and self-paid-for purchase. As we left the store and strode across the parking lot I told her "See? You don't need a man to buy you flowers for Valentine's. You can buy your own flowers." She smiled, skipping happily along and quipped back "Yep!"


Regardless of whether you are single or married, male or female, you deserve to have a beautiful place, lovely surroundings, to treating yourself with something sweet, to being loved, cherished and cared for. Just because you're single or in a marriage that lacks love, respect and care please know that you are worthy of love, of sweet tender care, of having the sweet scent of flowers on your bed stand, paper hearts adorning your pillow and chocolate kisses in your pocket.

We are blessed to be loved by a loving God, 
by our Savior who died on a cross for each of us. 

I have been enjoying Valentine's the past few years as single… my Valentine's have been better as single than ever married. I can buy myself some chocolates and flowers and guess what? I don't "owe" anyone sex either. Applause and high fives for me. That may sound bizarre but that was the kind of marriage I lived, where everything was a "deal" by him, where he on a few occasions would "jokingly" leave money by the bed… he was the only one laughing. Contempt breeds where love doesn't. Fast forward to now, I can happily purchase my own stuff, enjoy it, cause I paid for it with my own dinero thank you very much. Being such a sucker for Valentine's, the pink, red and white, I love this time of year that leads up to this day… the stores look so festive and girlie with all the displays graced in colors of love. Some may scream an agenda of commercialism, a scheme to get people to hand over hard earned dollars "just because " but I love it.


Not everyone loves Valentine's or loves being single though. Everyone is in a different place in their journey post-divorce…. even in the midst of divorce. There may be struggles in coming to grips with our singleness. There may be a sadness that we don't have someone. And that is okay… we each have to embrace where we are and find our way through. It's perfectly okay to say: "I'd really like to have someone"… just this past week on a particularly trying day I was really wanting a bear hug from a guy. Just. a. hug. That. is. all. Sometimes we have bad days (or really great days) and wish we had someone kind and loyal to share it with, to laugh about it with (including plenty of sarcasm) and that is totally ok… it's okay to want that… it's when we begin to perilously move toward the territory of "I NEED someone" and of a desperate mentality that life can begin going awry pretty quick. We can also remember that holding expectations of others may lead to great disappointment… when we take control and remind ourselves we are fully in control of ourselves and this day (not others behavior) we can take action to make the day wonderful and not rely on others. Reminding ourselves of the love Christ has for us, buying ourselves flowers, viewing a beautiful sunset, enjoying praise music and reaching out to others, baking something sweet… we all have the choice to make today beautiful.


I love Single Dad Laughing on Facebook… his concept is awesome, because it enables us to see the funny, the sweet, the hilarious and sarcastic quotes, pictures and such but still give support to others in the times he asks the question of "Tell me the 100% truth right now"… and soon to follow is the funny but also the heartfelt, the hard, the really difficult honest-to-goodness-truth that makes you just stop in your scrolling tracks and you literally want to reach through the computer screen and hug that person who is hurting horribly.


Valentine's Day is kinda like that… we each have the ability to reach out to others. Just because someone is married doesn't equate to them feeling loved. There are many unhappy, unloving Valentine's Day's behind closed doors in marriage. There is no lonely like being alone with someone where love is supposed to exist.  For singles to reach out to their married friends and tell them "Happy Valentine's Day"----> that may be the biggest bright spot to a married person's day… and vice versa for a single person to hear "Happy Valentine's" from a married friend… love matters to both and we can all reach out to others… we love because He first loved us.

© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014  

1 John 4:19New International Version (NIV)

19 We love because he first loved us.

Related Posts: 

Desperation: Drop It Like It's Hot

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2013/12/desperation-drop-it-like-its-hot.html

Divorced? For The Single Man Or Woman~ My Hope For You

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/06/divorced-for-single-man-or-woman-my.html

Bridging The Gap: 30 Questions To Ask Someone 

http://gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com/2014/06/bridging-gap-30-questions-to-ask-someone.html

All The Single Ladies: 10 Perks Of Being Single

Whether you've never been married, just broken up from a long term relationship or have recently gone through the big "D"… there is something to be said about being fancy free. 

Any female I encountered during the course of my divorce whether I had just met them or had known them for years... if they were divorced they would tell me:

"Oh my gosh… it's scary now… but just wait. You're going to love it! I love my single life." 

Just as there are positives and negatives to everything in life, if you're struggling in finding the silver lining regarding your newly single self, fret not... as there is something to be said about looking at the bright side. 

10 Perks To Being Single:

1. Living An Independent Life.
Maybe you knew you were doing the right thing filing for divorce or breaking off a long term relationship that had gone south or even an engagement that left you feeling less than engaged but more like running the opposite direction. Yet in that… your new found single-dom left you needing a relaxative of some kind because gasp(!)... (insert panic) you were wondering how you would handle reverting back to single status. This has forced you to now figure out everything on your own and maybe it freaks you out. But take a deep breath… all will be okay… the benefits longterm will far outweigh any discomfort right now. You. Can. Do. This.


2. You Can Do What You Want.
If you want the bedside lamp on till midnight? Done. You want to eat oreos in bed while thumbing through a magazine till ten o'clock? Done. You decide to paint your toes at nine o'clock and watch a chick flick? Done. No one is there on the other side of the bed complaining how it's too bright, you're eating like a pig and knock off the noise and toxic fumes, would you? It's just you and now you can do whatever you please.


3. Comfortable Underwear.
 Nuff said.


4. There's No Groping.
You might miss sex… but the groping? No thanks. The "hey, come here!" grab technique (as alluring as that is, I know) is no more. You can change your clothes, take a shower, climb in bed and so much more without worrying that any second his approaching arm is about to reach out and reel you in like a fishing line… <cringe>.


5. There's No Sharing.
You don't have to share your fries, the mini Nothing Bundt Cake you picked up on Friday after work, sending you scampering to the car like a delighted six year old (yay!) … nor do you have to share the last of the pizza or anything else you love.


6. Dinner: You're The Boss.
There are no more of these long winded conversations where you say to your husband: "What do you want for dinner?" and then he says: "Oh, I don't know… what do YOU want for dinner?"… one of you suggests: "Let's have such and such."…. and one of you replies: "Ewww! I'm not eating that!" Ugh. Then there is the other scenario… you made a fabulous dinner and slaved over a hot stove all afternoon, even making dessert too. He gets home and you serve the labored meal only to discover he ate a late lunch at three o'clock and isn't hungry. Classic. Now you're angry, citing his inconsideration for not phoning to say: "I won't be hungry. I ate a late lunch." If you hadn't cooked he would have been starving, guaranteed. This is by far one of the most annoying scenarios especially for stay at home moms. Men, take note… call your wives.   When we don't have to deal with evenings like that anymore… Hallelujah! Victory dance! When you're single you get to decide what's for dinner and when to eat, ensuring there's no more dinnertime drama.


7. No More Relaying Plans First. 
You no longer have to tell people "Well, let me ask my husband first" or "Let me talk to my husband about that." Couples do need to be on the same page and discuss things for sure… but being single that whole discussion is avoided. Your sister asks if you're free to see a movie Saturday night… you check your calendar… you're free, so yes! Being single cuts down on so much "Just a minute…" and "I'll have to get back to you."


8. The Bed. 
You get the covers to yourself. The bed to yourself. The pillows to yourself. Sweet dreams.


9. Travel Is Easier 
Traveling when married means finding agreement on where you both want to go… maybe he likes the mountains and you like the beach… maybe he enjoys driving and you prefer flying… all these things do affect your relationship, how and where you travel to. But being single, travel is now about fulfilling your bucket list… what's priority for you? Where do you want to go? What cultures and areas do you want to learn about and experience? If skiing in Colorado wasn't your thing when married maybe now you can finally explore Santa Fe, visit Portland or fly overseas to Europe or Asia. It's time to book your desired destination. 


10. Improved Social Life. 
You have more time for friends and going out. Likely if you've been through a break up or divorce you need your friends more than ever… but you also realize you've really missed them… marriage took up a lot of your extra time and energy, leaving little left over for meeting up with friends. Now you have that extra time and as you sit in the booth with them at Bennigan's sharing in delicious spoonfuls of a brownie fudge sundae between laughs… you are reminded that like the cherry a-top the whipped cream… friends are the extra special topping… they make life even sweeter. 


© gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 

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